Into the Fire (23 page)

Her eyes widen. “You’re coming to the funeral?”

I nod. “Henry and I weren’t exactly close, but he was nice. I wish I could’ve gotten to know him better.”

She turns her head away. “I really am sorry this happened.”

Somehow I don’t think she’s just talking about Henry Baker.

Cara

Another day without Logan. Mom said it would get easier. She said letting go of him now would be better than losing him later. But she doesn’t know about that one part of the dream. She doesn’t know Logan is going to be there for my rebirth. He’s going to strip all peacefulness from the experience and make me hate leaving this life behind.

He stopped calling and trying to see me, so maybe the imprint is fading. It breaks my heart to think that’s true, but I can’t change my mind. I can’t go back to him. I’m not just trying to protect myself. I’m trying to protect him, too. He may have been a player in New York, but he left that part of him behind. Sometimes I think his mom’s death hardened him and softened him at the same time. It’s weird how the death of a loved one can change a person. If Logan does love me, and not just because of the imprint, and he really did see me burn, it would definitely affect him. He couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t handle sending him over the edge. But today isn’t about me or Logan. It’s about Henry Baker. His funeral is in an hour.

“You ready?” Jeremy asks, knocking lightly on my bedroom door.

I nod. He looks so strange in a suit. More like Dad than my little brother. I don’t have many memories of Dad, but his image is still clear in my mind.

Mom drives us to Monique’s, and I let Jeremy take shotgun. I stare out the window and notice the subtle changes in the town. Everyone has flowers on their doorsteps, an Ashlan Falls tradition when one of our own passes away. I always thought it was beautiful, but today the flowers are reminding me of all I’ve lost. I close my eyes, unable to look.

At the café, Monique and Mom are on high alert. Now that we know Mr. Baker was definitely killed by a Hunter, we’re all on edge again. We will be until we find him. And then… I don’t know. I guess Garret will take care of him. Monique pulls me in for a hug. “You just remember you have family to protect you. We’ll all get through this together, safe and sound.”

I nod, even though I know she can’t really keep that promise. We have no idea where the Phoenix Hunter is. How do you track someone who looks like everyone else? It could be anyone old enough to hold a dagger.

Rachel runs over and cries on my shoulder. She wasn’t close to Mr. Baker, but Rachel has a tendency to cry whenever anyone else does. It’s almost like she shares their emotions. Mom always said Rachel was empathetic beyond her years. Maybe that’s why Mom likes her so much. Even though Rachel doesn’t know about us being Phoenixes, I have a feeling she’d understand if we told her. Still, I’m not planning on it. I need a life separate from all of this.

I pull away from Rachel. “Give me a second.” I rush over to Mom and bring her into the empty kitchen. “Pushing Logan away isn’t going to keep me from forgetting Rachel.”

Mom covers my mouth even though I’m not talking loudly at all. I know better than to broadcast anything related to being a Phoenix. “Shh. We can’t talk about this anywhere but at home. It’s too dangerous.” She lowers her hand.

“But Rachel knows me too well. I won’t be able to fool her.”

“Please, Cara!” Her whisper is reprimanding. She steps closer. “You’ll do exactly what Jeremy did. You know this. You’re just upset about Henry and worried about the Hunter. Now come on. We can talk more about this later, at home.”

“One more thing.” The thing I’m putting all my hope into. I swallow my nerves. The answer to this question could fix my broken heart or tear it to pieces all over again. “If you’re willing to let me keep Rachel, who knows me better than anyone and who isn’t like us, then why can’t I keep Logan?”

Her face falls. “Love isn’t the same as friendship. You’ll easily see why you were friends with Rachel as soon as you spend some time with her.”

“But I could do that with Logan, too.”

“How will you fake being in love with him while you wait for those feelings to resurface? You don’t even know if they will. After the rebirth, your life will change. You won’t want the same things.”

“I can’t imagine not wanting Logan.”

Her shaky intake of air tells me her heart is breaking for me. “Give it time. I promise things will get better. You’re just going to have to trust me.”

I’ve always trusted her, but I can’t help thinking she’s wrong this time. I let her walk me back out to the group. There isn’t any more time to argue. If I miss Mr. Baker’s funeral, I’ll never forgive myself.

“Everything okay?” Rachel asks, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah.”

Nick and Rob join us as we get into a big procession and start walking to the cemetery.

“I hope we don’t have to look at his waxy, dead body,” Rob said. “Open caskets give me the creeps.”

“He was cremated,” Nick says. “There won’t be a casket. Just the urn where they put his ashes.”

“Oh, yuck. That’s right.” Rachel shivers. “I don’t get why anyone would want their body to be burned into a pile of ashes.”

Henry would’ve wanted to be cremated. He was supposed to burn again and start his fifth and final life, but instead, he was murdered by a Hunter. His essence was stolen and now all he has is the silence of death.

“Think any part of him was still in there when they burned him?”

“Rachel!” I can’t talk about this. She has no idea what really happened. How awful this actually is.

“Sorry. This is all just so surreal. I mean, he was murdered. Here. In Ashlan Falls.”

I feel her worry in every word. At least she’s safe from the Hunter. She doesn’t have to worry about being stabbed through the heart like I do. Although maybe it wouldn’t even hurt. My heart has already been destroyed.

We enter the cemetery and walk to a tent set up on the hill. No way will everyone fit underneath it. It’s more of a way for people to find the place where Mr. Baker’s ashes are going to be buried. Something to gather around. Some people must have come straight to the cemetery because they’re already at the tent.

I scan the crowd, looking for Logan. I just want to see his face, make sure he’s okay, and see if the imprint is still there. But I can’t find him anywhere.

He’s missing his chance to say goodbye to Mr. Baker because he doesn’t want to run into me, the girl who made him open up his heart so she could stomp all over it. I hate myself right now.

Monique carried the urn here with us to give Mr. Baker one last walk through the town he loved so much. She puts the urn down on the stone slab in the ground. Even without being able to read it from this distance, I know it’s a grave marker. “Thank you all for coming. I know it would’ve meant the world to Henry. He loved this town and all the people in it. We were his family.” She sniffles. She was more his family than anyone else here.

Hearing her talk about Henry is too much to bear. My heart can’t take any more. I tune her out and search the crowd again. This time I find Logan standing on the other side of Monique, in the back, behind some people who don’t usually participate in the town events.

His eyes meet mine, and my stomach lurches. Mom said I can’t guarantee that I’ll love Logan again in the next life, but staring at him now, seeing the hurt in his eyes, I know she’s wrong.

Love is stronger than friendship. I won’t forget Logan, no matter what. You could burn me four times and I’d still come out of the ashes every bit in love with Logan Schmidt. I’m done staying away from him. If I’m going to have to live in fear of a Phoenix Hunter, then the universe owes me Logan, and I’m going to collect.

Monique keeps going on about Mr. Baker and how much he meant to our town, and it gives me time to figure out what I’ll say to Logan after the service. Do I apologize? Tell him I made a huge mistake and beg him to take me back? I need him to look at me so I can see if the imprint is still there. And if it’s not…

My eyes don’t leave Logan for the entire service. I don’t care if Mom or Jeremy sees. When it’s over, we all throw roses on the grave. It’s weird that we’re burying ashes. Usually a family member keeps them, but I guess since Henry doesn’t have any family left—other than the rest of us Phoenixes—this is what they decided to do. Logan is one of the last ones to place a flower on the grave. Just about everyone else has started talking and hugging each other. This is my chance. I step forward with my rose and bend down next to Logan.

I curse myself for not having something witty to say. Hell, I’d settle for any words at all, but I just stare at the side of his head. He turns and looks at me, his eyes burning into mine, so full of emotion. I’m not sure if the imprint is still there, but love definitely is. “You came” is all I can manage to say.

“I wanted to say goodbye.” He stands up. “And to see you.”

My chest heaves. “You stopped calling.”

“You never answered, and then Jeremy told me you were moving on.”

I whip my head around, searching for my brother. “When did you talk to Jeremy?”

“Does it matter?”

“I don’t know how he can call crying every day and barely leaving the house moving on.”

“Yeah, well everyone told me the breakup was what’s best for you. Since you wouldn’t talk to me, I kind of had to believe they were right.”

“Cara,” Mom calls in a stern voice. I ignore her. Henry’s gravesite isn’t the place for an argument.

“Please don’t go.” Logan reaches for my hand, and my legs turn to jelly.

“I don’t want to go. I’m so sorry for everything. I don’t want us to be apart.” Tears fill my eyes, and I try my best to keep them from burning up.

Logan steps forward and presses his lips to mine. Somehow I know Mr. Baker wouldn’t mind us reuniting at his memorial service. I kiss Logan back, feeling the full weight of my pain let go. My tear-soaked cheeks press against his, and he kisses each tear away. As long as I have him back, I don’t care what happens next. Mom can scream and yell. Jeremy can tell me I’m an idiot. Hell, lightning can send me to an early grave. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is Logan still wants to be with me.

“I’m so sorry,” I say in between kisses.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Cara!” Mom pulls us apart and glares at me. She’s never looked so ashamed.

“Mom, I know what this means, but I don’t care. I’ll take whatever consequences come, just please don’t try to stop me from being with Logan.”

She looks back and forth between us and sighs. “Okay.”

For a second I really think I died and went to heaven. She’s agreeing to let us be together? Did I hear that right? “Really?” I squeeze Logan’s hand.

She looks down at the urn. “Yes, but I think we can agree this isn’t the place for that.”

I let go of Logan and throw my arms around Mom. I feel like a little girl who woke up on Christmas morning to find Santa got her exactly what she wanted. Maybe he did. I always liked the jolly fat guy.

When I let go, Mom turns to Logan. “I’m sorry if I judged you too harshly. I hope you’ll forgive me.” I can tell it takes a lot for her to say those words.

“No hard feelings,” Logan says.

Everyone witnessed our not-so-little reunion, but as soon I as look at them, they start moving on. The regulars are heading back to Monique’s for some comfort food.

Logan tugs my hand, pulling me to the side to let the group pass. “What do you say we head to the falls? I’d rather be alone with you than eating with half the town.”

My lips curve into a smile. “I’d love that, but I should really clear it with my mom first. I’m kind of surprised she’s allowing this at all. Skipping out on Monique’s might be too much for her to handle.”

“I’m trying not to be too disappointed, but honestly, I just want to wrap my arms around you and kiss you until… well, I don’t really want to see an end to the kissing.”

I press my lips to his because I’m right there with him. “Tell you what, let’s hang out at Monique’s for an hour and then go to the falls.” I lace my fingers through his and pull him toward the café.

“How can I say no? I just got you back.”

“You never lost me. Not really.” I left my heart with him the day we broke up.

He squeezes my hand, and I can tell he’s not going to let me go again. I’m more than fine with that.

Monique smiles and shakes her head when she sees us, which totally blows my mind. “I knew you two would end up together somehow.” She reaches for me and wraps me in a hug. “I pray you’re right about this boy,” she whispers, “but just in case, treasure every moment together, because you never know how much time you really have.”

She’s right. My rebirth is closer than ever. Logan’s feelings for me survived the time apart, which should have made the imprint fade, but can they survive my rebirth?

Cara

Over the next week, things go back to normal. Logan and I are better than ever. We hang out every day. Every once in a while, I schedule an evening with Rachel to fill her in on all things Logan, and every time she congratulates me on finally acting like a real girl. If only she knew I’m also a real Phoenix. But I can’t tell her. I can’t tell Logan either. It kills me to keep something so huge from the two people I care about most outside my family, but a secret like this could cost me everything. Telling them could mean losing them forever. After losing Logan once, I’m not taking any more chances. And worse, if they did know my secret, it could put them in danger by making them targets for Hunters trying to get to me.

I press my finger to Logan’s right cheek. “Do you know you have the cutest little dimple right here when you smile?”

“Do you know you have the sexiest smile?”

Before I can answer, his lips are on mine. He pulls me closer to him on my bed. My leg wraps around him, and he takes that encouragement as an opportunity to slip his hand up the back of my shirt.

“Cara!”

I jump at Mom’s shriek. It’s not a full-fledged Phoenix cry, but it’s pretty damn close.