Irreparable (Wounded Souls) (20 page)

“She called me. She had been going off the deep end the last couple of weeks but I never knew she would do this Jameson. Even Garrett can’t believe it. Oh, you didn’t know about Garrett.” She sits in my lap and just talks, rambles really, about all of the things Mary-Beth
went on and on about.  I keep stroking her hair and just let her ramble.  At least she can get it out to someone and she’s
beginning to stop shaking.

“She called me last night around ten o’clock. She didn’t sound like herself. She had been drinking and she had
been doing a lot of that lately.  She told me she loved me.  Jameson
,
never in thirteen years of being her best friend has she ever said those words to me.  She only told you that.” I wince a little.  Every one that
Mary-Beth
ever loved has left her.  On my account I didn’t leave, she did. 

“So I knew something was wrong. I made Blake run me to her house. She texted
me on the way and said she was sorry for what she was about to do.  She said she hoped people would forgive her.  I knew then it was bad
,
Jameson.”  She starts to shake again. 

“Garrett was on his way there too. He was trying to get her to stop too. She was determined. We pulled up and got into the house with the spare key she gave me. She was in the bathroom, locked in and not letting anyone in. We tried to get to her. Blake,
he, he kicked the door down.  She kept screaming for us to go away.  I had to get to her.”  I keep rubbing her hair and I feel a few tears running down my face.  I wonder if I had reached her
, if maybe I could have talked her off the proverbial ledge.

“She kept screaming,
telling me to get away from her.  I kept banging on the door
and
begging her to let me in so we could talk.   She said it was too late for talking.  She said something about finally seeing Leila again.  When Blake heard that
, he pushed me out of the way and started kicking at the door. Finally,
the lock gave way and the door slammed open.  I heard the gunshot before I saw it.  She had the gun in her mouth.  There was blood and brain matter all over the white walls.  I
t
was horrible Jameson.  I could see the light fading from her eyes.  If I had gotten in there five seconds sooner, maybe
,” she trails off.
She takes a breath and I can hear the gulp as she swallows. “Maybe.  She might. Still be here.”  She breaks down and starts sobbing again.

“Anna, look at me.” I grab her face and pull her up to look at me. “Nothing, and I mean nothing,
you could have done would have saved her.  She had her mind
made
up.  She was selfish.  She always has been.  I hate that she thought her life was not worth living.  I hate that I wasn’t here for you and her and Johnson last night.  I really hate that she fucked up my good night.  I finally get Sam to be mine and here
Mary-Beth
is coming back into the picture to ruin it.”  Anna gasps and I immediately regret the words I have just spoken
, even if they are the truth.

“Sam said yes?” She looks at me,
a little light back in her eyes.  I chuckle that that is the part she caught.

“She did, and she didn’t even know it was going to happen.  Just wait till you see her watermelon
Ring Pop
.”  I smirk because Anna knows about the
Ring Pop
when we were kids. 

“You didn’t?” I laugh and she does,
too.  The first real smile I am sure she has given anyone.

“I did. Now come on before Johnson goes crazy with worry. I know she was your best friend and I know you’re going to be traumatized. Don’t shut him out though, okay?
  He is worried about you and he loves you.  Don’t forget that, Anna.”  I kiss her cheek and get up and walk out of the room. 

The minute I walk out,
Sam is on her feet and walking towards me. 
I wrap her in my arms and just hold her. You never really know the value of someone’s life and of their soul until they are no longer a part of the world. For me, I know what it is for death to consume you. For others,
it’s not a frequent thing.  It isn’t something they experience on a daily basis.  It isn’t something that they have to worry about being on their hands.  My only thought is will
Mary-Beth burn for an eternity?
  Does taking your own life count as a trip to
Hell
?  Did she ask the
Lord
to forgive her before she pulled the trigger?  Will she see Leila and her momma again? 

“I heard Anna laugh?” I hear Blake whisper. I look up and let go of Sam. I walk over to him and wrap him in a big bear hug. I know it’s what he needs right now. His woman is all stressed out and not sure as to what has really happened. Every time she closes her eyes,
she sees her best friend dying over and over.  That is not something that is easy.  Trust me.  I know from experience.  I saw four of them blow up
.

“Yes, she was laughing at Sam’s ring.”  I smirk and he looks at Sam.  She holds up her right hand and then licks the pink
Ring Pop. Blake shakes his head and laughs.

“Only you, Carter, o
nly you.” He smiles and pats my back.  “Congratulations on the engagement.  Sam’s a keeper.  Now, if you’ll excuse me I am going to check on my keeper.”  He gives me a sad smile.  “Thanks for bringing her back to me.” 

“Dude, she never left.  Just give her a little time.  She just watched her best friend’s brains splatter onto a wall.”  I hear Sam gasp and then she takes off into Anna’s room.  I hear her in there saying how sorry she is and then I sit down knowing they will be in there for a while.

An hour later,
Sam comes out all teary eyed and sad.  I think if it weren’t for me she and
Mary-Beth
would have been friends.  They were both good girls
; Mary-Beth just had a vendetta because she knew Sam was who was meant for me, even if neither of us knew it. She grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. She turns to look at Blake. “She’s finally asleep. I played with her hair until she dosed off. Just go in there and lay with her. She wants you too.” She smiles and then tugs me to the door.

“Thank you,
” I hear Johnson say as we walk out the door. 

“Take me home. Life is way too short to do anything but live. Tonight, Jameson Nathan Cater,
I want to live with you.”  Well hot damn
, looks like my firecracker is coming out tonight.

Sitting in the church at the service is a lot harder than I thought.  I look over at Mr. Joseph and think
about what he must feel. This is the third loved one he has had to bury. At least this time,
it was more than just pieces of their bodies.  Leila and Mrs. Helen had been damaged and burned in that field, but they got some of them back to have a proper burial.

The service is amazing.  There are flowers everywhere and I can’t help but think this is exactly what
Mary-Beth
would have wanted.  It smells like a flower shop in this place.  Her father asked me if I could play a song for the service, but I just don’t know if I can really do it.  I will try to get up there and do my best.  This is
one of the hardest things
I have had to do. 
W
hen your brothers in combat die, you go and stand and sometimes you get to shoot the guns to give them their salute.  Sitting here in my dress blues is hard
because it’s someone I loved. Yes, I loved Jackson, Andrews, Miller, and Black, but I never had that connection with them.
Sam nudges me and I look up.  It’s my turn.

I walk to the podium and give a sad smile to Mr. Joe.  I face the crowd and I notice my mother in the back sitting with Roger.  He gives me a small nod as if to say you can do this.  I look around the room and I see Anna sitting
in the front row with her mother and Blake at her sides. She will be taking the stage next. I shake the preacher’s hand and I look over at the guitar and then back at the crowd.

“Mr. Joseph asked me to sing a song today. I know many of you know me, but not many of you know that I can sing and play the guitar and a few other instruments as well. But, before I play, I would like to say a few words. If that’s okay,
Mr. Joe?”  I look over and he gives me a slight nod.  I notice there is a guy with red eyes and tears on his cheeks in the row a few people over from Mr. Joe and I realize that
he
must be Garrett. 

“Mary-Beth
and I weren’t on good terms when she passed.  She did things I am not happy with, but even
now I have to say that Mary-Beth
taught me so much in the short time I knew her.  She was a wonderful woman and she loved me.  I cannot blame her for choosing to leave when the going got tough for me
. Hell,
I wanted to leave myself.”  A few chuckles happen in the crowd and I keep going.  “
Mary-Beth taught me what it was like to love someone with all your being, to love unconditionally.
She was always a free spirit, with a feisty side.  She always gave it her all.  There is one thing I wish she could have done differently.  I wish that she would have fought a little harder for what she wanted.  I also wish I could have been there that night four nights ago.  Maybe then, well everyone knows what I am thinking.”  I look at Sam and she smiles and then nods for me to keep going.

“I owe Mary-Beth
, because she taught me what it is to love and be loved in return.  I owe her, because she taught me to appreciate the person who loves me unconditionally.  I pray that
God
lets her rest in peace.  I will always have a place in my heart for
Mary-Beth
.  I wish that you all could see the light in her eyes one more time.  I wish that she
hadn’t
done this.  This town is going to feel the loss of a beautiful person for a while. 
And,
I have to say thank you.  Thank you God, for giving us all what little time we had with
Mary-Beth
.”  I walk down to where my guitar is sitting on the podium.  I have gone back and forth between
Angel
by Sara McLachlan and
One More Day
by Diamond Rio. Both are very well descripted in the way of everyone’s feelings.
  The day before the funeral
, I hear a song by Rascal Flatts called
Why.

I worry about singing One More Day because of Sam’s feelings, but this isn’t for me.  This is for everyone sitting in the pews of this church saying goodbye to someone they wish could have one more day
with.
  I walk to the chair and sit down
.
 
At the last minute, I change my mind and go with the one by Rascal Flatts. I look out at the crowd and my eyes fall on Garrett’s as the chords to the song come on.

I notice Garrett’s eyes fill up a little more as the song continues. I
start to sing the first chorus and I can feel my throat starting to close up.  I am not sure if I can do this.
“
It must’ve been in a place so dark, you couldn’t feel the light.”
I pause and take a breath as the chords keep going and then continue on with the song.
“Reachin
’ for you through that stormy cloud.  Now here we are fathered in our little hometown.  This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd.” 
I keep playing the song and singing and looking out at everyone as I get to the part where this world isn’t so bad and how it’s not like the person to walk away in the middle of the song.  I finish the song and
go to
stand when I hear the claps of the people in the pews. 
I make my way back to where my stand is for my guitar as Pastor Manny takes the podium again. “Thank you Jameson. And now Anna would like to come up and say a few words.” He walks back to his spot and Anna gets up on wobbly knees and makes her way up.

“Wow, maybe I should have come on before Jameson.  You always were the show stealer.”  I laugh a little and then Sam’s hand is in mine as I sit down.  She kisses my cheek and I am oblivious to anything Anna is saying.  The people in the church laugh at parts and then cry with Anna as she retells her life with her best friend.  She recites a poem and then steps down.  The pastor gets up and says a final prayer over
Mary-Beth, and then calls up the pallbearers to come and load the casket into the car. Luke, Mason, Blake, Garret, Mr. Joseph and I all stand and make our way to the front of the church to carry Mary-Beth
to the hearse.  I grab the side of the casket with Johnson to my right on the other side, and then Luke behind me. Mason is on the other side behind Blake and then behind us is Garrett.  Mr. Joseph is at the head of the casket and he signals us all to pick up our ends.  We carry her out to the hearse and then all file into the limo.