Isolation Play (Dev and Lee) (59 page)

Vanilla latte in paw, I sit down in the sun. I feel like talking to someone, so I take out my phone and call Kinnel, because he’s the only one I can think of who’ll answer at three in the afternoon.

“
Hey,” he says. “I was gonna call you tonight. You got that story for me?”

“
Story?” I frown.

“
Mitchell, the hit. The stag’s out for the rest of the season, but I ain’t heard what’s going on with Mitchell.”

“
Oh.” I turn my ears away from the noise of the coffee shop, toward the sunlight. “Sorry. I’ve been a bit distracted this week. Mitchell got demoted to third team, I heard. Dev didn’t know anything else about how it happened. He just said Corey doesn’t sound like he regrets it at all. He says he’s even now.”

“
Grade-school karma.”

“
An eye for an eye.”

“
Makes everyone blind.” He chuckles. “So what’s got you distracted?”

I sigh. The need to talk overrides my worry about him writing it up. “I got fired.”

I tell him the story, abbreviated, and then fill in the abbreviations. His first reaction is predictable. “So I can write your story now, right? This is great. Got the whole social interest angle and everything. You’re kicked out, alone, with only your tiger to rely on. ‘In an uncaring world, Wiley Farrel has only one place left to go where he won’t be judged: the arms of his lover.’”

“
Seriously?”

“
What, you’ve never read those social-interest pieces? Come on, we could work something in about how he’s the only one who doesn’t judge you. ‘Their love has earned scorn and cost him a job.’ This thing practically writes itself.”

“
I don’t think I’m ready for this yet.”

“
You know, some of those talk shows, they pay you to come on. Can be a nice little bonus while you’re waitin’ for the phone to ring.”

“
I’ll be okay. I’ve got some savings.” I shift the phone, stare out the window. “I can take care of myself. I’m not a complete incompetent.”

He catches my tone. “Hey, listen. This ain’t about you, y’know? The Dragons suck, they were probably gonna fire all of you after the season anyway. They needed to do something.”

“
They didn’t need to do it. They got a phone call.”

“
Yeah, that was an asshole move, whoever it was.” He goes on talking, but I tune out for a second. It was an asshole move. As good as I want to be, as much as it means to Dev, I know myself. I’m about five minutes from telling Kinnel who it was who made the call. And that’ll just escalate things. Mikhail will hit back, and I’ll hit back, and Dev will keep being miserable. Eventually, I’ll lose him. Not while he’s still feeling sorry for me, maybe not this year. But that’s the road we’ll be on.

No, telling Kinnel isn’t the right thing to do. But neither, I realize, is nothing. Because I’m not at all sure that we’re not on that road already. And I need to be sure we’re not. I can’t wait until Dev’s season is over, after Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can’t wait until I’m flying around the country on interviews. I can’t let this sit. I started this, back in Lake Handerson. That’s where I need to go to fix it.

“
Listen, Hal,” I say. “Hold off on the story for a week or so.”

“
Huh? Sure, I ain’t got nothin’ but notes. Why?”

“
I’m gonna try to give you a happy ending.”

He taps his desk, a loud clicking that comes through the phone clearly. “Should I fly up there?”

“
Not that kind of happy ending. Pervert.”

“
Can’t blame a guy for tryin’.” He laughs. “Just don’t do nothin’ illegal.”

“
No promises.”

“
...without callin’ me.”

“
You got connections with the cops?”

“
Sometimes the press is stronger’n you’d think. Go do what you gotta do. And don’t talk to no other reporters.”

I run back to the loft and throw some stuff into an overnight bag, by the red light of approaching sunset. It takes about half an hour to pack. In all that time, I don’t manage to talk myself out of the idea I had. I turn it around, I tell myself I made a resolution not to be pushy, I tell myself it’s not going to help. But I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

I take one of the dresses out of my closet, fold it, and hold it, staring at the bag. It wouldn’t hurt to be prepared, right? No. I take a breath and hang the dress back up, and close the closet door. What I’m gonna do, I’m gonna do as me. No disguises.

That’ll be hard, but not as hard as calling Dev. I can’t not tell him. So I do it from the road, to make it harder for me to be talked out of it.

Which, predictably, is the first thing he tries to do. I swallow the last of my fast-food chicken sandwich as I merge onto the highway. The headset’s clipped to the outside of my ear, the phone mounted on the dash. A light snow is falling, but it’s nothing serious. “Turn the car around,” he says.

“
Trust me,” I say.

“
What exactly is this going to accomplish? Why don’t you just call him? I’ll give you the number.”

“
I have the number. He called me, remember?”

“
Fuck. Don’t remind me.”

“
Listen.” The rehearsed words come easily. “This isn’t working at all. I can’t get through over the phone. I need to do something to help fix it.”

“
And going up to surprise my parents is helping how?”

He still sounds testy, of course. “I’m going to call and warn them. Your mom, anyway. But I know I can do this,” I say, overriding his interruption. “I know your father better than I did when we visited. I know what he wants to hear and what he doesn’t want to hear. I know my limits.”

“
Oh, do you? Listen, doc, please, turn the damn car around.”

“
No. Look, you can’t do anything ’til the season’s over, right? And God knows what’s going to happen in the next two months. Your dad—”

“
My dad might actually kill you this time.”

“
Your dad needs to have a showdown. Maybe he needs to beat me up.”

“
That’s not funny.”

I flex my left paw. “If it takes a broken arm—”

“
Or jaw.”

“—
or jaw to get them to take you back, then so be it. I’ll drink my turkey through a straw.” I whistle ‘Turkey in the Straw,’ but he doesn’t get it.

“
Doc, wait ’til Monday.”

“
I can’t. My health insurance lapses at the end of the month.”

“
I’ll fly up there, and I’ll go with you, and that way he won’t—”

“
If you come up, there’ll be this whole family dynamic and they’ll be repressed and you’ll be repressed. I’m just going up on my own and I’ll talk to him, tiger to fox.
Ma-e
to
ma-e
.”

“
What’s a
ma-e
?”

I explain Kinnel’s word. He’s unimpressed. “The last time you tried to talk another language, he broke your paw. Don’t go up there with fuckin’ Navajo or he’ll rip your balls off.”

“
I won’t let him do that. You’re the only tiger gets to touch my balls.”

“
And I wanna keep it that way. So just turn around.”

I’m doing seventy-five down the highway, curiously relaxed. “Dev. Do you trust me?”

“
You don’t know what you’re getting into.” He’s urgent, desperate, knowing this is the end of the argument. “The best thing that can happen to you up there is he won’t see you.”

“
Answer me: do you trust me?”

He waits a long time. It’s kind of an unfair trump card to play, but I need it now. “I trust you,” he says.

“
Okay. If things start going bad, I’ll bail. I promise you.”

Even over the road noise, I hear him breathing into the phone. “You don’t always—”

I’ve got him now, I know. “I’ll call you right after every conversation. I’ll leave voice mails if your phone is off.”

I count five harsh breaths before he growls softly. “Be careful.”

“
I can take care of myself. I started practicing my aikido again.”

“
Oh, good, impress the die-hard domestic car lover with some fancy Japanese fighting style. Do you know broken-arm-fu?”

“
I’ll rent ‘Enter the Dragon’ tonight. How’s practice going?”

It takes him a second to change gears. “Hell, we’re all stoked. It’s great.”

“
You getting better with Gerrard?”

He hrfs. “Yeah. Hey, you’ll never guess who showed up in New Kestle.”

“
New Kestle? You mean, Monday?”

“
Sunday, actually. I forgot about it after you got fired.” He tells me about his fox groupie. “I didn’t do anything with him. I coulda, though. Seems like everyone else was.”

“
Probably not everyone. But it’s all part of that gotta-be-more-masculine culture there. The more females you got, the more impressive you are. Makes it even more special that they’re accepting you. Especially since you’re not biting at any of those groupies’ hooks. Which I appreciate, by the way.”

“
I dunno, I just don’t want, y’know, just sex. I got my paw for that.”

I laugh. “I love you. Don’t ever change.”

“
What? I just mean...”

“
I know. I feel the same way. And y’know, if you’d done anything with that fox...I don’t want you to, but I would’ve forgiven you. Unless you were going to run off and leave me.”

“
That’s real understanding of you.”

“
I mean it. We’re apart. It’s hard. You can get tired of your paw, you got guys and girls throwing themselves at you. You could have a moment of weakness.”

“
I can?”

I cough. “I mean, no, you can’t. Absolutely not. You have to be strong. And I’ll be strong. We’ll be strong together.”

“
I’m stronger than you are.”

“
Didn’t we already do this challenge? I’m not going to abstain again.”

“
Funny. All right. Take care, fox.”

“
Night, tiger.”

“
Oh, one more thing.” I wait for it. “Turn the car around. Right now.”

“
I’ll call you from that Motel 7 just outside of town.”

He sighs, and hangs up.

?

The motel is clean and functional. I call Dev in the morning before I head into town. He tries again to talk me out of it, but without much conviction. He knows me as well as I know him. Ironically, the phone call just strengthens my resolve. He asked me to wait, not to change my plan. So he does trust me, he’s committed to me. He knows I’m doing what I think is right, knows I wouldn’t do it unless I needed to, unless I really believed in it with all my heart. I heard that loud and clear, even if he didn’t say it out loud.

I park the car a block down from the auto shop. There’s a little café where I stop for a latte and a breakfast sandwich, getting my nerve up. This could go so many different ways, but I’m still convinced I’m doing the right thing. I’m just not particularly looking forward to it.

My insurance card is in my wallet. I pick up the phone and dial Dev’s parents.

Duscha picks up. “Hi. It’s Lee,” I say, and then go on before she has a chance to respond. “Just listen to me, please. I really need to make something work with you guys and Dev. I’m here in Lake Handerson, and I want to talk to Mikhail face to face.” She’s quiet. “Hello?”

“
I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“
I know. Hear me out.” I tell her what I plan to say.

There’s silence at the end of that. “Duscha? Do you think that would help?”

She sighs. “I don’t know. I think...I think he will appreciate that you came to talk to him. But...”

“
But he still won’t take me seriously.”

Her voice gets a little higher. “Please don’t start a fight.”

“
I don’t mean to start a fight. I just want him to hear me out. I’ll say my bit and then I’ll...I’ll let him say his bit and then I’ll go.”

“
If that’s all you’re going to do.”

“
I promise.” After we hang up, I stare out at the street. There are a lot of tigers up here. Bears, too, brown and polar. I see one fox, which eases the feeling of isolation somewhat. I know it’s not like I could yell out the window if I needed help and the fox would come running. It’s a documented phenomenon, though. Foxes like other foxes. Tigers like other tigers.

I take a breath. Sometimes foxes like tigers and tigers like foxes. I can’t shake the feeling that if I were a tiger, this would all be easier. Mikhail wouldn’t hate me on first sight. That feeling of camaraderie would at least make it easier for me to walk into the auto shop and convince him to take his son back.

There’s an inch of snow on the ground, but the paws of the people walking by have compressed it down into slush. It lingers in drifts in the corners of buildings, speckling the mortar between bricks with white. The sky overhead is still grey; I wouldn’t be surprised if we were in for more snow before the end of the day.

It’s cold between my toes. Wind ruffles my fur, sneaking through it to poke chill fingers at me. The real cold is in my gut as the auto shop gets closer with each step. It’s a big building, with a garage on the ground floor big enough to take three cars side by side. Only one is in there now, a station wagon up on the jacks, but the whole area’s open to the street.