It's Just Lola (52 page)

Lola
promised Charlie she would look out for Juana.  It would be wonderful to have a sister near her.  The next Sunday Juana asked Lola to take her to church.  Lola hesitated, but she finally told Juana of her reduced circumstances
, explaining that she attended
early
mass
to have some time with
the children
. 
She took the opportunity to beg Juana to intercede with Charlie in her next letter. 
Juana was shocked, of course, but
agreed to help, saying
she was just happy to have family around her.

Lola introduced her sister to the children and was pleased to see
that
Charlotte captured Juana’s attention.  The
two
walked around
the church yard
talking earnestly, leaving Lola to sit
with Nellie and
Harry. 

On the way home
Juana asked if she could take Charlotte to live with her.  “She
’
d make my life brighter, and she
’
d have the life she would
’
ve had if her father had
lived
.  Do you know how miserable she is at that school?”

Lola
nodded, thinking
of
her
weekly
letters from Charlotte—pages and pages where she poured out her misery and unhappiness.  It would
probably
be
good
for both
of them.  Charlotte would get away from the boarding school, and Juana would have someone with her
. 
Soon Charlie would send money and
Lola
could
bring
all the
children home
.
By then
Juana would have recovered from the death of her own daughter
, and Charlotte could come back
. 

~ ~ ~

After several months with Juana, Charlotte’s letters were shorter and she seemed happier. 
Lola
missed Charlotte dreadfully, but she consoled herself with the thought that at least Charlotte’s life had improved. 
Poor
Estelle had come to see her only last weekend, bringing little Albert with her.  It was wonderful to see her, but it broke her heart to know how unhappy her marriage was.  The letters from Joe were short, infrequent, and told her almost nothing. 

The next morning she dressed with her usual care,
trying to combat the dreary
San Francisco day. 
The day seemed to last forever. 
Lola looked out the shop window at the endless rain.  It was almost closing time, and it had been raining steadily since morning. 
It was unlikely there would
be any
more customers on a day like this,
but closing time is closing time. 
Mrs. Ashton had gone home and
left Lola to lock up.

Lola heard the door open and gasped in surprise
.
“Bosun,” she
said
with a warm smile, “how did you find me?”

“I didn’t have to find you.  You were never lost
.
”
He looked more like a bear than ever in the small feminine shop.

Lola
couldn’t meet his eyes
.  “You’re wrong.  I was very, very lost
.
”

“
W
e always knew where you were.”  His voice was
rough but low
.

“We?”

“Yeah.  We’d come
sometimes when
we were in port and watch you walk home after work.”

A spark of the old anger flared.  “
You were spying on me
?”  She regretted her words as she saw the hurt surprise on the bosun’s face.

“He only wanted to see your face and know that you were well.”  Lola realized the bosun was speaking in the past tense.

“Where is he?  What happened to
Wulf
?”  She grabbed the bosun’s coat with both hands as though she could shake the knowledge out of him.

“NOOOO!” she screamed as she saw the bosun’s eyes fill with tears.  “NOOOO!” she screamed again
and
beat his chest with her fists.

~ ~ ~

Lola opened her eyes and coughed.  Her mouth was full of water, some running down her throat and some dripping down her chin.  She swallowed and sputtered.

“Are you all right, Miss?  Is there anything I can do?”  A man Lola had never seen before was bending over her with a concerned expression on his face.  He was holding a glass with water.  Lola looked around in a panic.  She saw the familiar bulk of the bosun standing across the room.

“Thank you for your kindness.  I’ll be all right now.”

“I’ll stay a little longer.”  The man looked from Lola to the bosun and back again.  “I was passing by and heard your screams,” he whispered. 

In spite of the memory that left her
crushed
with grief, she
tried to smile
at the man.  She could imagine what he
’
d seen as he passed the shop:  a large, roughly clad man holding a small woman who was beating him and screaming at him. 

“You
’
re a brave man to attempt a rescue against Seamus O’Neill.  I truly appreciate your concern for a perfect stranger.  However, I
’
m in no danger.  He
’
s a friend of many years, and he brought me some bad news.  I just reacted badly.”  Lola’s eyes filled with tears as she said the words.

“You see, sir, it’s just as I told you.”  The bosun stepped closer.

Lola gathered her things
as the stranger
kept his eye on
the bosun.  The
two men watched as she locked the shop.  They walked to the next block where the stranger
, apparently satisfied,
took his leave at the door of a restaurant.

“Tell me what happened
,
”
said Lola when they were seated.

“Not yet.  I can’t talk on an empty stomach and you need to settle your nerves.”  He ordered a cup of tea for Lola and waited until it came before ordering dinner for them both.  As they waited he told her that Maggie sent her love.  The latest letter from Pedro said he was doing well and his wife just had a baby boy. 
Lola tried desperately to shut off her anxiety and choke out her congratulations for Pedro.

Much
later
, after
the
waiter cleared away the remnants of the bosun’s meal and Lola’s soup and served them
coffee
, the bosun began to speak in slow quiet sentences
.
 
“I don’t know what happened between you, and I don’t need to know. 
Wulf
only said he
’
d crossed a line, and he knew you
’
d never forgive him.
”

“It wasn’t a question of forgiveness.” 
Lola didn’t want the bosun to think she left from anger, but she didn’t elaborate.
 

“
He never talked about the time he spent in jail here, but one night he was staying at the house with Maggie and me, and he woke us all up with his screaming.  I poured him a stiff drink or two and he told me more.  He said the whole time he was in prison he was going crazy with thoughts of you.  He
’
d see another prisoner and that night he
’
d have a nightmare that you were with that man, laughing and kissing—or worse.  Some nights the man with you was one of the guards.  He knew it wasn’t true because the men whose faces he saw were here and you were in Peru, but the nightmares wouldn’t stop.

“He thought he’d be all right when he got back to Peru and you were still there waiting for him, but after a time the nightmares found him again.  They came to him when he was out in the ocean, unable to reach over and feel your nearness.  He knew they were only his own fears, but he couldn’t stop them.  He said it was a sickness that was poisoning his mind.  He told me you were right to leave him.
”

“It wasn’t something I wanted to do.”

“After you left, he began to drink.  Every time he had shore leave he
’
d come back to the ship with a black eye or a busted lip or something.  He’d never been a brawler; he’d always turned jolly and happy with a few drinks.  Now it seemed he was seeking out brawls, or even starting them himself.  I bribed the first mate to give us shore leave at the same time, and I stuck to him like glue.”  The bosun smiled briefly.  “He asked me if I was his guardian angel or his baby sitter.

“The last trip was an Alaska run.  It was colder than a witch’s… sorry.  It was really cold.   Then a storm blew up out of nowhere.  It got so cold your eyeballs would freeze if you faced the wind.  The ice built up on the ship and men worked around the clock to keep it down.  The weight of ice can change the balance of a ship.  That can be dangerous in heavy seas.  We
’
d go out on deck with axes and chop away at the ice.  We could only work a few minutes and then go inside to get warm and someone else would go out.  We had to keep the hatches free, too
, or
we
’
d
’
ve been prisoners in
side
a wallowing ship.  The deck was slippery as glass in places.  It was a living hell. 

“You go out on deck and find a place to stand, swing the ax and break off some ice, move a step, swing the ax again.  The wind stings your eyes and the tears freeze on your face.  The moisture in your breath freezes on your beard.  All the while you have to gauge the pitch and roll of the ship to keep your balance.”  Lola shuddered and cupped her hands around her
warm
cup as his words drew the image in her mind.

“
Wulf
was in the wheelhouse with the captain.  They
’
d given up any thought of staying on course; they were working to keep the ship headed into the wind, so she wouldn’t wallow in the troughs.  The waves were like nothing I’d ever seen.  Even as big as we were, the waves broke over the deck.  They called us in off ice duty when that started.  It was too dangerous on deck.

“Shortly after dawn the storm seemed to blow itself out.  It took me and two others just as big to force the hatch open.  It was like the whole ship was made of ice and the fog was so dense you couldn’t see the surface of the sea from the deck.  It was eerie. 

“The sick bay was overflowing, but no one
’
d been killed.  We grabbed our axes and started in on the ice again.  It was bitter cold but the wind had died.  I guess some of the boys forgot how slippery everything was.

“
Wulf
was on deck seeing how much damage we had and how much work it
’
d be to get the ice cleared enough to get underway again.”  The bosun drained his cup and looked at it, perhaps wishing it were something stronger.
  “
One of the new recruits yelled as he swung his ax at the ice.  We all knew what he was feeling. 
H
e was
taking out all his fear and anger
on that piece of ice, swinging the ax with all his strength. 
T
he
angle was wrong, and the
ax just glanced off the ice.  Between the slippery footing and the force of the blow, somehow he went over the rail with the ax.  It all happened so fast
...”  The bosun stared into space, obviously reliving the events as he described them.

“How dreadful.”
  Lola wanted him to go on, yet she was afraid to hear his next words.

“
Wulf
grabbed a line and jumped in after the kid.  I don’t know how, but he found the boy.  Like I said, we couldn’t even see the surface through the fog.  We heard
Wulf
yell ‘Haul!’ and we hauled in the line.
 
The line was wrapped around the body of the boy.”  The bosun’s voice broke and tears rolled down his cheeks.  Lola choked on her own sobs and
reached for the bosun’s hand. 
“We called out to
Wulf
and lowered boats to look for him, but…”  Lola saw his chest convulse with silent sobs.  “A man can only last a
couple of
minute
s
in water that cold,” he whispered.

The two sat, drawing comfort from each other for many minutes.  At last the bosun drew a deep breath and stood, heading for the bathroom.  He emerged with his hair slicked back with water from washing his face.
  He gestured to the waiter for more coffee.

Lola was still trying to digest what she
’
d just heard.  She was more composed by the time the coffee
came
.  The bosun
pulled a folded
paper
from an inside pocket
.