It’s Still Complicated: …because I Am Still Waiting (5 page)

After cutting the birthday cake and celebrating Megha’s birthday, we all went for the ‘Scary House Ride’. I had never been on any such ride in my life, it was the first time. After buying the tickets, we went inside the so- called ‘Scary House’; it was a dark room having a different kind of lighting and smoky atmosphere inside. There were a lot of stairs after every 10 meters or so and different kinds of artificial trees by the sides of the foot path on which we were walking. The best part was that every few seconds something happened which scared us. Sometimes it was a guy without a head, or sometimes it’s was a witch coming out from a coffin and running behind us.

Suddenly it was an artificial snake which someone threw on both of us, me and Megha. She held my hand tightly, and that was the moment when we forgot everything and were just walking hand in hand towards the exit without being afraid of anything. It was just like a movie scene where a boy and girl confess their love for each other in front of their families and walk hand in hand and say ‘We want to marry each other and we want to live and die in each other’s arm no matter what happens!.

Soon the party was over and it was the time to go home. I, Megha and Sakshi travelled to Pitampura by metro and Kavya, Lalit and his friends left on their own conveyance. After seeing off Megha and Sakshi, I went home. This time I had two thoughts in my mind, on the one hand I was happy to see her smile and happy but on the other hand I was sad because I wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t.

The Blackest Day of My Life

13th August, 2009

I
t was 8:30 in the morning when I was sleeping but I could hear voice of my Mamaji’s friend, who had come to our home early that day. I tried to open my eyes to see him but I was feeling very sleepy and couldn’t open my eyes and fell asleep again. Suddenly Mamaji’s phone rang and the call was from my home at Rajasthan. I couldn’t hear what they were talking on the phone but somehow I could grasp that there was some bad news. Mami woke me up and told me to get ready without taking a bath as I had to go to Rajasthan immediately. I asked my Mamaji about the reason behind it, he said that my Grandfather was not well and was hospitalized, so I had to go.

I was confused after hearing this because first of all, there was no good hospital in Sardar Shahar (my hometown). Secondly, my Grandfather was a well-built who was 6ft tall and I couldn’t remember him being unwell. Though he used to take some medicines for asthma, but looking at him nobody could ever say he was unwell.

I got into the taxi with two of my Mamaji’s, Shiv Mamaji and Surendra Mamaji. I sent a message to Megha that our date for that day was cancelled as I had to go Home. I had a plan to meet Megha as I came back to Delhi, just two days back, after a vacation of 15 days which I spent in Rajasthan itself. Megha did not reply, maybe she was sleeping by that time so I had to ask Ravi to call Megha after a few hours and explain her about the situation.

I was worried about my Grandfather; suddenly Shiv Mamaji asked Surendra Mamaji, when did he die? Hearing this I started crying my heart out. It was a journey of 5 hours from Delhi to my hometown. I was very sad, my Grandfather was everything for me and my family, whatever I am today was just because of him. He started his work life first earning to support his family as a truck driver and then became rich because of his hard work. I remember the days which I spent with him and how he completed each and every wish of mine.

I started recollecting my last meeting with my Dadaji, when he asked me two questions, “Are you going to Delhi tomorrow? Who will give me medicine from tomorrow?” Which I couldn’t answer and while going to Delhi that day he said bye, which I have never heard from him earlier.

Now I realized why Megha always used to tell me never to say bye to anyone because we are not sure that whether we are going to meet that person again or not. That’s why she used the words ‘See Ya’, instead of ‘Bye’. If we say ‘See Ya’, there is a hope that we would meet again.

I reached home at 5pm that day, my eyes were filled with tears and I couldn’t see anything except my home, I went inside and saw my Grandfather lying in middle of the courtyard. I never saw him so silent and his face was lifeless; my eyes searched for my father. I ran towards my father and hugged him and cried a lot. People who were gathered at my home took my Grandfather to the Mukti Dham and after the Kriya Karm they all went home, but me and my family were left alone, to cry and to feel sad about Dadaji.

I couldn’t eat anything that day, whatever I was given to eat would come out of my throat and I felt like nothing was good to taste when you have just lost your loved one. Megha being an innocent and caring girl didn’t call me that day, no doubt she was worried about me but she wanted me to call her when things would settle down. I called her the next day; she asked me the reason behind this miss-happening. I explained to her he died because of the heart attack in the morning and I started crying. This was the first time when she saw me crying and there was nothing which she could do about this. She innocently asked me to take care of everyone at home and myself too. She was worried about me and my family and she made me promise her that I would eat properly and take care of everyone at home. Those 12 days were the toughest days of my life and she was a great support for me. She used to call me once every few hours and ask me to take care of everyone at home. My love for her multiplied that time, because in this type of situation you understand who is your true friend and who is not.

I remember the day when I had a healthy argument with my Grandfather about my marriage. He had said that he would get me a girl who will have three qualities: one, she will be less educated than me. Two, she will be poorer than me. Three, she would be from a village, and laughed. Then I said, I would marry a girl who will be completely different from this. One, she would be equally educated. Two, she would be from a rich family. Three, she would be from a city. I remember that by the time when we had that conversation I was already in a relationship with Megha and she possesses all the qualities which I wanted in my dream girl. I could not tell my Grandfather about Megha as he was very strict in all these matters, but now I will never be able to tell him about her.

27th August, 2009 (Delhi)

I came back to Delhi to continue my studies, leaving my family behind. This is the phase of life where we don’t feel good about anything. My Mamaji, Mami and Ravi gave me a lot of emotional support, they tried to keep me happy all the time and they never left me alone. They could very well understand the pain I was going through and I was glad to have them with me always.

Megha asked me to meet her at Kohat Enclave Metro station, the place where we met for the first time. She planned to meet me after her school and Kohat was on the way to her home. I was waiting for her upstairs, this time I reached before the scheduled time so I had to wait for her. She reached after half an hour. She was in her school dress of a white shirt and blue skirt, her hair tied in a neat manner. This was the first time that I saw her in the school dress and she was looking so cute like a kid that I couldn’t resist myself from laughing. As soon as she reached upstairs, she patted me and said “
Kyu has raha hai, pitega kya?
” and she also started laughing.

I hugged her tightly without noticing anything around us because I knew it was only she who could make me happy and help me to come out of this devastating situation. A single hug from her gave me a sense of relief that she was with me and she was there to take care of me always. Her presence in my life was just like a medicine for a disease which is incurable. She was the reason for my smile; her innocence melted my sadness and gave me strength to live happily. We met at Kohat multiple times in the month of September. She used to come to meet me after her school. If her friends asked her why she always got down at Kohat, she always had a different excuse every time. Every meeting with her made me realize how lucky I was, as she always cared for me; she always wanted me to be happy and she always tried to make the relationship her priority.

With the passage of time everything settled down as after all, time heals everything.

25th September, 2009 (First Kiss)

After convincing my Mamaji after a lot of coaxing and begging, this was the day when he agreed to get me a new bike. We went to the showroom and searched for a bike which would fit my budget. I wanted a sports bike but it was out of my budget and Mamaji suggested that I get a Hero Honda Glamour. I did not have any choice but I had to agree. After all, having a bike will help me to meet Megha more frequently and to reach on time. I always had a dream to take her for a bike ride.

I got my new bike home and the very next day I went outside her house to show her my new bike. She was not excited as she didn’t like riding bikes; she was afraid what if her relatives saw us together on a bike, and I understand how difficult it is for a girl to save herself from the talk of relatives. Though my dream of a bike ride with her broke, I reminded myself that in her happiness lies my happiness. The purpose for buying a bike was served, as now I started meeting her very frequently which had not been possible earlier as I had to hire a rickshaw every time and it took a lot of time to reach the destination.

It was somewhere in November, as I said before I am bad at remembering the dates; we met in the park. I wanted to kiss her, and she was afraid to do so, as she thought that kissing a guy can make a woman pregnant. Hearing this I laughed a lot, but this was not a big thing to laugh at, as in some schools teachers still restrain themselves from giving proper biology education to the students. I explained her that kissing doesn’t make a woman pregnant, though it was difficult for her to trust but she trusted me blindly.

I had never kissed any one till then, and neither had she. We both were new at it; both were nervous and confused about how to kiss. “First of all,” I said to her, “Let’s find a place where nobody could see us,”. We saw a truck which was parked outside the main gate of the park. We went behind that truck and confirmed that no one would be able to see us there. I was so nervous that I couldn’t understand that whether I should start first or should she? But the instinct of male dominance inside me told me that a guy always starts. She said nothing and just stood still and calm before me. I put my left hand on her waist which she didn’t resist, and I pulled her towards me. I locked my right hand with her right hand tightly. Slowly we started coming very close each other, she was breathing heavily and I could feel her warm breath. We both kissed each other and I could feel her soft rosy lips moving in between my lips. I felt complete after this.

This was the day when our souls met each other. We both smiled and through her eyes she asked me to leave her waist.

She was getting late as she had told her mom that she had to buy something from the market and would be back within 15 minutes. We both did not wanted to leave so early as we both were feeling high, but we had too.

When I came back home I called her and asked her, “How was it??”

She smiled and answered, “It’s a completely different feeling, and I feel complete after this,”

“I want to kiss you again, I did not wanted to leave so early but you had to go. I love you,” I said.

“I Love you too,” she replied.

We both couldn’t sleep that night. After every few minutes we kept calling each other, we both had nothing to say during the phone call, the only thing which we did was call each other and smile. We both enjoyed the silence of the night flashing back to the kissing scene again and again.

In December 2009 though she was preparing for her 12th board exams, we continued to meet each other several times. Sometimes we had small fights between us on minor issues but still it was an awesome relationship. She never got angry and always accepted me for what I am.

23rd January, 2010 (My First Birthday with her)

12:00 am, my phone rang and as I was waiting for her, the first caller.

“Happy birthday sweetheart,” she said.

“Thank you,”

“Love you sweetheart,” “Love you to,”

“Listen, Kavya wants to talk to you,” “Okay,”

“Happy Birthday,” this was Kavya from the other side.

“Thank you,”

“I want you to meet me at Rohini East Metro station at 9 am,”

“Why?”

“That’s a surprise. Good night,” “Good night,”

08:00 am, again it’s the call from Megha. “Good morning. Happy birthday…” “Good morning, thank you!”

“Remember? You have to meet Kavya at Rohini East at 9…”

“Yes, I am getting ready and will reach on time,”

I was wondering what the surprise could be, I reached Rohini East at 9 and waited for Kavya to come. She came and after wising me ‘Happy birthday!’ she gave me a packet and said to me ‘Here, it’s your gift,”, she has to go to college after that so she left in a hurry.

I opened the packet; it was a brown color shirt and a birthday card. She knew very well that I did not have a brown colored shirt and I look good in brown color. I liked the shirt and tried to wear it, but damn it! It was large size shirt and I wear small size shirts. I thought if I would have been able to wear it she would be happy but I couldn’t.

Yes, I too wondered why Megha sent me this gift through Kavya and why she herself did not gave it to me. 11:00 am, me and Megha had planned to celebratemy birthday at Pizza Hut in Metro Walk (Rohini), so we

reached there. I was still wondering, what was the reason behind sending that gift through Kavya and I finally asked her the reason behind this.

She said, I don’t have a car and if I would have taken the shirt at my home then my mom would have asked me about it. So I left the shirt in Kavya’s car and asked her to give it to you. Why didn’t you wear that shirt today?

I was feeling very indifferent and confused about what to answer. But I did not want to hide anything from her so I said, it was large size and I wear small size shirts.

Oh! Just get it altered and next time wear it; I haven’t seen that shirt yet as Kavya bought it for you. You know na, due to exams I am barely allowed to go out of home,”