JACK (11 page)

A sob broke free from my chest. “They hurt him.”

“I’m so sorry, young knight.” He walked over and pushed my bangs back, smoothing down the wild curls filling in the bare spots. “He will return. I promise. A few weeks and you two will be playing checkers again.”

Would we? “What if he doesn’t? What if he never comes back? What am I going to do?”

Grom sat down on the bed beside us. “Perhaps I should try a healing spell. It would be very complex, but I’m sure I have the right ingredients.”

“Grom! This is serious.”

“I know, Just Jack. Which is why I need my wand. Now I know it’s here somewhere. A-ha!” He pulled out the straw and waved it over Noah.

I slapped his hand away. “Stop it! Just stop it. You’re not a wizard and there’s no such thing as magic. You just pretend. You just make it all up. Noah doesn’t need made up things, he needs to be better.” I buried my tears against the side of his head. “He can’t forget who I am. Please, don’t let him forget who I am.” I hated the world. Why did I lose everyone I loved? Why was they all snatched away from me? Was it punishment? Was it because I wanted to be a boy? I had to have done something to have deserved this. And I said me, because Noah never did anything wrong. “Make him better, God. Please make him better.”

Grom was still sitting beside us when the crying had exhausted me. I could barely breathe and my head rang as if Frank had hit me again.

“Here.” Grom pulled back the covers and helped me lay down next to Noah. “I’m sure he’d want you here.”

I pulled Noah close. I put my arm around his ribs, holding him. His heartbeat echoed in my chest and every breath he exhaled against my skin was a gift.

Grom pulled up the covers, tucking us in. “Rest now, young knight. All will be better in the morrow. You will see.”

*** *** ***

“How are you doing today?”

I barely heard Dr. Chance’s question. I thought about Noah.

“Jacqueline?”

I closed my eyes.

“Jacqueline, these talks we have are important, but they are only effective if you cooperate and communicate back to me.”

I stared out the window.

“You want to get well, don’t you? You want to go home to see your sister?”

“What’s a lobotomy?” A bird landed on the window sill and hopped back and forth on the bricks before regarding me with a beady black eye. Another one joined him.

“What does a lobotomy have to do with anything?”

“I want to know what it is.”

“Is there a reason?”

Yes. “No.”

Dr. Chance clicked his pen, slipped it into his pocket and put his notebook on the table. When he was done he steepled his fingertips against his lips and watched me.

I stared at the birds some more. One bowed to the other and they exchanged places on the brick ledge. The smaller one found a bug. The larger one tried to take it away. The bug wound up on the brick ledge and they pecked it together.

“A prefrontal leucotomy is a surgical procedure where we remove an area of the brain.”

“What’s it for?”

“To help people.”

“How does cutting off part of someone help them?” The birds startled and flew away.

Dr. Chance dropped his hands. “It’s not as intrusive as it sounds, and I realize you don’t understand.”

“Explain it.”

“It would be difficult.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.” Dr. Chance took his pen out of his pocket and laid it on the desk. He moved it from one side of his notebook to the other. “There are areas of the frontal lobe which are responsible for anxiety and aggressive behavior. A small hole is made in the skull to allow access, or we enter through the orbital socket. By removing these areas we can relieve an individual of their symptoms. In the case of Noah, we could potentially eliminate his violent episodes.”

“So he’ll act like you want him to?”

Dr. Chance picked up the pen and the notebook. “I’ve answered your question, Jacqueline, now it’s your turn to answer mine. Tell me about the incident with Frank. How did that make you feel?”

I wondered if the birds would return and decided to watch for them.

“Jacqueline.”

I didn’t see them. “Why don’t you do one to Markus? He’s the one who scared Noah. He’s always scaring him.”

“Because Markus can be restrained and calmed. When Noah has an episode nothing can reach him.”

“Are you going to do it to Noah?”

“What?”

“Cut out his brain so he won’t act bad?”

“That’s not…” He sighed. “I have hopes medications and therapy will eventually help him. It has in the past after an ETC session.”

“Are you going to do it to me?”

“What?”

“Are you going to cut out part of my brain so I’ll act like you want me to?”

There were dark clouds on the horizon and I wondered if it was going to storm tonight. I wouldn’t be able to lift Noah to get him under the bed, so I decided I’d bring my blanket and use it to help block out the flashes of lightning.

“In your case I do not think it will be necessary. But the procedure has been discussed.”

“With who?”

“Your sister.”

I hoped the storm came and blew everything away.

*** *** ***

The nurse was wheeling Noah out of the shower when I came into his room. Clean, he looked almost normal except for the blank stare on his face. The nurse had put his pants on him but didn’t pick up his smock until she had him sitting on the bed.

“Don’t forget his long johns.” I pointed.

She put down the smock and picked up the shirt. The smile on the nurse’s face stretched her red lips wide. “And how are you today, dear?”

I didn’t know why she asked me. She had two eyes. She could see for herself.

I scooted closer to Noah and picked up his hand. I had to let him go for a moment while the nurse dressed him. She patted me on the shoulder then rolled the wheelchair out.

“Do you want to lie down?”

He stared.

“I could borrow a magazine from the nurse’s desk and read to you. It probably wouldn’t be anything interesting unless they have a National Geographic. Sometimes they do. That redheaded lady likes to read them.” I watched Noah until my vision wavered. I used the corner of his sheet to wipe my eyes. “Please, Noah.”

“How is he?” Grom stepped inside. He had one of the fake plants from the visitation room under his arm. Going by the way he was dressed, Jonas was coming. “I brought the prince a gift.” He held it out.

“Just put it…” I didn’t know where. There was nothing in the room but the bed.

Grom walked over and put the plant in the window. “There. Now it can have some light. All plants need light, or they wither and die. Did you know that, Just Jack?” He stared at the plant. “Yes, I think this little fellow will be much happier here in Prince Noah’s window.”

“You know, Jonas might let you go home if you’d quit pretending to be a wizard.”

“Pretending?”

“Yes, pretending. If you’d quit, maybe Jonas would let you see Sarah.”

Grom stared at his hands. “I miss her.”

I tugged on Grom’s arm and he sat down beside me. “I know.”

“We used to have the most glorious quests together. I took her on a pirate ship once.” He laughed and shook a finger at me. “No matter what you’ve heard about pirates they truly are a splendid lot.”

“Grom.”

“And there was a time we visited the sunflower farm. She looked like an angel standing among those flowers. Prettier than any of them. An empress of beauty and love.” He sighed. “One day I will find my Sarah and no one will be able to keep us apart.” He leaned closer. “I’m working on a flight spell, but it is very tricky, takes many ingredients and much concentration.”

I touched the back of Noah’s hand, counting his fingers. There was a scar near his thumb. It didn’t look like the ones on the rest of his body. A cut maybe? A very deep cut.

“I should tell you about our adventures among the ice lands. There’s an empire there ruled by giant white bears! Would you like that, Just Jack? Would you like to hear of our travels?”

“Maybe later. You should probably go see if Jonas is here. You wouldn’t want to be late.”

Grom nodded once. “You are correct. The warden does not like it when I dawdle.” He stood up. “Will I see you at dinner, Just Jack? Or will you be dining in the company of your prince tonight? And if you are, may I join you?”

“Yeah, you can eat with us.”

“I shall return later. Perhaps this time I will even have my Sarah with me and then we can show you how we danced with the ice bears.”

Grom left and I was alone with Noah.

*** *** ***

The orderly came to feed Noah right after Grom left, but I wanted to do it, so he left Noah’s tray by the door.

What was usually a meal of lumpy mush had been pureed into a liquid and poured into a bowl. At least the bowl was easier to manage. I carried it and the napkins over to the bed.

“I’m not sure what this is supposed to be.” I sniffed it. “I think vegetable soup.” I held it in my lap and carefully spooned a small amount and put it in Noah’s mouth. He swallowed but some dripped down his chin. I wiped it away. “What do you think?”

His tongue moved, licking his bottom lip.

“Good?” I gave him another bite and he didn’t lose quite so much. “I heard the nurses say they’re going to cut back on your medicine soon.”

I didn’t know if he would return to the boy I knew then, or if the shock therapy had permanently changed the way he would act. The marks on the side of his head were almost gone. I hated the thought of ever seeing them there again.

I gave Noah another bite. His lips closed over the spoon and my heart leapt. The next time I gave him too much and it dripped onto his shirt.

I wiped it off. “Sorry. I’m still not very good at this.” I’d fixed Momma her meals but she’d always been able to feed herself. Even the day she died she ate a pimento cheese sandwich all on her own.

I hadn’t thought about Momma in a while. Not like I had right after she died. But with Noah like this it seemed all I did was think about her and him. I didn’t know who I missed more.

I wished Elliot and Mikey would come see me.

I got Noah to eat about half and drink some of his milk through a straw. I cleaned his hands and his face, and then helped him lay down. I sat beside him trying not to cry, trying harder not to hate the world.

I pulled the blanket up and over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go see if Grom is still visiting with Jonas. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Noah stared.

I didn’t want to leave him but I was worried about Grom. The last two times Jonas came he’d hid in his room for days. The new panes of glass in the visiting room made the others look cloudy.

Grom sat at the table with Jonas. Shoulders curled, hands wringing on the table, he looked like a child getting the tongue lashing of his life. But I didn’t think Jonas was saying anything mean. I didn’t understand how he could act so nice to Grom but not let him see Sarah. Would it really hurt? To let her come here just once?

Jonas touched Grom’s hand and he stood up. He turned toward the door, then back toward Jonas. Jonas motioned to the chair and Grom shook his head. There was no yelling, no shaking of fists, Grom just walked out with his head down.

Jonas began his routine of pushing in chairs and straightening out his suit.

I’m not sure what spurred me to abandon the sofa and walk over. “Why do you do that to him?”

He looked over his shoulder, and then at me. He smiled and I hated the fact it looked nice. “You must be Jack.”

I hadn’t expected him to know my name. “Yeah, so?”

“Grandpa has told me all about you.”

Close up his gentleness was even harder to bear. I crossed my arms. “Why won’t you let him see Sarah? Just once. He’s sad for days after you leave.”

Jonas stopped smiling. He held out a hand indicating the door to an outer hall. “Would you like to take a walk so we can talk?”

I looked at the floor. “I can’t go out that way, I don’t have privileges.” The guards would never let me pass and if I tried, I’d lose every freedom I’d ever gained.

Jonas waved to a different door. “Then the garden perhaps?”

I nodded.

It was overcast and sticky, creating the kind of deep heat that cooked you from the inside. July was approaching and it was letting the whole state know it was on its way.

Jonas sat down on a bench. I stood by the tree. I stared across the yard searching for the rabbits, but I hadn’t seen them in a while. Their trips through the tunnel under the wall had increased until they never came back.

“You asked me about my grandmother.”

I guess Sarah was his grandmother. It was easier for me to envision her as Sarah of the Sunflowers. I bet she had looked beautiful standing among them just like Grom said.

“The reason why I don’t bring her here to visit is because I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“She died shortly before grandpa came back from England after the war.”

My knees felt week.

“Would you like to sit down?”

Jonas moved over and I sat at the end of the bench. “I didn’t know.”

“No, most don’t. And grandpa refuses to accept it. He was in a deep depression for a very long time after Grandma Sarah died and didn’t speak for years. When he finally came out of it he had immersed himself into the delusion that Sarah has been locked away from him and he is the great wizard who will find her.”

He must have loved her a lot. Maybe even more than I loved Momma.

“What’s his real name?”

“Gerald. But all his friends called him Grom in the Army.”

I repeated his real name and decided I preferred Grom.

“How come no one else comes to see him?”

“Most of his buddies from the war are dead or in a home.”

“What about the rest of his family?” He had to have at least one child.

Jonas shook his head. “Grandpa’s condition is hard on my mom so she doesn’t come to see him anymore.”

“But you do.”

“Yeah. I can’t stand the idea of him being all alone so I come visit when I can get away from work.” He chuckled. “Grandpa Grom was my best friend growing up. His delusions never bothered me. It just made everyday games of pretend all the more exciting. We’d have quests in the back yard, build forts. He’d play with me for hours, like a little kid.”