Jacked (38 page)

Did he think that having a character flaw was a deal-breaker for me? Was it? My head started to throb, but my heart didn’t feel like it was being ripped out of my chest anymore.

I could easily leave—leave him to his demons—tthough Lord knew I had my own legion of demons plaguing me. After all, I did wind up at a bar by myself and got drunk trying to get over the crushing stress.

I replayed his words—well, the ones I strategically picked out of his monologue—paying particular attention to the ones that described his current feelings for me.

The last twenty-four hours had been absolute hell. I hurt. My heart ached. But now I just felt angry.

I shoved the bathroom door out of my way and flung the shower door open, catching him with both palms flat against the tiled wall, the shower water raining down on his head.

Adam rolled his gaze over and shoved away from the wall. “Erin—”

“So that’s it? You fuck my brains out then give me an ultimatum?”

He swiped his hair back. “Not an ultimatum. A choice.”

“A choice?” My voice came out a bit higher than I wanted it to. I also felt the need to give his dumb-ass a shove. “So that’s why you were being such a jerk this morning? Because you think I’m some raging party girl who gets fucked up every Friday night?”

He gave me a curt nod. “I admit when I’m wrong.”

My eyes zoned in on his face, doing my best to ignore the water rippling down the contours of his body. “Do you get violent?”

“
What
?”

“Do I have to worry about you getting violent? Doing stupid shit, like punching walls and stuff?”

“No,” he said emphatically.

I crossed my arms. “Do I have to be worried that you might get abusive or hit me?”

Adam scowled at me. “I’ve
never
hit a woman in my life, Erin. Never.”

I stepped into the shower, water pelting me, soaking into my tee. “So if I get up in your face like this, you going to get rough with me? Continue to be an asshole to me?”

Adam growled, seized my upper arms, and spun me; my back pressed flush with the tiled wall. “You get up in my face like this, I’ll get rough.” As soon as he let go of my arms, my wet shirt was ripped up over my head and my intimidating cop was back in full force. He pinned my wrists to the wall above my head and cut off the rest of my rebuttal by shoving his tongue in my mouth. “I want you, Doc,” he announced on my lips, water pouring down both our faces. “More than anything I’ve wanted in a
very
long time. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, you’re all I fucking think about.”

“You already said that,” I reminded.

He hands held me captive. “Maybe you need to hear it more than once.”

I tried to wiggle free. “Maybe, but—”

He pressed harder. “Then hear this. You’re in my
veins
, Erin. Understand? You’re twisted in deep now. I’d never hurt you.
Never
. Not even if you ripped my heart out.”

“Let go of me,” I ordered.

Adam’s hands instantly opened.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, needing his mouth back on mine. He gave it all back to me, biting and sucking my lips with equal force and desperation, sliding his hands all over my body.

I may be in his blood but he was my air.

He palmed my ass and lifted my leg, impaling me on his newly formed erection, connecting us from the inside out.

I should have cared that he wasn’t wearing a condom, but I didn’t, needing him just as frantically.

Just when I thought I’d be broken again, left to fall apart and wither to dust, Adam put us back together again.

IT’D BEEN A
long time since I felt this type of peace, this semblance of serenity. The soft
tick, tock
of the clock in my bathroom seemed to match the cadence of the heart beating steadily against my side.

Erin’s cheek was pressed to my chest; her arm was draped over my abs. I was twisting a piece of her long blonde hair around my fingers, feeling every muscle in my body finally relax. The index finger of my other hand was busy circling the tiny freckles on her upper arm. If things kept up at this soothing rate, I could make a career mapping out each dip and swell of her body, kiss every fine nuance of her skin.

This morning, I wasn’t sure how I felt about this woman lying in my arms. My mind had gone round and round in an endless circle, making up reasons why it would be best to keep her at arm’s length. Letting her in meant I’d have to break down some of my walls, but history showed that leaving the fortress vulnerable never worked out for the inhabitants.

Earlier when she broke and told me all the things making her sad, I felt like a complete bastard. Here I thought she’d just gone out to get fucked up. Boy was I mistaken. Years of bad experiences had me jumping the gun, letting the shit poison my mind.

Erin nuzzled in deeper and let out a soft, contented sigh. Without thinking, my body responded, holding her tighter. She was settling in, giving me her trust, her affection, and after the grief I’d given her over the last week, I wasn’t sure I deserved it.

But there she was, patching the holes in me without even knowing it. I thought she was the broken one but it was actually me that needed saving.

Erin’s mouth moved over my chest, breaking our silent moment. “Adam?”

I dipped my chin. “Hmm?”

Her fingertip glided over my bicep, following the path of my ink. “Did all of this hurt to get?”

“What, my tats?”

Her finger trailed down my arm, sending tender sensations right through me. “Yeah. They’re so intricate. Must have taken a while.”

I rolled my arm. “Took a couple of sessions. I think I have about nine or ten hours in so far. I have a bit more to go yet ’til it’s finished.”

She looked up at me, squinting her eyes. “Was it painful?”

Compared to some of my past pains, it wasn’t even close. “It hurts a little. You get used to it after awhile. Why you asking?”

Erin shrugged. “I always worry that I’m hurting people when I have to inject them. I think it’s one of the things people fear the most about doctors. I can’t imagine having to do it repeatedly.”

“It’s not so bad. And you did a fantastic job when you worked on my hand. Why, you thinking of getting one? I’ve searched your entire body, so I know you’re a blank canvas.” I squeezed her in my arms. Just hearing her playful laugh made me smile.

“Maybe. One day.”

In a flash, I thought about tattooing my name on her ass. “I hear women have a higher tolerance for pain. I’m sure you’d be able to handle it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“You do that.” I envisioned her getting a pretty butterfly or something hanging off the “A” in my first name that I’d have inked on her luscious behind. Maybe put a warning back there too that says “If your name isn’t Adam, I’m gonna kill you for attempting to fuck my woman.”
That might be too many words though. “Property of” might work.

“Why the rope?”

“Hmm?”

“The rope? Just curious as to your choice of artwork.”

I shifted underneath her, not sure how to explain the lengths I’ve gone through to keep myself together, whole. “It’s a reminder. Hard to explain.”

Erin propped herself up on my chest, giving me her full attention. She didn’t ask me to go on. She didn’t prod or make faces at me either. She just studied me, silently assuring me that I’d be safe if I shared my reasons. I combed her hair back, finding myself unable to deny her much of anything. If she only knew how hard this was for me.

“I understand. It’s okay.” She kissed my chest right above my heart, cracking the last bit of my stubbornness.

I blew out a breath. Naked and vulnerable were never a good combination. “I’ve been a cop for over ten years, Doc. I’ve seen things, horrific things, just as I’m sure you have. Kids, drugs, violent crimes, violent criminals. I thought… I thought once I became a cop I could put an end to it, ya know? Make a difference. But no matter how hard I try it’s like pissing in the wind. That accident you and I worked together? That was just one of many I’ll never be able to forget.”

Erin’s head tilted, spilling her hair over her shoulder. I twisted another lock around my finger, concentrating on how soft it felt instead of the unrelenting demons that plagued my mind. “Sometimes I can still hear the gunshot.” A phantom pain flashed over my temples. I’d never admitted that to anyone; not even during counseling. “Back then, after I… after Tom was killed during that traffic stop, I stopped caring about a lot of things. It took me a while to realize that that was an empty, lonely road.”

Her fingers brushed over my arm. “Is that when you got these?”

I nodded. “I got the ink on my arms when I gave up drinking. The only person who could throw me a lifeline back then was me. These tats are my lifelines.”

She rested her cheek on my chest and blew out a deep sigh, as if she’d been holding her breath in as long as I’d had. “I know exactly how you feel.”

I felt the jolt when her words passed right though my walls. “You do?”

“More than you know. It’s like no matter how many medical miracles I perform, I’ll never be able to keep people from dying. Everything I do, everything I try is nothing more than a temporary fix. I love what I do, but sometimes it’s discouraging. Some days it feels like for every person I patch up, there’s an endless line of people falling apart, waiting right behind them.”

“Exactly. I put one bad guy away and five more crop up to take his place.” Her finger was still softly tracing my tats, lazily blazing her heat down my arm. “The rope reminds me that what’s inside of me is my first priority. I can’t lose me. I can’t lose my sanity to the ugly. If I do, then I’m done.”

She sighed, nuzzling even deeper. “Maybe I need some rope tattoos.” Her fingers tickled down over my ribs, circling over the tats that ran down the side of my stomach. “What about these? Are they Chinese?”

More like hidden messages to myself scored into my skin. I nodded, answering her.

“What do they mean?”

I felt my muscles tense as I cleared my throat. “That one is ‘Remember’. Second one is ‘Truth’ and then ‘Trust’.”

“And this last one?”

It was the one I had the most difficulty with. “It’s ‘Forgiveness’.”

She rested her lips on my skin, patching another unseen hole. “I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns, too. You got to see my embarrassment firsthand.”

Oh, baby. Don’t go there.
My fingers tensed in her hair.
It’s just between us, sweetheart.

“I love what I do but sometimes the pressure is… it just builds up and gets to be too much. I see enough gore in one shift to leave most folks scarred for life.”

“I bet you do.”

Her head tilted up. “I bet you do, too. I guess not too many people can relate to what we go through on a daily basis. Most of the people who come into the ER are far from happy and sometimes they yell and scream and add mental abuse to the physical and emotional strain. And you,” she tapped my chest, “you get the added pleasure of them pointing guns at you. Maybe we should go into selling bathroom fixtures or something. Can’t be too much stress in doing that, right?”

She made me laugh. “Could be fun, but now I’m thinking of taking you back in the shower.”

Erin smiled broadly and just like that, she gently bit my nipple for being a smartass. Fuck, that felt good. No… great.
That’s it, use your tongue. Heal me, baby.

I ran both hands through her hair. “It takes a special kind of person to do what you do, Doc.”

Erin’s head popped up, grinning. “You like calling me Doc, don’t ya?”

“I do. It fits. Why, does it bother you?”

She seemed unsure. I hauled her up my chest. I was done talking. I needed to kiss her again, to feel that heated connection to this amazing creature who was consuming me like fire.

She drew my top lip into her mouth and then pulled back to study my face. “How would you feel if I called you
Cop
?”

Her feistiness was such a turn on. I pulled her leg over my body, making her straddle me. I was glad the rest of her came along for the ride. She climbed right on and owned me.

My mind was certainly up for another round; I was just hoping my dick would support the idea. “Cop a feel. Cop a squat.” I pressed my hips up. “You can call me anything you’d like, Doc.”

“Is that so, dear?” She giggled on my lips, showing her newfound dominance by wrapping my head up in her arms.

I palmed her fantastic ass. “No, see now I have to draw the line. You can call me anything but that.”

Erin grinned. “No
dear
?”

I gave her a squeeze. “Absolutely not, Doc.”

“Never ever?”

“Never fucking ever.”

“Okay, dear,” she teased.

“Now you’re just looking for trouble.”

She placed a soft kiss on my neck. “No. Not looking. Found.”

The feelings she invoked by just playing with me were enough to take my breath away. I locked my fingers into her hair and held her against my skin, enjoying every second of her attention. And that’s when it hit me—just exactly what I’d been missing, and it
wasn’t
having a gorgeous, naked woman sprawled out on top of me, although that was definitely a bonus. No, this was
very
different and very specific, as if a gigantic sign had just lit up in front of me and smacked me in the head, showing me word for word where I’d been going wrong.