Jackpot! (21 page)

“The magician represents the conscious mind,” she finally said, “It focuses on an idea, or a goal.”

“I definitely have a goal!” I exclaimed.

“The conscious mind brings these ideas into action.”

“Does it say how?”

Now this sweet, gentle, old woman looked annoyed with me and I felt like a complete idiot.

Sarina looked right at me. “The table in front of him has all the tools to make this possible.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re being a little too vague,” I said, “What’s on the table?”

“What do you see?”

I couldn’t take it anymore. Sarina was speaking too metaphorically for me. I didn’t want theoretical advice, I wanted a practical solution. The bottom line, I wanted to know specifically what I needed to do to get knocked up. “Okay…you’re not really helping. What’s the next card?”

Sarina shot me a look and suddenly I felt judged, and I guess in a way, I didn’t blame her for that. She turned over another card and said, “This is the lover’s card. Are you in love right now?”

“No!” was my gut reaction.

“The lover’s card represents relationships. It symbolizes the union of opposites.”

“Well, we’re definitely opposites,” I said, trying to sound cute.

“Opposite, but compatible,” said Sarina.

“Yes!” I responded. Things were looking up. Maybe Sarina would be able to help me. “I have to admit,” I said, “the sex is great.”

No reaction from Sarina.

“What I really want to know…the reason I’m here…is to find out if I’m going to get pregnant anytime soon.”

“You are looking for the sun, the giver of life.”

I stood up, about to burst. “Yes! Please!”

Sarina looked back down at the cards. “I’m sorry. It’s not here.”

“It has to be!” I said, sitting back down. I picked up the deck of un-dealt cards and handed them to Sarina. “Please…deal me another card.”

“This is not your read,” she said sadly, “it won’t work.”

I didn’t want to believe her. “Come on…hit me,” I said, practically shoving the deck in her face.

“This isn’t black jack. This is your life.”

Now I was exasperated. “Look, I need a baby, and I need to know if it’s in the cards, so to speak.” I found myself pleading with this woman. “Please, help me.”

Sarina continued to study the cards, and suddenly I felt like a stand-by passenger watching a gate attendant type away on a computer while waiting to see if I was getting on the next flight.

“Well?” I said, after a few moments.

Sarina looked at me and I knew something was wrong.

“What is it?”

She pointed to the next card and said, “This card…”

“Yeah?”

“This card represents the fool.”

Chapter 22

It was almost dinner time when I got home, and I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. The whole tarot card experience pretty much took my appetite away until I got far, far away from that awful place. So, the first thing I did when I walked in the door was order an Italian salad from
O’Fame.
It came with fresh Italian bread and olive oil, and I always asked for extra bread. Pinot Noir went perfectly with this meal, so I opened up a bottle while waiting for the food.

I took my glass of wine into the bedroom and sat down on my bed, sipping it while examining the ovulation kit. While reading the directions and general information about it, I thought about how incredible science was. In my hand, I held a test. All I had to do was pee on a stick everyday for seven days and it would tell me the days of the month I was most likely to conceive a baby. The concept was unbelievable to me. I thought about what a great way it was to help people, people who really wanted children for the
right
reasons.

I had spent so long not wanting to get pregnant that I’d never considered the opposite problem; infertility. Ma had told me about some of her friends’ kids who’d taken fertility drugs, or who’d gone through in-vitro fertilization to have babies, but I’d never really thought about how heartbreaking it must be for couples having difficulty conceiving a child. At this moment, Courtney, the girl Danny told me he really liked popped into my head and I felt badly that I wasn’t more sympathetic when he told me about her.

I stored the ovulation kit, (which I planned on using in seven days like the box said) in the bathroom cabinet and returned to my bed, where the
You Sexy Thing, You
bag sat. I pulled my beautiful new nightgown out of the tissue paper, held it up to my body and looked in the mirror. Seven days from now I’d wear this for Drew. I couldn’t wait.

Drew was either reading my mind or he had put a hidden camera in my bedroom last time he was here, because right at this moment, he called. I thought the call was from my doorman, telling me
O’Fame
was here, so when I heard Drew’s voice I was pleasantly surprised.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi!”

“What are you doing?”

I looked at the nightgown, now lying flat on the bed. “Thinking about your hands all over me,” I wanted to say. “Um, nothing. Waiting for my dinner. I just ordered…”

“Let me guess,” he said, “
O’Fame
?”

I looked up at the ceiling and all around the room for the hidden camera before realizing once again, how well Drew really knew me.

“Yes.”

“I knew it,” he said proudly. “Listen, I’m going out of town for a few days. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Is everything okay?”

“It will be,” he said. Then he hesitated again before finishing, “I’m going to Arizona to see my dad and Monica.”

Now I understood. Since the night Drew had told me about his dad pretty much stealing his girlfriend, the subject had never come up again. I’d wanted to ask him about it several times, but the timing never seemed quite right. I knew nothing about the situation other than the fact that his Dad and Monica were married and lived in Arizona.

“Jamie, I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe I’m just happy because you’re in my life now, but I feel like it’s time for me to reconcile with them.”

“Are you saying you haven’t spoken to them?”

Drew took a deep breath. “After Monica and I got back from our trip to Arizona, she ended our relationship. I found out later she had been sneaking around with my dad the entire time we were visiting. How I didn’t see it is unbelievable,” he said, “I felt so stupid.”

“No, Drew, you weren’t stupid. That’s how I felt, too, with John.”

“My dad called me a couple of weeks later and told me Monica was moving down there to be with him. Three months later, they were married.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” was all I could manage. I was blown away. I felt for him immensely. This poor guy’s girlfriend cheated on him. With his own father! “I have to say something, though. It’s pretty amazing that you’re not bitter about it. In fact, you’re not bitter about anything.”

“No, I’m not bitter. I’m just commitment-phobic,” he joked.

“That’s understandable.”

“Anyhow, my dad and I haven’t talked for more than two minutes at a time since the whole thing happened. He tried to make amends, but I just couldn’t deal.”

“I can’t say I blame you.”

“The thing is, he’s getting older and it’s time for me to let it go and just let him be happy. Her too, I guess. So, I’m going to go down there for a nice visit, basically to give them my blessing.”

“I think that’s really great.”

“I know this sounds really strange, but a lot of how I feel is because of you,” he said, “You’re making me really happy, Ms. Jacobson, and I guess my heart’s wide open and ready to forgive and love my dad again.”

“I’m glad. How long will you be gone?”

When he told me a week, I was instantly saddened. Don’t get me wrong. I was truly happy for him and knew his trip was a good decision, but I would miss him terribly.

“Can I come over and say good-bye?” Drew asked.

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure,” I said with a wide grin, “Come share my salad with me.”

Twenty minutes later, Drew was at my door and when I opened it, he put his arms around me and hugged me for a long time.

I led him to the kitchen table, where salad, wine, and lots of bread were waiting for us. While we ate, Drew told me more about his mom and how devastated his dad was when she died. He also talked about his brother, Mark, who lived in California, and how the whole Monica scenario had driven a wedge between not only Drew and his dad, but between all of them.

“So, I called Mark, too, and he’s going to meet me in Arizona.”

I held up my wine glass and said with a smile, “So, it’s a true family reunion.”

“I guess so,” Drew smiled.

We ate in silence for the next couple minutes and then Drew did the sweetest thing. He put his hand on mine and said, “I’ve had the best time with you the past few weeks. I’m going to miss you.”

I then had an out of body experience. I put down my fork and leaned over to Drew. Smiling through tears, I cupped his face in my hands and looked right into his eyes. “I’ll be here waiting for you when you get home.”

At that very moment, all I could think about was that me, Miss Manipulative-money-hungry-user, hadn’t trapped Drew into fatherhood. I had instead trapped
myself
into a relationship. Drew was my boyfriend and I cared about him deeply. And admitting that didn’t seem so hard all of a sudden.

After dinner, we cuddled on the couch for awhile, watched
Curb Your Enthusiasm
and of course, the WGB 9:00 news. Drew was lying behind me, spooning me. I eventually drifted into a consciousness that was half out of it, half awake. It was the awake half that heard the words that would change everything.

“I love you, Jamie,” Drew whispered.

The fake sleeper lie still. My heart was pounding and I wanted so badly to say it back. I didn’t, though. I just kept pretending I was sleeping. In the never-ending war between courage and fear, fear had just declared victory in this battle.

Chapter 23

Jamie and I had a bond. We’d always been close. We had had only each other for as long as I could remember. Our dad was out of the picture so early on and Ma was always working, so we took care of each other. We helped each other out. I’d help my sister brush her teeth. She’d help me with math problems. I taught her how to tie her shoes. And she taught me every word to the song,
The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

Of course, as we got older we drifted apart a little bit and had separate social lives. I hung with the cool crowd, my sister tended to befriend all the nerds in school. But as adults, we became close again. It was an unwritten rule that the two of us would be here for each other if needed. And we would help each other, just as we did as kids. That’s why Jamie had promised me the lead if she ever got funding to make a movie.

Jamie and I were close. Jamie and Ma were close. Ma and I, not so close. I loved my mother dearly, but she drove me nuts. My sister did too, actually, but she was my little sister and I’d always be her big bro.

So, I wasn’t angry with her for offering me a handout if she ended up coming through with a baby for Ma’s money. In fact, part of me felt grateful. But, boy, did she strike a nerve. My ego was having a really hard time with my baby sister giving me money for the rest of my life. I was perfectly capable of obtaining the inheritance myself. And that was the thought that led me to the
W Hotel
on Lakeshore Drive.