Jake Fonko M.I.A. (26 page)

A Note From the Editor

With pride and
trepidation, I present the fascinating and incredible, yet to the best of my knowledge completely true, first installment in the saga of the amazing Mr. Jake Fonko. Pride, because as a dedicated professional, it is my extreme pleasure to carry out my duty to discover and disseminate new knowledge. Trepidation, because in the academic world hard data have long since driven out soft; and subjective, single-source history as I have compiled here will, I fear, be greeted by many of my colleagues with reservation, at best. So much the worse for them, of course, but doctrinaire outlooks such as those which unfortunately pervade my field of study inevitably pose the threat of difficulties and embarrassment to any scholar who dares challenge them. How, after all, can living history compete with statistical analysis, data mining, computer simulations and mathematical models? Such is my cross, and gladly I bear it.

Permit me to introduce myself. I am B. Hesse Pflingger, professor of contemporary history at California State University, Cucamonga. My area of specialization is the analysis of international flashpoints
1
—temporal and geopolitical nexuses that carry the potential to decisively alter the global correlation of forces (to use a term favored by the Soviets). Some time ago a research and teaching assistant of mine, Ms. Bertha Sikorski, approached me with a singular request. It seems she had attended one of those Malibu parties for the so-called “rich and famous” at the beachside home of a Hollywood film producer, Edward LeGrande. There she met Mr. Fonko. She was at the time carrying out research for her Master’s thesis (subsequently completed and successfully defended), the title being “An analysis of the efficaciousness of covert counter-insurgent interventions in altering the trajectories of certain indigenous anti-Western movements: How badly did the CIA fuck up in Iran?” Her conversations with Mr. Fonko convinced her that his knowledge of such matters would be highly useful to her project, and she desired my clearance to use him as a key source.

Ms. Sikorski had compiled for me several excellent bibliographies, and had done yeoperson service in assisting my preparation for my new course, Trends 305: I harbor no reservation whatsoever concerning her scholarly abilities and commitment. However, unlike the typical female graduate student, she not only has a lot upstairs, but also is, one might say, amply constructed in the mezzanine as well, and is susceptible to male attention to the extent that she, one might say, never lacks for gentlemen callers. As her thesis advisor I felt it prudent, as a matter of maintaining academic integrity, to investigate further this mysterious Mr. Fonko, for whom Ms. Sikorski made such an enthusiastic case. They had exchanged particulars, so I was able to call him on the telephone and arrange an appointment for the purpose of “checking him out,” as it were.

My first interview with Mr. Fonko, while reassuring, did not entirely allay my concerns. I found him to be knowledgeable and articulate, far more so than one might expect from an admitted college dropout. Certainly he was a congenial conversationalist, exhibiting considerably more substance than the run-of-the-mill “bullshit artist.” Yet many of his revelations and assertions seemed a bit, well, extravagant. We passed a pleasant several hours, during which I took copious notes on some of the more uncertain, obscure and/or doubtful points.

Back on campus, spurred by Ms. Sikorski’s impatient urging and my own curiosity, I carefully vetted various pieces of his information that one might legitimately question. To my initial amazement and growing delight, in every case where the facts were known and verified by scholarly sources, the man was spot on! By all appearances, Ms. Sikorski had stumbled onto a potential fount of living history.

Subsequent interviews were arranged with Mr. Fonko, at his Malibu home, on campus, over drinks in taverns, on the beach, usually with Ms. Sikorski in tow and always with tape recorder in hand. I quickly developed an affection for the affable Mr. Fonko, as indeed most people would, I suspect. Perhaps my personal affinity for him was so strong because he is a military man, and while I never myself was privileged to serve, my father had been a supply clerk at Fort Ord during the Korean War, and I had always reveled in the many tales of soldiering that he had to tell.

As our meetings with the excellent Mr. Fonko progressed, Ms. Sikorski and I recorded his involvement in just about every significant global event during the final decades of the 20th century—Vietnam, Cambodia, Northern Ireland, the Philippines, Grenada and Kuwait, to name only a fraction. He had facilitated the Shah’s egress from Iran; had nearly prevented Indira Gandhi’s tragic assassination; had held in his hands evidence that could have blown sky high Wall Street inside trading, Robert Maxwell’s publishing empire, and the Bank of Credit and Commerce International, years before those scandals came to light. He was personally acquainted with Pol Pot, Robert Vesco, Mother Teresa, John DeLorean, Manuel Noreiga, Saddam Hussein, Michael Jackson…the list could continue ad infinitum.

Yet because of his peculiar roles in these matters, his name is unknown to all but a handful in the uppermost echelons of global espionage (yes, as best I could, I verified that too!). There is no doubt in my mind that his story must be told, as world owes Mr. Fonko many debts, which can never be repaid, but which at least should be acknowledged. I have dedicated myself to telling it. Or rather, letting him tell it himself, as any commentary I might intrude into his narratives as captured on tape (save grammar and sentence flow, of course—only newscasters, actors and politicians speak with fluency, and of course they are merely parroting prepared text) would 
not
 improve them.

Mr. Fonko’s career (if one can call it that) has been anything but smooth. He has experienced many setbacks, tribulations and disappointments, and though he has never experienced failure or disaster, his adventures invariably turn out… different. I am pleased to report that Mr. Fonko appears none the worse for it. His lifestyle would be the envy of many, and his abilities on a surfboard belie his years. I take great pleasure in presenting the initial installment in the marvelous, not to mention inspiring story of Jake Fonko. To those who doubt his veracity, I cast down the gauntlet: Disprove it if you can!

To date this project has enjoyed no financial assistance, although grant applications are in preparation so that this vital work can proceed apace. I must express my deepest appreciation to: Bertha Sikorski, for her able assistance; department secretary Marjorry Magerk, for her superb typing; the campus librarians, who unflaggingly responded with great efficiency to my many requests for information and sources; colleagues Marshall Goldman and R. Roy Richards, for reviewing portions of this manuscript and honoring me with their brilliant suggestions and critiques; my wife, Sallye, and son, Justin, for patiently enduring the many late hours and days away from home this project required; and Mssrs. Jobs and Wozniak, for inventing their miraculous Apple Macintosh, without which my progress would have been far slower and my labours far more tedious. With all these and many others unnamed I humbly share the credit for whatever merit this book deserves. But of course the blame for any defects or errors must rest entirely on my own shoulders.

If you found Mr. Fonko’s Cambodian exploits engrossing, I cannot do better than to quote that late, great entertainer, Al Jolson: “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

B. Hesse Pflingger, PhD

Professor of Contemporary History

California State University, Cucamonga

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Fonko’s Second Adventure...

Don’t miss Fonko’s
second adventure, Fonko on the Carpet, where our globetrotting hero travels to Iran as none other than the bodyguard for the Shah himself.

Naturally, things soon go pear-shaped, and Jake is left to pick up the pieces. Can he make it out alive as the country around him? Or will this mission be Jake Fonko’s last?

Fonko on the Carpet is also available as part of the Jake Fonko Series Box Set, a digital box set of the first three books starring Jake Fonko. Available for over 33% less than buying the titles individually, it features over 600 pages of Fonko action.

Grab a copy at your favorite online bookseller today or visit
watchfirepress.com/fonko
for more information.