Japan's New Middle Class: The Salary Man and His Family in a Tokyo Suburb (19 page)

Formality, when compounded with the uncertainties of relative status, can lead to difficult situations. For example, when a group is seated in a drawing room, the most honored person is placed near the
tokonoma,
a special decorative alcove on one wall of the room. If several people of about equal status enter the room, each man may insist that another take the honored position, and con-

[12] This is also one of the crucial functions of the geishas employed by the more successful businessmen. Salaried families generally call on children or talented friends to serve this role.

siderable time may elapse before a decision is reached and everyone can sit down. Sometimes it happens that everyone humbly refuses to take the honored seat and it is left empty. Participants in such polite bickering are likely to find the situation taxing rather than amusing, but nevertheless they hesitate to be immodest by taking the seat themselves. This problem never arises in the presence of someone of clearly higher status. The higher-status person would graciously, with a slight show of modesty, accept the honor.

If formalities cause so much discomfort, one may ask why they continue in such force in these modern suburban families. One small part of the answer is that people derive aesthetic pleasure from forms and ceremonies. Many praise an elegant style of speech or writing, and many admire formalized rituals like the tea ceremony.

At the same time, the use of respectful language carries the connotation of higher-class behavior and careful upbringing. Many lower-class people explain that they haven't learned how to be properly polite, and many upper-class children still get special training which performs the same function as a finishing school. Since many Mamachi families have come from rural areas within the last generation or so, they perhaps are more concerned than other groups about their speech, behavior, background, and the art of social intercourse and politeness. Showing the proper reserve, like using the appropriate respectful language, is considered the mark of a refined person. While at times they wish they could be more frank, Mamachi residents still have more respect for the reserved person than for the outspoken individual.

Many people, especially the women, have had little experience in meeting strangers and are unsure of how to act. Often, a person with long experience in meeting different groups has a confidence which permits him to avoid formalities and to break through the stiff barriers. Most Mamachi residents do not have the confidence or the breadth of experience to allow themselves this freedom.

Higher-status people are often as reserved as the lower classes in meeting strangers, not because of lack of confidence, but because they are afraid that too great a display of friendliness will result in difficult demands being made on them.

Part of the reason that formalities exist is that strangers exist.

Formalities make it possible to be polite but cautious. In a group of strangers, it is difficult to tell precisely what possible connections and powers the other person might have, and hence it is wise to avoid doing or saying anything that might give offense. It follows that it is prudent to avoid committing oneself to views with which the other person might disagree. If questioned directly about his opinions, it is safer to give a polite but ambiguous answer. Children, questioned by adults they do not know well, may try to charm the adult by giggling or smiling, but if unsure of themselves they may give no answer at all. If asked about their career plans when not sure they will realize their ambitions, children may say simply that they do not know or have not thought about it, even if they have discussed the same matters with their parents or intimate friends. Foreigners visiting Japan, while charmed by the gracious hospitality, often find it difficult to get their Japanese acquaintances to express true feelings. If the foreigner presses, the host probably will express some opinion. But the standard Mamachi strategy is first to try to get the foreigner to express his opinion and then to agree with it, preferably with new arguments and examples to back it up. Indeed, nearly all foreign observers, even ones of widely different persuasion, have been pleased to find that their impressions of Japan were confirmed by their polite hosts. To the Mamachi resident it is considerate rather than deceitful to agree with a guest's expressed opinion and to keep quiet about his own feelings to the contrary. The Mamachi resident finds some validity in what the other person is saying and he simply highlights this side of the truth rather than presenting contrary evidence. This is being both truthful and properly respectful, but in case of doubt, showing proper respect is probably more important.

By keeping relationships impersonal, a Mamachi resident also avoids revealing information about his own friends that might threaten the solidarity of his group. Even if a person has negative feelings toward members of his group, he carefully avoids expressing them in front of strangers. As in the traditional Japanese proverb, even brothers who quarrel within their gate are united against outsiders. As much as one may want to develop close relationships with an outsider, one does not accomplish this by revealing secrets or negative characteristics of members of his own group. To for-

eigners whom Mamachi residents meet casually, they may complain about Japanese in general, but not about members of their own group.

Elaborate ceremonies and politeness represent a way of maintaining contacts and ensuring courtesy to outsiders while protecting the boundaries of one's own group. The problem for the Mamachi resident is that old forms are changing, that different people follow different forms, and that in completely new situations it is not always clear which form to follow. In case of doubt, most people choose to be on the safe side, to be more rather than less formal. The risk of being considered too formal and polite is ordinarily not nearly so great as the risk of being considered rude and impolite.

In "traditional Japan"
^[13]
obligations to benefactors were often lifelong and in some relationships, as between the tenant and the landlord, they were even inherited by their respective descendants. In Mamachi, most obligations are of much shorter duration and less diffuse. Because the salary man has security and is automatically entitled to welfare services through his firm, he has less need to incur personal obligations than most people. Although he does have some feeling of obligation to superiors at work, the most characteristic situation in which he incurs obligations is when a family member moves from one tightly-knit group to another: entering a school, obtaining a job, arranging marriage, or finding a house. Because urban society is more pluralistic than rural society there is more flexibility in determining which relationships will be used to obtain favors. One's relatives, classmates, former teachers, and work companions may all be used to provide the link between one group and another. Not only must the benefactor go to trouble to make the arrangements, but he must also assume some responsibility for the success of the arrangements. The recipient may not have had intimate relationships with the benefactor previously, but once he re-

[13] The expression is placed in quotations because recent historical research reflects many variations in tradition and because patterns were not always strictly adhered to regardless of these variations. However, the evidence suggests that obligations have been much stronger than they are at the present. For these traditional obligations see Ruth Benedict,
The Chrysanthemum and the Sword,
Boston: Houghton-Mifflin, 1946.

ceives an important favor, he feels an appreciation and obligation which is not completely discharged on a mere contractual basis.

All human relationships in all societies result in some duties, but it is only when the feeling of obligation to the other person is stronger than the feeling of affection that one is particularly conscious of the obligation.
^[14]
In the relationships of children to parents, wives to husbands, younger siblings to older siblings, one is ordinarily not so conscious of the obligations because the feelings of affection are so strong.
^[15]
One does favors for friends without thinking of them as obligations; but without a close personal relationship the feeling of obligation may be keen, and the relationship tense.

Often, of course, there is a very thin line between kindness and a feeling of obligation.
^[16]
For example, one Mamachi father reported that on a fishing trip to an isolated area he became extremely thirsty and stopped to ask a farmer for a glass of water. He was promptly given the water, and since he was pleased, he gave a small coin to one of the children. It probably was not necessary for him to do so, but he was grateful and felt that the money he could easily afford would mean more to the small child than it did to him. Later, while the man was waiting for his bus at a nearby bus stop, the boy and his mother brought him several rice cakes. In this case, neither the giving of the coin nor the returning of the rice cakes were required and neither need be considered an obligation. They were probably more an expression of kind feeling than of duty. If, on the other hand, a person is given a party or a present by an acquaintance with whom he is not particularly friendly, he will probably feel an obligation to return this favor, particularly if it is clear that the other person gave the party in the hope of receiving a favor. The returning

[14] Cf. A. R. Radcliffe-Brown, "Introduction,"
African Systems of Kinship and Marriage,
London: Oxford University Press, 1950.

In the immediate postwar period
giri
and
gimu
were the center of enormous public concern and debate. It may be suggested this concern reflected the postwar upheaval and the weakening of ties between relatives. In that period many acts which had previously been sufficiently internalized to be considered kindness came to be thought of as obligations.

[15] Cf. Ruth Benedict,
op. cit.,
for a detailed account of the traditional values connected with obligation.

[16] Cf. Takashi Koyama,
Gendai Kazoku no Kenkyuu
(An Investigation of the Contemporary Family), Tokyo: Koobundoo, 1960.

of this favor would be considered more of an obligation than a kindness.

In previous times (and even today in smaller enterprises) the most crucial and all-encompassing obligation was to the person responsible for the husband's livelihood. Even in the large bureaucratic firm, there is a diffuse personal relationship between superior and subordinate which goes beyond contractual relationships. The emotional tie with the superior is not as relaxed as that between equals, but is often very strong, and there is an air of intimacy as great or greater than in similar relationships in the West. Yet in areas of the superior's personal involvement, the subordinate is reserved and deferent. Exactly how an employee expresses his wishes or complaints depends on his relationship to his superior. If a superior makes a mistake, an inferior with a good relationship would point out the mistake directly, taking necessary precautions not to embarrass the superior. If he did not have a good relationship, he might engage in circumlocutions to avoid saying it was a mistake. As much as he might hope that the superior would discover his own mistake, he would do precisely what his superior asked him to do, regardless of how unreasonable it might appear to him. The subordinate concerned about his superior's approval asks for directions and follows them with scrupulous care, thus relieving himself of responsibility and avoiding the risk of criticism. If the superior does not specify what is to be done, as embarrassing as it may be to ask for more directions, the inferior probably would apologize for his own stupidity or indicate by vague facial expressions that he did not understand. In this way he can elicit more precise instructions and avoid even more serious embarrassment later.

A devoted employee often praises his superior, telling him how nice he looks, how capable he is, how much he knows, and the like. This flattery keeps the employee in good grace and the superior in good spirits. At times, it appears that one of the responsibilities of the inferior is to help the superior maintain his self-confidence. Often the superior seems as dependent on the praise of his subordinates as they are on his approval. Although flattery, if clearly insincere, has just as negative an effect among the residents of Mamachi as anywhere in the world, our impression is that the people of Mamachi generally compliment with skill and sincerity and that

compliments usually bring favorable responses. Not having firm independent evaluations of their own behavior, superiors seem as responsive to group opinion as inferiors.

Conversely, criticism often has a devastating effect. If an employee is criticized he will be upset even if he tries to avoid blame by saying that he was not told or that someone else was responsible. If he really feels the criticism unjust or is angry with his boss, he simply may put up a wall of silence. But a person usually worries a great deal about his standing with his superior, and will apologize for his mistake and promise to do better, even though he may not think himself entirely to blame. If criticism continues, he may begin depreciating himself for his own stupidity, selfishness, inattention, lack of education, poor family background, and the like. In such a state, he would do almost anything to make amends and win back the grace of his superior.
^[17]

The subordinate, in his desire to obtain approval from his superior, may probe with a comment like: "Since you have a special guest, I tried to cook a special little cake. I prepared it very badly, please excuse me." If the subordinate has done his work at all well, he will be rewarded with the compliment he was fishing for. If he feels that he has been neglected by his superior, he may depreciate and criticize himself saying he is stupid and incompetent. In this way he elicits his employer's attention and response. Such statements are humbly given, but in a certain context they clearly mean that he is concerned about his being treated so badly.