Japan's New Middle Class: The Salary Man and His Family in a Tokyo Suburb (20 page)

While these patterns characterize many subordinate-superior relationships even in the large bureaucratic firm, it is often said that the very talented employee does not have to display such deference and demeanor. Indeed the capable and confident young man often can be very straight-forward in dealing with his superior while the one most worried about his ability to please a superior will be the most careful about his demeanor and will work hardest to fulfill his tasks to the letter of the law.

[17] In the sentence completion the most common response to the item, "if I am ignored," was one of extreme annoyance and anger. On the other hand, to the item, "if I am warned (about something) or criticized by my superior" the most common response was one of willingness to acknowledge mistakes or try to correct them; some even would express appreciation of their superior's calling it to their attention.

Regardless of the subordinate's behavior, the superior is usually very direct about what he wants done. Unlike some Americans who feel obliged to persuade or coax their subordinates because of their democratic ideology, the Mamachi superior does not hesitate to give specific orders. At the same time, his authority does not prevent magnanimity and kindness, and in fact he wants to be thought of as a kind man. It is true that some superiors take advantage of their subordinates, making them prostrate themselves to request every little favor, and then innocently respond as if they simply had not realized that the subordinate wanted something. Most superiors, however, though authoritarian, are interested in the welfare of their workers.

The relationship of the maid to the mistress of the house tends to be even more all-encompassing than the relationship between the salary man and his superior. Yet, with the increasing scarcity of the labor supply and the rising costs, the number of maids has greatly decreased, and only the wealthiest salary men, along with the successful independent professionals and successful businessmen, can still afford household help. Nevertheless, many Mamachi families have had such household help until recently, and a few still do. The most common source of help is the country girl who comes to a household when about sixteen or seventeen and works there for a few years until she returns to the country to get married. To work in a better home is still considered good training for marriage, and formerly, as one man stated jokingly, "it was as hard for a maid to get into a really good home as for an honor student to get into Tokyo University." When one servant returns to the country, often a friend or relative takes her place at the same house and serves her turn of several years. Often there is a succession of maids from the same rural village going to work in the same household. Generally a servant works from early morning until late at night, but the actual physical work is not particularly demanding, and while always on duty she is not always working. When the maid first arrives in Mamachi, she is generally cautious and obedient, and what feelings she has she keeps to herself, taking special care not to reveal any signs of discontent. Once she becomes familiar with her surroundings, she can be more relaxed with the lady of the house, particularly if she knows she is performing her work ably and pleasing her

mistress. For many purposes the maid is treated as a member of the family, albeit a low-status one, and just as the housewife has no days off, so the servant works all week. She may be called upon for virtually any kind of personal service or help. Usually the lady of the house will later help find a suitable spouse, contribute money toward her dowry, give her household goods or clothing, and perhaps even help with problems which arise after her marriage. After marriage a maid might have a chance to visit the city, and if so she would certainly bring her children to show the lady of the house. Once the actual period of service is over, most obligations end, but often a closeness remains which makes it possible for the servant to return to her former mistress in time of need. The hiring process, the nature of the work, and the nature of the relationship once the period of service is over all go far beyond mere contractual relationships.

While live-in maids virtually have vanished from the ordinary salaried family, many features of that relationship are found in the position of relatives living in the same household. If, for example, a married man's sister is still single when the parents die, she may come to live with him and his wife, since it is still thought uneconomical and cruel for her to live alone. The brother and his wife usually provide board and room and help her find a suitable spouse or, in the meantime, help her find some kind of work. In return, it is expected that the sister will be obedient to the wife and will help with the household chores. In this relationship, however, the subordination of the unmarried sister is not as clearly defined as the subordination of the maid, and there is likely to be considerable conflict, especially if the single sister is older than the wife, has a close relationship with her brother, or is not particularly enthusiastic in fulfilling her household responsibilities. In one family, for example, the husband's younger sister spent much time at home and was very friendly with her brother but gave only a minimum of household help to her sister-in-law. Antagonism covered by a stiff politeness developed between the wife and the sister and became increasingly severe. Although the situation improved after the husband, at the wife's request, intervened to ask his sister to be more cooperative in the house, the tension continued until the sister's marriage, and the wife's complaints continued for some time afterward.

Although the younger sister is one of the most common additions to the nuclear family, it is also common to have one or more grandparents or a nephew (or niece) from the country while he is attending a Tokyo school. These relatives, either on the father's or the mother's side, often complain that they are being treated unfairly, much like step children, whereas the family is likely to complain of the burden imposed upon them by such a child or his parents. While at any one time most families do not have somebody living with them, at some time in the life cycle most families will have the experience of providing for relatives. How a kinsman is treated may be governed in part by comparative age, degree of closeness, and the like, but even a close relative has a diffuse obligation to his host which he repays by yielding to his wishes and assisting with work around the house. One kind grandfather, for example, very conscious of the fact that he was an economic burden on the household, refused to eat any of the more expensive food and was reluctant to complain when he thought the grandchildren were too noisy.

Although some families may have such long-term and all-encompassing relationships, every family is likely to have been benefactor or recipient of small favors. Because almost everyone has a number of friends from school, work, kinship, and neighborhood, there is considerably more room for manipulation of these contacts. If, for example, Mr. A has done you a favor and you have done Mr. B a favor, you may arrange for Mr. B to do a favor for Mr. A. Or if you have not yet done Mr. B a favor, you might still arrange for him to do a favor for Mr. A with the expectation that you would be glad to do him a good turn at some time later.

Sometimes a Mamachi resident wishes to build up a feeling of obligation on the part of a person who may be of assistance at a later time. Since it is not proper to go directly to the person and ask for a favor, one must first establish a good relationship through favors or presents. It is possible to begin such a relationship through a mutual acquaintance if one does not know the other person; once introduced, one can begin the process of building up the obligation.

Of course, there is considerable variation among individuals in their skill, sincerity, and aggressiveness in approaching others. Some people are too timid to approach a person for favors unless they are already intimate. Others think it is not honest to seek a favor unless

the relationship is a sincere one, and that it is wrong to be too aggressive in approaching a superior just to get favors for one's own limited ends. Others are fairly aggressive in making the acquaintance of strategic persons, giving them presents and performing various services for them in order to get what they desire. Many people are quite considerate of a superior's feelings and perceptive in discerning what presents or favors would be truly appreciated, and many are willing to give more help to the superior than they request in return. Virtually everyone is concerned about pleasing a superior and is upset if the superior should indicate some displeasure to him.

While Americans may consider it bribery to give presents in anticipation of later favors, many people in Mamachi consider it brash and impudent to do otherwise. Yet Mamachi residents also are uncomfortable in receiving unsolicited gifts because of the expectation that they will be called on to return the favor, and their discomfort is likely to be tinged with annoyance if the giver seems particularly aggressive, persistent, or insensitive in making unreasonable demands.

Often the prospective recipient will try to prevent such gifts, especially if they are in anticipation of favors which he cannot reasonably perform. It is sometimes difficult to refuse a present gracefully, but the recipient quickly can give a return present to neutralize, or at least minimize, the obligation. Sometimes an obligation simply has to be overlooked. For example, a private-school principal who receives several presents for every vacancy in the school has no alternative but to express neutral appreciation and ignore the gifts since he cannot admit all donors.

Sometimes a person, although willing to be of assistance, is unable to fulfill a specific request. If success is doubtful, he probably would try to do what he can but would explain the difficulties beforehand so as to prevent the other party from being disappointed. Through promptness, kindness, and thoroughness, he would demonstrate the extent of his efforts so that failure would not be considered intentional. If he did not show such sincerity, his failure would be interpreted as unwillingness because the only polite way to refuse a request is to announce that there were problems and difficulties which made it impossible to fulfill.

Many people are cautious about accepting even small requests since they may entail a great deal of responsibility. One woman, for example, was asked to introduce an appropriate young man to her friend's daughter but not to go to any trouble. She refused the request, later explaining to my wife that she could not make an introduction so casually. If, for example, the young man later refused the girl, not only would it be embarrassing for both the girl and the go-between, but it could also hurt the girl's self-confidence for future introductions. This seemingly simple request had too many ramifications to be taken lightly.

There are various reasons why an introduction might not work out well, and all reflect on the services of the go-between. One introduction failed because one party arrived at an inappropriate time at the other person's house, causing embarrassment. In this case, the go-between's relations with both parties were too formal to allow her to ask when a convenient time for introductions could be arranged. Introductions often backfire if not enough care has been taken and not enough questions asked. The successful introducer must have a relationship with both parties that enables him to be frank without giving offense. But no matter how skilled the go-between may be, his work requires thought and planning, and he ordinarily takes his obligation seriously.

Even two acquaintances may negotiate through go-betweens, but they ordinarily approach each other directly, dropping hints to see if the other is willing to perform the service desired. For example, as we became more obligated to the people who were helping us with our research, many subtly began asking for favors. For one thing they wanted to learn English from us. They did not ask us directly but dropped hints by saying, for example, that their child, who was studying English in school, had difficulty with his pronunciation and had we any suggestions as to how he might improve. While we might have recommended listening to a tape recorder or a radio, we felt a certain pressure to volunteer our services since we had received favors from them. (We did volunteer, and we feel it made a significant difference in obtaining their co-operation on our project.)

It is also not usually necessary to go through go-betweens to approach a relative, but closer relatives may be used to convey a

request to distant relatives. It is difficult to refuse these requests even though the demands seem unreasonable. For example, if a younger sister is pressed by her parents to help an older brother financially she may feel that she cannot refuse even if it means she must draw upon her husband's savings. Although she might be reluctant to sacrifice for a brother, she is likely to accept more readily the responsibility of contributing to the support of aging parents. But contributing to the brother's and in some cases to the father's finances and having to ask her husband to provide this help is likely to be considered an unwelcome duty and tends to stiffen relationships with the family. Such problems receive considerable attention in popular literature and on TV and radio.

If all people in Japan had the economic security that salary men have, it would rarely be necessary to rely on personal benefactors for economic aid. Indeed, salary men rarely need such assistance. But there are many other groups in Japan who do not have this security and who, because of their particularistic relations with a salary man by virtue of kinship or friendship, feel they have legitimate claims to help from them. Salary men generally prefer to avoid entanglements with relatives, but they do consider it only proper to give aid to parents and, in special cases, to brothers, sisters, or close relatives on both sides of the family.
^[18]
Beyond the assistance given to aged parents, the most common help they give is to rural family members who come to Tokyo for school or work. In contrast to the time when the fathers or grandfathers first came to the city, rural families now look up to the migrants to the city. They see the salary man as a man of power, comfort, and leisure. The rapid rise in the urban standard of living compared to the rural has exaggerated the difference, and the desire of the rural dwellers for education and placement of children often makes them dependent on the urban kin. One man reported that when he goes back to his native village, not only does he have little in common with old acquaintances, but he is treated with such overwhelming respect that he feels uncomfortable. Most people of Mamachi have sympathy for people in the rural areas. They remember or have heard about the arduous lives which their forebears led when they lived