Jeannie Watt (21 page)

What woman?
Tara felt her insides go hot and then cold. She hated the thought of some other woman doing anything to Matt, good or bad. “He never said a word.”

“He’s an idiot.” He took a step back and studied the hedge. “That may go for both of you.”

“Now, wait a minute—”

“No. I won’t wait a minute,” he said, waving the clippers. “Matt has always been too fixated on right and wrong for his own good. He’s been wronged and he wants to make it right. Regardless of everything else. He’s just like you. Handling everything alone, his own way. Tunnel-visioned. Bullheaded—”

“Wait a minute—”

“You’re the first crack I’ve seen in his facade.”

Tara frowned.
Crack in his facade?
“What woman?” she finally demanded.

“What would it matter to you?”

Tara opened her mouth and then closed it again. She took a deep breath and then said, “I don’t know, but I plan to find out.”

And with that she turned and marched toward the house.

Nicky pulled into the drive a few minutes later and burst into the kitchen with his usual enthusiasm. Tara had called him the day before to explain what had happened to their house. That was when Nicky had informed her that he’d landed a part-time job with the school in California, starting in September. It would take time away from his studies, but he thought he could handle it. Tara reined in her protectiveness and told him to go for it. It wouldn’t solve their financial problems, but it wouldn’t hurt, either.

“The house looks good, T. A lot better than I thought it was going to.” His eyes traveled around the room. “Except for maybe the fridge.” He went to smooth a hand over the dents, then checked the seal.

“I had a lot of help,” Tara replied, her mind still on Matt and his FFD and the mystery woman. What should she do about this? Back off? Cool off? Let Matt live his own life?

Okay. There were things he hadn’t told her, things he didn’t want her to know. Private things. What right did she have to butt in after her famous no-commitments speech?

The right given to her by the fact that she had some feelings for the guy. She wasn’t sure what they were, but how sure could a person be? At what point did the heart, the hormones and the brain all synchronize?

And at what point was a risk no longer a risk? She’d thought she had it all worked out, how to feel close to a person with no risks. The single requirement was that no one fall in love.

Well, she was beginning to feel she’d blown that one.

But maybe Matt had, too. Maybe that was why he’d backed off so fast. Something deep within her suspected no man made love that tenderly without caring about the person he was with.

She needed to know the truth and, impatient person that she was, she wanted to know it now. She hated living with shades of gray. Four long days until the reunion was over. Four long days to brood. It might be good for her. Yeah.

She glanced at her watch, thoughts of doing the impossible edging into her mind.

“I saw Luke. Where’s Matt?” Nicky asked.

“Gone.” Tara pulled the fridge open before she had to explain. Ginny was chopping mushrooms in preparation for a hot appetizer for the Bidart party and she smiled shyly over her shoulder at Nicky.

“Hi, Ginny,” Nicky said with his easy grin, accepting the glass of lemonade his sister pushed into his hand. He downed it in a couple of swallows and then Tara gestured toward the hall with her head and Nicky, always one to take a hint, followed her.

“What’s up?” he asked as Tara closed her bedroom door. “Whoa,” he added as he glanced around. Her room had only been touched upon during the cleanup.

“This is nothing,” Tara said. She’d cleared the floor, dumped her personal items and books into a couple of boxes, put the empty shelves back in place, and thanked heaven that her laptop had been under the bed. Ryan had ruined the main computer. “You should have seen the house before.”

Nicky sank down onto the bed.

“I talked to Martin this morning.”

“On purpose?” he asked.

Tara gave a tolerant smile and then described her discussion with the man, the deal she’d suggested.

“Why no contest?”

“To tell you the truth, Nicky, I’m halfway afraid he might hire a megalawyer and get Ryan off the hook somehow. Weirder things have happened and he has a lot of money and a lot of connections. And then we’d still have to go through a civil suit to try to collect damages. This way Ryan gets his lumps—” and it was important to her that Ryan get those lumps “—we get the damages paid for. I think Martin is tempted. This will be easier and quieter than a trial.” She focused on the worn leather of the recliner. “I need you to do me a favor.”

“Name it.”

“I want to talk to Matt.”

“Who is…”

“In Reno.”

Nicky unclipped the phone from his belt and held it out. Tara shook her head.

“This isn’t a phone matter.”

“That serious?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I need to find out. I figure if I leave now…head back very early tomorrow morning at the latest…I won’t quite make it here in time for the earlier guests. But I’ll be close.”

Nicky smoothed back his hair with exaggerated style. “I think that maybe I can welcome a few guests and get them settled without help.”

Tara smiled. “I know. But I didn’t want you to think I’m shirking my duty.”

He stood. “Shirk away, T. Nicky’s here.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “But you might want to arrange to have someone else do the cooking.”

M
ATT DID NOT HAVE
a sense of homecoming as he drove into Sparks and snarled his way down 395 in the mid-afternoon traffic, heading for his house in the south of Reno. If anything, he was surprised at how congested the roadways were.

Night Sky’s lazy pace had definitely gotten under his skin. But he wasn’t in Night Sky anymore.

He already had a tension headache.

Thirty minutes later, which was twenty minutes longer than it should have taken, he was home. He hadn’t realized before he’d left just how unhomey it was.

Stark. The functional mode of décor was understandable in Luke’s rental, but this was his home, the place where he’d been living for six years. He barely even had any pictures on the walls. This was more of a crash pad than a home.

Tara would hate it.

Ah, Tara. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, trying to ease the tight muscles.

Had she given any sign, any indication that her feelings had changed…but now that he was away from her, thinking with his brain, he knew that it was a good thing she hadn’t. A damned good thing.

Luke had not agreed when Matt stopped by to give him the key.
So, what happens now with Tara?
had been the old man’s exact words.

Nothing,
Matt had said. Luke had not been impressed, even when Matt laid out a few solid truths: the effect of his job on relationships, the upcoming FFD, and the fact that Luke had managed to survive without hooking up.

“I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone.” And that, too, had eaten at Matt as he had driven home. Luke was lonely and Matt was bailing on him.

Well, at least Tara hadn’t been all that sorry to see him go. She’d practically packed his bags.

He went to the grocery store late that afternoon when his stomach started to growl and loaded up on the easy-to-fix food he ate while on shift. Frozen everything. He actually liked to cook, but after Lisa had left him…cooking for one was a pain in the ass.

Shopping done and food put away, he opened the windows to let a breeze through his stuffy house…the place still didn’t seem like home.

Matt popped the top of a beer and opened a bag of chips. He sat out on his back patio and looked at his overgrown grass. A kid was supposed to come by and cut it while he was gone, but there must have been a miscommunication. He’d get the job done after shift tomorrow. No, after the scheduled FFD.

Hearing a knock on his door, Matt halfway considered ignoring it. But it might be the lawn-mowing kid, there to explain himself. He set the beer down and went to open the front door. His heart did a slow slide into his throat.

“Can I come in for a minute?” Tara asked after a few seconds of staring.

“Sure.” He stepped back, still working on the fact that she was here…right here, looking tired, yet determined. She glanced around at the spotty décor, then back at him.

Welcome to the world of Matt.

“Who’s running the business?” he asked.

“Nicky.”

Another uncomfortable beat of silence.

“It must be pretty obvious why I’m here.”

Matt had a general idea, but there were some areas that needed firming up.

She took a few paces into the room, glanced around. “You really should fire your decorator.”

“I’ll make a note.”

“I didn’t like the way we parted company this morning.”

“And you drove four and a half hours to tell me that?”

She had that no-nonsense, get-it-done expression in her eyes. “Yes. I don’t like having things up in the air. You know that.”

He nodded. If she were any more beautiful it would be unbearable.

“Did you consider phoning?”

“I wanted to talk in person.”

Yeah. And that worried him.

“I realized after we’d made love…I had made a mistake.”

The words jabbed at Matt. She had regrets, but they would work through them. Move on, go their separate ways.

“I thought I could compartmentalize everything. I thought I could put the physical here and the emotional over there and never let the two overlap and that way avoid getting blitzed again.” She glanced down at the coffee table, which was covered with a film of dust he hadn’t noticed until now. “I was wrong. I didn’t have a lot of control over the emotional.”

Matt sucked in a breath as the implication of her words sank in. “Tara, before you go any further—”

“What? Are you going to say ‘it’s been fun, but…’?” She shook her head. “I don’t buy it. You have feelings for me, too.”

Okay, she had him there.

“I can’t deny that, but there’s a lot more to the situation. I’m not really the guy you got to know in Night Sky. Once I go back to the job…things will change. I probably won’t be able to help that.” He pressed his lips together. “I know what my life is going to be like. I know what
I’m
going to be like.”

“You do,” she said flatly.

“Yes.”

He did. Vividly. He remembered how it had been with Lisa, the deterioration of the relationship as the insomnia, fatigue, lack of appetite and shortness of temper all took their toll. She had tried to be patient, had tried to understand, but eventually it had just been too much for her.

And the situation that had caused the symptoms hadn’t changed.

“Did she walk out on you because you were too focused on the job?”

“Lisa?” He didn’t need to wonder how she knew about Lisa. Luke. And if Tara knew about Lisa, then she must also know about the exam. “No. She’s a lawyer and as much of a workaholic as I am.” Their relationship, he saw now, had been more like parallel play than a commitment between two people.

“But you broke up?”

“She left me just before my so-called heroic deed. She had her reasons.”

“What does she have to do with this exam?”

Matt sent Tara another sharp look. “I think my superiors might have sought her out and she might have thought she was doing me some good by talking.”

Matt didn’t want to go into it, but he would if it made Tara understand the situation.

“Things worked with Lisa and me, while they worked, because we were both committed to our jobs. We understood that about each other.” He was surprised at how cold that sounded now.

“Why did they quit working?”

“The stress,” Matt said simply. “After the truth came out about my dad, it raised issues in the department. I wasn’t too pleasant to be around while I dealt with them…I don’t see things being any better in the near future. Even with you.”

He saw the pain in her eyes, but, rather than giving in to it, she pulled herself together. “Have you ever considered quitting?”

Exactly the words he’d known were coming.

“I haven’t done anything wrong, so I shouldn’t have to quit,” Matt snapped. “If I leave now, I’m as good as guilty.”

“Looking guilty and being guilty are not the same thing.”

“Easy to say when you’re not the one in question. I don’t need platitudes and helpful advice.” He knew he sounded arrogant, but he was going to get this point across. Tara was threatening the one thing he had to do if he was going to live with himself.

“Okay, so you stay and you prove you’re not your father. You prove you’re not guilty of anything. Somehow. How many times do you prove it? Once? Twice? A dozen times? Will you ever be able to prove it enough to satisfy yourself?”

He was silent.

“Is the purpose of your life to pay penance for something you didn’t do?” Tara shook her head. “That would be a sad thing, Matt. What will they put on your gravestone? ‘I showed them’?”

Twist the knife again, Tara.
He did not need to hear this.

“So what do you suggest?” he asked coldly.

“Try letting go, a little at a time. You don’t have to quit your job…just let this thing go.”

She didn’t get it.
“Just say ‘no’? It won’t work.”

“Because you don’t want it to.” She could think what she’d like as long as she didn’t waste her time trying to rescue him.

“And you ragged at
me
about not accepting help?” she asked incredulously. “Look at you. Now I know why you understand me so well. You’re just the same, except you don’t seem to be able to heed your own advice.”

“I know what I’ll be dealing with. You don’t.”

“I can learn,” she said after a beat.

Those three sincere words were as good as a declaration and they rocked Matt to his core.

“Matt?” she whispered and his gut twisted.

He hauled out the only gun he had left. The big, cold, hurtful one. With as much indifference as he could muster, he said, “We had a deal, Tara. We slept together with no strings, no commitments. It was your idea. You wanted it to be me because I was leaving.” He held her gaze. “Maybe I felt the same.”