Jerk (6 page)

“
K
elly
, are you clear on what needs to be done?” She took her eyes off the road as she drove me back home.  I had to face the music sooner rather than later. I was nearly four months, and soon I would be showing; soon everyone would know.

I raised my hand and said, “Brenda, I’m crystal clear.” I was, and we had agreed not to mention Seb’s name in all this. Just to stick to the facts. I had a baby on the way and I needed as much support as possible.  My life didn’t have to completely stop.  The career aspirations I had would simply be delayed, but I needed both Mom and Tom on my side to make that happen. 

As we pulled into the drive, nerves sparked inside of me.  What if they didn’t think the same as me, but wanted the same thing that Sebastian wanted, which was a termination of my baby.  Brenda said the one thing that made sense. “This is your life and your baby.  You need to do the right thing for both of you.”  As she stopped the ignition she turned and said to me, “You sure you want to do this alone?”

I nodded my head slowly up and down while giving her a kiss and a hug. “I’m sure.  I need to do this alone.  I’ll call you later.” My voice was not recognizable as I spoke.  It was a quiet whisper as I shut the car door and headed to the house. 

She waved as I nervously lifted my hand up and down unsure of what kind of movement I was doing with my purse.  Time had stood still in my mind.  I needed a second or minute or something to get through this. 

It was going to be hard.

No, fucking difficult.

Brenda left, and I wasn’t sure how long I spent with my hand up in the air, because Mom came behind me and frightened the life out of me when she said, “What you doing, Kelly? Who are you waving to?”

My mouth was shut tight and I was unable to speak. She crouched down to pick up my purse and that was when the tears started falling and I blurted it out right there and then on the front lawn.

“I’m pregnant!”

M
om’s reaction
was completely different to what I had expected, what I had replayed in my mind on the drive here.  She whispered, “I know.” I gazed at her hazel eyes, baffled by her revelation.

She knew.

“How?” I blurted out as I stopped her from leading me to the house.  “When?”

She laughed. “I’m a woman too. I know when it is the time of the month for both of us. We are usually around the same time.  This is when I got suspicious. Let’s go inside.”  We walked in, she shut the door, and I put my purse on the side table, confused by Mom’s confession.  If she knew all this time, why say nothing?

As she headed to the living room, I followed her like a lost lamb.   Tom was watching a game. Mom grabbed the remote off the coffee table and said to him, “She really is.”

He opened his mouth briefly, maybe to ask the question, “What?” then he saw the tears in my eyes and he simply sat back and said, “Oh.”

She sat down and held my hand.  I was practically sitting on her lap, listening to her every word as if my life depended on it.

“I suspected and told Tom—” Tears started welling in her eyes as she spoke.

“But then she thought if you were that you would talk to her about it. So she dismissed it.  We both did. We thought you were more sensible than that.”

A wave of guilt rushed over me as he adjusted his glasses and scratched his balding head.  Sensibility and me went out of the window when I fucked your son.   I started to cry even more.

I let go of Mom’s hand and started to make my way to my room.  Tom took my place and comforted Mom.  I was jealous, wishing I had someone to comfort me.  Then, Tom blurted out, “Do we know the boy? I mean, do we need to speak to his family?”

I cleared my throat. “Roger, he left town. Not sure where he went.  Didn’t see the need to keep in touch.  I’m going to rest.”

Mom hit Tom. Probably for pressing me for information at a time when they were both taking in the fact that they were going to be grandparents.  Tom thought only by marriage; he didn’t know that it was a lot closer to home than he thought.  I couldn’t speak anymore, so I headed up to my room and I could hear Mom telling Tom off for pressing me about it.  He didn’t seem to care.  He said it was better to get it out in the open.  I huffed as I reached my door, thinking like father, like son.

“
C
ome in
, Sebastian.  Why are you lurking outside like that?” I listened as my bedroom window was wide open and directly above the porch.  Tom was speaking to Sebastian as he nervously hovered on the drive.

“No reason. I… I…” Sebastian the jerk hesitated.  Cat caught your tongue, Sebastian?

“Don’t worry, Seb, Kelly explained it all. So, I assume you knew.”

There was silence, and part of me felt like hanging out of the window so I could get a better glimpse of Sebastian’s reaction and hear what the prick had to say for himself.  He had no idea how I was feeling because he never bothered to speak to me.

He seemed to think that I was some kind of sex toy.

I feel like shit. I know, I’ll go fuck Kelly.

My dad’s getting married and I feel sad. I know, I’ll go fuck Kelly.

Now, I had a treat for him.  He was going to get what he deserved. To fucking go to college and fuck up.  He forgot that we went to the same school. He studied like it was a disease.  He would only get the cure when he needed to have it.  No other time. I don’t remember seeing him in the library or anywhere else unless it was exam time.

“Look, son.  I’m kind of disappointed you never spoke to me about this.” Tom sighed and then he started swinging on the porch chair.  Well, I assumed it was Tom. I couldn’t see them, and it was bugging me.

“Dad, I just—”

“Look, I mean it’s not like you got her pregnant. I wish you told me about it.  Come inside.”

No, I didn’t want them to go inside. That meant that unless I sat on the stairs, I wouldn’t have a clue about the conversation.  I wanted to know Sebastian’s reaction to the news.

“What do you mean? Who got her pregnant?” His voice was stuttering as he spoke. 

Tom said, “Some jerk called Roger. Do you know him? I didn’t remember seeing him at graduation, but Kelly said that he left with his family before then.  Do you? Seb, where are you going?”

“Dad, I need to go.  I just remembered that Dwayne said I should—” Those were the last words as he hopped into the car.  I laughed, as the look on his face was priceless. I could imagine all the things that were going on in his head.  I bet he was pissed, thinking all this time the baby wasn’t his or something.  Five minutes later, I was still looking at the window when I got a text.

My phone vibrated, and I looked at the message. My hand was shaking as I read it.

Get to Dwayne’s house now. I don’t care how. Now, Kelly.

I debated for all of five minutes if I was going to go and then for some unknown reason Mom came into my room.    She stroked my hair like she used to do when I was a kid and asked, “Do you need anything? I’m just going to bed.”

Without hesitation, I replied, “Your car. I forgot something at Brenda’s.”

No questions were asked, and part of me hoped that she would refuse to lend it to me.  It was after ten, and what could I have left at Brenda’s that was so important?  She kissed me on the forehead and said, “Sure, honey, but don’t be too late.”

Not the answer I wanted to hear. I took a deep breath as she left the room and I started to put some clothes on to head down to Dwayne’s.

***
S
ebastian
***

I
quietly changed
my clothes to put on some sweats. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night. There was a cold wind rattling in my room, and I closed the window with a heavy heart.  I had to face the music.  Of course Sebastian wanted answers. Part of me wanted to be like the prick he had been and just ignore him.

Pretend that I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about. 

He deserved nothing, and why should I give him an explanation?

There was a moment of self-doubt and anxiety that made me do the complete opposite.  I opened my door, and to my surprise, Mom was waiting outside of it.

“I was just seeing if you were okay. I didn´t want to wake you.” Her eyes were tired, and her voice sounded weak.  My usually cheerful Mom was the complete opposite as she spoke, avoiding my eyes, and a sense of guilt washed over me.

“Mom, I´m so sorry.” I hugged her, unclear how to react.  Tears drenched her shirt as I clung on to her for dear life.

“Kelly, you have nothing to be sorry about.  If anything, I feel like I have failed you.” I released her and we went inside my room.  The only light was the dim light from my nightstand.

“Failed? How?”

“I should have prepared you for this, talked to you about the birds and the bees.” I laughed at the idea of this; she thought that she could teach me about sex.  If only she knew what was in the bottom drawer of my nightstand.  I had brought a vibrator, when I was sure that I would remain a virgin for life.  I thought that was the closest I was ever going to get to having a dick in my pussy.  A fake dick.

“No, no.” I held her hand and squeezed it.  She couldn´t take responsibility for something that I had stupidly committed night after night.  The feeling of having his naked dick inside me made me lose all sense.  Sure, I had planned to start the pill. I was waiting for my fucking period. It just never came.  Who would have thought that one time was all it needed.  Okay, so it may have been a bit more than the one time; I just didn´t think. I was caught up in being Sebastian´s girl, when it was clear all I ended up being was Sebastian´s fuck.

“I should have gone on the pill. Insisted on condoms or something. I just got caught up in the moment.” She scratched her head, shocked at my revelation.

“You mean it was more than once?”

It was my time to be shy.  My time to avoid her eyes. 

“Yes, Mom, it was more than once.”

I was about to open my mouth to explain.  No words could even account for the stupid thing that I had done over and over again.

“It doesn´t matter. What is important…”—she trailed off and gathered her thoughts together—“is that we are here for you. I hope you are still going to college?”

I nodded repeatedly.

“Good, having a baby is not the end of the world. You can go to college. Defer a year and then after I will help you look after the baby.”

Wow, this was better than I’d thought.  All the fears that were in me about telling her were washed away. Not only by her support, but by her enthusiasm to help me get the education that I desired, help me with my baby, and then support me with my career.

“I knew it wasn´t the end of the world. Having a baby doesn´t stop your life. I know that. I have read so many blogs by other young moms. There´s day care on campus, so—”

She shook her head. “You misunderstood. I meant you go to college and I will look after the little one.” She patted my belly.  “It will be too much stress for you.”

The whole idea of the little one, which was not born yet, being away from me pulled me away from her.  She wanted to take my baby.

“No, Mom. I will take him or her with me.”

She smiled as she got up and held me tight to her as she whispered, “It´s a lot to take in. Just think about it? Tom and I have spoken about it. One step at a time. I am willing to help. After all, he or she is my grandchild.”

I sighed as I said, “I forgot my phone at Brenda´s house. Can I take your car, please?”

The smile across her face turned into a frown.  “It´s late—after eleven.  Why not wait till tomorrow?”

I searched the room for a reason, an excuse, but all I managed to say was, “Pregnancy hormones. You know how it is.  I just want my phone. I´ve got Brenda´s. We had to go and buy the same phone, didn´t we— always leads to confusion.”

I went to grab my purse off the bed, hoping that she would hand me the keys. I needed to think and right now as “nice” as she was being, I was starting to feel suffocated. She wanted me to aspire to be the big time executive that I had always dreamt of being, by taking my baby away.

I was going nuts. One minute I thought I would have no support, but she turned around and said she would support me, and all I could do was accuse her in my head of trying to take away my baby. I needed to get out of there, even if it was just for some fresh air.

“Sure, my keys are on the hook in the kitchen. In the usual place.  Be home soon. Please!”

Those were the last words I heard as I rushed out of my room and grabbed the keys , slamming the door shut. I needed to charge my phone in the car. Who knew how long I would be? God knows what Sebastian had to say, probably who is the baby´s father?

A
s I drove
, I repeated to myself over and over again, “You can do this. Be strong. Be strong.”  The words fell apart as I got to Dwayne´s drive and Sebastian was outside having a cigarette.  Probably relieved at the idea that he wasn´t the father.

 He was such a prick. I bet that was the first thing that went through his mind.

 Great, I´m not the daddy. I can go to college and fuck whoever I want

.“So, why didn´t you tell them the truth?” He walked up to me as I parked the car.  He didn´t even give me a chance to shut the door.

 “Hello to you too, Sebastian.” I puffed as I slammed the car door shut.  His arrogance and anger were both getting on my nerves big time.

 “You told them about Roger. What the fuck? You think they´ll never find out?” He was following me like a bulldog ready to pounce and attack as soon as I retaliated.  Pregnancy had taken its toll on me. I was only a few months, yet I was approaching my second trimester. I was supposed to be full of energy, but I felt the complete opposite.

 “Maybe because you dumped me at the abortion clinic!” I screamed, because I hated the way he was playing innocent. How dare he question me.

 “You´ve obviously decided to keep the baby. So why not tell the truth!”

 He was beginning to sound like a broken record. Repeating the same information. Ignoring the way that he had treated me.

 Dwayne came and gently pulled me to the side. “Sebastian, she doesn´t need this. If I had known that this was why you dragged her out here, I would have told you to fuck off!”

 I was shocked by Dwayne´s words. I never expected him to stick up for me. I thought he would take his friend´s side. The way he had his arm around me and was soothing me was a shock to Sebastian too, as he spat out, “Go take care of her and the baby.”

 “Sure, anyone is better than the real thing. Go run. You’re good at that.”

 Wow, this was really messing with my head. I never knew that Dwayne felt that way about Sebastian. 

He hesitated as Sebastian spun around and walked to his car.  Cussing all the way to it with his keys in his hand and waving his hands up and down.

 “You okay?” Dwayne whispered.

 I nodded, and we watched Sebastian drive off.

 Dwayne said, “Come inside. My parents are asleep—they could sleep through anything. If we had an earthquake they would sleep through that.”

 I laughed, and as he smiled I realized that was what he wanted from me. To relax. It had worked for a brief moment, so I took a deep breath and went inside his house.