Jesse's Soul (2) (7 page)

Molly was the first outsider that she had risked this information on, but her look wasn’t one of shock, as much as it was...understanding. Emery sat, spending a long minute trying to read her friend’s face, before continuing on.

The sound of engines and men’s voices were muted by the trailer doors. They momentarily drew her attention. She should be out there helping them. Yet, she knew if she stood up, she’d be down for the count. Every time she closed her eyes for even a long second, the room spun.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry, I’m better now. I just still have some lingering issues.”

“I don’t mean to pry, can I ask what kind?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Ovarian.”

“Aren’t you kind of young for that?”

She could handle these questions. The weight was starting to fall off her shoulders, bit by bit. “It was a little over two years ago. I was almost twenty-three. I had an aunt on my mother’s side die from it, so I have a family history of it.”

“Oh, Emery, I’m so sorry. What about your mom? Has she had it too?”

“Who knows? She left us when I was three.” Emery focused on the bottle on the table.

That was a sore point for her father. He had felt so guilty over the years already, but she could tell he was very resentful of the fact her mother hadn’t been there to help her through the last couple of years. Emery didn’t care. She was glad she wasn’t around. She had her dad and brother, and as far as she was concerned, that was all she needed. Her paternal grandparents and Riley’s wife and kids were just icing on the cake. She didn’t need anything or anyone else. Ever.

Molly scooted Emery’s bottle aside and reached for her hand again. “Oh, God, Emery, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really, Molly.”

“Are you okay now? I noticed your dad is pretty protective of you.”

She shrugged, trying to keep the news less dramatic.

“Yeah, they ended up doing a full hysterectomy
, and I did a short round of chemo. I’ve passed the one-year mark, and the two-year mark is coming up, so I’ll have to fly home pretty soon for tests. But it’s really all good. Now the problem is my hormones are all screwed up, and I have become pretty anemic going through it all. You mix that with already low blood pressure and it makes things interesting some days. When I don’t sleep or eat well, it doesn’t help. I’m sorry I made you worry. I know my dad can be kind of obnoxious about it. We had a deal about my coming here, and he’s not keeping up his end.”

“What deal is that?”

“If I take care of myself, he isn’t supposed to tell anybody about all of this. Giving me crap in front of people is the same thing as him telling people.”

“And…you stayed up all night last night.”

Her friend’s worry lines deepened, but she liked that Molly didn’t back down. Her actions, the way they were speaking to each other wasn’t any different than it had been moments ago. Even a subtle change in her body language would have been blaringly obvious to Emery. Except there was nothing to suggest she was going to pity her. Emery took a breath; there was no way Molly would understand the importance of the gift she’d given her. As backward as it sounded, having her friend get on to her, was the perfect response in Emery’s mind.

“I know.”

She looked down. She couldn’t explain why she’d done it. The bike didn’t need that much work. Once she’d gotten started, it had gone pretty fast. But she kept working anyway, piddling, organizing, re-doing things she’d already done. She just needed to be with the bike. Needed to feel like her old self again.

“Please don’t worry about me. I’m fine now.”

“Well, too late, friend.” Molly moved to Emery’s side on the vinyl bench, scooted in next to her, and hugged her. “Can I ask you something else…you don’t have to answer.”

“Sure.”

“With the hysterectomy, then…”

Emery answered, knowing the question that Molly left hanging unasked.

“Nope. That was the struggle. It was necessary to get it all and keep me from possibly having to go through worse stuff in the future. But with my age and being so young…” She tried to shrug it off. “The doctors, my dad, and I…we all really struggled with that. In the end, we all decided it was the best course of treatment for me. So no, no kids.”

“I’m sorry, Emery. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Some days are better than others. They’ve been really worried about depression because of that, and well, like I said, some days are better than others. But if I get down, then I don’t feel like eating much, then I get to feeling bad, and it’s the whole cycle again.” She glanced at Molly. “What a mess. I hate that I’ve dumped this all on you. You barely know me. Like I said, I don’t
tell people about this. My family knows and now you…that’s it. I’m kind of a private person.” Slowly releasing a deep breath, she tilted her head and prepared to beg Molly to keep her secret. “Please don’t go and tell Jesse about this. Please, Molly?”

“Oh, sweetie, I know what it’s like to want things kept private. I understand. I won’t say anything.”

“I just don’t need a repeat of Collin. There is no way I could take that again.”

“Who’s Collin?”

A slip of the tongue bit her in the ass. The first time she’d had made a connection with another woman and Emery was going to blow it by dumping more personal baggage than a new friendship was allowed. Humiliated, she snorted.

“He was my boyfriend. We were almost engaged.” Her shoulder jerked like it was a useless piece of information, embarrassed to admit even knowing the man, let alone almost marrying him. Emery just about snickered at the shock on Molly’s face, but in reality—it wasn’t funny.

“Was? Were?”

“I guess you might as well know the rest of the story.” Emery tried to smile, but it was a useless effort. “In short form. We’d been together for almost two years before I got sick. He was six years older than me, so he was ready to settle down, buy the house, have kids, a dog, and the picket fence. When I got the diagnosis, he pulled away immediately, but at the time, I’d just ch
alked it up to him being a man and not being able to handle bad news. Then when it came down to it and they had to go ahead with the hysterectomy, he walked out. Literally.”

Seeing the astonishment on Molly’s face brought home how terrible that piece of the story really sounded out loud. Up until now, it had been locked away in the back of her mind never to be touched again.

So much for that plan.

“No. You cannot be serious, Emery.”

With her palms out, she shrugged. It sure as hell wasn’t something she’d make up. In the end, she’d been the one to not only feel the loss, but the pain of looking stupid for ever thinking that man was someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

“Really. I was in the hospital, they’d run a bunch of pre-op tests and they were going to do the surgery the next morning. My dad, Riley and his wife, Lauren, and my grandparents on my dad’s side were all there. Collin stood in the corner as the doctor explained everything about the surgery and then about the treatments they would do afterward. He asked if they were sure they couldn’t treat it without the hysterectomy, and the doctor explained why it was the best option,
again. The doctor walked out, and he walked over to me, kissed my forehead, wished me good luck with everything, and said he wanted kids. He walked out of the room before I knew what hit me.”

“Oh my God. You have to be joking me. I am
so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”

Emery let out a breath. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to say. It’s over. It made the surgery harder to deal with, and not being able to have kids gets a little more depressing when added to it is the fact that I’ve actually been left because I couldn’t give a man children. But, what are you going to do? It’s really fine, Mol. I’m fine. I just have some days that are better days than others.”

She let out a huff, trying to sound amused. “That and some minor trust issues.”

Molly’s eyes were wide again. “You think? Between him and your mother. You poor thing. I want to go kick his ass.”

“I’m not sure that Riley didn’t. No one ever fessed up, but I’ve heard rumors around town, and knowing my brother, they are probably true. He’s not a fighting man, but he and I are very close.”

She was quite proud of the fact that Riley was so protective. She had never felt smothered or frustrated by it. Instead, she felt loved. As far as Emery was concerned, Riley walked on water.

“What can I do to help you now?”

“Really nothing. Like I said, I just get lightheaded and weak from the anemia and my blood pressure. But I don’t want the guys on the team knowing any of this. They’ll use it against me. No man wants a woman boss anyway, but you have a woman boss in a completely
man’s world
and it’s a bitch to stay in control. They find out I’m weak in any sense of the word, they’ll eat me alive.”

“I promise.” Molly hugged Emery. “I’m here for you, whatever you need. All right?”

For the first time, Emery felt a little lighter. Yeah sure, it still sucked, but everyone had a story. She didn’t wallow, and she sure as hell didn’t think hers was worse than anyone else’s. Nevertheless, with a simple moment, Molly’s friendship had changed something deep inside her. Keeping her secret was hard, but not having a girlfriend to really talk to had been miserable and had kept her shut off. Emery had no intention of ever telling anyone anything about her issues, but today it was taken out of her control. A forced hand, making her confide in a girl she barely knew. But Molly’s love was completely genuine and utterly contagious. She hugged her new friend tight, grateful for the connection.

“Thank you for listening, Molly.”

“Are you kidding? I’ll fill you in on me some other time, hon, but I’ve never really had the chance to have many real friends who are women. Erin, my brother’s wife is it. We grew up together and I love her dearly, but she’s at home with my newborn nephew. Hopefully, she’ll join us when Chance is bigger and we get past the germy flu season, but I don’t know when. You’ll love her though, she’s a sweetie. But, I’m grateful to have you here. There are so many things you just can’t talk to guys about. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband dearly, it’s just nice to have girlfriends.”

“Truer words were never spoken
, my friend.”

She held her water bottle up to meet Molly’s. It wasn’t liquor, but it had the same effect for a toast. Emery watched the humor slip from Molly’s face.

“Can I ask you a favor? Don’t say no, just think about it, all right?”

A wave of heat rushed over her skin, a gut response to something about to happen. A premonition of sorts
, and Emery knew she wasn’t going to like it. Immediately, she knew where Molly was headed.

“What?”

“Jesse.”

Emery sucked in a deep breath as Molly continued. Her first instinct was anger at herself for trusting someone she barely knew. It had been a moment of weakness. Inwardly groaning, she pinned Molly with a look she’d perfected. There would be no mention of their conversation outside of the two of them.

“No, wait, listen. I’m not going to tell him anything. But I’m not going to hide my concern for you though, either. Would you just consider giving him a chance to be there for you, too? Emery, he’s an amazing man, I know him. I wouldn’t set you up in another situation where you could be hurt so badly again. And I know you don’t know me or Jesse very well, yet, but just think about letting him in. He’s a wonderful man. Even if you don’t feel anything toward him romantically, he really likes you and he would be a good man to have as a friend. I know what it’s like living on the road. I’ve lived like this my whole life…you don’t get many chances to make true friends living the way we do. Just think about it, please?”

Emery didn’t answer, but her lips twitched.

Damn it.

She didn’t like that Molly was right about needing more friends. There wasn’t any way to argue. If she was forced to admit that she was lonely—then yeah, she was. There was only so much a person could fake, only so much that general niceties got
a person, and there was a line in the sand as to what she told her father.

It hadn’t always been that way. She’d been as happy as could be when she’d traveled with Riley, but that was almost three years ago. When he slipped back into his life with a wife and kids, she’d been at home—sick. Asking for her family to go above and beyond what they had already been doing for her at the time wasn’t an option. They’d done too much.

Instead, she slid further out into the abyss.

“All my boys, Carter included, are really good men
, and they’re really good at stepping up to take care of one of our own. I know from experience.” Molly’s hand snaked up to her neck.

“You’re not going to give up, are you?”

Molly jerked her shoulder. “Um, not today. And probably not tomorrow. You’re chances aren’t good for the day after that, either. As a matter of fact, I’d say probably not at all.”

“I like you, Molly.” She reached out to hug Molly first this time. “I needed you.”

“I need you too, my dear.”

A knock on the door interrupted them, drawing their attention as Reid came in. “Hey, girls. Mike said you came in here quite a while ago. You okay, Em?”