Jezebel (33 page)

“He doesn't want to come home. Mother, he told me everything. I have to be honest: I feel as if I don't know you.”

“He had no right.”

“He had every right,” Holt countered. “Mother, you need help. What you're doing is wrong. I have to be honest with you—I love you, but I don't like you. I don't want my son around a person who does the stuff you've done.”

Jessie Belle's eyes filled with more tears. “So now everyone is against me.”

“We're not against you, Mother. We are concerned about you and we're praying for your soul. You need to get right with God.”

She didn't respond.

“We love you, but we have to love you from a distance right now. Father can't be around you and neither can I. I'm sorry, but you are just not the woman I thought you were.”

“I don't want to lose you or your father,” Jessie Belle blurted. “Please help me. I don't know why I do the things that I've done. I don't want to be this way, Holt. I really don't.”

She could hardly talk for the sobs in her throat. “I'm so sorry for what I've done. Oh God…”

“Mother, calm down.”

“Please help me,” she pleaded, her spirit broken. “I don't have anybody. God, please help me. Please forgive me.”

Jessie Belle dropped the telephone as she fell to her knees. “Father God, I come before You broken. I am a horrible person, but I don't want to be. Lord, You didn't make me this way, so please help me. I repent of my sins and I ask Your forgiveness. I need You, God. I need You….”

She lay on the floor crying out to the Lord. For once in her life, Jessie Belle didn't care about anything else. She continued to seek after God.

Jessie Belle was barely aware of Holt's presence in the room. She had no idea how much time passed as she lay curled up in the fetal position, her eyes closed and her mouth moving as she continued to pray.

He called to her gently. “Mother…”

She opened her eyes.

Holt pulled her into his arms. “You're going to be alright. God heard your prayers.”

“Please forgive me,” she murmured.

“Mother, I love you and I forgive you.”

Jessie Belle held on to her son for dear life. She felt like her entire world had crashed and for once, didn't know what to do about it. Except call out to God.

“Father, please help me…,” she pleaded. “I can't make it without You. I can't do it.”

Holt stroked her arm. “Just give it to Him. Thank You, Father…,” he repeated over and over. “Thank You, God….”

Jessie Belle must have fallen asleep in her son's arms, because she didn't remember when he left. She woke up early the next morning on the bed with a throw covering her.

Her head hurt and her eyes were swollen from crying. Her heart ached because she knew that Traynor was gone.

He's not coming back this time
.

Jessie Belle felt like all her strength had been sapped out. She had no energy to do anything—even bathe.

Looking around the room, Jessie Belle felt her heart break all over again. There were so many happy memories created in this room that she wasn't sure she could ever sleep in there again.

It would hurt too much.

J
essie Belle sat in her usual seat at church on Sunday. Traynor had been gone for three days and they hadn't spoken during his absence.

Frankie surprised her when she sat down beside her. “How are you doing, Mrs. Deveraux?”

“As well as can be expected, I guess. How's my husband?”

“He misses you, but he's very hurt.”

Jessie Belle's eyes filled with tears. “I don't deserve your kindness, Frankie. I know what you must really think of me. If it matters any to you—I don't like the person I've become either. I don't really blame Traynor for leaving me.”

“Mrs. Deveraux, you are my husband's mother and the grandmother of my son.” She took Jessie Belle's hand in her own. “While I hate what you've done—I love you as a person because that's what the good Lord expects of us.”

“Hate the sin but love the sinner,” Jessie Belle murmured. “How many times have I heard Traynor say that?” She met Frankie's gaze. “I actually believed that you can love someone into submission….”

She paused a heartbeat before continuing. “I was wrong about you. Frankie, I'm so sorry for the things I said and did to you.”

“It's all in the past, Mrs. Deveraux.” She smiled. “You're a new creature in Christ.”

“I've lost so much.” She wiped away the lone tear rolling down her face. “I shouldn't have come here today. I'm not ready.”

“It's going to be okay, Mrs. Deveraux. I'm right here beside you.”

“My son is very lucky to have you, Frankie.” Jessie Belle gave her a tiny smile. “I hope that one day you'll be able to call me Mom. I'd be honored.”

Frankie embraced her. “Thank you, Mom.”

They talked about the baby for a few minutes until it was time for service to begin.

Traynor looked genuinely surprised to see her when he stepped into the pulpit. Normally, he would have a secret smile for her, but not this time. Jessie Belle hadn't expected it and wasn't disappointed.

When it was time for the sermon, Traynor stood up and said, “Today I'm going to tell you about a Phoenician princess, the daughter of the priest-king of Sidon. Her name was Jezebel.”

Traynor's eyes strayed briefly to where Jessie Belle was sitting, but quickly moved on. Heat spread through her body and outward, causing her to fan herself with her hand.

Frankie signaled for one of the ushers to bring a fan.

Jessie Belle returned her attention to Traynor. She knew that he was talking to her and she wanted to hear his sermon.

“Jezebel was a religious woman. She was also powerful, cunning and arrogant. She actively opposed the Lord and worshipped idols. That was her character. Her triumph was using manipulation to gain power at the expense of others. Her tragedy was that her arrogance, plotting and scheming all led to a shameless death. There was no redemption for Jezebel. Just think how different her story could have been had she harnessed her power, her drive and her devotion. Imagine the mighty ways God could've used her.”

Jessie Belle felt the sting of tears. She blinked rapidly.

Traynor continued with his sermon, discussing the life and times of Jezebel. He drew to a close by saying, “Ours is a society that worships sports heroes, movie stars, money, sex and power. Each of us has more power than we realize—did you know that? God wants us to use it for godly purposes, but what we do with it is our choice….”

Jessie Belle felt the heat of his gaze and looked up.

“…God is always willing to forgive and show His mercy even to the worst kind of sinner. King Ahab, the worst king Israel ever had, comes to his senses and repents of his evildoing, so God forgives him. God gives unlimited second chances. But for Jezebel, there was no redemption. She was arrogant to the end and never repented.”

When Traynor did the altar call, Jessie Belle was one of the first ones down to the front. She fell to her knees in prayer. Before, she would never let any of the members see her raw emotions, but Jessie Belle no longer cared. She yearned to return to the arms of Jesus.

Traynor hadn't been as convinced as his son that Jessie Belle wanted to change her life. He initially assumed that it was just another form of manipulation. But now after he'd seen her in church—it was something about her demeanor. Jessie Belle didn't seem herself.

After the sermon, she came up with several other church members seeking prayer. Frankie came up and prayed with her.

She was never prone to public displays of emotion, but today, she was on her knees crying out to the Lord.

Traynor half expected her to come to his office when services ended, but she didn't. When he walked out to his car—Jessie Belle's car wasn't in the parking lot.

She didn't attempt to come speak to him. Deep down, he felt a thread of disappointment.

Experiencing mixed emotions, Traynor drove to his son's house.

Frankie was in the kitchen cooking when he entered the house.

“How is Jessie Belle doing?” he asked his daughter-in-law. “She didn't seem quite like herself at church.”

“She's dealing with everything she's done in the past. Your wife really feels bad about the pain she's caused people.”

“She told you that?”

“Not in so many words.” Frankie stuck a roast into the oven.

“Do you believe she's sincere?” Traynor wanted to know. Frankie had good instincts when it came to reading people.

“I do, Dad. I think your leaving her forced her to really look inside herself. I think she'd made you her god and I believe she needs this time away from you so that she can focus on the true God.”

“I'd never thought of it that way,” Traynor responded.

“She loves you more than anything, Dad. She definitely loves Holt to death. She worships you both. She's materialistic. She loves jewelry, cars, money and being in control, but losing you and her son—that's what brought Mom to her knees.”

Traynor didn't say it aloud, but he was worried about Jessie Belle. She invaded his thoughts most of the afternoon. He couldn't think about much else, so after dinner, he drove over to the house to check on her.

He let himself in with his key.

Traynor ventured straight through the house to the family room, but she wasn't in there. He went upstairs looking for Jessie Belle.

He found her in their bedroom on her knees with her head bowed.

She's praying
.

Traynor had seen his wife pray many times over the years, so he wasn't surprised by this picture.

He eased away from the doorway and tiptoed down the stairs. Traynor gloried in the knowledge that God was really dealing with Jessie Belle and he didn't want to get in the way.

He left the house.

“Have Your way, God,” Traynor whispered. “Just have Your way with her….”

Jessie Belle read the entire books of 1 and 2 Kings. She wanted to read more about Jezebel and her daughter, Athaliah, who was a lot like her mother.

When she was done, she closed the Bible and bent her head in prayer. She was using this time to get right with God.

Jessie Belle could see her life so much clearer now. She'd allowed her love for power and money to consume her. She'd made Traynor and Holt more important to her than God. She wasn't sure when the last time was that God had first place in her life. Jessie Belle couldn't truly say if He ever was a priority to her.

“This is not the life that I want, Lord,” she whispered. “I want to serve You. And if it's Your will—I'd like my husband back. I love Traynor, but I will not put him before You ever again. I will keep You first place in my life from this moment forward. Father God, I will accept Your will for my life.”

Jessie Belle felt like a new person.

She went out and purchased a piano, suddenly wanting to play again after all these years.

Traynor used to love to listen to me play. He once told me I could be a concert pianist—I was that good
.

Jessie Belle forced her mind to the present. There wasn't much point in living in the past—especially when that past was so ugly. But her future didn't look any better.

Her husband was still angry with her and Jessie Belle was pretty sure they were headed for divorce court. Before last Sunday, she couldn't think of Traynor without bursting into tears, and while she grieved for him, Jessie Belle knew that she needed to focus on her relationship with the Lord. She had to trust Him with her marriage.

Not an easy task
.

If given another chance, Jessie Belle vowed to be the wife she should have been from the moment she said her vows. But if her marriage was truly over, then she prayed that God would grant her the strength to accept it and that He would give her peace of mind and heal her hurting heart.

But mostly, Jessie Belle prayed for Traynor. She prayed for God to show her husband exactly who he was as a man of God. She had always believed in Traynor, but she didn't let go and let God. Instead Jessie Belle tried to use manipulation to get ahead and failed miserably.

It was wrong and she knew that now.

Unfortunately, there were no do-overs in life. Jessie Belle couldn't go back and rewrite history—she simply had to accept the consequences. She was encouraged, however. She knew that whatever happened—God would be by her side.

T
wo weeks later, Jessie Belle stared at the telephone long after the call from Traynor ended. He wanted to see her.

But why? Is he going to ask me for a divorce
?

She vowed that she wouldn't throw a tantrum if he announced that the marriage was over. Jessie Belle continued to pray for God's help in accepting the truth. If Traynor no longer wanted her, she would set him free. She owed him that much.

“I need Your strength, Lord.”

Jessie Belle strolled into the huge walk-in closet in search of something to wear. The old her would've slipped on something skimpy with the intent of seducing her husband home, but she had no desire to play those games. She found a simple silk sheath and slipped into it.

She pulled her hair up into a bun and decided against any makeup. Jessie Belle walked through her house, making sure everything was in its place. She didn't want Traynor coming home to a mess.

Rosa was on vacation this week and Jessie Belle hadn't bothered to do much cleaning. She'd spent most of her time in her bedroom, so the place was in good shape.

If Traynor wants a divorce, we're going to have to sell this house. I don't want to live here alone. He never really wanted this house in the first place. He bought it just to make me happy
.

Jessie Belle sat down at the piano and began to play “Blessed Assurance” as she waited for her husband to arrive. Traynor was always prompt and she expected him within the hour. She sang along softly.

A tear slipped from her eye as she thought of the man who'd been her husband since she was eighteen years old.

Only she didn't know if he would still be her husband when he left.

Traynor wasn't sure what he was going to say to Jessie Belle, but he knew that it was time for them to have a serious talk about their marriage. Rumors were starting to circulate around the church, but not only that—he needed to find some closure.

He pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

Jessie Belle opened the front door just as he walked up to the porch.

“Hey,” she murmured in greeting.

He embraced her, holding her tight. Traynor sucked in the light floral scent of her favorite perfume.

They stepped away from each other.

“It's time we made some decisions about our marriage,” Traynor blurted. “That's why I'm here.”

Jessie Belle nodded.

“I was thinking that we should file for a legal separation.”

Her head snapped up. “I've made some horrible mistakes, Traynor—I can't deny that. I just want you to know that I'm truly sorry for everything. I hope that one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me.” Jessie Belle paused for a moment before continuing. “I love you so much, Traynor. I want our marriage even if I don't deserve it.”

Traynor believed her. “I love you, too, Jessie Belle. Sweetheart, I never stopped loving you. I just don't know if we can still have a marriage. So much has happened…. I honestly don't know.”

She sighed in resignation. “Traynor, I won't fight you on anything. If you want the separation—that's what we'll do. I don't want one, but…” Jessie Belle began to cry. “I'm sorry. I said I wasn't going to do this.”

He hugged her. “I hate to see you so sad. I don't want to hurt you, Jessie Belle.”

She placed a finger to his lips. “I did this, Traynor. All of this is my fault.”

Traynor surprised himself when he kissed her.

Jessie Belle responded by kissing him back passionately.

Desire ignited in the pit of his belly, the flames growing. Traynor wanted to take Jessie Belle upstairs and make love to her, but to do so would only hurt her more.

She must have sensed his withdrawal, because Jessie Belle moved away from him. “Traynor, if you think that getting a legal separation is softening the blow for me—it's not. If what you really want is a divorce, then I'd rather you be honest and say so.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked.

Jessie Belle shook her head no. “I want you home so that we can try to salvage our marriage, but I have to face the truth that it may be beyond repair.”

“I have to be able to trust you, Jessie Belle.”

“I know my telling you that you can trust me won't convince you. All I can say is that I want you to pray about us—the marriage, everything.”

“That's all I've been doing, Jessie Belle. I want my marriage,” Traynor replied. “I just don't know if we can get back what we lost.”

“We never lost our love—the kiss proved that. I know I've said it before, but I truly mean it this time. I will work hard to earn your trust back. Traynor, you were talking to me when you preached on Jezebel. I can admit that now. I was delivered of that spirit the night you walked out on me, even though I couldn't put a name to it then. It wasn't until I heard you preach on Sunday that I understood what happened. I went home that day and read the entire books of 1 and 2 Kings. Queen Jezebel used her power to encourage her husband to worship false gods and to practice ritual prostitution. Because of the close bond of marriage, spouses are influenced by each other. That's when the realization hit me full force, Traynor.”

Jessie Belle paused a moment before saying, “This is why God doesn't want believers to be married to unbelievers. That type of union would produce different agendas and goals in life, rather than the couple being dedicated and committed to serving the Lord and bringing Him glory. See, I failed to realize that what matters most in life had nothing to do with climbing the ladders of success or all the luxuries we acquired over the years—our relationship with each other and our relationship with God is what should have been the priority.”

I am just as guilty as she is,
Traynor silently acknowledged. “I have to accept my part in it, sweetheart. I allowed the spirit of Jezebel to infiltrate my house and my church.”

“I see everything so much more clearly now. Knowledge is power because now that I know the truth—the spirit can't take over like it did before. I'm delivered by the grace of God.”

Traynor had never heard her talk that way in all the years he'd known her. “I thank God for your deliverance.”

“I've been thanking Him and praising Him nonstop. I see life so differently now. Just before you arrived, I was thinking that we should sell this place. Especially if you're not coming home.”

“You love this house.”

“It's not the same without you, Traynor. I don't need something so big.”

“Would you feel that way about it if I told you that I was coming home?”

Jessie Belle met his gaze. “You never wanted this house. You bought it to make me happy. Even if you were to come back—I still think we should sell. I'd be happy with you anywhere.”

Traynor broke into a smile. “I looked at a nice little two-bedroom condo. It's about two thousand square feet.”

“Are you thinking about buying it?”

“I considered it. But then I realized that I'd miss living here with you. Jessie Belle, I want to blame you for everything that happened, but God showed me that I had to accept my part in it, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could've said no to you, but I didn't. Why? Because I enjoyed the benefits. I loved driving that Mercedes just as much as you did.” His eyes traveled the length of the room. “I love this house.”

“I went behind your back and while you could've fought me on some stuff, I don't think it really would have mattered, Traynor.”

“Jessie Belle, what do we do?”

“I want to fight for our marriage. I'd like to do it without a separation, but no matter what—
I want us
.” Jessie Belle held out her hand and said, “I'd like for us to pray for the restoration of our marriage.”

Traynor helped her down to the floor and he sat on his knees beside her.

When they were done, he assisted her up.

“I like the piano,” he told her. “I used to love to hear you play.”

“I never realized just how much I missed it,” Jessie Belle stated. “Would you like me to play something for you?”

He smiled. “I'd love it.”

Jessie Belle played a couple of his favorite hymns and then she stopped because she couldn't contain her tears any longer.

Traynor comforted her. After a moment, he said, “Don't cry, sweetheart. We'll figure this out. Why don't we start with a date? I'll come pick you up tomorrow night and we'll have dinner together.”

Jessie Belle wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I'd really like that, Traynor.”

“We'll hold off on the legal separation and we'll pray about selling this house. Maybe it would do us good to start fresh in someplace new.”

Pulling her closer to him, Traynor covered her lips with his, kissing her hungrily. “You still take my breath away, sweetheart,” he whispered.

Traynor had barely walked out the front door when Jessie Belle broke into a praise dance. She then walked over to the piano and played while singing praises to the Lord, giving thanks. There was still a lot to be settled between her and Traynor, but Jessie Belle believed that their marriage would be restored.

God has given me another chance and so has Traynor
.

She could hardly sleep that night because she was excited about her date with her husband.

Jessie Belle was up early the next morning. She and Frankie had lunch before her hair and nail appointment to prepare for her date with Traynor. She also wrote Mary Ellen a letter apologizing for her actions, which she'd given to her daughter-in-law to mail. Jessie Belle didn't have the address.

After her appointment, she stopped at a florist to send flowers to Minnie Newman. Jessie Belle had heard she was in the hospital. She even tried to reach Natalia, hoping to invite her over for dinner one night—the poor girl was all alone now and after all that Jessie Belle had done, she owed Natalia and she wanted to try to make amends.

When she returned home two hours later, Jessie Belle read her Bible and wrote in the prayer journal she'd started after Traynor moved out. She'd begun a habit of recording the many ways God blessed her, as well as noting the dates God answered her prayer requests.

I have so much to be thankful for,
she noted silently.

That evening, Jessie Belle took her time getting ready for her date. Dressed and waiting for Traynor to arrive, she strolled through the French doors leading to the balcony.

Jessie Belle used to come out there to admire her estate and all that she'd acquired, but now she was standing there admiring the beauty of God's handiwork. He was the ultimate artist.

Jessie Belle heard a sound and turned, assuming that it was Traynor.

Instead, she found herself face-to-face with someone covered in black from head to toe. A scream caught in Jessie Belle's throat.

Before she could recover from the fear that paralyzed her, Jessie Belle felt the breath knocked out of her as she was pushed backward. She could feel her body falling in slow motion.

This time the scream erupted, echoing through the night air.

For a split second, Jessie Belle felt the pain from her fall, then nothing.

Blackness surrounded her.