Johanna's Bridegroom (17 page)

“Johanna? Are you all right?” It was Rebecca’s voice.

“Please,” she said. “I just want to...be...” Another sob. “Alone.”

The door hinges squeaked, and Johanna heard footsteps on the pine floorboards. “What’s wrong?” The mattress gave as Rebecca sank down on the bed beside her. She handed her the tissue box from the table beside the bed. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Roland,” Johanna rasped.

“Ah.”

“We... He... I went to...”

Rebecca handed her a tissue. “Blow your nose,” she ordered. “Did you and Roland argue?”

“Ya...ne...”
Johanna sat up, blew her nose and used a clean tissue to wipe her eyes. She sniffed. “I went to find him, to tell him that we should stop with the courting and...” Somehow, although she hadn’t meant to, everything spilled out. And Rebecca, in her quiet, comforting way, sat and listened patiently to her story.

“And the worst part was, he...he called me prideful,” Johanna said.

Rebecca sighed. “And you denied it?”

Johanna nodded. “He said I haven’t been able to forgive him for embarrassing me.” She took a shuddering breath. “He said that when he came back from Lancaster, he came here to try to explain to me what had happened, but
Dat
sent him away.”

“Which
Dat
did.” Rebecca pushed a damp lock of hair off Johanna’s forehead and searched her gaze. “But you didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know,” Johanna whispered.

“Oh, dear.” Rebecca sighed. “I thought you knew. Everyone in the family did.
Mam
was not happy with
Dat,
and they had words over it.”

Johanna’s looked at her sister in astonishment. “How do you know?”

Rebecca shrugged. “I heard them. I was eating grapes on the far side of the arbor when
Mam
and
Dat
came into the backyard.” A hint of mischief danced in her eyes. “I did what every young girl does when she hears adults quarreling. I listened.”

Johanna closed her eyes for a moment. “This changes everything.”

Rebecca shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. What Roland did or didn’t do at that frolic, what
Dat
said or didn’t say, doesn’t matter as much as what you’re doing right now. Roland is right. You wouldn’t forgive him, because he’d hurt your pride. I don’t say this to hurt you, sister, but I always thought you married Wilmer to spite Roland. I thought you did it to show everyone that you could get a husband—a more Godly man than Roland Byler.”

“Everyone always tells me that I’m stubborn, but it’s not my greatest fault,” Johanna mused aloud. “It’s pride. How could I be so foolish?” She buried her face in her hands.

Rebecca rubbed her back. “I think maybe it’s fear, too.”

“Fear?” Johanna dabbed a tissue under her nose.

“You’re afraid of loving him. Because you do.”

“Because I do love him,” Johanna whispered. The thought came to her with another flood of emotions. Of course she loved him. She’d always loved him. All these years. “I’ve ruined everything,” she whispered to her sister.

“Nonsense. There’s nothing you’ve said or done that can’t be fixed if you’re truly sorry.”

More hot tears slipped down Johanna’s cheeks. “You don’t understand. I broke off our...our courtship. I knew what Roland said was true, but I wouldn’t admit it. I told him I didn’t want him for a husband.”

“But do you?”

She looked up at Rebecca. “I do,” she admitted. “I want to marry him because it’s the right thing to do...but also because I love him.”

“So go to him and tell him. If Roland truly loves you, and he does, he’ll forgive you. You two can go back to courting and marry and make each other miserable for the rest of your lives.”

Johanna pulled away from her sister. “Rebecca!”

“Just teasing you. Go on. Go to him.” She chuckled. “But don’t go until you’ve washed your face and made yourself pretty. You can’t ask him to marry you with a red nose and swollen eyes and hair sticking out all over like a haystack. That’s not how you persuade a man to do what you want him to do.”

“Rebecca Yoder,” Johanna exclaimed in astonishment, dabbing at her eyes with another tissue. “What would a modest
maedle
know about persuading men?”

Rebecca’s chuckle became a merry giggle. “Some things, sister, a girl is just born knowing.”

Chapter Seventeen

D
eciding to go back to Roland and admit that she was wrong was easier said than done. First, there was the question as to whether or not he was still too angry to listen to reason. Second, there was the possibility that he would refuse her apology and tell her that marrying a prideful woman like her was the furthest thing from his mind. And third, maybe most important, was the when and how she should make her case to Roland. How was she going to make him believe that she truly did love him with all her heart? That what Rebecca said was true. That it was also fear that had made her behave the way she had.

As always, once she’d made up her mind, Johanna was eager to carry out her mission. But getting away from the house at suppertime was nearly impossible. There was the family to feed, the children to look after and a stream of visitors to welcome and share the good news about Ruth and Eli’s babies. And as the eldest unmarried daughter, a good portion of the work fell to her.

Had she simply gone to
Mam
and told her how important it was for her to speak with Roland this evening, her mother would have insisted that she go at once. But
Mam
was rushing about, sixteen to a dozen. Rebecca’s and Susanna’s hands were busy looking after the Yoder children and those of their guests, keeping them from falling out of the hayloft, or climbing into the pigpen to cuddle one of the piglets that had been born two days earlier.

Of course, there were the usual evening chores that had to be done on even an ordinary summer day. Cows had to be fed and milked, horses turned into their stalls and given measures of grain. Turkeys had to be driven and penned for the night against the threat of stray dogs and foxes, and sheep had to be counted and driven into their fold.

With Irwin a part of the household, the care of the animals should have fallen to him, but so far he had proved more trouble than he was worth as a help around the farm. Susanna had more sense when it came to locking gates behind her, remembering to check to see if water troughs were filled, and knowing that cows could kick over milk buckets. It wasn’t enough for
Mam
or Johanna to ask Irwin if the animals had been properly seen to. They had to ask about each task specifically. Otherwise, one cow might be forgotten, or the first person in the barn for morning milking might discover a lid off the feed barrel and a mouse feast in progress. Tonight,
Mam
was too busy receiving neighbors, so the task of managing Irwin fell to Johanna.

Once supper was cleared away and the animals content, Johanna might have slipped away, except for the arrival of Bishop Atlee and his wife with chicken potpies, a pound cake and a baked ham for Ruth and Eli.

“We’d not think of bothering them tonight,” the bishop said, “or you. I’m sure everyone in Kent County has stopped by to offer their good wishes and prayers for your daughter and her sons, but I know one of your girls won’t mind just running these things over. No need for Ruth to trouble herself by cooking.”

“No need,”
Mam
had echoed with hearty smile. And no need for her to make less of the bishop’s wife’s contributions by telling either of them that everyone who’d come by today had brought food for the young household.

Buns and streusels, pies and tins of cookies shared the pantry table and shelves with jars of pickles, chow-chow, hard-boiled eggs pickled in beet juice, potato salad, macaroni salad, spiced peaches, relish and blackberry jam. There was a rice pudding sprinkled with nutmeg, a pan of freshly made scrapple, three bowls of coleslaw, a jellied veal loaf, a roasted duck, a German noodle ring and at least one kettle of clam chowder and a second of split-pea soup.

Whether the new twins were to consume all this food or Eli and the new mother, Johanna wasn’t sure. But one thing was for certain: the Yoders, the Masts, and Charley and Miriam would eat well for the next week, without any of the women having to cook. And every giver would be thanked as sincerely as if they were the only ones who’d been so thoughtful as to think of providing a meal for Ruth and Eli’s table.

As Bishop Atlee’s buggy rolled out of the yard, Rebecca pulled Johanna aside. “Why haven’t you gone to Roland’s yet?” she demanded. “Have you lost your nerve?” She frowned. “If you wait until tomorrow, you’ll just make the situation worse.”

“The children...”

“Grace and I will put Katy and Jonah to bed. Go.”

Johanna glanced at her mother, who was standing on the back porch watching them intently. “What does she know?” Johanna whispered to her sister. “You didn’t tell her anything I told you, did you?”

“
Ne.
Shall I tell Irwin to hitch up Blackie?”

“If I take the buggy,
Mam
will ask why and I’ll have to explain. I’ll just walk over. It’s not that far.”

“Don’t chicken out on me,” Rebecca warned.

“What do you two have your heads together about?” Grace called from the porch, where she’d joined
Mam.
“I’m just going over to Ruth’s to take this clam chowder. There’s no more room in the refrigerator. If one of you comes with me, you can carry a bowl of sliced peaches.”

Rebecca looked at Johanna.

“I’ll go,” Johanna called. And then to Rebecca, she whispered, “It’s hardly any farther from Ruth’s to Roland’s. I’ll just stay a minute, and that way
Mam
won’t—”

“Know what you’re up to,” Rebecca finished. “Okay, but hurry, or your potential betrothed will be asleep before you tell him the good news.”

* * *

As the two walked to Ruth’s, Johanna filled Grace in on what had happened earlier in the day between her and Roland. “I don’t know how I could have been so blind,” she confessed as they crossed the field with their heavy containers of food. “Our church teaches us that pride is wrong, but all I could see was what Roland had done to me.”

“It’ll all work out,” Grace said. “I know he’s crazy about you.”

Miriam pushed open the back door. “Come on in,” she called to her sisters. “Adam is awake. Wait until you see those gorgeous eyes.”

Johanna and Grace followed her into the house, and soon they were admiring the twins, chatting with a sleepy Ruth and inquiring as to how she felt. For a few minutes, Johanna was caught up in the excitement of the babies and her sister’s happiness.

Just ten more minutes
.
Roland will still be up. It won’t hurt to stay here with Ruth and my sisters a little while longer. It will be easier to talk to Roland if J.J.’s in bed when I get there.
She’d almost convinced herself that she was worried for nothing, that the explanation and Roland’s forgiveness would come easily, when Charley burst in with news.

“Roland’s got company,” Charley announced to the room. “And it means trouble.” He fixed his gaze on Johanna.

“What are you talking about?” Miriam balanced Luke against her shoulder and patted his back. “What trouble?”

Charley shoved his hands into his pockets. “I just came from there.”

“And?” Ruth asked. “You know you’re going to explode if you don’t tell us.”

“Well, it’s not like I haven’t said this might happen,” Charley went on, obviously pleased to be the center of attention. “You know that Lancaster girl, the one who works at the cheese shop at Spence’s Market? The one who’s had her eye on Roland?”

“She’s at his house?” Grace asked. “The girl?”

“Not the girl,” Charley answered. “Her father and two of her uncles, come all the way from Lancaster. They hired a driver and—”

“We don’t care how they got here.” Miriam passed the baby to Ruth. “What are they doing here? What do they want with Roland?”

“From what the driver said, her father’s eager to find her a husband. She’s got two younger sisters who’ve had offers, but can’t marry until she does. And apparently, she’s picky.”

“But what does that have to do with Roland?” Johanna asked, all too certain that she already knew the answer.

“The driver said the girl has set her
Kapp
for Roland. The father has already asked a lot of questions about Roland, and now they’ve come to look him over. The driver says they want to offer the girl to him as a wife—one that comes with one hundred acres of Lancaster farmland, a house and a stone barn as a dowry.”

Eli let out a low whistle. “A hundred-acre farm. In Lancaster. Land up there is worth a fortune. It will be hard for Roland to pass up.” He rolled his eyes innocently toward the ceiling. “Especially since things haven’t worked out here for him. He might decide moving to Pennsylvania would be in his best interest.”

“What do you mean they haven’t
worked out?
” Ruth asked. “He’s been courting Johanna. Who would throw Johanna over for a cheese girl and a stone barn in the middle of a cow pasture?”

“There’s a herd of cows that comes with the pasture,” Charley teased. “The driver says—”

Miriam silenced him with a look.

Grace turned to Johanna. “I suppose it’s too late for you to make a counteroffer—to keep him from accepting these Lancaster people.”

“If it was me,” Miriam said, “I wouldn’t have let Charley go without putting up a fight.”

A smile teased at the corners of Grace’s mouth. “I thought you Amish were against fighting.”

“There’s fighting and then there’s fighting,” Johanna answered softly. “And as
Dat
always said, it’s never too late to pray for rain until the barn has already burned down.”

* * *

Grace got out of the car and gave Johanna a hug. “It’s really dark. Are you sure you don’t want a flashlight? I’ve got one in the glove box. Or I could drive you up to the house.”

“Ne,”
Johanna answered. “I can see well enough to walk up the lane. And I’d rather no one saw me coming.”

“Good luck.” Grace gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“
Ya.
I think I’ll need it.” Johanna turned away from the vehicle and started up the drive at a quick pace. She didn’t know what she was going to do or say when she got to the house, but she couldn’t stop now. If she hesitated, she might lose her nerve.

Roland’s yard was dark. A soft glow from the kitchen and parlor propane lamps spilled through the open windows. Around her, lightning bugs flashed, and frogs and crickets chirped the melody of a muggy summer night.

The day that had begun so sunny had turned damp and there was the oppressive feel of approaching rain. In the distance, Johanna could hear the rumble of thunder. It was that way in Delaware. As the old folks were fond of saying, “If you don’t like the weather, wait half an hour and it will change.” She was glad she hadn’t brought the buggy. She wasn’t afraid of a storm, but Blackie was. Better to depend on her own two feet.

Feet that were now carrying her closer and closer to Roland and a situation that might be beyond her ability to make right. She was scared, scared to the bone. Her heart was racing, her thoughts were all in a jumble, and her stomach made her wish she hadn’t eaten that cup of chowder earlier. What would she do if she walked into Roland’s kitchen and threw up all over his shoes? That would be embarrassing, but not as devastating as finding out that Roland and the cheese girl’s father had already come to an agreement, shaken hands on the deal and set a date for marriage banns to be read.

She had been a fool. She’d been stubborn, prideful and fearful, and she’d let the man the Lord had sent her slip through her fingers. How could she have been so concerned with a silly incident that had happened years ago? How could she have failed to see that she was throwing away her future happiness and security out of her own weaknesses? Not only was she ruining the chances of a happy marriage, she was spoiling everything for three innocent children.

Mam
had told her; Ruth, Rebecca, Anna, Miriam and Grace had told her. Even Susanna had seemed to understand that Roland and J.J. were already part of the family.

“Please, God,” Johanna prayed under her breath. “I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but Katy and Jonah and J.J. do. Roland does. And if you please help me out of this jam, I promise I’ll never...”

She stopped and exhaled softly, then sucked in lungs full of the humid air. “I’ll try harder,” she promised. “I’ll do what I can to curb my pride and stubbornness. I promise I’ll do everything I can to be the best wife any man could ever want.”

She was nearing the house now. The black shadows of lilac bushes loomed on either side of the drive. Through the open windows, she heard Roland’s sister Mary and the answering rumble of a man’s voice. She listened for Roland, but didn’t hear him. Then came a second voice, injecting something she couldn’t make out. He spoke in Pennsylvania
Deutch,
his distinctly Lancaster accent giving a different lilt to his comment.

Johanna was tempted to creep close to the window to find out what was happening, if what Charley had said was true, but rejected that as too petty. No, she would have to confront her rivals head-on. With her father dead and no uncle she could count on to speak for her, she was on her own.

She moved on quiet feet, through the gloom, toward the back door. Blood pounded in her ears. Her fingers and toes felt numb. As the first drops of rain splattered on her face, she felt as if were wading through thick mud. “Just a few more steps,” she muttered.

Abruptly, she slammed into something in the darkness. Not something—someone. A cry of fright rose from her throat to be cut off by the sensation of arms wrapping around her and strong fingers clapping over her mouth.

“Johanna,” Roland whispered urgently. “Don’t be scared. It’s just me.”

“Roland?” she mumbled.

He removed his hand. “Shh,” he repeated. “They’ll hear you.”

Her heart settled back into her chest, but she was so light-headed that she swayed in his arms, nearly losing her balance. Roland’s strong arms held her as a shimmering wave of rain enveloped them both.

“Come on,” he urged. “We’ll get soaked out here.” He caught her hand and dashed away from the house back toward the barn. Not knowing what else to do, she ran with him.

When the barn loomed above, Roland flung open the door and pulled her inside. Instantly, she was enveloped in the warm, sweet smells of fresh-cut hay, molasses, oats and horses. “What are you doing out there in the dark?” she demanded.