Jolt! (11 page)

» JOLT #10
A CHANGE OF HABIT
Breaking Destructive Patterns of Behavior

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
—FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY, RUSSIAN NOVELIST

A
dictionary defines
habit
as “a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.” But there's also a negative definition for the word
habit
: “an addiction—especially to a narcotic drug.”

Habit is a powerful thing—much like the overwhelming pull of a drug, as noted in the second definition. Breaking habits is one of the most difficult things a man or woman can do. You would probably admit that many of your habits are negative, but the fact is, when you learn to break those negative habits and beg in to harness positive behaviors, your life will change exponentially— because habits are repeated. And anything done over and over again will soon become part of your personality.

» But what if we could create positive habits?

It's been said that the only thing constant is change. But let me take that a bit further and say that when change becomes constant—or habitual—your life begins evolving to a new level.

Most experts would say that consistency is the key to everything. I dated a girl in college who wanted to be a concert pianist. Her life was designed around practicing the piano for at least four hours per day. It definitely cut back on our dating life, but I saw how regular, constant practice transformed her into a brilliant pianist. A professional athlete has to practice on a consistent basis if he or she is to become a champion.

What do you want to be? A better leader, a champion athlete, a successful entrepreneur, a real estate mogul, a movie producer?

How often do you practice?

Perhaps you can't actually make a movie, sell real estate, or lead an army every day, but you can practice the skills that successful people in your industry have acquired. Make it a habit so you'll do it without thinking, because that's when things start happening.

And while we're talking about practice, let me explode the common myth that practice makes perfect. As legendary football coach Vince Lombardi said, “Practice does not make perfect. Only
perfect
practice makes perfect.” My college girlfriend would not have benefited one bit from all those long hours of practice if she hadn't been practicing correctly. We have to take the time to learn the right techniques, get the right advice and coaching, and make sure every time we practice, we're doing it correctly. Good habits come out of good practice.

Search the Internet or your local bookstore and you'll find plenty of resources for changing habits. Smoking, overeating, laziness, lack of motivation, overspending, lack of exercise—there are plenty of reasons to break negative habits and plenty of organizations, self-help groups, books, and teaching videos that testify to America's dark descent into too much smoking, eating, drinking, spending, and a host of other ills that plague our society.

Some people have extremely negative habits, and in a few cases they can contribute to injury, illness, or death. In those cases, I urge you to seek professional help from a doctor, mental health counselor, or pastor. Too many people look for easy answers to difficult challenges. The techniques in this book can get you moving in new directions and transform your thinking about change.

But if you're facing serious obesity, addiction to drugs, gambling, sex, or similar life-destroying situations, I strongly suggest that along with this book, you seek professional help from qualified health care or counseling professionals.

But in most cases, a regular program of repetition and accountability can start you on the path to releasing your destructive habits, and opening the door to new, positive habits can impact your life in exciting ways. Some experts suggest a ten-day program, and others suggest up to thirty days or more, depending on the issue. To be honest, I've never seen compelling research that supports a particular number of days. Everyone is different, and everyone's “habit sensitivity” is set at different levels. Personally, I recommend at least ten days to change significant habits in most people.

Regardless of how entrenched your habits are, how do you break them? What do you do in those ten days?

1. FIRST, ISOLATE THE HABITS YOU WANT TO BREAK.

They might be small habits, like drumming your fingers on a desk when you're nervous, or twitching your nose in a meeting. They might be small, but they may drive your coworkers, boss, or spouse crazy. Small to you may be huge to others.

My wife tells me I have a rather annoying habit of making circles around my mouth with my finger when I'm thinking. I don't notice it, and I imagine it helps me concentrate, but it drives her nuts. Sitting in a movie, in church, or in a meeting, she'll catch me in the act, grab my hand, and pull it away from my mouth. Very small thing to me, very big thing to her.

By the way—just because you have a small habit doesn't mean it won't be hard to break. Very often the small habits are the most difficult to change because they work “under the radar.” We usually don't even notice them, so it's difficult to alter our behavior. That's a key reason for our first step—isolating the habit—because it makes us notice.

On the other hand, you might want to change a really significant habit. I don't have to take the time to remind you how some bad habits can whittle away at your career or relationships. Habits like these are career killers, marriage killers, and can permanently end a promising future.

“But Phil, you're being overly dramatic. Showing up late doesn't matter that much.” To others, showing up late means you don't respect their time and if you don't respect their time, you won't respect them. It may not matter to you, but believe me, it matters to the person constantly having to wait for you.

“But my reports don't have to be perfect.” The smallest mistakes in reports or other correspondence can cost plenty. A misplaced comma, period, or quotation has changed the meaning and result of major projects. A misquoted statement or story can result in legal action. A mistake with a single number can cost a company millions of dollars. Mistakes in business can have serious consequences.

» HABITS CAN HAVE ENORMOUS CONSEQUENCES—NOT JUST FOR US BUT FOR OUR LOVED ONES AS WELL.

Isolate your habits. Make a conscious list so you'll begin to notice the things you want to change.

2. NEXT, MAKE A NOTE ABOUT THE HABIT.

Notice how often you perform the habit and make a note. Call attention to it.

Make it a big deal. Part of the reason we let our habits grow is that we let them live in the invisible world. Just like circling my mouth with my finger when I'm thinking. I don't notice it, and because I don't notice it, I continue the habit.

Noting the habit means writing it down—making note—and calling attention. Negative habits are the enemy to a successful life, and any military commander will tell you the key to defeating an enemy is to make the enemy visible. Radar, sonar, infrared, and satellite tracking are technologies designed to make the invisible, visible. When we can see the enemy clearly, we have the best chance of defeating it.

When you notice a bad habit and call attention to it, it allows you to see how often it disrupts your life or how many times you do it. Perhaps for the first time, you'll see not only why it drives your friends and coworkers nuts but also how it negatively impacts your life as well.

3. AFTER YOU'VE MADE NOTE OF THE HABIT,
TAKE THE TIME TO EVALUATE AND UNDERSTAND IT.

Think about the habit and how that behavior can be broken and eliminated. What will it take to change?

When I work with organizations on strategic thinking and planning, I use the question, “What will have to be aligned for this to happen?”

In other words, to accomplish our goal for the organization, what steps will have to be in place? What will have to be changed in order to reach our goal of $100 million in sales? What will have to be determined to design a more creative environment for our employees? What will have to be in process to meet our goals for next year?

» WHAT WILL HAVE TO BE ALIGNED IN YOUR LIFE TO DEFEAT YOUR NEGATIVE HABITS?

I met a man who was wrestling with pornography. He wasn't a hard-core addict, but he knew it was a problem for him and wanted to put a stop to it before it gained control of his life. At times he would sneak adult magazines into his office or rent an adult movie in his hotel room on a business trip or view Internet porn on his computer after work. I suggested that he shortcut opportunities to let his habit kick in and that he avoid even the temptation. We outlined areas that would help. We purchased a software program that not only blocks pornographic websites but also sends an e-mail to his wife if he tries to access an adult site. He began avoiding newsstands in airports because of the pervasive way they advertise and display provocative magazines. And he began asking for adult movies to be blocked as a normal part of the check-in process at hotels.

We blocked the opportunities for his habit to express itself. Purchasing the correct software, clear avoidance, proper accountability—all those things had to be in place for him to conquer his habit.

Recently I met Delatorro L. McNeal II, a professional speaker and success coach. “Del” is one of the most motivated people I've ever met, and we became acquainted when he was on the set of a television program we were shooting. Del told me that early in his life he found himself stuck in a terrible family situation and, as a result, he was labeled an “at-risk child” by the local school system.

As an African-American young man, he was trapped in the inner city with limited options, and after a few years the “at-risk” label stuck. He began to view himself as at-risk and soon realized that label dictated his future.

But one day, he met a teacher who changed his life. She sat him down, looked him directly in the eye, and said, “Delatorro, you're not a child
at risk
, you're a child
at possibility
.” In a single moment, she changed his label from one of
risk
to one of
possibility
, and in that moment she changed the way he viewed himself and his world.

Since that time Del has spent his life helping other people overcome their labels and see their future in a different light. It's all about conditioning. Today in his presentations to young people, he illustrates the power of conditioning with the results of a study done on fleas. When researchers put a group of fleas in a container with a lid, they immediately tried to jump out but then hit the lid. Even with the tiny intelligence of a flea, it didn't take long for them to realize that when they tried to jump out of the container, it hurt. Not long after, the researchers took off the lid, and guess what? The fleas did not jump out of the container, even though without a lid it would have been an easy leap to freedom.

The lesson hits young people like a rocket. Whatever you're conditioned to do, you'll do it whether the conditions continue or not. Label a child a loser or at risk, and he'll consider himself a loser or an at-risk child for the rest of his life. It's all about the power of habits and the labels those habits represent.

But jolt a child's thinking by calling him a champion and see what happens. If you had a tough childhood, think of how your life might have changed if your parents had encouraged you more, believed in you more, and considered you a champion in life.

And imagine what would have happened if those beliefs had become habits.

As I stood there listening to Del, I thought about the millions of young people around the country who are regularly told, “You're stupid” or “You'll never make it” or “You'll never amount to anything.” Those labels are thoughtless, ignorant, damaging, and destructive.

» NEVER FORGET THE POWER OF LABELS—IN YOUR LIFE AND IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS.

What will have to be aligned for your habits to change? Evaluate the negative habits you've written down and then write what you'll have to do to change those habits. In one man's case, it was simple things like computer software, avoiding certain situations, and accountability. In your case, it might be seeing a doctor, agreeing with your boss or spouse, or rearranging your priorities.

Give it ten days and see what happens.

Open yourself up to the world of your invisible habits and begin making the changes that can transform your life.

REVIEW
Jolt What Matters

Make the decision today to take control of your life.

1. What do I need to do to make stronger choices in my life?

2. I am the only person controlling my life and my decisions. In what areas and with whom do I need to commit to stronger boundaries?

3. In what areas do I need to practice better focus?

4. What negative baggage and issues do I need to release?

5. I n what areas of my life do I need to commit to breaking destructive patterns?

6. Write a statement of commitment, using your answers to the above questions. For example: I commit to ___________ in order to make stronger choices. I commit to establish stronger boundaries with __________. (Continue with questions 3–5.)

JOLT
YOUR
POTENTIAL

» JOLT #11
PERSONAL GROWTH
IS NOT AN OPTION
Never Stop Learning

There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder.
—RONALD REAGAN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Create the kind of climate in your organization where personal growth is expected, recognized, and rewarded.
—AUTHOR UNKNOWN

P
ersonal growth can be daunting in an age when technology changes on a daily basis. Just when you thought you understood your TV remote, a new one comes out that also controls the Internet, the lights, and the washing machine. As a result, millions of people have just given up on learning any thing new—believing that they can't possibly keep up with the explosion of newfangled information.