Jolt! (18 page)

But Doyle's remarkably quick response to the employees and customer base was praised by numerous experts and observers—particularly his decision to use virtually the same websites and media that spread the offending video in the first place. While the company didn't emerge completely unscathed, it was a contemporary example of understanding the influence of the Internet in containing a potential public relations nightmare—what some are calling “social media terrorism.” The truth is, the digital universe is hard to control, which is a significant reason many traditional brick-and-mortar companies have been so slow to go online.

While bad things happen online and every company needs to invest in protection, the world has shifted, and there's no going back.

THE POWER OF RUMOR

One of the fascinating and frustrating issues with the Web is the power of rumor. People are people and very often are willing to believe anything they receive in an e-mail. As a result, wildly unsubstantiated and false rumors can wreak havoc online. Companies have been dealt crippling blows through orchestrated online campaigns and even simple e-mails. As far back as 1999, a Yankelovich survey indicated that 60 percent of CEOs worried about negative information concerning their companies spreading on the Internet.

» THE TRUTH IS, EVERYONE'S EQUAL ONLINE.

While companies can spend millions on Web-based advertising and marketing, a simple rumor spread unwittingly from a low-level employee can destroy a reputation.

It's no different in your personal life. You can succumb to the criticism— and trust me: anytime you try to succeed, there will always be critics—or learn how to move beyond it.

You have a choice. You can spend your life with people who criticize, drain, and humiliate you; or you can spend your life with people who celebrate you, value your dreams, and care about your future.

Does it make a difference?

I've always been fascinated by sports fans—the millions of people who sit in a stadium or watch on television and cheer their favorite athletes and sports teams to victory. They are remarkably loyal and, in some cases, dedicated to the point of insanity.

A major television network recently reported on “ultimate” sports fans who take the concept of “fandom” to new levels. One couple completely redecorated their home in the style of their favorite football team, including tossing out their sofa in exchange for hard, wooden stadium seats in the living room. Another couple had a sports wedding, where the bride had her favorite team's name embroidered down the back of her wedding dress, and the cake was in the shape of a giant football. I attended a Los Angeles Lakers game recently and watched an entire section of basketball fans dressed as Laker superheroes, complete with purple and gold tights, capes, and wigs.

Fans can be a little on the crazy side, but there's no question that they make a difference. I received my master's degree at the University of Oklahoma, so I'm very familiar with Sooner football, and I've seen some amazing things happen when the fans get involved. The game's momentum can change, and an impending loss can be completely turned around, ignited by the energy and enthusiasm of the fans.

For thousands of years, athletes have known the power of supportive fans. In the same way, you can rise to a completely new level of performance when you tap into the awesome power of people who believe in your dreams. The great tragedy of personal performance is that few people realize the value of having fans. They have no idea how to build a personal support system that can keep them motivated and enthusiastic when times get tough.

Certainly there have been heroic stories of people who have accomplished great things in the midst of very unsupportive situations. I've met a number of people who have excelled in spite of growing up in an environment of criticism, negative emotions, and abuse. The human spirit is remarkably resilient, and it can rise above poverty, humiliation, neglect, ignorance, and criticism. Somehow, these unusual people have transcended terrible circumstances and achieved success despite their immediate environment.

But for most people, being surrounded by negativity, condemnation, and pessimism is a destructive influence that's difficult, if not impossible, to rise above. Time and time again, lives are destroyed and human potential lost from lack of encouragement, help, and support. For the majority, success only happens in an environment of encouragement and love. But most people have no idea how much they can control their environment.

One of the great secrets in life is to understand that what you desire, you must give away. If you want love, you must give love; if you want friends, you must be friendly; and if you want encouragement, you need to encourage others. Relationships don't happen in a vacuum. If you want a harvest in your own life, you must first plant the seed in the lives of others.

In this case, become an encourager. Be a cheerleader for others.

Now we're going to get serious here.

Think about your friends for a minute. How many of the people you consider friends really care about you? How many encourage you in your visions and dreams, and how many are there for you when you hit a wall?

Most people, if they are really honest, would have to agree that a significant number of their friends and associates aren't really there in the clutch. In fact, many of the people we spend the most time with are actually time wasters who drain us of our energy and trivialize our dreams.

Take some time and think long and hard about your relationships. Starting today, spend more time cultivating and developing relationships with people who really care about you and your future. People who don't feel threatened by your success and who genuinely want to see you succeed.

You don't have to be cold or rude to the others. Maintain their friendships, but spend your serious time with those who believe in you and want you to achieve your potential.

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.
—EDNA BUCHANAN, PULITZER PRIZE WINER

I go back to the saying, go where you are celebrated, not just tolerated.

Good advice. The more time you spend with your personal cheerleaders, the more you'll stay motivated and energized. Who you listen to matters, so you need to surround yourself with people who fill you with emotional support.

I also suggest you assemble a small group of encouraging people and meet regularly with them to share ideas and dreams. The writers C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien were members of a group associated with Oxford University, called the Inklings. It was a group of teachers, writers, and friends who met regularly at a well-known Oxford pub to discuss passages from their favorite books as well as their own writing. They shared the same moral and cultural values, religious beliefs, and education.

One of their chief concerns and regular points of discussion was the declining influence of faith within the culture. In 1936, they decided that the world needed novels that used issues of faith and morality as their central themes. Lewis and Tolkien decided to write science fiction, after realizing the poor level of similar stories being published at the time. They literally tossed a coin to decide who would write a book on space travel versus time travel. Tolkien got the time travel nod, but his early efforts with a story never really worked out. Later, however, he would achieve great success with
The Lord of the Rings
. Lewis wrote his famous series of novels called The Space Trilogy, and from that momentum he eventually penned The Chronicles of Narnia.

Meeting regularly with good friends is an invaluable source of encouragement and motivation—especially when those friends share your business interests, passion, and expertise.

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
—JANE HOWARD, NOVELIST

Another reason for cheerleaders is that one person can only carry a burden so far by himself. In the fifties, a young writer named John Kennedy Toole worked alone, writing a novel in New Orleans. He wasn't a particularly outgoing young man, and he carried the weight of writing and selling the manuscript totally on his own shoulders. When it was finished, he sent it to publisher after publisher, but few even responded. One major publisher initially liked it but ultimately rejected it. With no one to share his frustration, he was finally overcome by rejection, and when he could take it no more, he took his own life.

Sometime after the funeral, his mother found the coffee-stained manuscript, took up the cause, and became his champion. She finally found an LSU professor and accomplished writer named Walker Percy, who agreed to read it. She sent him the well-worn pages. When Percy read the story, he immediately recognized its genius and recommended it to a major publisher. After its release, John Kennedy Toole's novel,
A Confederacy of Dunces
, won a Pulitzer Prize and has been heralded as one of the major novels of the twentieth century.

I often wonder how things might have been different if that young writer had been surrounded by a group of intimate friends with whom he could have shared his burdens and who would have given him encouragement and love.

People who could have helped him through the rejection letters from publishers, the challenges of writing, or the times when he struggled to fill the page.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
—MARK TWAIN, WRITER AND HUMORIST

Your list of friends could probably use a jolt. Seek out the people who really believe in your potential. Encourage and support them, and welcome their support in return. Spend time with people who energize you, challenge you, and make you better, and cut down on your time with those who drain your energy, time, and talent.

Friends who will speak positive words of encouragement into your life are more valuable than gold. Treat them with the same care and respect.

» JOLT #17
THE FREEDOM OF
ACOUNTABILITY
The Secret of
Real
Independence

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
—GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, PLAYWRIGHT

The price of greatness is responsibility.
—SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL, BRITISH PRIME MINISTER

E
arlier I told the story of a man who spent years wrestling with pornography. I return to that story because it's an example of a problem that is remarkably difficult to correct. Although most researchers would not consider pornography a classic disease, it can be a legitimate addiction. For instance, researchers have documented the dramatic role pornography plays for career criminals and how it can actually consume their lives. In addition, as with a drug, the porn addict is in constant need of an ever-growing “fix.” What seemed like a fun experience looking at simple pinup shots suddenly demands that he look at more explicit photos, until even hard-core pornography isn't enough to satisfy his increased desire.

One man who went through that nightmare and was able to emerge on the other side is a pastor from the Midwest. I met Mike when I did some consulting at a large church where he was working on staff. I could tell he was far more experienced than a typical assistant and asked him numerous times if he had been a senior pastor before. Finally, after a long meeting, he asked if I could join him for dinner, where he told me his remarkable story.

Years before, as a young pastor, Mike was making a small salary and couldn't afford much when it came to shopping for a home. He and his wife finally bought a condo in a less desirable part of town. One morning, while taking out the trash, he found a paperback book sitting next to the dumpster. Not thinking much of it, he flipped it open to discover it was a hard-core pornographic novel. He only needed to read a few lines to see this wasn't something for him, so he quickly dropped the paperback into the bag and continued dumping the trash.

But days later, a strange thing happened. Those few lines from the novel he thought he had forgotten came back to his mind. Even then, he didn't think much of it and quickly thought about something else.

But the thoughts continued. Days and weeks later, he just couldn't get those few graphic and explicit lines from the pornographic novel out of his mind. It was like a worm that had dug its way into his brain and just wouldn't leave.

Within a few months he began to be obsessed with the thoughts and wanted more. He tried to forget about it, but it just latched on and wouldn't let go. Then one day he left the church office early, stopped by a newsstand on the way home, and picked up an adult magazine. The desire was being fed. It wasn't long before his wife went on a weekend church mission trip and he decided to rent an adult video. One thing led to another, and within a year he was traveling to nearby towns to visit adult bookstores. Eventually he gained the courage to visit a “massage parlor.”

The successful young pastor was completely out of control, and his addiction to pornography was escalating. His habit was costing him upward of one thousand dollars a month, and he became very skillful at not letting his wife see the credit card bills. In addition, he was isolating himself from the very people who could have helped—his wife, his family, and other pastors. Over and over he tried to stop, but the pull was just too strong.

Finally, he realized it had to end, but the only way out he could think of was suicide. One night he purchased a handgun and decided this would be his last night on the earth. But in the darkness, he somehow found the courage to put down the gun and confess to his wife.

Needless to say, the confession was a shock. She still loved him and believed in him, but after his explicit description of the lie he had lived during the last two years, she appropriately decided to draw new boundaries on their relationship. He slept in the guest room, and they decided to seek counseling from a trusted and qualified pastor.