Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) (19 page)

Chapter 24

Olivia

For the record, I didn't know my brother was going to go through the trash and find the pregnancy test. When he confronted me I wanted to lie, but Wes is hard to convince. Besides, I need someone on my side to help me through this. If he discovered it was Josh he'd feel obligated to help us work out our differences.

The call comes in a little after nine. When I see his name pop up on my screen I already know what's it about. Wes has arrived in Kentucky and given Josh an ear full.

I take a few deep breaths and prepare to get yelled at. "Hey Josh."

"How could you?"

I play dumb. "How could I what?"

His voice is different. It almost sounds like he's crying, but that's not possible. "She's gone, Liv. Tamsyn overheard everything. She's packing up and leaving. She ended it between us. FUCK!" He screams.

"I don't understand."

"You told your brother. You knew how he would react. How could you?"

"Josh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay. The first woman to ever love me is leaving me. How do you think I am?"

"She's not the first person," I correct him.

"Don't. Don't you dare compare what we had to my relationship with Tamsyn. That woman means everything to me. I just watched my possible future look me in the eyes and tell me it's over. You should have seen her. How could I do this?"

He really is crying, and it's breaking my heart. "Josh, please don't cry. Jesus, you have to calm down."

"I can't. I won't. You ruined me. I had one chance and you took it away from me."

"I'm sorry. I never meant for it to come out like this."

"Well it did. I hope you're happy. You got exactly what you wanted. She's out of the picture."

I actually feel terrible he's going through this heartbreaking time. Guilt stricken and obviously over emotional, I do my best to comfort him. "Go after her Josh. It's getting late and she's probably a mess. Hunt her down and convince her to stay. Maybe after you've both calmed down you can talk more."

"She told me to leave her alone."

"Just do what I say. Show her you won't give up."

"I shouldn't be talking to you about this."

"It's okay. I owe you that much. Tamsyn is stubborn. She's probably rushing to get out of there, so get off the phone and stop her, Josh."

He hangs up the phone without another word. I'm still in shock. Joshua Healy doesn't cry. He rarely expresses any emotions except for disgust. She really has changed him, but there's still a part of me that hopes he can't convince her to stay, because if the pregnancy tests are accurate, I'm going to have to work my ass off to win back the father of my child.

Chapter 25

Tamsyn

I don't even remember getting back to the stables, but thankfully I manage. I don't waste time taking the saddle off the horse, but instead make a beeline for the mansion where my luggage awaits. I'm halfway through the long dirt lane when I hear the sound of a horse running. I don't have to look back to know its Josh; the man who just ripped my heart from my chest.

He's calling my name. "Tamsyn, stop!"

At first I don't want to listen, until I hear the struggle in his voice. As mad as I am, it still gets to me to hear him this upset. "What?"

"Don't leave. The roads are tricky and you don't know your way. At least wait until morning."

He's right. I shouldn't borrow a truck I've never driven and attempt to make it home. I cross my arms over my chest. "Fine. I'll see if I can stay at a nearby hotel."

"You can stay here. I'll take the downstairs couch."

"I still can't believe this is happening to us. I knew something was wrong, but I never expected this."

He clenches his jaw and peers away. His bright green eyes are already red and swollen. At least I know this hurts him and that he's not completely heartless. "I wish it wasn't true. I've wished it since the day it happened. This has been the best three months of my life."

"How? I don't get it." Then I change my mind. "Don't tell me. I can't bear to hear it."

"I'll tell you anything."

"How many times?" There are some things I need to ask, because it will bug the shit out of me if I don’t.

"Once."

"Where? Was it in your bed? The bed we shared?"

"No." He frowns and shakes his head. "No way. It was outside. She cornered me when I went outside."

"Halloween?"

"Hell no. It was when you were gone. She showed up freaking out that we were together. She wanted me to tell her you didn't mean anything to me."

"Did you? Is that how it happened?"

He reaches for me, but I back away. I can't handle it. "Tamsyn, of course not. I told her I love you, because I do. I said what we have is real. She went nuts and left. I’d been drinking all night with my parents. I had no idea what I was doing. It was a huge mistake I've regretted since waking up sober."

"I'm sorry, Josh, but I don't believe you. The truth is, Livvy wants you, and I guess a part of you still wanted her too. You said she was your first love. Some people never get over that."

"I am over it. I'm here with you. I want you. Only you. I love you."

"I love you too, but I can't forgive you, even if my heart wants me to. You knew I could never forgive you if you cheated on me."

"I know." His face contorts like he's trying to fight his emotions. "I understand."

I break down right in front of him again.

“Do you? Do you have any idea how this feels for me?”

The veins are popping on his forehead. He’s fighting a losing battle though. Nothing he says will make this right, “I messed up. It was once. I never would have done it sober.”

“You think that’s a good enough excuse for me to get over it?” I have to turn away from him. There’s no way I can look at him, knowing this has to end, and not run into his arms. “I need to be alone, Josh. Go back to your family.”

“No way. I’m where I need to be.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure there is someone else who needs you more than me. Have you considered that she’s lying?” It’s a possibility. Livvy is known for fabricating stories to benefit herself.

“I saw the tests.” He pauses. “Plus, I can tell she’s upset about it. She never wanted kids. If she was going to continue trying to break us up she’s find other ways. This isn’t how she’d want my family knowing we were together. She knows they’ll hate her for this.”

He’s right. This doesn’t get her anywhere. That can only mean it’s true. Livvy is pregnant. “How do you know you’re the father?”

“I guess I can’t be sure until the baby is born. She said her fiancé had a vasectomy years ago. The timing is right.”

I feel like I’m going to throw up. I keep imagining them together, her hands all over the parts of him that were supposed to be mine. I’m devastated.

“How long were you planning on keeping this from me? Obviously you wouldn’t have been able to hide it forever.”

“Liv agreed to keep quiet until she was showing. I knew my time was running out, but I wanted to have a nice holiday with you and my family before all hell broke loose. Can you blame me? I didn’t want to hurt you. That was never my intention. I’d do anything for your forgiveness.”

“Don’t bother. It’s too late for that.” I look him right in his sad eyes. My teeth grit as I say it. “I will never forgive you.”

He’s squinting again, his face scrunching up. “I’m so damn sorry.”

“I am too. We could have been great, Josh.”

He nods through his tears. “I know.”

My lips are trembling. I can barely see out of my tear-filled eyes. It’s too much. “I’m going to go lie down for a while.”

When I turn to walk away he grabs the back of my shirt. In a matter of seconds he’s wrapping his arms around the back of me and crying into my shoulder. My hands come up and hold onto his. Then I lose it. His strength alone is the only thing keeping me from falling. I can’t begin to fathom how this is happening to us. He’s making it worse by being this emotional.

I tap on his arm. “I have to go,” I manage to mumble.

He lets go, saying nothing as I start walking away.

It’s not until I’m behind closed doors that I really fall apart. I slide down against the bedroom wall and bawl my eyes out. I’ll never be the same again, not after losing him. In a few short months he consumed me. It was dangerous from the start, but I couldn’t turn away. I wanted it, and now I have to live with that decision and always wonder what could have been if this never happened.

It’s the middle of the night when I come out of the bedroom. My stomach is growling, yet I’m too upset to eat anything. I’d never expect to find Josh asleep on the floor in the hallway. I’m furious and hurt, but still care. I’m not the only person going through hell. It’s obvious he’s tearing himself apart over what’s happened.

I kneel down and shake him awake. “Hey.” He stirs, sitting up and taking in his surroundings. “How long have you been here?”

There’s a bottle of whiskey next to him, so I know he didn’t follow me upstairs earlier. “A while.”

“Are you able to stand?” I ask.

I take his hand, not even thinking that it’s probably not a good idea to touch him. I get him to his feet, realizing how close it’s made us. He brings his free hand up and strokes my face. “Please don’t stop loving me.”

I turn away from his touch. “You can’t ask me that.”

“Well, I’m doing it anyway!” He picks up the whiskey bottle and takes a long swig.

He’s getting loud, and I don’t want to involve anyone else in our problems, so I pull him inside of the room I’d been in. When the door is closed, I put my finger over my lips to make him aware that he’s being too loud. He smells of booze. There’s no telling how much he’s had.

I steal the bottle and drink as much as I can before it makes me hurl. Then I do it a second time, hoping and praying there is enough left to make the pain subside.

He’s watching me, a half-smile forming on his face as I do it. “It’s not going to work,” he mentions.

“Screw you. Let me be the judge of that.” I guzzle the entirety of the bottle and sit it on a nearby dresser. The horrible taste causes me to gag, but I manage to keep from heaving. “Where did you go earlier?”

He sits down on the mattress and folds his hands in his lap. “I went to talk to my father.”

“Does he know?”

“Yeah.”

I can only imagine how it went. “Did you fight?”

“We had words. I lost my shit, punched a hole in my uncle’s garage wall.” He holds up his hand to show me the bruising.

I sit down beside him to get a better look in case it’s broken. As I’m checking it out I can feel his eyes in my direction. As if in slow motion I turn to make sure. We’re so close, yet a wall is sitting between us, an invincible shield keeping us apart.

“I never thought I was lost until I found you, Tamsyn. I didn’t think it was possible to love this way. Every part of me aches for you. I wish I knew how to make this right.”

“I believe you, Josh. I really do. There’s just some things I’ll never be able to get over.”

“I know.”

I’m still holding onto his fist, and as I begin to let go, he takes my hand and forces our fingers to lace. Our eyes meet again. “We belong together.”

I nod. It’s true. We’re a perfect match. I don’t need a dating site to tell me either. He finishes my sentences. We enjoy the same things. We get each other.

“Stay for Thanksgiving. Be here with my family. When we go home I’ll help you leave, if it’s what you really want.”

“Don’t you get it? I’d never want this.” I’m crying again. “I don’t want to lose you because some bitch came between us. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair at all.”

He brings my hands to his lips and kisses them. I close my eyes as the liquor starts to make it’s way into my blood stream. I’m beginning to relax, but not nearly enough to forget. “Tell me you love me,” he orders.

I gaze into those green eyes, my lips part, and I say it. “I love you.” I’m sobbing now. “I love you, Josh, so much that I feel like I’m being gutted.” I fall into his lap and weep. I’m trying to be strong, but it’s impossible. I think it would be different if he didn’t love me, or was having an affair for the whole time we were together, but that’s not the case. From the way he tells the story, he was manipulated when his guard was down.

He plays with my hair until I manage to calm down. I’m sniffling, but remain in his lap. For some reason being like this with him comforts me, even though he’s the person who caused this. “Can I stay the night in here with you? I won’t try anything, I swear. I need to be close to you.”

I sit up and try to think of all the ways it’s a bad idea, but I’m left wanting it too. “Okay.”

We climb under the covers together, him fully dressed, and me in my pajamas. For a couple minutes we’re far apart, both of us facing each other. Then he reaches for my hand. “I can’t do this without you. I get why you feel the need to leave.”

“I won’t give up on our friendship, if that’s what you’re getting at. I need it too.”

He kisses my hand and closes his eyes, only to slide up against my body and wrap one arm around my back. I nestle my head under his chin and close my eyes. How am I supposed to get over this when being in his arms is the only thing to make it better?