JoshuasMistake (14 page)

Joshua’s stomach tightened and he pulled Tessa closer to his
chest, unable to bear someone else carrying her. “I have her.”

He might has well have said,
She’s mine.
The
intensity of his words was obvious and Jon gave him a nod and backed away.

Adianca started toward the house. “Come, Lakeland. You need
rest and your woman needs food and water. We will take care of this before we
go on a quest.”

She was on the top of the steps before Joshua found his
voice. “Teacher, I need to bring her back. We have little time.”

Her craggy face frowned down at him. “And yet it is time we
will need. Some things cannot be rushed as you well know. Or have I taught you
nothing?”

There was nothing for Joshua to say. He clutched Tessa close
to him and walked up the steps into the house.

Inside, two women were rushing around preparing food. The
kitchen took up one corner of the wooden lodge-style house. There was no dining
room, only a long farm table placed near the kitchen. The other side of the
room had comfortably worn furniture and a few tables with lamps.

The high ceiling gave the room a larger feeling. Doors to
the right led to bedrooms and a bathroom. Joshua had been there before and nothing
had changed. All the walls were wood and the furniture was all shades of brown.
Red-and-teal Native-American-made blankets and pillows added the only color to
the decor.

Adianca spoke to Will. “Food will come to you, friend of
Lakeland. For now keep watch with Jon and Gowan.”

Will nodded and did as he was told.

Joshua settled on the couch. He could feel the warmth of
Tessa’s body slipping away. He was losing her.

“Come and eat something,” Adianca ordered. He had never said
no to his shaman but he was tempted. He didn’t want to leave Tessa.

The medicine woman gave him a sad smile. “She will be fine
and you need to eat so your strength does not fail you, Lakeland. Come.”

Reluctantly he slid out from under Tessa’s limp form and
carefully arranged her on the couch. His chest ached at seeing her so lifeless.
He missed the vibration of her aura. For the first time in his life Joshua knew
real fear and it was near to crippling. Never before had another person been so
instrumental to his own survival.

The women placed bowls of stew on the table and Joshua made
his way over. He sat and ate as if he were a starving man with his first meal.
Halfway through his bowl he saw movement by the couch and turned to see the two
women who had served the stew sitting down by Tessa with a bowl.

“I will feed her,” he said. His voice was much louder than
was necessary.

The women were startled.

“You must eat,” Adianca said.

Joshua shoveled the remaining food in his mouth, got up from
the table and still chewing moved toward the couch. He sat down near Tessa’s
head, lifted her body and adjusted it so her back rested on his chest.

The women watched with wide eyes. Once he had settled Tessa
into a sitting position, one of the women pulled a small table over and the
other placed the bowl with clear broth on it.

Joshua could reach the spoon but the soup dripped as he
lifted it toward Tessa. One of the women sat on the couch by Tessa’s hip and
held the bowl up inches from her closed mouth.

Her eyes were full of sympathy.

Joshua placed his lips near Tessa’s ear. “Tessa, open your
mouth. You have to eat something.”

There was no response.

No one in the room said a word. He could feel them all
looking at him, thinking he was a sad, pathetic man who’d lost his woman. He
refused to believe she was gone. Her heart still beat and so some part of her
mind still worked, it was her essence that had retreated.

With his arm wrapped just under her breasts he pulled her in
tighter. “You have to eat, beautiful. For me, open your mouth.”

On a breath of air her lips parted. Not much but it would be
enough to get the tip of a spoon through.

He took the spoon again and dipped it in the bowl before
slowly moving it to Tessa’s lips. Part of it dripped down her chin. The woman
wiped it up with a napkin. Joshua had expected her to choke back the rest of
the soup but to his surprise Tessa swallowed. They repeated the process until
half the soup was gone from the bowl, and Tessa’s lips sealed tight.

“You’re wonderful, Tessa. Thank you.” The words were barely
audible. It was only for her to hear.

He looked up at the woman with the bowl. She was Native
American. Her dark eyes held kindness and sorrow. She had cut her hair to her
shoulders and it was streaked with a few strands of gray. She put the bowl
aside and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch. Carefully she covered
Tessa, tucking the warm wool around her.

Realizing he’d not even asked her name, he was at a loss for
what to say. She had been kind and he had been preoccupied. His entire focus
had been on Tessa and he’d ignored the women who had come to their aid.

Even though he’d been to Adianca’s home many times he’d
never met the people from the reservation. His focus in the past had been a
selfish quest for peace and other minds were a distraction from that goal.

Now that he was paying attention he detected psi energy
coming from the woman. It wasn’t terribly strong but it was there and as he
scanned he notice a surge of energy from the other woman. She didn’t stop him
aggressively but in a subtle way she pushed his exploration back.

He attempted to smile in apology for his gentle probe. She
nodded.

The woman who had helped with feeding Tessa said, “I am
Lucy, Jon’s wife and that is Rain Silver.”

Lucy pointed to the woman with the strong aura. Rain was
younger, perhaps twenty-five, with long black hair and searching eyes. Under
normal circumstances Joshua would have made some attempt to find out exactly
what her psi talents were but it was not a normal day.

“Thank you both.”

With a nod Lucy got up and went to the kitchen. Rain moved
the table back into its place next to the couch.

Adianca made her way to the front door. “You rest for a few
hours and then we will begin. The lodge must be heated.”

The two women cleaned the table and worked in the kitchen.

Kane approached the couch. “I’m going to keep watch with
Will. You should lie down and close your eyes, Josh. It’s going to be a long
few days.”

He looked up at his little brother. “I can’t lose her, Kane.”

Kane stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked
uncomfortable. Maybe he was thinking about his wife Lena and how he’d nearly
lost her. “I know.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Joshua hated the fear in his
voice.

“You brought her here. You did the right thing. She would
die in a hospital. They wouldn’t know how to treat her. Adianca will get you to
her. She’ll need you to bring her back. Just rest for now.”

His brother turned and walked toward the door.

“Kane.”

He turned back.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Joshua’s throat was tight with
emotion. He and his brother had spent most of their lives apart. When Joshua
had first found Kane, Kane had not remembered having a brother though those
memories had returned in time. Still, they had formed a bond only brothers could
understand and he would rather go through hell with Kane than with anyone else
on the Earth. And that was exactly where he was and he would go deeper before
this was over.

“Me too, Josh.” Kane went to the door and left Joshua
holding Tessa on the couch.

Water ran in the kitchen and the tinkling of dishes being
washed floated through the room. Joshua closed his eyes and let exhaustion win
him over.

He knew it the moment he’d slid into her dreams. Terrifying
colors and darkness spun wildly, making navigation difficult. “Tessa?”

There was no reply. He moved forward as if he were a
breeze trapped in a hurricane. Everything was confusion and panic. None of it
resembled the beautiful mind he’d explored and relished. His sorrow pressed
down on him, making movement impossible.

“Tessa, where are you?”

There was a whimper. It sounded as if a child had been
beaten. Joshua moved himself forward toward the noise.

A child with blonde hair and blue eyes huddled in the
midst of the storm. She covered her face with her hands and wept.

He knelt down beside her. “Tessa, it’s all right, I’m
here.”

There was no response.

“Can you hear me? I’m going to get you out. I’m going to
get you back.”

The child’s crying increased. Joshua reached out and put
his hand on her shoulder. She only cried more. The sound broke his heart. Pain
both physical and emotional tormented the child living within Tessa. He couldn’t
take any more. She couldn’t see him, didn’t feel him and wouldn’t hear him.

Joshua shook himself awake. It took him a moment to orient
himself. He was in Adianca’s great room. Tessa, still unconscious, rested in
his arms. He didn’t know when Lucy and Rain had left the house or how long he’d
slept. The sun still streamed through the windows.

He felt the shaman’s silent approach before she spoke. “It
is time, Lakeland.”

Adianca wore a white ceremonial gown. It was beaded in
orange, black and teal all the way down the front. She didn’t wear a headdress
but her hair had been brushed out and left loose.

His muscles ached as he tried to move. The fall from the
helicopter had taken its toll. Pain stung his legs and back when he maneuvered
off the couch. Ignoring the discomfort and giving his legs a chance to remember
how to hold his weight, he stooped to lift Tessa from the couch. Her head
lolled unnaturally until it settled against his chest. He kissed her crown and
walked toward the door.

He turned to the right and approached the sweat lodge. Set
into a dug-out depression of earth, the domed mud-and-grass roof had one
chimney to keep the smoke from strangling the devout. The only light would come
from the heated rocks and the door. Once the sun set it would be nearly pitch-black
in there.

Joshua hesitated for a moment at the entrance. What he had
seen in Tessa’s dreams had not been encouraging. She couldn’t see him or at
least the child had not. Was the child all that was left of his perfect mate?

The thought terrified him. No, he would find her.

Adianca walked around him and entered the lodge.

Kane stayed behind him. He had taken off his shirt and
shoes. Joshua needed to do the same.

Without a word his brother took Tessa from his arms. He didn’t
move, only waited while Joshua stripped down to his shorts.

Once Kane passed Tessa back to Joshua he entered the lodge.
Turning back in the low doorway, he gave Joshua an encouraging smile.

Joshua looked behind him to where Jon, Gowan and Will all
stood near the fire, observing him. They would keep a watch out for Banta and
replace the rocks heating the lodge. A vision quest could take hours to complete.
The people on the outside would deliver water when needed to keep those inside
the sweat lodge alive.

Will held his rifle across his chest. It had the sight
attached for long-range shooting. He dipped his head toward the left side of
the lodge. Joshua looked and saw several automatic weapons had been left near
the sweat lodge’s door.

Joshua turned and entered with Tessa.

The circular structure left no corners where spirits could
hide. The thick walls and roof kept the heat in. A round depression in the
center of the lodge held the superheated stones and a cauldron of water to keep
some moisture in the room.

Joshua had made many vision quests in the sweat lodge. In
the past he had always entered searching for some answer to his troubled soul.
He sought peace and answers in his youth. As he’d grown older he’d mostly come
to calm his mind and get away from the noise of the world. His gifts made it
difficult to think. He always had so many other people in his head. The barrage
could be deafening.

This time was different. The stakes were so much higher. If
he failed he would lose Tessa. He’d only just found her and now he might never
hear her laugh again. Adianca had called her his woman and it was true. Tessa
was his woman and he had failed her in every way. He’d been too afraid to tell
her how he felt, it had been his fault danger came to her and then he’d failed
to protect her from Banta.

The heat filled his lungs, making his chest ache. Blankets
made up a makeshift bed on the far side of the lodge. Joshua walked around and
placed Tessa carefully on the blankets. He took each hand and kissed the palms
before leaning down. His lips touched her ear. “I will find you. Wait for me.”

Stepping away, he sat next to Kane, facing the center of the
lodge. Adianca sat cross-legged, facing the brothers with the fire pit between
them. She began a low chant. Kane took up the same ancient words. Joshua
steadied his breath and ignored the sweat dripping down his spine in rivulets.

The two people he trusted most in the world, besides Tessa,
raised their voices to help him enter the spirit world. The deepness of Kane’s
voice and the slightly higher tones of Adianca merged until the sound became
one.

Joshua closed his eyes and allowed the sound to roll over
him. The heat muddled his mind and slowed his breathing. He lost himself to the
warm cocoon of the sweat lodge.

The ground slid out from under him and Joshua floated in
total darkness. His past echoed around him. The spirit world knew nothing of
time. Five-year-old Kane screamed in protest while government agents dragged
Joshua away from the orphanage. Kane’s little, tear-streaked face pressed up
against the window, his mouth open in an eternal “no” that had haunted Joshua’s
dreams from that day until well into his adulthood.

Then he was older and working in the field. Joshua had
been an agent for years. Will was set up for a shot. Joshua’s job was to detect
anything that might keep them from making the kill. The dignitary who’d escaped
FBI custody was in their sights. Then Joshua felt it. Another psi vibration so
familiar it could not be ignored. He’d known before Kane stepped out in the
clearing his brother was near.

He’d almost forgotten he’d had a brother. It had been so
many years and they had been so young when separated. Yet he knew who the dark-haired
man with the gun was. He never doubted.

Kane’s head turned toward the building and window across
the street where Joshua and Will were set up. He sensed it too. Kane grabbed
his mark and stood between him and the window.

“I can shoot right through this guy,” Will said.

“No.” Joshua pushed the barrel of the rifle down and away
from his brother.

“Focus on your task.” Adianca’s voice floated through the
spirit world.

More visions of his past sped by. Joshua brushed them
aside. The effects of a world without matter could be addling. A man could
forget why he’d entered and be swept away with the torrent of information
floating by and pressing in. It was a test of strength not to succumb to the
distractions. Some images of the past or the future were more determined than
others. Some would batter a person until they were seen.

None of that would help Tessa. He needed to find her in
the shadows and bring her back to the world where they could live. The spirit
world was not for the living.

It was difficult to search through the swirling blacks
and grays of the spirit world. Some places were thick as a swamp and others
impassable. Banta’s dark skin and flashing eyes erupted before him. A slow grin
spread across his face, baring bright white teeth that appeared more like
fangs.

Had Banta found them? Was it a production of Joshua’s
imagination? Was it the effect of Tessa’s fears? Could Joshua be getting close
to finding her? There was no way for him to know. He had to locate Tessa’s aura
and get them out of there. How could he defend her life if he was not in the
solid world?

He delved further, searched, called out. He was going in
circles. Where was she?

Desperation and despair folded over him and the sting of
failure with them. Without her spirit Tessa’s body would die. Without Tessa
there was little reason for Joshua to go on.

Kane’s voice filled his consciousness. “You have to come
out, Josh. You need to eat and sleep. You’ve been under too long already.”

Time passed at a different rate within than it did on the
outside. Joshua didn’t know how much time had passed. Unless he was dying he
would not feel the effects of the trance on his corporeal body.

A gentle, weak vibration barely reached him. He pushed
his brother away and moved toward it. The child from Tessa’s dream huddled in
the churning darkness and light.

The vision quest was void of surfaces a man could grasp
on to. He did not approach the child so much as brought her consciousness closer
to his. When she was near the vibration, which was clearly Tessa, grew
stronger. Pure joy erupted inside Joshua. He had not felt her aura inside her
dream, but here in the place where souls belonged she was alive.

“Tessa, you must come with me.”

She flinched but did not move closer or run away. Her
liquid eyes gazed up at him and he saw an instant of recognition.

“Yes, beautiful, it’s me. It’s Joshua. You cannot remain
here. I know you’re afraid. I know you have suffered, but this is no place for
the living and I will not be able to remain with you. I can’t live with that.”

The child watched him. Confusion twisted her face and she
resumed crying into her hands.

Frustration and panic warred with his desire to reach
her. He fought the need to scoop her up and run, but in the world of vision
there was no substance to grab.

“Adianca, Shaman, what do I do?”

His guide’s voice vibrated the air. “The child does not
understand, Lakeland. Your woman has shattered into pieces. You must find the
woman who is lost. This is only the representation of fear. Search for
strength.”

Joshua hated to leave Tessa’s fear behind. He wanted to
cradle her and prove that in spite of what had happened in Florida he would
always protect her. Yet Adianca’s words echoed in his mind. He had to find
Tessa’s strength and it was clear the child could not help him get her back.

Even as he had the thought the crying faded and he was
alone again.

Moving through the mire of his own battles and pushing
aside his doubt held him back and made going forward more difficult. The hum of
her familiar aura forced him forward. The closer he came to the distinct
vibration the more he realized there was something wrong. This was not the pure
light that perfectly resounded with his own vibration. What he felt and heard
had a darker essence, though it was, without a doubt, still Tessa.

When he found her she was young, though not as young as
the frightened child. This Tessa was a teenager of maybe fourteen or fifteen,
beautiful and awkward but not yet a woman. She was not huddled or afraid. Her
long platinum hair stood out wildly and strands partially hid her face.

She was intent on something he could not make out. As he
approached, the scene she’d created became clearer. She’d devised a room filled
with glass and mirrors. The teen’s eyes narrowed on a table stacked high with
china.

“Tessa, what are you doing?” he asked.

She whirled around, grabbed a plate from the table and
whipped it in his direction. Nothing was solid and yet he ducked out of the way
and felt the air ripple as the plate went by. It crashed against the walls of
the phantom room.

A wicked smile twisted the teen’s lips.

“Go,” she said. Another plate sped past as if it were a
Frisbee.

Again Joshua ducked. “You’re angry at me. I understand. I
should have taken better care of you. Just relax and we can talk about it.”

The scream retched from Tessa’s lungs and pierced his
heart. If his ears could have been affected in the spirit world they would have
stung and he’d have covered them. As it was he felt her anguish on a deeper
level and found he had inadvertently moved away.

She growled low in her throat and reached for a gravy
boat. Joshua braced for her to sling the china at him but instead she hurled it
toward a large gilded mirror and both items shattered spectacularly.

A brick appeared in her hand and she crashed it into a
window, which also burst into a million shards.

“Tessa, talk to me. I can help you. Come back with me.”
He hated that he was begging and yet he would have gone to his knees and
pleaded if it meant she would walk away from her destruction and return to him
in the world of the living.

“Go!” She threw plates, cups and saucers in every
direction, no longer even stopping to enjoy the spectacle of what she had done.
Pure rage emanated outward from this version of his Tessa.

She could not be reasoned with. He wasn’t even sure she
understood what he was saying to her. He backed away in spite of the pain of
leaving her behind yet again. As suddenly as she had appeared she was gone and
the sound of shattering glass faded to nothing.

Almost immediately he saw another Tessa, standing in a
park looking over a lake that rippled outward as if a pebble had been thrown in
the center. He sensed her but again the light was missing from the woman he
knew. As he drew closer he saw lines creased her brow and wrinkled round her
eyes. Frown lines pulled her lips downward and a touch of silver-gray shaded
her short-cropped hair.

“Tessa?”

“You shouldn’t have come here, Joshua.”

In spite of her objection to his coming, his heart
lightened knowing she recognized him. “I could not let you leave me.”

“I have left. I have nothing to give. All is lost to me
now.”

“That isn’t true. Come back to me and I’ll show you it
will be all right.” He stepped closer and faced the older version of Tessa. Her
beauty had not faded even though her spirit dimmed.

She would not meet his gaze. Her eyes remained locked on
the ripples in the lake and he could see the reflection in their depths.

“You do not belong here. I am lost. You must go.” A
single tear formed on the edge of her lid and tumbled down her cheek.

The sense of sorrow that accompanied her tear expanded
outward and pushed him so hard he had to step back. He was drowning in her
grief, gasping for breath. An instant later he wrapped his arms around her and
was surprised to find her solid. He hoped that was a good sign. He wanted to
give her comfort but could feel her sorrow growing. His embrace did not lend
her strength or give her peace. It only increased her torment. As she wallowed
deeper his ability to draw breath decreased.

Kane’s sharp voice cut through. “Josh? What’s happening?
Whatever you’re doing you have to stop. Your body is dying.”

Joshua’s physical pain penetrated the vision and yet he
did not let her go. He could not leave her again in her suffering, would not
allow her to suffer alone. If Tessa was determined to leave the world and live
on only in spirit then he too would stay in the ether and become one with her.

His face was wet and it took him a moment to realize he
was crying. Crying out all the sorrow pouring from this Tessa, who encompassed
all the sorrow and pain of a life cut short.

She pounded on his back, thrashing to get away from him. “You
are killing me. Go!”

His heart contracted to a stone in his chest. Killing
her, how could this be? When he released his hold on Tessa’s sorrow his pain
subsided to a dull ache. In the back of his mind he could feel his brother
relax.

“I can’t leave you, Tessa.”

In the short time he’d stood before her she’d aged ten
years. Her shoulders hunched and her hair grayed even more. The lines in her
face deepened and her lips were no longer ripe and pink but pale and thin. The
light had completely gone from her eyes. But the most terrible change was the
vibration of her soul had lost all its joy. The tone no longer called to him.

“I am not the woman you wanted. I am nothing. Go back to
your world and leave me to mine. You can only bring pain here.”

The tears he had shed were hers and not his own, but he
wanted to cry. His body ached so badly he could feel it even in the spirit
world.

Adianca’s voice filled the void. “You must rest, son. You
will need strength and little Lakeland’s body is failing though he will not
leave you. Come. You must stop for now. She too must be fed.”

With one last look at Sorrow, Joshua let himself return
to the world of man.

It was as if he fell against a wall of pain when he returned
to his body. The discomfort he’d felt through the veil between worlds had been
a shadow of reality. His legs cramped so badly he curled into a ball on the
hard dirt floor. He couldn’t help the groans that poured from him. His chest
ached and his hands curled into fist from dehydration. Joshua was helpless. He
couldn’t move except to rock against the agony of his joints and muscles.