Journey (13 page)

Jenny is right, in more ways than one.  She’s spot-on about what’s plaguing me, and she’s right- I am letting my emotions cloud my better judgment and interactions with the girls.  They haven’t done anything wrong, and my problems aren’t theirs.  I call the girls over to me and have them sit in a circle.

“Ladies, I may have been a bit harsh with you all, and I apologize.  You’re one of the hardest working squads I’ve ever known, and I’m so proud of each and every one of you.  To help make it up to you, I’m going to do some tumbling passes with you.  I’m going to let each of you name the pass, and then we will practice it.”

They all smile at me, and I can see the wheels turning in their heads.  This is their way to get revenge.  I exercise often, but tumbling several passes in a row hasn’t happened in a long time.  I don’t know if I can even do it anymore.

                     They go easy on me at first with a round off, back handspring, back tuck, but it quickly turns more difficult with tumbling passes including layouts and fulls.  I’m dying and in so much pain.

                     “Alright, Jenny, I’m sure you saved the best for last.  What do you have?”  

My hands are on my knees, and I am panting.  I just want to get this last pass done.  I also make a mental note to get back to the gym because I am way out of shape.  

Jenny doesn’t answer.  

“Jenn-”  

I lift my head and see all of the girls’ mouths open, dumbstruck.  I follow their stares to the end point, which happens to be Jack.  

                     Jack has entered the gym, standing still, in his dark dress pants and grey button up with no tie that has the top two buttons undone.  His dark hair is styled so that it is combed back and sits perfectly in place, framing his freshly shaven face.  His gaze finds mine, and while his mouth remains closed, his eyes light up.  All of the girls slowly turn their heads to look at me, shocked faces still intact.

              “Hi,” Jack says softly.

              “Hi,” I breathe out.

              “Jack Croft?”  Jenny asks, surprised.  “Oh my god, Jack?  I haven’t seen you in forever!  I’m Jenny-”

              “Foster,” Jack interrupts.  “It has been a long time.  I seem to recall that the last time I saw you, you were in grade school, making mud pies.”

              Jenny laughs.  “I haven’t made mud pies in a while, but they were the best since I had such a great teacher.  I’ll never forget.  You were very sweet to pay attention to a little five year old girl when you were a teenager who had video games to play with my cousin and stuff.”

              “You asked so nicely.  I couldn’t say no,” Jack chuckles.

              “I was pretty good at laying on the guilt trips.”  Jenny eyes me.  “I take it you’ve met our lovely coach and town doctor?”

              “I guess you could say that,” Jack smiles.  “Don’t let me interrupt you all.”

              “It’s a little too late for that,” Jenny goads.  “But, here’s my pass for you, Coach.  Toe touch, standing back handspring, back tuck.”

              “Alright,” I respond, thankful she didn’t pick something far more difficult.  “Ladies?”

              We gather in the middle of the floor, spaced apart just so.  I count, “Five, six, seven, eight,” and we perform our tricks.  Jack’s eyes grow wider, highlighting his huge smile.  My chest tightens from seeing him look so proud and his witnessing me in my element.

              Jenny asks loudly, “Run through the routine one more time and call it a night?”

              “Sounds like a plan.”

              Music plays loudly while Jack and I stand next to one another and watch the girls perform their competition routine.  The squad’s enthusiasm and effort increases exponentially, and they perform it almost flawlessly.  I’m impressed.  I wonder if Jack’s charm can continue to inspire them to perform just as well.

              Jack watches in awe.  “They’re fantastic.  You did all of this?”

              I continue watching the girls giving it their all.  “If you’re referring to the team, I choreographed the routine and have helped improve their skills, but most of the talent and technique was already there.  I lucked out.  If you’re asking whether or not I did these stunts and things, yes I did, and then some.  At Kentucky, I was on the large co-ed squad, so we did harder stunts and I was tossed higher.”

              “That...is amazing.  I knew you were talented and athletic, but I had no idea.  I’ve been missing out.”

              Through my peripheral vision, I see the small wrinkles on the edges of Jack’s eyes become more pronounced from his excitement.  I love those wrinkles.  He had them years ago, but they weren’t as deep.  I love them even more now, because they tell the story of his life’s joys and will continue to increase, except I hope that I will play a vital role in helping to create that map.

              “You never really asked, but I can show you sometime.”

              “I’d love that.”

              The music stops with the girls in their final pose.  My hands clap wildly as I jump up and down in excitement.  “That was about as close to perfection as I could ask for!  We are ready for this weekend!”

              The squad squeals in excitement and relief.  They know they just gave their best performance to date as well.  

              “Go home, get some rest.  I will text the details for Saturday to all of you.  We are carpooling down to Boston tomorrow and staying overnight, so if anyone needs to ride with me, let me know.  See you tomorrow!”

              Everyone grabs their belongings and heads out of the gym.  I spy Jenny looking back at me with some apprehension.  I beckon her over with my eyes.

              “Journey, can I ride with you?”  Her eyes move toward Jack.  “I mean, if I’m not imposing.”

              To my surprise, Jack answers quickly.  “You’re more than welcome to ride with us, Jenny.  That is, if you don’t mind being in the car for a few hours with two boring, old people.”

              Jenny laughs heartily.  “Have you met my parents?  You’re New Year’s Eve in Times Square compared to them.”

              Jack laughs with her in the same manner.  “You’re probably right.”

              I’ve never met her parents, but I surmise that I’m not missing out on much.  

              “Are they not coming this weekend?”

Jenny’s gaze moves toward the floor and her shoulders drop.  “No, they have some big, important fundraising gala to go to that they said they
simply cannot miss
.”  She changes her voice to mimic her parents who I assume must speak in a formal way.  If her Cousin George’s manner of speaking is any indication of how they behave, I can only imagine how pretentious and ridiculous they sound.

“It’s fine, Jenny.  We’d love to have you with us.  Right, Journey?”

My extremities tingle and my chest warms from hearing Jack not only acknowledging that we will be attending together, but also so kindly accommodating Jenny.  

“Of course we would.”

“Great!  Should I just meet you all at your parents’ place, Jack?”

“How about Journey picks you up from your house after school on her way to mine?”

“Perfect.”  Jenny’s face lights up in a way I’ve never seen before.  “I’ll text you directions.  See you both tomorrow.”  

Jenny grabs her gym bag and carries it out with her.

The heavy door closes behind her, and Jack quickly, and forcefully, takes my face in his hands and kisses me.  My knees almost buckle under me, but I will them to keep me upright.  My hands move up Jack’s abdomen, grazing over each taut muscle, until they reach his face.  I brush the backs of my hands along his jaw to his hair.  My fingers grab onto it, and he presses his mouth more firmly against mine in response.  I know it’s only been about twenty-four hours since I last saw Jack, but it may as well have been twenty-four years, because I’ve missed him all the same.  After enough time elapses to allow us to communicate what we wanted to one another, we pull away from each other and continue an intense, relieved, and happy stare with Jack’s hands still cradling my head.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” I smile.

“Well, I was deep in thought, wondering what I should do, when I realized I was grossly overthinking it.  It was a simple choice with a simple solution.  I want you and everything that goes with it.  I needed to get over myself and admit that my life without you in it isn’t living at all, and neither is shutting everyone out.  I’ve been so worried about being hurt or betrayed that I couldn't see that I was not only hurting you deeply, but betraying myself.  Get used to my being around, Wildflower.  I’m here to support you in everything you do.”  

I lean into him and kiss him warmly.  

“You just made my night.”

“I vote that we go back to my place, share a bottle of wine, and grab a bite to eat because we have a lot of catching up to do.”

I don’t wait for him to say anything else.  I gather my things quickly, turn out the lights, and lock the gym behind me.  

“I have so many questions, I’m going to call you while we drive back to your house.”

“Why don’t I drive you there so you can ask in person?  I can either drop you off at the clinic in the morning, or you can use the Lexus.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more positive about anything in my life.”

I understand the double entendre of his statement, and butterflies fill my stomach at the thought.  I just hope that he is truly prepared to share every, and I mean
every
, bit of his life’s story with me in one night.

Jack

Throughout the entire ride to my house and most of the night, Journey asks questions with lightning speed, and she does not work up to the difficult questions either.  She is relentless from the beginning.  

“Okay, what’s the deal with your house?  Where are your parents, and how did it get into the shape it’s in?”

“It’s a bit of a long story.  I will give you the highlights, and you can ask details from there.”

“Fine.”

“The estate has been in my father's family for quite some time.  Some of the woodwork and foundation is over a hundred years old.”

“Before you continue,” Journey interjects, “How big is that house, anyway?”

“The main house is about fifteen thousand square feet, and the guest house is about twenty-five hundred square feet.”

“There’s a guest house?”

“Yeah.  The property is over ten acres, so it’s further into the trees.  I haven’t been able to work on it yet.  My efforts have been focused on the main house.  The estate used to include a lot more acreage, but it has been divided among family members over the years.  Most of it has been sold.”

“That’s a shame.”

“It is, but my father was intent on both keeping and maintaining this property in the family.  But, I digress.  My parents lived in the house until about ten years ago.  I’m sure by now you’ve heard that the Fosters are highly regarded in this area.”

“How could I have not heard?  Everyone seems to be enamored with them, and I don’t get it.”

“You and me both, but George’s parents and Jenny’s parents were always good friends of the family.  In fact, Jenny lives just a couple of miles down the road and George not to further beyond that.  Okay, we thought they were good friends of the family, but I will get to that.  You know just as well as I what it’s like to grow up with privilege in elitist social circles and the expectations that come with it.”

“Yes I do.  If you want to know the truth about part of why I was hesitant to try to have a relationship with you beyond Cabo, it was partially because of the societal pressures.  I thought I was supposed to be, live, and love a certain way.  Boy, am I thrilled that I’ve moved past that.”

“You and me both.”  

For a moment, I watch the light from street lamps sparkle in her eyes.  

I place her hand in mine and continue.  “While I was living in New York, George’s father, Big George, contacted me, saying that my father wasn’t doing so well, and that his health was beginning to deteriorate.  My mother, who normally took care of him, had fallen and broken a wrist.  When I spoke to my parents, I mostly spoke with my mother and she would report that she was feeling tired and less able to ambulate than normal, but when I offered to come stay with them while she healed, she insisted that they didn’t want to be a burden.  She stated that they had talked to Big George about it, and he was willing to help them out and make minor medical decisions.”

“I don’t like where this is going.  I take it that they gave him Power of Attorney.”

“Yes, but I made sure it contained very specific wording to only give him Power of Attorney for limited medical decisions and no access to money.  He convinced my parents to move out of the house and into assisted living.”

“How old are your parents?”

“My father is seventy-two and my mother is sixty-seven.”

“So, just sixty-six and sixty-one when all of this happened?”

“Yes.  It turns out that while mother informed me that she suspected my father was experiencing some ‘memory slips’ here and there, she hid from me that he was actually experiencing dementia.  What makes me ashamed is that I was so caught up in my own work, coupled with self-loathing and self-pity that I refused to see what was really going on.  I told myself that my parents were cared for and the Fosters had it under control.  It wasn’t until I came across a tax bill stating my parents were in arrears that I realized there was more going on.  My father was always very meticulous about finances and had people in place to take care of those matters.  When I came back down to visit them two years ago, I found the house in disrepair, found that all of my parents’ financial advisors had been fired along with their estate attorneys and replaced by friends or family of the Fosters.”

“Oh my god.  Say no more.  I get it.  Are you at least going to be able to publicly call them out?”

“I highly doubt it.  Not because I lack the evidence, but because I don’t want to publicly humiliate them.  Also, it will cause a giant spotlight to be shone upon both families in this case.  I’d rather settle it behind closed doors, and I’m working on that process.”

“But, what if they do it to someone else?  What if it’s worse than you thought?”

“I’m not everyone else’s keeper, Journey.  I want to focus on my parents’ health improving, moving them back toward independence, and moving on with my life.”

“I can’t believe you don’t want to stick it to them, especially after George betrayed you in Cabo.”

“I’ve moved past that.  George and I don’t talk anymore, but I’ve moved on.”

A silent pause passes as I watch Journey’s internal struggle to determine whether or not she wants to say something.

“He asked me out when he interviewed me.”

My blood runs cold.  I know Journey has no interest in George, but still, the thought of him hitting on her makes me want to punch something.  Hard.

“Do you know what he said to me the last time I saw him?  He told me that I tempt and tease him, and I basically do it on purpose.  He called me a whore and said he wanted to know what made you so hot for me.  The trip before that, he told me you were a golfer in college and he pinned me to the bar.  I had to signal to Rico to help me out.  If anyone deserves contempt and retaliation, it’s him.”

I didn’t know those things, and George better hope he never crosses my path again.  

“I can’t exactly pin things on George, but if I ever do get something to pin on him, trust me, you’ve now convinced me to make those matters very public.”

“That’s my boy!”

Our question and answer session continues into the night, not allowing for much sleep or anything else, for that matter.  I tell Journey about playing on the golf team during undergrad and touring with golf.  I also relay to her that I had the potential of going pro, but I was tired of traveling and tournaments, so I didn’t have the heart to do what it took to be a pro.  I also tell her of my spending the past two years painstakingly renovating the interior of the house and slowly moving to the exterior.  

Her last question before closing her eyes and drifting into sleep for a few hours is, “Can I meet your parents one day?” to which I respond as I delicately kiss each of her eyelids, ”I was hoping you would ask that.  Now that I’ve opened up to you, will you answer one question for me?”

“I suppose that’s fair.”

“What happened that made you push me away?”

“I didn’t push you away, Jack.  You said you didn’t want anything to do with me after George sent you those photos.”

“I never said anything like that.  Wait, what photos?”

“This is even more difficult in person.  I was topless in Cabo at a big party.  I was also very drunk on tequila, not that it’s an excuse, but I’m just letting you know my frame of mind.  He was creeping around there and took pictures of me partying and acting crazy.  He told me that he sent them to you.”

George lied to her about me?  
That fucker.
 

“He never did, Journey.  Even if he had, I would have never said I didn’t want to talk to you again.  Why didn’t you just reach out to me and ask?”

“Because I was beyond disappointed in myself.  I knew I had let you down, and everyone else who could find out about it. I couldn’t handle the thought.”  Her speech halts for a moment.  “But, if you never said that, then everything I went through afterward was for nothing?”

I’m worried now.  What does she mean?  
Why wasn’t I more persistent?
 

“What did you go through?  I’m partially to blame.  I should have called or even just flown out to you like I planned in my head so many times.  I became so hurt, I wanted to forget you existed and move on.”

“Oh wow…  I know that exact same feeling.  I began losing sight of who I was and wanted to become.  I started partying, and when I mean partying, I mean partying hard.  That’s when I simply didn’t care anymore and allowed those pictures to be printed in the magazine.  It’s also when the worst experience of my life happened.”

I wait on pins and needles for her to finish.  I’m so anxious, I have to force myself to breathe.  

Journey takes a deep breath and continues.  “I got arrested for DUI.”  

Journey begins to cry, and the only thing I feel for her is compassion and empathy.  I cannot imagine how lost and alone she felt.  

“I’m so sorry.”  

I have no response other than to pull her close to me and hug her tightly.  I don’t ever want to let her go.  This is the second time I’ve seen her cry.  Like last time, it completely shatters me.  

“I just wanted to keep memories of you around, Jack.  I didn't want to move on.  I don’t think I ever did.  I only pushed you out of my mind and threw myself into school and work.  I’ve been terrified to share this with anyone, but it was especially scary to share with you.  I didn’t know what you would think of me.  I didn’t harm anyone, and for that I am so thankful.  I’m very lucky that it didn’t end up in catastrophe.”

“What happened, exactly?”

“Well, I spent most of my nights and weekends drinking and dancing my cares away.  Each time I felt lonely.  Each time I felt I wanted you near, I surrounded myself with revelry and at least the environment around me was happy and energized.”

“When did you realize it was a problem?”

“You know, I think I kind of always knew I had a tendency to go overboard, but I refused to see it.  I think when I saw myself on the pages of a magazine, at first I loved it and thought it was a big joke.  The first time someone recognized me as having been in those pictures was when I first realized that it didn’t bring me the pride I thought it would.  Sure, I was proud of myself that I was brave enough to do it, but it’s hard to gain respect when people have seen all of your juicy bits, you know?”

“I’ve seen them and I still respect you.”

“I know that, and you keep coming back for more, but you’re not my father or his associates.  When he called and asked me why I chose that magazine and why I didn’t talk to my mother if I was interested in real modeling, I felt humiliated.  I didn’t even tell them myself.  They found out from friends who happened to see or hear about it.  His disappointment in me was soul crushing.”

“So, to combat this, you kept partying?”

“Not only was I trying to escape my humiliation, but I think, in a way, I was trying to convince myself that I was fine with it and keeping up appearances in my brain at least.  Just as drinking and partying became common occurrences, so did driving home under the influence.  I’m so, so lucky.”  I look up and meet Jack’s warm and encouraging eyes.  “You must think I’m incredibly irresponsible and impulsive.”

“I think you’re a brave woman who has managed to turn a terrible and potentially catastrophic situation into a learning experience.  You’re the same person you were when I knew you years ago, except now you’ve adjusted your priorities, and that’s fantastic.”

“Did your parents ever say they were disappointed in you?”

“No, but I could hear it in my father’s voice and the way he looked at me when I visited them after that.  It’s like I was no longer his little girl.  Something changed, and it made me very sad to not hold that place with him anymore.”

“Maybe he realized you’re not his little girl.  Maybe he realized you had matured into a grown woman.”

“Maybe. I went through a lot of soul searching and therapy.  I’ve promised myself that I will never be so careless or selfish again.”

“I believe you.”

She’s not just the awesome person for whom I developed feelings and have been unable to get out of my mind, she’s that person and then some.  This is a turning point in our relationship and I know things will only get better from here.  I think about the text I received from her telling me that she didn’t want to talk to me again and wonder if it was truly from her.  We just connected in an amazing way, and I don’t want to risk ruining the moment, so I don’t mention it to her.  But, what if all of this time we spent apart was an ornate orchestration by George?  I refuse to let the thought of his pathetic existence ruin this moment.  I pull Journey into my closer than ever and kiss her with every ounce of expression I can muster.

***

This morning, Journey insisted that I stay in bed and she take the Lexus to work.  Not being one to argue when it comes to getting extra sleep, I stayed buried deep in the blankets as she kissed me goodbye.  My arms missed being around her warm curves, but I managed to clock in a few more hours of sleep, which is good since I didn’t get a wink the night before.

              I’m taking care of some details on a few investment properties that my company is purchasing while Journey takes a nap in the master bedroom after she came home from work.  I called Mom and Dad earlier today, and they’re doing well.  They were more than happy to hear about Journey and my confession to them of deep feelings for her.  I believe their response was akin to “It’s about time,” when I said that she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.