Journey of Honor A love story
Journey of Honor: A Love Story
By Jaclyn M. Hawkes
Copyright © August 2010 Jaclyn M. Hawkes
All rights reserved.
Published and distributed by Spirit Dance Books. 855-648-5559
Spiritdancebooks.com
Cover design by Steve Gray
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever, whether by graphic, visual, electronic, filming, microfilming, tape recording, or any other means, without written permission of the author and Spirit Dance Books, except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles, where the title, author, and ISBN accompany such review or article. All opinions expressed herein are that of the author.
Print Edition ISBN-13: 987-1-59936-059-1
Print Edition LCCN: 2010931135
This book is dedicated to courageous pioneers everywhere, both past and present. Who quietly do whatever it takes. It’s also dedicated to my sweet, hard working sister-in-law from Holland. She’s the best thing that ever happened to my dorky brother and keeps him guessing with her linguistic twists. And, of course, this book is dedicated to my good husband. He makes me laugh, hugs me when I cry, and is the love of my life.
Table of Contents
Waycross Georgia 1844
Trace was still up and sitting in front of the fire thinking when his father, William, known locally as Doc Grayson, came back after spending the evening delivering a baby. He stowed his medical bag and joined Trace before the fire with a long sigh of contentment. “Perfect way to end a day. Meeting a brand new little spirit straight from heaven.” His deep southern drawl fit his quiet, steady demeanor like a glove.
Trace looked up at him, but said nothing, still lost in his own thoughts. He loved his father dearly, but tonight there was restlessness upon him. Even hearing about the successful delivery couldn’t shake it, in spite of the fact that he had spent years working to become a doctor himself. This day had been coming for a while now. He had known that eventually he would leave to make his own way in the world, but he didn’t necessarily want it to be to avoid a girl. He had only been home from school in Pennsylvania for two days, but already he was fed up with the spoiled and obnoxious young daughter of their well-to-do plantation owner neighbor.
After several minutes of silence, Trace began. “Lucretia Tapp was here again today.”
William nodded, “Was she rude to Mose again?”
Trace gave a snort of disgust. “When has she ever
not
been rude to Mose? She’s treated him badly from the day you adopted him when we were seven. It was her own father who had beaten him unconscious, remember? He passed on his bigotry perfectly. She hates all blacks on sight.” He paused and added Bitterly, “She hates them, but she could never have the life she has without their labor.”
His father shook his head sadly. “This whole slavery issue will end someday. In the not too distant future I hope. In the mean time, I believe that it will be worse than ever. We southerners are a hard headed lot. I’m afraid you’re not going to change her or her father’s way of thinking.”
Trace turned to him. “I don’t want to change her. I just don’t want anything to do with her at all. With either of them. What does she want with me anyway? She knows how I feel about slavery. We’re absolute opposites. And she’s sixteen. Why doesn’t she set her heart on one of the men around here who would cow to her father and be willing to take over the plantation someday? There are certainly enough who would be willing to put up with her to have Papa’s money waiting in the wings.”
After considering this for a moment or two, William said, “You’ve hit it head on, Trace. You’re the only one who is stronger than her father. That’s why she admires you. Even though she’s…” He hesitated. “Even though she doesn’t seem to have much character, she respects yours.”
Almost bitterly, Trace went on. “She didn’t act like she respected me much today. She was all but throwing herself at me, and when I wasn’t having any of it, she threatened to tell her father I had behaved inappropriately so he would insist I make an honest woman of her.” He shuddered. “Can you imagine waking up beside her for the rest of my life?” He finally grinned across at his father. “I’d have to resort to drinking if I were stuck like that.”
William chuckled. “You would never resort to drinking, so you’d best not marry her.” After another pause, he went on. “That being said, I’d hate for you to have to face Henry Tapp’s shotgun because of Lucretia’s lies. Being reasonable isn’t one of his strong points.”
“No, it isn’t.” Trace looked into the flames for a time. Finally, he said, “Mose is miserable here now. Losing Callie has hit him hard. He hasn’t smiled once since I’ve been back from school.”
William rubbed his temple. “It truly was a horrible time. She was in labor for more than two days. I’ve never wished for greater medical knowledge in my life.”
Quietly Trace replied, “The fact that it was her master’s child she died trying to deliver made it worse than ever. Mose is a wonderful, Christian man, but I think he honestly struggles not to hate Tapp for that. I can hardly blame him. In his shoes, I’d feel the same way.”
William didn’t answer, but the sad look he gave Trace made him think that his father knew where he was going with all this. Finally, Trace asked, “How have you done it all these years, Pa? How do you patiently keep patching up humans that another human being has beaten or starved or abused without becoming hopelessly bitter?”
His father looked over at him with the understanding of years in his eyes. “It’s what I do, Trace. I am a healer. I could no more not take care of people that need help than fly. What’s more, it’s what you do as well. You are a physician to your soul. You just have enough of your mother’s fire to want to fight back more than I ever did. And maybe that’s a good thing.
“In fact, I’m sure it is. This world needs good men who are willing to take a stand for what’s right. It will be men like you who finally bring about the changes that are necessary to make the world a safer and happier place for those less fortunate. In a way, I envy your passion. All these years I have been content to be the best doctor that I could and leave the causes to others. I probably should have done more standing up for what is right in my lifetime.”
Trace shook his head. “You have always worked to help people, Pa. You need have no regrets. But I’m afraid I’m not like you. I can’t stand by and watch anymore. I want to go far enough away from all of this that I never hear the word slavery again in my life.”
Meeting his son’s eyes, William said, “Do what you have to do, Trace, but don’t be fooled into believing that there isn’t cruelty and bigotry anywhere you might go. If it isn’t slavery, it may be something else just as bad. I’m afraid the devil controls the hearts of some men, no matter where they live or what color they are.”
“I’m sure you’re right, but right here and now I feel like I should go. Maybe someday I’ll come back, but you’re good for another thirty years here, and this community doesn’t need more than one doctor. In the meantime, I need to go earn the money to finish the last year of school. I’m sure Mose wants to go away as well. Avoiding Lucretia is just a good excuse I suppose.”
William stared into the flames of the fire until he finally said, “I’ll miss you, Trace. Even though you’re only twenty years old, you’re already more educated and experienced than most of the doctors in this country. You’ve been the best son and medical apprentice I could have ever asked for, and I’ve always been proud of you. I’m sure that I always will be.
“Your mother will be sad as well. We’ll miss both of you this time if Mose goes with you, but you know what you need to do, and I wouldn’t want to stop you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and much that needs to be experienced. Go if you must, but always remember that you have great potential. I know you will always be honorable and good. Just don’t let life’s ups and downs make you forget that you are also great. Great men are hard to come by.”
St. Joseph, Missouri, July 10, 1848
Trace Grayson stepped out of the Robidoux Hotel, where he’d met with his friend and now wagon master John Sykes and looked around for Mose. He was supposed to be here somewhere, but so far… Trace’s train of thought was interrupted by the appearance of the most striking young woman he had ever seen. It wasn’t just that she was beautiful, graceful, and well dressed. There was something in her bearing that, combined with the rest made her step onto the wooden boardwalk like she was the queen of all America.
She wasn’t tall, but seemed to be because of her almost regal bearing. Her blonde hair was done up somehow, and only cascades of curls could be seen under the hat that matched her tan traveling suit. Even in just drab tan, she couldn’t help but appear colorful and vibrant. Trace watched her walk toward him down the boardwalk,—he and all the rest of the people within sight of her. He almost shook himself to focus on what he was supposed to be doing. For just a moment he couldn’t remember what that was exactly.
Mose. He was looking for Mose. They’d been waiting for several precious days to scrape up enough wagons to begin heading west on the trail to California, and John had just barely told him he believed he had finally gotten the twenty wagon minimum he’d been seeking to mollify the army. Trace and Mose had already been to California and back once this year and were now waiting to leave again with six more wagons of goods of their own to be taken and sold in the territories far to the west.