Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed (2 page)

That’s how come I had to carry my chair to the middle of the floor, too.

I sat down and smiled very sweet.

“Right, William? I’m right, aren’t I?” I said.

Only too bad for me. ’Cause just then I felt hands on my shoulders.

I looked up.

It was Mrs.

I did a gulp.

“Hello. How are you today?” I said kind of nervous.

Mrs. zoomed my chair back to my table.

It was not fun.

I quick picked up my pencil.

“Guess what? I am going to do my work now,” I said. “Plus also, I am not even going to talk. ’Cause I don’t actually like anyone in this area.”

Mrs. tapped her foot at me.

“Love your shoes,” I said real soft.

Her foot kept tapping.

Only just then, a very great thing happened. And it is called, the bell rang for the end of school!

I hurried up out the door.

Then me and my other bestest friend named Grace runned to the bus together.

“Grace! Grace! Guess what? There’s no such things as monsters! And so I don’t even have one under my bed, probably. Right, Grace? Right?”

That Grace didn’t say
right
.

That’s how come I grabbed her by her shoulders. And I jiggled and jiggled her. ’Cause I was fed up with these people, that’s why.

“How come you won’t say
right
, Grace?
How come nobody will say
right?
’Cause I’m getting at the end of my rope with this thing!”

That Grace took my hands off of her.

“I can’t say
right
, because a monster really
might
live under your bed, Junie B.,” she said.

My eyes got big and wide at her.

“No, Grace! No! Do not say that! Do not say a monster might live under my bed! ’Cause that cannot even be true. Or else I would have spotted that guy by now!”

“No, you wouldn’t,” she said. “My big sister said that monsters can turn theirselves invisible when you look at them. And so that’s how come nobody ever sees them.”

That Grace looked serious at me.

“That makes sense, don’t you think? Huh, Junie B.? Right?”

Just then, my throat got dry. And my stomach got the shakies.

I looked out the window very upset.

And I didn’t say
right
.

I ran in my house and hollered for my grandma Helen Miller.

“GRANDMA MILLER! GRANDMA HELEN MILLER! I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME! ’CAUSE TODAY WAS NOT A VERY GOOD DAY AT MY SCHOOL!”

Grandma Miller was in the kitchen. She was holding my baby brother named Ollie.

I jumped up and down in front of her.

“PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP!”

“I can’t right now, Toots,” she said. “I’ve got my hands full with Ollie.”

“Yeah, only put him on the floor,” I said. “’Cause I need a hug down here, Helen.”

Grandma Miller leaned down and hugged me.

She said don’t call her Helen.

“Why don’t you go change your clothes?” she said. “Then you and I will make some popcorn. And you can tell me all about your day. How does that sound?”

Just then, my whole face got happy. ’Cause popcorn is my most favorite thing in the whole wide world!

“Hurray!” I shouted. “Hurray for popcorn!”

I ran right to my room. Then I took off
my shoes and socks. And my feet did a happy dance on the floor. It was called the Happy Feet Popcorn Dance.

They danced around and around. Also, they jumped on my bed. And they springed to the floor. And they did a giant twirly on my rug.

I clapped my hands real joyful.

“Grandma! Hey, Grandma! Guess what? I am having a good time in here! And so I am not even thinking about the monster under my bed!”

Just then, I did a gulp.

’Cause I shouldn’t have said that, I think.

I looked at my bed kind of nervous.

What if the monster was under there right this very minute?

And what if he was looking at my piggy toes?

And what if he wanted to
eat
them?

“Oh no,” I said. “Oh no. Oh no. ’Cause piggy toes look just like little wiener sausages, I think.”

I freezed right where I was standing.

“GRANDMA MILLER! GRANDMA MILLER! COME QUICK! I NEED YOU!” I shouted.

Grandma Miller flied to my room. Then she picked me up. And she hugged me real tight.

“What on
earth
is the trouble?” she asked.

She sat down with me on my bed.

“NO, GRANDMA! NO! NO! WE CAN’T SIT HERE!”

I squeezed out of her arms and ran out my door.

“THERE’S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!” I yelled.

I jumped up and down.

“RUN, HELEN! RUN LIKE THE WIND!”

Only Grandma Helen Miller didn’t run. She just flopped back on my covers. And she closed her eyes.

“No, Junie B.
Please
. We’re not going to go through this monster business again, are we? We’ve talked about monsters before, remember? We decided that there are no such things as monsters.”

“Yes, but I have new information,” I said. “’Cause the monster under my bed turns himself invisible whenever we look at him. Plus at night—after my eyes are closed—he climbs next to me. And he puts my head in his mouth.”

Grandma Miller did a big breath. Then she went to the kitchen. And she
brought back my daddy’s flashlight.

She shined it under my bed.

“No monster, Junie B.
None
. I don’t see one single monster under this bed,” she said.

“See?” I said. “That proves it, Grandma! He turned himself invisible!”

Grandma Miller shook her head.

“No, Junie B. The monster did
not
turn himself invisible. The monster is simply not
there
. He does not
exist
. Period.”

“Yes, he does, Grandma! He does
too
exist. ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer’s big brother even said so. Plus also I’ve seen the drool.”

Grandma Miller said to calm down my voice. She got me a drink of water.

“Why don’t we forget about the monster for now, and we’ll go make popcorn. You can talk to your mother about this when she
gets home. I bet Mother will know exactly what to do.”

I thought and thought.

“What, Grandma? What will she do?” I asked.

Then—all of a sudden—a light bulb went on in my head.

“Hey!
I
know what she’ll do! Mother will get the broom and bash the monster’s head in! ’Cause I saw her do that to a roach before! And she is excellent at it!”

Grandma Miller closed her eyes again.

She said I am a strange one.

Pretty soon, Mother came home from work.

I zoomed to her speedy quick. And handed her the broom.

“MOTHER! MOTHER! COME ON! COME ON! LET’S GO! LET’S GO GET THE MONSTER!” I hollered.

Mother turned her head real slow. And she looked at Grandma Miller.

Grandma sucked in her cheeks.

“A monster,” she said kind of quiet. “Under the bed. We’ve been waiting for you
to come home, so you can bash its head in.”

I tugged on her sweater.

“Plus tell her about the drool, Grandma!” I said.

But Grandma Miller headed to the door. And she said the words
I’m outta here
.

I pulled on Mother’s arm.

“Come on! Come on, Mother! The monster’s really real! ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer told me everybody has a monster under the bed! Plus that Grace said it can turn
invisible
. And so that is how come we never saw that guy before.”

Mother sat down at the kitchen table. And she lifted me onto her lap.

Then she said that Paulie Allen Puffer was just trying to scare me. Plus that Grace didn’t know what she was talking about.

“There is
no
monster under your bed,
Junie B. I promise you. Monsters are
not
real,” she said.

“Yes, they are! They are too real! ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer’s brother even said so! And he is in seventh grade! And he said monsters crawl on your bed! And they fit your head in their mouth! And so that is where the drool comes from! ’Cause I am not even a baby!”

Just then, I heard the front door open.

It was my daddy! He was home from work, too!

“Daddy, Daddy! There’s a monster under my bed! Only you said monsters aren’t real. But they really, really are!”

I pulled on his arm.

“Come on, Daddy! Let’s get him!”

Daddy looked at Mother a real long time.

They went in the hall and did whispering.

Pretty soon, Daddy came back to me.

He said we would look for the monster after dinner. But first we would cook some hamburgers on the grill.

“Oh boy!” I said. “Oh boy! ’Cause hamburgers are my most favorite things in the whole wide world! Plus also I like pasketti and meatballs.”

After that, me and Daddy went outside.

He got a flipper for the hamburgers. Then he gave me a flipper, too. ’Cause I am old enough, that’s why.

I runned all over with that thing.

I flipped a rock and a flower and a dirt ball. Plus also, I flipped a dead lizard I found in the driveway.

Then Mother took my flipper away.

’Cause I am not old enough, that’s why.

After dinner I took my bath.

Then Mother and Daddy read me a
story. And they hugged me good night.

“See you in the morning,” said Mother.

“See you in the morning,” said Daddy.

I sat up in my bed.

“Yeah, only I can’t even sleep in here. ’Cause you guys didn’t bash that monster yet.”

Daddy rubbed his tired eyes.

“There’s
no
monster, Junie B. There is
nothing
to be afraid of,” he said.

Then he kissed me. And he went out of my room. And Mother went with him.

I quick got out of bed and followed those two.

They turned around and spotted me.

“Hello. How are you today?” I said very pleasant. “I am going to sit in the kitchen and not bother anyone. Plus also, I might watch Eyewitness News at Ten.”

Mother carried me back to bed.

I followed her out again.

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don’t you think?” I asked.

This time, Mother marched me back to my room real fast.

“Do
not
get up again, Junie B.,” she said. “Enough is enough.”

I waited for her feet to walk away.

Then I tippytoed to my baby brother’s room. And I climbed into his crib.

It was very crowded in there.

That’s how come I had to get out and put baby Ollie on the floor.

Then I climbed in his crib again. And I pulled up the blanket all warm and cozy.

Only too bad for me, ’cause just then
that crybaby baby started to scream.

Daddy runned into the room speedy quick.

He turned on the light and saw me.

I did a gulp.

“Hello. How are you today?” I said kind of nervous. “I am all warm and cozy.”

Daddy quick swished me out of there.

Then he put baby Ollie back in the crib.

And he took me to my bed again.

“Okay. This is
it
,” he grouched. “This is the
last
time I want to have to come in here. Do you understand, missy? Do
not
get out of this bed
one more time
.”

I started to cry a teeny bit.

“Yeah, only what about the monster?” I said. “’Cause he is still under my bed, I think.”