Just a Little (5-8) (16 page)

My chest rose with a few heavy breaths as I watched Luke’s eyes softly reflect the lamp light. “Promise?”

“I swear.”

I nodded once and walked out of the living room, leaving Luke to stand firmly in place as I traipsed up the staircase. I stood at the balcony and watched him for a minute, but he never looked up. He simply stood where I’d left him, looking as though he wasn’t sure what to make of how we’d ended our conversation. After all, he’d done everything short of asking me straight up. Did I want him, or did I want Derek?

“Luke,” I said, and his eyes slowly met mine. I watched him, hoping that I wasn’t making the biggest mistake of my life by admitting what I’d known all along. “My
happily ever after
doesn’t end with anyone but you. I hope you know that.”

He tried not to smile, but he failed miserably. “You know I love you, right?”

“That’s beside the point,” I said. “Hearing you say that
used
to matter, but actions speak louder than words, Luke. So, just shut up. And prove something for once.”

He nodded, and I turned back to my bed.

“Good night, Jules.”

“Good night, asshole.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Monday, April 08 | 9:00 a.m.

It wasn’t easy to get the previous night out of my mind. Things seemed to have changed so quickly, and I’m not really sure why. I’d asked Luke for something simple, but he’d given me so much more. He seemed to trust Derek, despite what he’d been saying all along. He just didn’t trust Derek to protect and love me the way he could. Honestly, neither did I.

But
I
trusted Derek with my happiness, and that’s why I knew that he’d always be the best friend a person could ask for. What I didn’t know was what Derek expected from our friendship long-term. I prayed that my decision to follow my heart, to hopefully pursue some kind of future with Luke, wouldn’t break
his
heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

All I’d ever wanted was for Derek to come home. I wanted him by my side, encouraging me and guiding me the way no one else ever had. I finally had that again; he was home and within arm’s reach. I’d spent days, weeks, and months wanting nothing more than for my best friend to show up at my doorstep. As soon as I had him again, I had no idea where to go from there.

Had I once had deeper feelings for him that had gone unexplored? Was he ever what I really wanted? I didn’t know. I had no way
to
know, and it would’ve helped had he ever given me any kind of sign.

But ever since Derek showed up days after my birthday, he’d barely let me touch him. Every time I’d try to rest my head on his shoulder, touch his hand, or throw my arms around him for a hug, he’d always find a way to duck away as nonchalantly as possible—or so he thought, but it was just as obvious to me as it was to him; he didn’t want me touching him.

The only time I could actually remember him touching me after his surprise homecoming was when he hugged me and pressed a kiss to my head. And then, of course, the way he comforted me back at Frank’s after the announcement of his father’s prison break. Other than that, as far as physical intimacy was concerned, Derek had remained very distant.

“Hey, Little,” Luke yelled up the stairs and disturbed my thought process, “you hungry?”

I reached over and took the extra pillow from the other side of the bed and pretended to smother myself beneath it.

Hey, Little. You hungry?

Seriously? After everything we’d talked about the night before? After everything I’d said, everything he’d confessed… after everything! The most he could muster was
Hey, Little. You hungry?

I threw the pillow across the loft, and it hit the opposite wall.

“Oh, Lucas,” I mumbled sarcastically under my breath as I slid out of my bed. I stood at the balcony and stared down at him, wondering if I looked half as disheveled as I felt. “How did I ever survive without your sweet and loving nature?”

Luke stood at the bottom of the stairs and didn’t look the least bit impressed by my sarcasm.

I stomped down the steps, getting closer to Luke with each step I took to the first floor. Once I reached the landing at the bottom of the staircase, Luke and I were practically standing chest-to-chest. He hadn’t moved an inch since he yelled up the stairs, and I could only assume he had no intention of moving by the way he remained weighted to the floor.

“Luke?” I watched his stern expression. “Can I get through?”

“You okay?” he squinted as he looked down at me. His eyes studied my pupils before moving to trace the rest of my tired features.

“I’m fine, why?” He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t move either. I didn’t know if he expected me to read his mind, but I wasn’t in any kind of mood to play games. “Luke?”

“You tossed and turned all night,” he finally said, still studying me. “You were talking.”

“Talking?”

“In your sleep,” he lifted a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I tried to remember what I’d dreamt about the night before, but nothing immediately came to mind. I traced my thoughts back as far as I could remember them, all to no avail.

“What did…” I cleared my throat and broke our gaze, “what did I say, exactly?”

Luke studied me for a minute, and his stare looked sad and forlorn. When I watched him with worry, his expression quickly changed, and a wicked smile crept up his lip.

“If I told you that you were tossing and turning, sweating feverishly between the sheets, panting
I love you Luke, take me now
, would you believe me?”

“No!” I smacked his chest.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” he sounded disappointed. Luke reached forward and stroked my messy hair once again. His face inched closer to mine, and just when I thought he was about to attack me with a mind-blowing kiss, he turned his head and pressed his lips gently to my cheek.

The sound of creaking floorboards pulled my attention away from Luke; my head snapped up, and I looked over his shoulder—
keep your eyes peeled, Julie
—and my heart immediately fell to the floor as I stared at the other man in the room.

“Oh my God,” I managed to whisper, but I could barely get it out. Standing just a few inches shorter than Luke, his messy blond hair falling at his eye line, my cousin looked at me with wide eyes and a grin. “Mattie!”

“Hey,” he opened his arms for a hug.

I jumped into his embrace and found myself squeezing him hard enough to snap him in two.
“What are you doing here?”

“Same as you,” he said, finally able to pull away from my grasp. He rubbed his side as if my hold had hurt him, but he managed to smile nonetheless. “Dad wanted us out of Oakland.”

“Us?” I looked around the room. “You’re not alone?”

“No,” he threw a glance back into the kitchen.

Kara turned the corner sipping on a glass of orange juice.

“Oh my gosh, Julie! You’re awake!” she shrieked, and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to jump in the air and scream.

She slammed her glass down on the counter and ran to my side. Taking me in her arms and hugging me with as much force as I’d hugged Matt, we exchanged a million hellos. Kara immediately began talking about all of things that were happening back in Oakland, but I couldn’t begin to understand her through all of
my
explanations. We talked over each other, neither one hearing what the other had to say, but it didn’t seem to matter. We were back together, and having my only real girlfriend nearby was all I could ask for.

“I’ve missed you so much,” we both said at the same time as we jumped up and down, and then found ourselves going in for another hug.

Luke and Matt exchanged wide eyes at the sight of our hellos.

“So, not that I don’t want you here,” I looked to Matt and then back to her, “but why
are
you here? Why now?”

“There’s nothing on Milton,” Matt explained. “No sightings. No leads. Nothing. Dad’s getting restless, I think. He’s starting to fear for anyone with our last name.”

“But Kara?”

“She’s your best friend,” Matt still watched us as if he couldn’t believe the way we’d just said hello. “Dad’s not convinced that Milton has boundaries. If he sees an opportunity to hurt someone you love, well, there’s always a chance that he might.”

“Right,” I tried not to look too disappointed. I was thrilled that Matt and Kara were now joining us at the safe house, but I couldn’t believe that they’d come alone. If Charlie was worried that Conan Milton was going to target the people I loved, the cabin should’ve been much fuller.

Charlie should’ve been there.

Bruno should’ve been there.

Derek….

Derek
most definitely
should’ve been there.

The other three people in the room watched as if they knew exactly what I’d been thinking. I tried to hide it with a gentle smile, but Kara wrapped me into a hug once again.

“He’s okay,” she whispered against my ear. “We saw him just before we left. Bruno hasn’t let him out of his sight. He’s safe, Julie. I promise.”

I nodded as if I didn’t need the reassurance, but just knowing that Derek was protected settled my nerves.

“I’m gonna take a rain check on breakfast,” I said, finally giving Luke the answer to his
Hey Little. You hungry?
nonsense.

Kara and I linked arms and turned back to the stairs, talking the whole way up. I asked her about her trip from Oakland, the long walk down the dirt path to the cabin, and whether or not they’d come alone. She said that Charlie had trusted Matt enough to follow the route, and they arrived just an hour or so before I rolled out of bed. She said their orders to leave came late in the night, so they had to pack quickly and get out of Oakland as soon as possible. She wasn’t sure what had changed, or why it had changed, but Charlie seemed eager to get them as far away from town as possible.

She asked to hear all about my stay since arriving at the cabin. I tried to keep the details as kid-friendly as possible, but of course I told her about Luke’s half-naked traipse through the cabin. She fanned herself dramatically as I told her all about it, but her over-the-top reactions only got bigger as I told her about cutting my finger open. I showed her the bandage, but refrained from opening it and facing the wound yet again. Then, I told her that Luke had been nice enough to take me out to see a movie, but I never mentioned that I’d called Matt (just in case he’d never said anything).

Kara wasn’t satisfied with just the simple explanations. Obviously she knew I was brushing over serious details, so, without making Luke sound like a complete girl, I told her as quietly as possible about the confessions he’d made—how he’d said he’d always love me, and how he’d promised he’d never give up on me. Of course, as soon as I started in on those stories, she was back to fanning herself.

Filling her in on the details of my trip took up the better part of the morning. By the time we’d swapped stories, Kara was strewn across the bed and looking as though she could pass out at any moment. I completely understood. That’s exactly how I’d looked and felt after the long trip from Oakland to Piqua. I dropped a blanket over her and told her to get some rest, and then I retreated to the first floor.

Matt was stretched out on the couch, sleeping soundly, but snoring loudly enough to wake a hibernating bear.

“There she is,” Luke said, watching me turn into the kitchen. He stood at the counter with a coffee cup in hand, drinking what I guessed was his second or third cup of the day.

“That stuff’s gonna stunt your growth,” I repeated the words I’d so often heard Mom say to Dad. It was an ongoing joke with them because Dad was addicted to coffee, and Mom always got a kick out of his silly reaction.

“That’d sure be a shame,” Luke took another drink. He savored the taste before flashing me a charming smile.

“How’d
you
sleep last night?” I moved to the refrigerator to hunt for some food.

Far be it from me to be nosy (yeah, right), but I couldn’t help but ask; Luke’s wellbeing mattered to me. I had every reason to believe he hadn’t slept too well because his eyes were sunken and heavy, and no amount of caffeine could mask that. Luke’s inability to sleep had become a pattern since we’d left Oakland. I didn’t know what it was—maybe just the constant stress of what was going on back home—but something was definitely keeping him from getting a good night’s sleep.

“I was a little restless,” he admitted, and then he took another drink. “I didn’t know what time to expect Matt and Kara; every little sound kept me up.” He looked as if he wished he hadn’t admitted that, so he smiled again to cover up his concern. “And then
someone
was upstairs having her sex dreams—”

“I wasn’t having sex dreams, Luke,” I tried to roll my eyes, but I couldn’t through the laughter.

He watched me for a second as though he was genuinely concerned about whatever it was that I had dreamt about, but he didn’t press the issue.

“Bet you’re happy to have a little extra company,” Luke watched as I closed the refrigerator door empty-handed.

“That’s an understatement,” I said, but then I hoped that he hadn’t taken that to mean that I was happy that I was no longer stuck in the house alone with him. “I mean it was nice having time alone, just the two of us, but I missed them.”

“I know,” he gave me a reassuring wink.

I tried not to smile, but something familiar kept tugging at the corner of my lips. My stare was fixed firmly on Luke, and my eyes traced all the soft features of his face. My gaze stopped short at the scar above his lip, and I suddenly found myself biting my own.

I didn’t know what it was—maybe the fact that Luke had finally opened up, or possibly even the fact that I was seeing a different side of him—but something made me eternally grateful that I’d taken the time to hear him out the night before.

Suddenly, it was all I could do to keep from flying across the floor, closing the distance between our bodies, and finally enjoying the feel of his soft lips as they fell perfectly against mine.

“I have coffee breath,” he took another drink from his mug.

I snapped my head up and met his stare yet again, this time blinking far too excessively, “Huh?”

“You don’t wanna kiss me,” he said as if he’d read my mind. Something told me that Luke was only using his coffee breath as an excuse to avoid discussing the real issue. I had a million reasons to
want
to kiss him, but a million more that told me it’d be a huge mistake.

I couldn’t be weak; Luke had to prove himself.

“What if—”

“Nope,” he took another drink, “not even once.”

“But—”

“Sorry, kid,” he poured the rest of his coffee down the sink. He turned the faucet on and washed the coffee down the drain. He turned back to me and shook his head. “You didn’t want me kissing you last month when I came by the house, and nothing in terms of our relationship has changed. Give your hormones a break and start thinking with your head,” he said. “Take some time. Make sure this is really what you want.”