Just Breathe (16 page)

“I’m pretty sure that Nike beat you to that philosophy.”

“Whatever. It’s true! Why are you waiting?”

“I don’t want to get hurt by rushing into anything.”

“Does it make you happier to wait?”

Hmm. It makes me feel like I’m somehow being responsible, but I wouldn’t say I’m happier. “Not happier, no. But I’m not getting hurt this way.”

“You can’t live your life doing damage control for your heart. Don’t stand at the sidelines, worrying if the water’s cold. Jump in, and splash around. The movement will keep you warm. You’ll be fine.”

“Maybe.”

“Trust me. Do you even really like him? Is that the issue? Do you not find him attractive? Does he have hideous breath? Is he a bad kisser?”

“Oh, God no, that’s not it. Marie, I want to get him alone and
do things
to him! You’ve got no idea.” My voice is a low, sexual growl.

Marie snorts and chokes on her drink. “Who the hell are you? I like you, Sex Kitten Elle! You can stay.”

Guess there was more vodka in my drink than I thought. Loose lips. Damned Marie, charming the bartender.

“Then do it. Don’t wait. Tomorrow never comes, it’s always today, today, todaaaay.”

She’s right in a sense. Shame she’s leaving me for a year.

Everyone always leaves me.

My phone vibrates. We both look at the call display. Dominic.

“It’s a sign,” Marie proclaims. “If you don’t answer that, I will thoroughly embarrass you. I’ve still got plenty of time. You know I do.”

I answer the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey. Is this a bad time?”

“Not if you’re quick. What’s up?”

“Are you free tonight?”

“Am I free tonight?” I repeat.

Marie emphatically nods, crazy look in her eyes, and moves to stand up.

“Yes, I am!”

Marie sits back down, and I can breathe again.

“Great! I’ll pick you up, say eight-thirty?”

“Sounds good.”

“Bye.”

I disconnect. “Are you happy now?”

“Darlin’ I won’t be happy until I hear your cries of pleasure from across the Atlantic.” She points at my cheeks. “There it is! I had to make you blush once more for the road.”

We stand, our final minutes having run out.

“I love you, Elle.”

“I love you too.”

And she struts off in a cloud of expensive perfume toward her new life.

She doesn’t even look back.

They never do.

***

I feel sorry for the cab driver. He must think someone’s died from how hard I’ve been sobbing off and on for the past fifty minutes. I’d say something, but we’re almost home. How do you explain that everyone in your life leaves you, and that you didn’t realize until you found a chance at happiness again, that you’re so afraid it isn’t real, that it hurts more than if you were still alone? I barely understand it myself.

Why is Dominic so amazing to me? What’s the end game? He goes out of his way to orchestrate these amazing dates just for me. It feels like an elaborate set up, like it’s all too good to be true. And I still don’t know what he does for a living because I’m too scared to ask. I’m too scared it will be something terrible, or illegal, and it will be a deal breaker for me, and the fragile happiness I have will be blown to smithereens.

And I haven’t even told him the truth about myself and my little addiction. His last girlfriend was a terrible addict, but am I that much better than her? Different drug, different high, and sure I quit, but I’m still lying to him by omission. I don’t smoke any more, but my roommates do. It’s still a part of my life. I’m no better than his ex was, yet I’m too selfish to tell him, to do the right thing and let him know, because I need him. It’s so early into the relationship, but I already need the happiness he’s brought me.

And I don’t want to need him. Because needing people means they will tear your heart out when they leave you. Not if,
when
.

Time for this Care Bear to toughen up.

Starting with some tough questions when Dominic gets here.

Determination fills me on the way out of the cab and up the front walk. I wrench the door open and hear giggling. Kennedy meets me as I walk in the foyer. “Elle! Oh my god, are you okay?”

Oh, right. My puffy eyes. “Yeah. No. Marie left today.”

“Oh, I forgot. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.”

“Want a hoot?” Nick offers from the couch.

I shake my head. Another lie. Nick and Kennedy think I’m only taking a break from smoking, unaware that I had to quit because it was so unhealthy for me. It’s tempting to have a toke and not feel anything, but I want to be completely sober for my talk with Dominic. I’ll just have time to sober up from the residual buzz from my drink by the time he gets here.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve got to go get ready.”

I walk to the bathroom to splash cold water on my cheeks and scrub the tears from my face. I’m not as blotchy as I thought I’d be which is nice. After that I go make a sandwich to help soak up the rest of the alcohol. After a nap and a shower, I’m stone cold sober by the time Dominic pulls up to the house a few hours later.

I get into his car before he can get out to open the door for me.

“Hey.” Obvious pleasure is written all over his face. He’s happy to see me.

“Hi.” I shut the door, but don’t put my seatbelt on.

“Ready for tonight?”

“Not really.”

“Do you need more time to get ready?” He looks confused.

“No.”

“Then I’m lost.”

“Why do you keep doing it?” I cross my arms.

“Doing what?”

“Taking me on all these insanely cool dates?”

“You think they’re insanely cool?” He smiles, pleased, and then sees my serious expression. “Oh, you’re serious.” He shrugs. “Because I want to.”

“Well, you don’t have to, you know. You don’t have to try to impress me. I’m cool with just hanging out and doing low-key things.”

“I know that.” His voice is soft, eyes serious.

“I just feel like it’s a waste.”

“Of what?”

“Effort. Money. I’m not worth the trouble.” And soon you’ll realize that and leave me too. Just like Marie. Just like Jason.

“This isn’t you, Elle. What’s going on?”

I open my mouth to tell him a lie. “Marie left today.” Damn it, Truth! Get out of my mouth. I want to be alone and miserable and smoke myself into a state of oblivion with a nice cocoon of smoke protecting my heart from further pain.

“I know. That’s why I wanted to see you instead of just calling like I’d said I would. I thought you might appreciate the company.”

“And I do. It’s just, I don’t know.”

“Feels like everyone’s leaving you, so you thought you’d push me away first?”

My eyes boggle. He totally gets it.

He leans closer. “I’m not that easy to get rid of.” His hand slips into my hair, caressing my jaw. Without meaning to, I lean into his touch and close my eyes. I so want to believe him. Marie’s words come flooding back. Tomorrow never comes, there’s only today. Why am I waiting, denying myself a chance at happiness with someone who obviously cares about me? He pays attention to what I say, not just the way I look.

He brushes a thumb against my cheekbone. “And I like taking you places that don’t aggravate your condition. Places that aren’t boring, that you haven’t been to a thousand times. I love seeing the light in your eyes, and that sexy smile.”

“I have a sexy smile?” That he thinks my smile is sexy pleases me.

His eyes darken, and he leans in close. “That smile makes me want to take you behind closed doors, and do things that make you scream with pleasure, and forget every word in your vocabulary except for my name, and ‘yes.’”

Holy shit. Sitting forward until our mouths almost touch, I smile. “How quickly can you get us to your place?”

“Thirty-seven minutes.”

“Drive carefully. And pray for all green lights.”

Chapter Seventeen

Dominic was wrong; it only takes twenty-eight torturous minutes. I think he may have sped a little, but it still wasn’t fast enough. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him the entire drive. If we would have hit a red light, I would have pounced, but of course, when you want one to happen, it doesn’t, and all of a sudden we’re parked inside a garage and he shuts the car off. His house. I never even saw the outside of it.

Who cares?

Straining toward Dominic, I release my seatbelt and spring forward. His mouth eagerly meets mine, and I press the back of his neck, pulling him toward me, deepening the kiss, so hungry for him I can’t breathe. His hand trails up my arm to my shoulder, and down along my side, caressing my ribs, landing on my hip, gripping it tightly, making me gasp.

He kisses a trail down my jaw and neck. “I thought that drive was going to kill me,” he whispers the words against my skin between kisses. The desire in his voice hits me straight between the legs.

“Bedroom,” I reply. “Now.”

We part and fumble with handles to get out of the car. We meet at the hood, and he turns to enter a security code on the keypad by the door. Pressed to his back, I reach around and run my hands up his chest and down his abs, standing on tiptoes to kiss the back of his neck. As my hands dip lower, I’m rewarded when the keypad buzzes that he’s entered an incorrect code. Twice.

Then it beeps and the door unlocks, and he turns, and I pounce, but he lifts me like I’m weightless. I wrap every limb around him, clinging like a tight shirt, and he walks us through the house, kissing me the whole time. His hands move up my thighs and slip beneath my shirt, and run up and down my back, finally moving back down to squeeze my ass.

He walks us through a door, kicks it closed behind us, and lays me on a bed. His bed. The room smells of him, and I breathe in the dark, fresh scent as he kneels on the edge of the bed and removes my shoes and socks. Arching my back to strip out of my shirt, I toss it to the floor and reach up for him.

“Lights on, or off?” He slides his hands up my calves and pauses on my thighs.

I’m flying on sensory overload right now—until I’ve already had him, I don’t think my brain could handle seeing everything as well. Not for our first time. I’ve barely had sex with the lights on, always feeling too shy and self-conscious. It’s easier to be uninhibited in the dark.

“Lights off.”

He moves up my body, achingly slowly, fingers brushing my bare belly. “Your skin is gorgeous,” he sighs, kissing his way up my torso, and up my collarbone, as his hands caress my breasts through my bra.

I grab at his sweater, pulling the hem up, freeing his body from its cloth prison. He helps remove it and tosses it away. Then he lowers himself onto me, kissing my neck, and I’m lost in the perfect texture of him. He’s not soft. Dominic’s body is built, but lean, and defined. He’s hard, and impossibly smooth, like warm, living marble. Running my hands over his arms and back, I swoon, drunk on the feeling of his skin.

“You feel so good.” My voice is practically a purr.

Moving up, his lips brush the sensitive skin by my ear, unleashing a parade of shivers across my body. I tangle my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling his mouth to mine for a frenzied kiss. He trails skilful hands down my body and pauses at the button of my jeans, tugging the fly open.

He grips the top of my jeans, and moving away from me, drags them slowly down my hips and legs. They hit the floor in a denim pile, and a similar sound follows a few seconds later when he removes his own.

The thin fabric of our underwear and the cover of darkness are the only things between us now. Dominic’s hands land on my upper thighs, coaxing me toward him, my butt hitting the edge of the bed. I’m as pliable as warm caramel.

“It’s not too late to stop.” He brushes his fingertips from my hips to my knees.

“It was too late to stop the minute I got in your car.” I can barely breathe the words. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you right now.”

He replies with kisses, burning a trail up my inner thigh, skipping to just below my bellybutton. I arch up to allow his hands better access to the back of my bra, which is unhooked and removed in record time. He palms one of my breasts, the nipple tightening when he trails the pad of his thumb back and forth across the tip. I gasp as he takes the other in his mouth, licking and sucking, drawing a moan from my throat as the sensations pull from deep within my belly. Wrapping my legs around him, I flex, pulling him closer, and he shifts up, kissing away the sound of my cry, as he rocks his hips against mine, rubbing his hard length against me in just the right spot.

I cling to him, trying to pull him even closer, but he pulls back.

“No,” I moan, poutiness clouding my voice. “Come back.”

Soft laughter patters across me. “You’re so perfect, Elle.” And he kisses down between my breasts, past my solar plexus, moving slower the lower he gets, gently stroking me through my panties. My hips rock up and down, mirroring his fingers, and I get why he moved me closer to the edge of the bed as the mattress shifts when he leaves it to kneel on the floor.

I’m breathless and almost can’t believe this is happening, but it feels so right. Then my panties are sliding a satiny journey down my legs, and I tense a bit, unused to this. Jason was never really into giving oral. But then Dominic’s impossibly hot mouth is locked against me, and it’s all I can do not to pass out. He moves my legs over his shoulders so my heels rest against his back and does things with his tongue that should be patented and banned.

I’m shaking, and moaning, writhing around, and then he slides a finger inside me, and I feel it so deeply I swear he’s inside my mind, playing with the pleasure centres of my brain. God, I’ve never felt this before, I can’t take it anymore, I just want him, all of him inside me, and I can’t wait.

“Dominic,” I gasp. “I can’t—
please.
”

“Yes, you can,” he says against me, and the vibration of his voice pushes me over the edge. Spasms shudder through me, and I arch my back so hard I sit up without realizing it, making incoherent sounds of pleasure, but he doesn’t stop until I lie back down, spent. He scoops me up, lays me on the bed properly with my head on a pillow, and I’m still dizzy from how hard I’ve just come.