Just Let Me Love You (19 page)

“Good deal,” he says, before we disconnect.

The next few hours are a blur.

I book a flight on my phone before I leave the parking lot, shaking my head as I ask the dead air, “This is just a nightmare, right?”

No, it’s not. This is real.

And then I’m driving, driving. I’m calling Father Maridale, and crying as I say, “I have to go to Nevada. I’m so sorry. I need more time off. Chase is hurt. Oh, Father.”

“Kay, calm down,” Father Maridale replies. “Are you in your car right now?”

“Yes,” I sob. “I’m driving to the airport.”

I’m a mess, still. But Father Maridale talks to me. He gets me calmed down enough so I’m not a danger on the road, to myself or others.

“We don’t need two accidents today,” he says.

“No, no, we don’t.”

“Take a breath.”

“Okay.” I breathe in deeply.

“Take another.”

I do.

“You’re going to be all right,” he tells me.

“I am.”

“Be strong for Chase, okay?”

“Yes.”

And then Father assures me, “We have everything covered at the school, Kay. Go to Chase; take all the time you need.”

“Will you pray for him?” I ask.

“Always, Kay,” he says. “Always.”

S
everal hours later—the next morning, actually—I finally make it to the hospital where Chase is being treated.

Will has kept me abreast of all the developments since before my flight took off and since it has landed. In the taxi on the way here, I talked with him the whole way. He told me Chase woke up and they ran a bunch of tests. Will said Chase asked for me, and he told him I was on my way.

Things look good, but you never know.

I find Will in the waiting room, third floor, down the hall from Chase’s room.

“Kay!” He jumps up, rushes over, and gives me a hug.

“I need this hug,” I say as I try not to cry.

“He’s going to be okay,” Will assures me. His arms around me are a comforting reminder of his brother, the man I love.

“Do you want to see him?” he asks, stepping back.

Nodding and wiping at my eyes, I say, “Yes, of course.”

But when we turn to go, Abby is blocking the exit of the waiting room. I don’t know where she came from, but there she is, about to go all momma-bear on me. Her arms are folded, and she looks uncommonly stern.

“Chase is sleeping,” she says, in a scolding kind of way. “You can see him later.”

“Are you kidding me?” I respond. “I didn’t fly fifteen hundred miles across the country to deal with this crap.”

“Mom,” Will pipes in, his voice hushed but firm. “Be cool.”

Abby ignores Will and focuses on me. “Only family is allowed in to see Chase right now.”

I am so close to blurting out that I
am
Chase’s family, but Will beats me to the punch when he yells, “Kay is his
wife
, Mom. She has more right to see him than even we do.”

Oh, crap
. How does Will even know that Chase and I are married? Chase must’ve told him, which is fine, but this is not how I envisioned Chase’s mom finding out that her son and I eloped a few weeks ago.

Well, I guess that ship has sailed.

“Is this true?” Abby whispers, her face falling.

So much for stern momma-bear
, I think.

She’s looking at me, waiting, so I give her an answer. “Yes, it’s true.”

She blows out a breath and reaches back, her hand grasping for a chair. “You and Chase are
married
?” Sitting down with a thud, she says, “When did this happen? How did I not know?” She turns to Will. “Were you there? How long have you known?”

“I only found out yesterday,” Will replies. “Chase told me while we were at lunch. Right before…”

He trails off, and I try to get us back to what’s more important at the moment.

“We can talk about all of this later,” I state. “Right now, I want to see Chase.”

Actually, I
need
to see Chase. I’ve missed him and ached for him. But knowing he’s hurt and in pain increases my pull to him. Our bond is
that
strong.

Will says kindly, “Come on, Kay. I’ll take you to him.”

My eyes flutter briefly to Abby. I’m not looking for her approval, but I don’t want more drama when Chase is released.

Her green eyes meet mine, sad, resigned. Her son got married without telling her. He didn’t trust her enough to share. Abby knows she’s made mistakes, but the extent of the damage she has wrought has never been as clear to her as it is right now.

I can’t be cruel, though, so I offer my hand to her, and say, “Come on, we can all go see him together.”

Abby doesn’t take my hand; she makes no move to stand. “No,” she says. “He’s yours, Kay. This is the way it should be. Chase is a man, and you’re his wife. He doesn’t need his mom.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” I say.

“It is, though.” Abby wipes at a single tear. “I lost him a long time ago. And I have no one to blame but myself.”

I close my eyes. What can I say?

“Come on,” Will says.

I open my eyes and nod.

And then we go to Chase.

Chase

M
y dreams are weird, with a past, a present, and a maybe-future. I mean, what else would this mean—me, Kay, and a little boy, riding in a car? There may be a little girl there, too, but I’m not sure.

Back to the little boy…maybe he is supposed to be Will in my dream. But why would Will still be a little kid, while I’m my current age?

Two more things: if the little boy is my kid brother then why are his eyes blue—like mine. Not green, like Will’s. And why is his hair dark—like Kay’s—not blond, not light-brown?

I don’t have any answers, so I return to dreaming, only this time I dream of Kay. Shit, my dream is so vivid I swear I smell my girl—sweet, clean, pure. Kay tells me she’s not so pure, but she is. She’s the bright light to my dark soul. If she wasn’t in my life, where would I be? I was slipping and falling before I met her. Only a month out of prison and set on reforming—that was me. But I was still so drawn to sin.

With Kay, for the first time in my life, I think I may make it. Sweet girl gives me purpose, and she gives me the strength to work through the things that have been holding me back.

“Chase.” I hear her voice, almost as if she is right here at the hospital.
Crazy
.

“Kay,” I reply, eyes closed tightly. “I wish you were really here.”

A soft hand caresses my arm. “I
am
really here, Chase,” she says.

“Why?”

“You were in an accident, baby.”
Oh, that’s right
. “Will called, and I flew out last night.”

I open my eyes.

This is not a dream.
Thank fuck
.

Kay is here, next to my bed.

In my bed would be better
, I think. And then I say exactly that.

Will, behind Kay, mutters, “Dude, even in the hospital.” He shakes his head. “You are so oversexed.”

I roll my eyes and think of about a hundred smartass comebacks. But now is not the time.

“Hey, I’ll catch you in a few,” Will continues as he heads to the door. “You two need some time alone.”

“You don’t have to go,” I say at the same time as Kay.

We look at each other and smile.

“No,” Will says, grinning. “I think you both could use some quiet time. Just keep it PG-13. Mom or the nurse could walk in at any time. Oh, and by the way, Chase, Mom knows you and Kay are married.”

“Is that true?” My gaze goes to Kay.

“Yes,” she replies.

“Did you—”

Will cuts me off, “No, I told Mom. She was giving Kay a hard time about coming back to your room.”

Kay shrugs. “It’s no big deal, Chase.”

Will clears his throat, and asks, “Are you mad at me, bro? That I told Mom your secret.”

“No,” I reply.

And I’m not angry, not at all. Kay and I weren’t planning on keeping our marriage a secret forever. Probably best if the news trickles out slowly like this.

“All right, I’m out of here,” Will says on a loud exhale. “You kids behave now, okay?”

Kay and I laugh and agree to “behave.”

When my brother is out the door, I turn to my wife. “Will, the voice of reason,” I say, chuckling. “I really must have hit my head, like,
hard
.”

“Speaking of which…” Kay frowns and scoots her chair closer to the bed. She touches the bandage covering the stitches on the side of my head. “How are you feeling?”

“Eh,” I murmur, “so-so. Better, I have to say, now that you’re here.”

Kay shakes her head, and she looks so damn stricken. “God, you gave me such a scare, Chase Gartner.”

I reach for her hand. “Do you really think I’d leave you a widow this early in the game? We’re only just getting started, remember?”

“God, Chase.” She closes her eyes and winces. “Don’t even say words like
widow
. A life without you wouldn’t be worth living.”

“Hey…” I squeeze her hand. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

When Kay’s soft caramels find my eyes, I continue. “Don’t say that. If something were to happen to me, I’d want you to go on.”

In a voice choked on emotion, she whispers, “I really don’t think I could.”

“You’d have to, Kay,” I insist.

She shakes her head. “No. I swear I wouldn’t want to.”

“Hey, hey.” I try a different way of convincing her. “What if it wasn’t just you? What if there was a child to live for?”

We’ve had this talk before, but nothing has ever been one hundred-percent decided. Having this brush with mortality, though, has made me more determined than ever to create a child with the woman I love.

I just hope she’s on the same page.

“Have you thought about it?” I tentatively ask.

She knows what I mean, and she replies, “Of course I’ve thought about it.”

I can’t discern where her thoughts lie, so I say, “If you’re not ready, Kay—”

“No, I’m ready.”

My eyes hold hers. “You’re sure? Like, you’re for sure, for sure ready.”

That earns me a smile from her, as well as a tiny laugh, and then a mock-chastising, “Chase.”

But then, more seriously, she adds, “I’ve thought about it a lot. And, at first, after we originally talked about having a baby, I did have some reservations.”

“Oh?”

I must sound miffed, as Kay quickly amends, “Not about you, Chase. My reservations were about myself.”

“You have to be kidding me. You’d make the best mom and you know it.”

“Maybe,” she says, her tone doubtful.

And then she tells me her fears.

I understand how her past has shaped her view of herself, but still, I reassure her, “You’re going to be a great mother, babe. You can’t keep thinking about the past. We’ve been through this.”

Kay is mostly healed, but she still sometimes doubts herself because of the Sarah-thing.

But she sounds more certain of her abilities to parent when she says, “I know, Chase. I just slip sometimes, though.” And then she adds, “You’re going to be the best parent, though. Our child will be lucky to be loved by you.”

Kay is always telling me I love with my whole heart, my whole being, and maybe that’s true. I do love completely, like how I love my brother…and how I love Kay. Thing is, my girl loves fully and completely, too.

“Come here.” I tug her hand, urging her to come closer, even though I’m mired in tubes and wires.

Kay helps me shift that shit aside, and then she’s right there with me on the hospital bed, lying by my side.

I turn my head and lean down until my lips meet hers.

And then I kiss her.

With our lips touching, she murmurs, “I don’t want to hurt you, Chase, with all the tubes and stuff.”

The thought of her hurting me is so laughable that I find myself pulling back and chuckling.

“Hurt me?” I can’t stop laughing. “How in the world could you ever hurt me?”

“You know…” She touches a tube running to my arm. “What if I knock something out?”

“You won’t.” I pull her back to me. “And even if you did, I’ll survive.” As I brush my lips back and forth over hers, I whisper, “No more talking, okay?”

“Uh-huh.”

She complies, and I kiss her. Her lips part, opening for me, and I touch my tongue to hers. Kay lets out a little moan and goes lax in my arms.