Just One Bite (14 page)

“Give it to me from behind,” Nina said, her voice breathless and excited.

Reality dawned and a burst of ego shot through me, followed by a sliver of dread as I realized what I had to do. “Nina.” I chose my words carefully. “You know you’re one of my oldest and dearest friends, but I just don’t like you like that. I know, I know,” I rushed on when she started to speak. “You can’t help yourself. It’s understandable. I
am
pretty hot. But you can’t do this. You’re already committed to a wonderful—albeit slightly boring—vampire. I know you. You would never be able to live with yourself if you cheated on him.”

“Not you,” she told me. “I was talking to Wilson. We’ve decided to start having children and this is night one in our Baby Quest.” Her voice went slightly muffled as if she’d cupped her hand over the receiver. “Honey, try it this way.” I heard the squeak of bedsprings and the distinct slap of bare skin. “Just…like…
that.
”

“Why don’t I call you back later?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, you want me to call back? Or yes, honey, give it to me again?”

“Both,” she breathed.

I hung up and tried Nina One.

“What do you know about demons?” I asked when she finally answered her cell.

“They sparkle and they’re definitely a vamp’s best friend.”

“That’s diamonds. I said
demons.
”

“Oh,” she giggled. “Let’s see…Lots of hair. Major BO. Noisy, especially when the moon is full.”

“That’s a werewolf.”

“Cold, cynical, and only interested in sex?”

“Made vampire.” That, or half the single men in Manhattan.

“Tall and hairy?”

“Big Foot.”

“Short and stumpy?”

“A troll.”

“Oops.” She giggled. “You’ll have to forgive me. I’m a little out of sorts.” More giggling, and I distinctly heard the baritone of a man’s voice. “Rob’s here and you’ll never guess what I’m holding in my hand at this very moment.”

Uh-oh.

Panic rushed through me and I had the sudden urge to cover my ears.

Crazy, right? Sex was natural. In fact, it was the end-all and be-all of the entire born-vamp culture. Our civilization centered around the Deed. We were conceived via sex. We stopped aging when we lost our virginity. We then spent the rest of eternity getting jiggy and making babies.

Every
other
born vamp, that is.

I, on the other hand, was too busy matching up SOBs, saving my loyal assistant from the flames of Hell, and fantasizing about a certain bounty hunter to procreate. I so didn’t need to hear anything that reminded me of sex, which reminded me of my lack thereof.

That, and the fact that we’re talking about my
brother.

“It’s big,” she went on, “and very impressive and—”

“You’re really creeping me out,” I cut in.

“Not
that.
Not right now anyway. It’s a snakeskin Ferragamo belt with a rhinestone buckle.”

“
The
snakeskin belt with the aqua rhinestone buckle? From the new spring collection?”

“That’s the one.”

“But there’s a waiting list for those.”

“I don’t know how he pulled it off, but he did.”

“Anything for you, babe.” My brother’s familiar voice sounded in the background.

Awww…

“It’s a bribe,” Nina went on. “To get me to move in with him.”

My panic morphed into shock. “You and Rob?
Living together
?”

“I guess so.” She laughed and Rob let out an enthusiastic
“Hell, yeah!”

“That’s terrific,” I said once I’d found my voice. “Really fab.” Or it would have been if I wasn’t suddenly feeling like the only one who didn’t get invited to the hottest party of the year.

Vinnie was one layer closer to wedded bliss.

Nina Two was happily committed and had just embarked on the Baby Quest.

Nina One was moving in with my brother.

And here I was sitting all by my lonesome, doing research on Satan’s minions.

To save your friend’s life,
my conscience reminded me. A task that was oodles nobler than boffing my brains out with a certain hot, hunky bounty hunter.

Sure, it wasn’t much fun, but sometimes a vampire had to take the high road.

Or, in my case, Sexless Avenue.

“We’re going to tell everyone at the hunt tomorrow night. You’ll be there, right?”

I thought of my mother’s reaction (shock, outrage, and the inevitable dive straight into a double martini) and my depression lifted. “Are you kidding? A pack of rabid werewolves couldn’t keep me away.”

Fourteen

A
fter I hung up with Nina, I dialed Vinnie’s number.

“Are you in position?”

“Are you friggin’ kidding me? I just left your place about five minutes ago. I’m stopping off at Mar ciano’s to take a whiz and pick up a double pepperoni with anchovies. Then I’m on my way.”

“Call me when you get there.”

“I’m not so sure I’m going to make it. I still think this whole assignment is for shit.”

“You can quit if you want. It’s totally your choice.” I hummed the opening
dum-dum-de-dum
of the wed ding march, and then said, “Besides, Presbyterians aren’t
that
bad.”

“I’ll call when I get there.”
Click.

I spent the next few minutes going through my bills. (Was I desperate for a distraction or what?)

After writing several checks that left me with all of twenty-three dollars and eighty-seven cents in my bank account, I closed up shop and headed home early. I stopped off at a nearby Blockbuster (which left a whopping seven dollars and fifty-nine cents) and then headed home for a DVD marathon with Killer.

“You might not want to watch this,” I warned as I popped in
The Exorcist
and settled on the sofa with a glass of nuked blood. “I wouldn’t want you to have nightmares.”

Are you kidding me? Eat, sleep, and poop. That’s it for us felines.

“I wouldn’t be too sure.” I took a sip and the warm liquid sizzled down my throat. My stomach clenched, begging for more. I swallowed against the urge to gobble up the contents and took another small, controlled sip. “This movie is supposed to be really scary.”

Maybe you’re the one who shouldn’t watch.

“I’m a vampire. We invented scary.”

By the time
THE END
flashed and the credits started to roll, I’d checked the closets twice (I’d kinda sorta heard some really weird noises that could easily have been a skanky demon rather than the hot water heater) and flipped on every light in my microscopic apartment.

I’d just checked the locks on the front door for the umpteenth time when I turned to find Killer staring up at me, a what’d-I-tell-ya? gleam in his eyes.

“This is New York,” I blurted. “Crime capital of the world. You can never be too safe.”

Wimp.

After five movies—including
The Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Omen
and all three
Exorcist
movies—several updates from Vinnie, and a measly three hours of sleep, the only thing I wanted to do when Sunday afternoon rolled around was bury my head beneath the pillow. I’d come up with the bare bones of a plan to save Evie, but in order to fill in the details, I needed to rest.

And be the first to break three hundred years of Marchette tradition by missing the weekly hunt?

Yeah, right.

I’d given my word to Mandy and the go-ahead to my mom. What’s more, Nina and Rob were making their big announcement.

I hauled my tired but fabulous ass out of bed and into a hot shower, and tried not to think about the upcoming date with Remy. And the all-important fact that, despite my objections, he really was the perfect born vampire for me.

First off, he didn’t reek of bread pudding or cheesecake or cherry chocolate brownies. He smelled of subtle cologne and virile manliness, thanks to a special pill designed by top vampire scientists to mask his natural scent (all born-vamps reeked of sweet and yummy) and give him an edge when sneaking up on dangerous criminals. Hence, he didn’t clash with my eau de cotton candy.

Second, he was good-looking and wealthy and he had a phenomenal fertility rating.

On top of all
that,
he actually liked me. I knew as much because he’d helped me out of several jams in the past and even offered his house up so that I could host a baby shower for Viola and the other Connecticut NUNS.

He liked me, all right.

And I liked him.

Sort of.

It’s just that we’d grown up together. I’d seen him stick marbles up his nose, and so every time I tried to picture us in the classic let’s-get-it-on fantasy, I only managed half the equation because—let’s face it—there wasn’t anything remotely sexy about a man with a marble lodged in his nostril.

Sure, I always started out with a nice mental picture of Fairfield’s finest, but then raw, primal lust took over. My heart pounded. My body trembled. My hormones started a frenzied bump and grind. At that point, my brain did a cut and paste and,
voilà,
no Remy.

Instead, I ended up with something like this…

I stretched out on the cushy pillow top mattress and opened my arms to the vampire standing nearby. He raked a piercing neon-blue stare from my head to the tips of my toes and back up again. I purred my encouragement. He growled his excitement. The bed dipped and his strong, muscular body covered mine. I touched my lips to the tiny scar that bisected his eyebrow and closed my eyes to the rough feel of his callused fingertips on my—

“Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Ahh. “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?” Ahh. “Don’t you…”
My favorite Pussycat Dolls ringtone blared from my cell and yanked me back to reality.

Disappointment niggled at me as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open.

“I’m this close to passing out,” Vinnie declared before I could so much as say hi. “And I have to take a dump. Too many anchovies.”

“How goes it with Slimey?”

“Other than ordering takeout—everything from burgers to Thai—she’s staying put. And I”—a victorious note in his voice—“haven’t so much as knocked on her door. No breaking her ankles or cracking her skull with a hammer or stuffing her into my trunk. Not that she would fit. I’ve still got that three-hundred-pound werewolf I offed last week stashed on top of my spare.”

“You mean to tell me you went on the date with Carmen with a dead werewolf in your trunk?”

“What? It’s not like you could smell anything. Not then.” I heard the
click
of a glove compartment and then the
shhhhhh
of an aerosol can. “So do I pass the assignment or what?”

“Not yet. Stay in position for the next few hours and then meet me at my office at midnight.”

“But I need to sleep.”

“You can sleep when you’re dead.”

“Yeah.” A menacing note crept into his voice. “And so can you.”

“Thirty minutes in the backseat,” I blurted. “Forty-five at most. But then you’re back to peeling away the next layer.”

“This layer crap had better work,” he warned again before he disconnected.

I ignored the urge to pack the nearest bag, snatch up Killer, and head for a remote tropical paradise. Granted, I’d get to keep my fangs for a little while longer, but where would that leave Evie?

Pushing aside my fear, I went about my usual afternoon. I drank my breakfast, put on some makeup and flat-ironed my hair. Pulling on a silver Rock & Republic tunic and short black leggings, I topped off the outfit with a pair of silver Armani flats and worked my favorite supermodel pose in front of the mirror.

Smokin’ hot as usual, despite the demon marathon, a shitload of worry, and very little sleep.

Ah, the perks of being a card-carrying member of the undead.

After a quick exchange with Killer (he promised to behave himself if I promised to buy him a Hello Kitty scratching post) I dropped him off at Mrs. Janske’s and climbed into a cab bound for Connecticut.

As we left the city behind, I decided to ignore the dread churning in my stomach and the cab driver ogling me in the rearview mirror.

Time to look on the bright side.

Sure, I was stuck with the usual Sunday routine—hiding out in the pool house while the rest of my family battled it out for extra vacation days from Moe’s. But maybe I wouldn’t have to go through with the post-hunt date with Remy. I mean, really. My mother had fresher blood to drink, right? One of her precious sons was actually trading in his confirmed bachelor status to move in with—gasp—a
female.
And after just a measly five weeks of dating. Who cared that Nina and Rob had grown up together? He was barely five hundred and fifty-five. A mere
bebe.
My mother would be so freaked when she heard the news that she would surely forget about yours truly and shift her radar to my bro.

I smiled. I was definitely off the hook.

“I thought you would never get here,” my mother declared when she hauled open the massive front door. “Everyone’s waiting.”