Just One Reason (12 page)

Lindsay

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?  I’ll have my cell phone, but I don’t know if I’ll have great service. 
But you know you can always call Grady if you need anything,” Lana babbled while pulling her suitcases out onto the front porch.  I rolled my eyes behind her back.  The last person I would call if I needed help was Grady Hawke.

I followed her outside.  “Lana, calm down.  I’ll be fine. 
Don’t worry about me.  Just go and enjoy your cruise.”  Lana had done so much for me, and I wanted her to enjoy her vacation, not spend her time worrying about me.

Mitch walked across the yard and collected Lana’s luggage to put in his truck.  “
Good Lord, Lana.  We’re only going to be gone seven days, not seven months.”

I walked with Lana over to Mitch’
s driveway and gave them both a hug.  “You two have fun.  Drink plenty of cocktails and remember to wear sunscreen,” I lectured.  Lana had the same pale skin as me.  “Mitch, don’t let her worry about me.  Make sure she has fun.”

Mitch put his arm around Lana and guided her to the passenger side of his truck.  I went back to the house and stood on the porch until they drove out of sight.  Okay, I thought, rubbing my hands together.  I can do this.  I’m twenty
-one years old.  I can spend a night by myself, right?

I went from living with my parents to living with
Taryn.  After everything went down with her dad declaring his candidacy for President this summer, she moved back home and so did I.  Until the blow up with my parents, and then I moved in with Taryn.  Her parents spent most of their time in Washington DC, so there was plenty of extra room in their apartment.  In twenty-one years, I had actually never spent a night alone.

When I walked back inside the house and shut the door behind me, it was eerily quiet. 
I had always found this big Victorian house charming, but now I noticed all the shadows and places where ax murderers could hide.  I could hear the ticking of the clock in the living room and the old wood floors creaking underneath my feet as I walked to the kitchen.  I got a drink of water and checked the time.  3:00 pm.

With Lana gone, I didn’t have to go to work.  I thought about calling Leah or
Taryn, but I held off.  I could do this.  I could be alone.  I only had seven hours to kill before it would be an acceptable time to go to bed…by myself…just me and the ax murderer hiding in my closet.

Over the next three hours I
baked (actually burned) one batch of cookies, watched two reruns of America’s Next Top Model, did three loads of laundry, stopped myself from calling Leah four times, and paced the entire house five times checking in every closet and under every bed.

When my phone rang at 6:00 pm, I nearly broke my ankle lunging
over the couch to grab it.  Oh, thank god!  It was Leah.

“Hey, Leah,” I answered non
chalantly, twirling a section of my hair anxiously around my finger.

“Hi, Linz.
  Josh and I are heading to the pub for dinner.  Do you want to come?  I know Lana left today, so I thought you might be lonely.”  I was already taking the stairs two at a time to change.

“Oh, sure.
  That sounds good.  I’ll be there soon,” I answered.  After we hung up, I stripped off my sweatpants and ratty t-shirt and threw on a pair of jeans, a tank top under an off the shoulder thin sweater, and pair of heels.  Once I was presentable I grabbed my purse and headed out.  I made sure to leave the porch light and a light inside on.  It would probably be dark when I got home, and I sure as hell didn’t want to come home to a dark empty house.

It was a nice night out, so I left my car behind and walked to the pub. 
By the time I got there, the wind had picked up and I regretted not driving.  If it rained, I could probably get Josh and Leah to drop me off later.

I also regretted coming here at all when I went inside and saw Josh and Leah at the bar with Grady.  Leah saw me and mouthed “Sorry.”  Clearly she didn’
t know he would be here when she called me.  Instead of going over, I grabbed an empty table and sat down.  Leah waddled over with a beer for me and an ice water for herself.

“Here you go.  It’s on me for putting you in the same room as him,” she said. 
“I have to pee again for the tenth time in the last two hours.”

With Leah in the bathroom I tried to ignore Grady, but that became impossible when he sauntered over to the pool table just ten feet from where I was sitting.  Some
brunette bimbo followed him with a gleam in her eyes.  Apparently he didn’t discriminate by hair color.

Leah returned from the restroom and sat down next to me, lowering
herself carefully into the chair.  She only had a few days left until her due date and she looked about ready to pop.  I couldn’t imagine there was any more room left in there.

Judging from the scowl on her pretty face, she had noticed Grady’s companion as well.  “That skanky bitch has been after him since high school,” she grumbled.  Wondering if the skanky bitch had a name, but not really wanting to know it, I said instead, “Looks like she finally got him.”

I risked a glance to my left and cringed when I saw her giggling and leaning over the pool table with Grady wrapped around her, “helping” her line up a shot.

Leah scoffed, “God, could her skirt be any shorter?  She’s had enough use we could probably see right up her
vajajay.”  I spewed the beer I had just swigged all over the table and burst out laughing.  Leah joined in and soon we were in the middle of a full on giggle attack.  Grady straightened up and narrowed his eyes at us.

With a couple of spare napkins I wiped up the table.  I was still laughing when Grady pulled out the chair on my other side and folded his long lean body into it.  He sat with his legs spread, like guys do.  I’m sure if skanky bit
ch noticed she would have bopped right over and plopped right down on his dick.  I know I was tempted to.  Instead I gave him a dirty look and rolled my eyes at him.

Grady pulled out a pack of cigarettes and stuck one in his mouth, letting it hang dangerously off his lip as he lit it.  He ignored Ford’s shout from the bar warning him he couldn’t smoke in her
e and took a long drag, his cold blue eyes never leaving me.

“What do you want, Grady?”  I asked in the bitchiest voice I could muster. 
Before he had a chance to reply, the skank of the day flounced over and sat in his lap, just like I predicted.  My evil glare turned to her.  Grady’s lip curled up in a smirk and he leaned forward, blowing smoke in my face.

So low only I could hear he said, “What’s the matter, Bambi? 
Jealous?”

My self control snapped at the blatant lack of respect in his voice.  This wasn’t the Grady I fell in love with, and I had no idea why he was acting this way.  Yes, a lot can change in five years, but this wasn’t him.
  I understood that I had hurt him badly, but he was crossing the line now.

I stood up, snatched the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed it out on the table.  His mouth dropped open slightly in shock, and
skanky bitch started to say something.  Before she could make a sound I grabbed her by her shoulders and shoved her off his lap.  She hit the floor ass first, stunned into silence for a moment.  Never before had I been a violent person, but right then I would have jumped headfirst into an all out catfight.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Grady?  Why are you acting like this?”
  I yelled at him, not caring at all that the entire room was watching us.  He stood up abruptly, his chair falling over behind him with the force.  Skanky bitch started yelling obscenities at me, but Grady stuck his arm out to keep her behind him.

We stood toe to toe, our bodies almost touching.  His hair fell over his face as he glared down at me.  I was a good
eight inches shorter than him even with my heels on, but I didn’t back down, stubbornly glaring right back at him.  He grabbed my upper arm roughly and dragged me toward the door.

“Outside.
  Now,” he ground out between clenched teeth.  The sky was black and heavy storm clouds were blocking the stars.  Wind from the approaching storm whipped my hair around my face as Grady shoved me outside and stalked back and forth in front of me.  I tried unsuccessfully to keep the hair out of my face, and then gave up and planted my hands on my hips.

“Why are you being such an asshole?  What happened to you?”  I shouted
over the sound of the wind.

He stopped with his back to me and clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white before slowly turning around to face me.  His stormy blue eyes were glaring with anger and hurt.  My steely resolve slipped away and I could feel the tears welling up in response to the emotions churning in those
captivating eyes.

When he spoke his voice was low and strained, “
You want to know what happened to me?”  I couldn’t move or respond; I was frozen in place.  Grady ran both hands roughly through his hair and yelled, “YOU HAPPENED TO ME!  You, Lindsay.  You happened to me.”  He resumed his pacing like a caged animal before coming to stand right in front of me.

“You ripped my heart out of my fucking chest!  I loved you, Lindsay.  I would have done anything for you, given anything to be with you.”  He looked up at the sky and laughed humorlessly, “Apparently you didn’t feel the same way.”

I stared at him in disbelief that he thought what we had meant nothing to me.  My voice was no more than a whisper, and I wasn’t sure he could hear me over the wind that was blowing even stronger now.  “You think I didn’t love you?  That it didn’t kill me to do what I did?”

He snorted and shook his head, moving back to put more distance between us.  “You didn’t tell anyone about us, Lindsay.  Not even your cousin and best friend.  I know you tell
Taryn everything, but you didn’t tell her about me.  I know, Lindsay.  I talked to her that first day you came back.  She had no clue who I am.  NO FUCKING CLUE!”

My mind was racing but the only clear thought was that he didn’t think I loved him.  The tears were streaming down my face now as I screamed back at him, “I didn’t tell anyone because I knew what they would say.  That I was too young to know what love is.  I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone devaluing what we had.  I knew that I would
never, never love anyone as much as I love you, Grady.”

I clutched my arms around my stomach to hold myself together.  I could see the questions in his eyes, the questions he deserved to have answers for.  And if he had asked me at that moment I would have told him everything.  Why I left him.  Why I pushed him away.

But before he could ask, Ford came outside with his usual grumpy expression.  “Everything okay out here?”  He asked, placing himself strategically between Grady and me.

“
Go away, Ford,” Grady growled.

“Believe me, the last thing I want to do is break up your love fest out here, but Leah’s water just bro
ke.  All over the damn floor.”

That news snapped us both out of the tense moment.  I rushed past Ford and back into the pub.  Josh looked like he was about to pass out as he and Leah walked toward me.  I took the arm Josh wasn’t holding and hel
ped guide her toward the door.

“Are you okay?  Are you
in pain?”  I asked nervously.

Leah blew out a breath, “A little.  I just need to get to the hospital so they can give me the drugs before it really starts hurting.”

“I’ll walk home and get my car and meet you at the hospital.  Do you need me to pick anything up from your house?”  I asked.

Josh answered while Leah focused on getting comfortably into the car, “No, we put the bag in the car last week.  We’ll see you there.”  They pulled out and sped away, leaving Grady and Ford and
me standing in the parking lot.

Ford slung the towel he was holding over his shoulder and headed back inside
. “Call me when the baby is actually here.  Then I’ll come to the hospital.”

I followed him inside and grabbed my bag.  On my way back out the door, I ran
straight into Grady’s solid chest.  “You don’t need to walk home.  I’ll give you a ride to the hospital,” he said looking down at me.  I pursed my lips and nodded.

When we reached his bike, he put his helmet on my head and clicked the buckle under my chin.  We looked at each other for a moment, the air between us charged with unspoken words and raging emotions.  He turned away first and swung his leg over the bike.  I settled myself behind him, grateful I wasn’t wearing a skirt.  There was no distance between us now, at least not physically, as I pressed my legs against him and wrapped my arms around his waist.  I felt his body tense at my touch, but I didn’t ease back.
  Who knew if I would ever get the chance to be this close to him again?

Like everywhere in Penn Yan, it was a short ride to the hospital.  From Grady’s abs under my hands to the feel of him between my thighs, I didn’t want to get off the motorcycle.  But I did and handed him his helmet.  We didn’t talk as we walked inside and got directions to the
Labor and Delivery department.

When the elevator doors closed and we were alone, Grady shoved his hands in his pockets and said, “I think there’s a lot we
need to talk about, Lindsay.”