Just One Reason (20 page)

Lindsay had to wear her hair in a wet braid, and we ate breakfast in the car.  But it was worth it.

Lindsay

I arrived at the pub early for my dinner with Leah, so I could look over the class schedule for next semester.  Three weeks ago Grady and I had gone to visit the college just outside of town and met with an admissions counselor for the nursing program.  When Grady first suggested nursing as a possible career option for me, I tossed the idea in the recycle bin along with some of his other crazy suggestions - flight attendant (too much travel), librarian (too much quiet), Grady’s personal sex slave (I think he was actually serious about that one).  But the more I thought about nursing, the more I warmed up to the idea.

With nursing shortages everywhere, there was definitely job security.  There were a ton of different places to work - hospitals, doctors’ offices,
schools.  The hours were flexible and the pay was good.  And I would be helping and interacting with new people on a daily basis.  That was something I would absolutely love, and one of the main reasons I turned my back on a career in corporate law.  I didn’t want to help rich people find loopholes to become even richer.  I wanted to make a difference - even a small one - and I would be able to do that as a nurse.

Because I had already completed three years of undergrad at NYU, I wouldn’t need to start all over.  I would need the required science classes, which I planned
on taking next semester, and then I could start on the nursing requirements.  In less than two years I could be a nurse.

I grabbed a seat at the end of the bar and spread out my brochures and class schedules.  Ford brought over an ice water with lemon and asked no questions about what I was doing.  You could always count on Ford to mind
his own business.

Half an hour later I was so engrossed in reading through the class descriptions that I jumped
when Leah sat down next to me.

“
Whatcha doin’?”  She asked, popping her gum and waving Ford over.

I gathered up the papers to put them back in my bag.  “Just going over class schedules and deciding which classes to take first,” I replied.  Leah had become my best friend here in town, and I was so grateful for her.  With
Taryn so far away it was nice to have another good friend nearby.

Leah had just returned to work last week, although it wasn’t too much of an adjustment, because she was able to take
Maddy with her.  Josh had left work early tonight and picked up Maddy so Leah and I could meet for dinner.  It was Monday evening, and I was planning to drive home tomorrow for Thanksgiving.  Well, not to my home.  I would be staying with Taryn and her parents.  Grady tried to insist on coming with me, but I wanted to handle my parents on my own.

Ford brought Leah her signature drink.  She turned to me when he left and whispered, “Ford seems extra gro
uchy lately, don’t you think?”

I studied Ford’s profile as
he mixed a drink.  “I don’t know.  It’s kind of hard to tell.  I’ve never actually seen him in a good mood.”

Leah took a sip of her Lemon Drop Martini and eyed my ice water.  “Why aren’t you drinking?”  She asked me suspiciously.

I shrugged.  “I’m still not feeling that great.  Some days I’m fine, but other days I just feel crappy.  Alcohol just doesn’t sound good right now.”  Leah narrowed her eyes and studied me intently.  She leaned in close and her eyes swept over my face before dropping to my boobs.  I leaned back and away from her.

“What the hell are you doing, Leah?”  I asked.

She sat back up and pointed her finger at me accusingly.  “You’re pregnant!”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, “No, I’m not.  I can’t get pregnant, remember?”

“Do you have a uterus?  And ovaries?”  She asked, waiting for me to answer her ridiculous questions.

“Yes, of course I do,” I said calmly.

“Then you can get pregnant.  What was that, like five years ago?  Maybe something’s changed since then.  Or maybe Grady just has super sperm,” she said very matter-of-factly.

Ford chose that moment to come over to take our orders.  When he heard us talking about Grady’s super sperm, he clapped his hands over his ears and walked away mumbling, “Jesus Christ, Leah!”

Leah continued on, unaffected by offending Ford, “You’ve been tired, and nauseous, and your boobs are bigger.”  I looked down and poked at my cleavage.  They were maybe a little bigger than usual.  But I couldn’t be pregnant, could I?

“Are you on the Pill?  Do you use condoms?”  Leah asked.  I shook my head no to both questions.  It seemed like a non-issue since we are in a committed relationship and I can’t get pregnant.

“You should stop and get a test on your way home tonight.  Just to make sure I’m right,” Leah advised.  She grabbed a menu as if she didn’t order the same thing every time, but I just sat staring down at my boobs.  I tried to remember when my last period was, but I couldn’t.  They were never regular, and I never paid too much attention when I was late.  Shaking off Leah’s absurd idea that I was pregnant, I picked up a menu too.

Ford came over a minute later to take our orders. 
Leah and I talked about Maddy and my upcoming trip home while we ate, but my mind kept returning to Leah’s insistence that I was pregnant.

It was a completely ridiculous thought, but yet I found myself pulling into the drug store
parking lot on my way home and buying a pregnancy test.  I stood forever in front of the display reading every box before finally deciding on the digital one that either said “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”.  It couldn’t get any clearer than that.

Grady would be home from work by now, and I had planned to spend tonight with him since I would be gone the rest of the week.  First I needed to make a pit stop at Lana’s.  Running up the stairs to my room, I tossed my bag on the bed and grabbed my old school calendar off the dresser.  I had to turn back to September to find
the frowny face I used to mark the day my period started.  Shit, that was two and a half months ago.  Irregular, yes.  Two months late, no.

Nearly hyperventilating
, I managed to pee on the stick, but I couldn’t bear to leave it alone for two minutes like the instructions said.  So, I stood in the bathroom holding the little stick up to my face watching the little dots flash across the screen.  Two minutes seemed like two years as I waited.  What would I do if I was pregnant?  What would I do if I wasn’t?

Pregnant.

That one word flashed on the screen.  My heart jumped into my throat, and I dropped the stick in the sink like it was on fire.  Holy hell!  How did this happen?  I mean, I know
how
it happened.  But, seriously, how did this happen!?!

My fingertips gripped the edge of the sink, and I tore my eyes from the pee stick in the sink to look at my reflection in the mirror. 
My boobs were definitely bigger.  I turned sideways and smoothed my hand over my flat stomach.  There was something growing in there, which kind of freaked me out a little bit.  But the thing I noticed the most was the huge stupid smile on my face.  And my eyes looked a little bit crazed.  I think I might have been in shock.

That can’t be good for the baby.  What the hell do I know what is good for a baby?  Oh my God!  Have I had any alcohol in the last two months?  Did I hurt my baby without even knowing it?  Now I was close to actually hyperventilating. 
Deep calming breaths.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.

When my breathing was back to normal, m
y first instinct was to drive to Grady’s house and shove the stick I had just peed on in his face.  Then the thought that he might not be happy about this crept into my mind, and it wouldn’t go away.  The night he first took me to his house we talked about my inability to have children.  I clearly remember him saying we were too young to be worrying about that right now.  Would he be upset about this baby?  Would he think it’s too soon?  Would he think I lied about not being able to have children just to trick him into getting me pregnant?  Okay, now I was having crazy thoughts.

My phone rang from somewhere inside my purse, and I pulled it out knowing it would be Grady’s name I would see on the screen.  It was way past time for me to be over there.  I hadn’t realized I had been standin
g in the bathroom for so long.

“Hi,” I answered.

“Hey, you okay?  Are you still coming over?”  He asked, sounding slightly worried.  I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought of what to say.  I should just tell him.  No, I should go over there and tell him.

Instead I said, “I’m sorry.  I stopped back at Lana’s after dinner and
lay down for a minute.  I guess I fell asleep.”  He paused, and I knew I wasn’t hiding the fact that something was up very well.

“
You’ve been kind of out of it the last few weeks.  I really think you need to go to the doctor,” Grady said.  Oh, I needed to go to the doctor alright.  The baby doctor.

“I know.  I’ll make an appointment when
I get back after Thanksgiving,” I hedged.  “I’m still really tired.  I think I’m just going to crash here tonight.”

He paused again, and I could feel him tensing up through the phone. 
“Will you at least stop by the shop to say goodbye before you leave tomorrow?”  He asked.  I was going to miss him terribly while I was gone, and I knew he felt the same.  Having me leave him to go back to the city must have been bringing up bad memories of the last time I left.  Having me bail on him tonight probably wasn’t helping, but I couldn’t face him until I knew what I wanted to say.

“Of course I will.  I want to be on the road by 10:00, so I’ll be by before then
.  I love you,” I said softly.

“I love you too, Lindsay.”

It felt like we were saying goodbye for more than just one night, and I prayed that wouldn’t be the case when he found out my news.  Sleep was elusive that night, and I tossed and turned trying to think of the best way and time to tell Grady.  Should I tell him in the morning?  Should I tell him after Thanksgiving?  Should I call him right now, at 3:00 am, and tell him?

I was up before the sun, packing my bags and pacing my room.  My fingers itched to pick up my phone and call
Taryn for advice.  But Grady deserved to be the first to know.  I did text Leah when it was an acceptable hour and ask for her obstetrician’s phone number.  She replied with the number and a smiley face.  Technically I didn’t tell her anything.  I made an appointment for the next Monday.

By the time 8:00 rolled around I was dressed, packed and ready to go.  I might as well go see Grady and then
come back and pack up the car.

Before getting out of my car I wiped my sweaty palms down my legs.  The weather was cold, and I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck as I walked to the main door.  Grady was obviously
watching for me, even though I was early.  Before I even reached the door he opened it and pulled me inside and into his arms.

“Miss me?”  I teased as h
e nuzzled his nose in my hair.

“Always,” he replied.  He release
d me and I took his hand.

“Can we go in your office and talk for a minute?”  I asked.  Somewhere in the middle of the night I made the decision to tell him today. 
That way he could think about what he wanted while I was gone.  I knew I wanted this baby more than anything, and I hoped he would feel that way too.  But I wanted to give him the time to process the huge surprise I was about to spring on him.

His eyebrows pulled together, and he frowned at me.  Closing the door behind us I said, “You should probably sit down for this.”  He didn’t sit. 
He held my upper arms and bent down slightly so we were eye to eye.

“Lindsay, I swear to God, if you’re going to tell me we’re over, I…”

I immediately placed my finger over his lips.  “Ssshhh.  That is not what I have to say.  You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Grady Hawke.”  He relaxed at my words, but he still looked worried as he waited for me to continue.

Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and said, “I’m pregnant.”  I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes to see his reaction to my life-changing announcement.  Grady just stared at me.  He didn’t speak.  He didn’t mo
ve.  He just stood and stared.

Not exactly the grinning, kissing, scooping me up and swinging me around reaction I was hoping for.  “Um, I just found out last night.  I’m leaving at 10:00 to drive
back to the city, but I will be back on Sunday.  Obviously I’m keeping the baby since this is most likely my only chance to have a child.  I want you with me in this.  But take this week to think about what you really want.  I love you, Grady.  But I will do this without you if I have to.”  He was still staring, and I was starting to doubt he had heard a word I said.

I leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek.  “Goodbye, Grady.  I’ll see you on Sunday.”  And with that, I walked out leaving him still standing and staring.  Only now he was staring at the wall since I was gone.

Grady

I’m pregnant.  I’m pregnant.  I’m pregnant.

Lindsay’s words kept circling through my mind like a funnel cloud gaining strength until the only thing I could hear was the blood rushing through my brain.  I don’t know how long I stood there staring until the room started to come back into focus.  By then Lindsay was gone, and I struggled to recall what had followed
I’m pregnant
.

I want you with me in this.

Well, no shit.  Of course I’m with her in this.  There’s no place on Earth I would rather be.

But I will do this without
you if I have to.

Oh, fuck.  She told me she was pregnant and that she wanted me to take this week to think about what I wanted.  All while I stood there like a fucking moron and stared at her.  I didn’t need one second to think about what I wanted.

I stalked out of my office and barked out orders.  “Josh!  I’m going to be gone the rest of the week.  Lock up when you leave tonight.  And call Lana right now.  Tell her not to let Lindsay leave until I get there!”

“Sure, man.  Is everything alright?”

I paused in the doorway only long enough to grin at him and say, “I’m gonna be a dad.”  Throwing on my helmet I tore off down the road, speeding towards my house.  Once there I threw some clothes in a bag, threw the bag over my shoulder and broke more than one traffic law on my way to Lana’s house.

Lindsay had said she wasn’t leaving until 10:00, but with the way I reacted, or rather
didn’t react, to her news it wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to leave early.  Praying to God that Josh had reached Lana, I turned onto her street.  I already wasn’t happy about Lindsay driving back to the city by herself.  But now that I knew she was pregnant and going to face her parents, there was no way I was staying behind.

Just in time.  I pulled my bike into Lana’s driveway right next to Lindsay’s car.  She was already in the car, and she looked over at me through the window with surprised eyes.  I pulled open the trunk of her car and tossed my bag inside.  Then I moved to the drivers’ side and opened her door, pulling
her out and against my chest.

“What are you…
”  She stopped talking when I covered her mouth with mine, my lips moving urgently against hers, trying to convey everything I didn’t say before but should have.

“Wow,” Lindsay breathed when I finally released her.  She touched her fingers to her swollen lips.  “I should go out of town more often.”

I gripped her upper arms gently but firmly and looked into her eyes.  “No, you shouldn’t.  I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before…I was just shocked.  That was the last thing I expected you to say.”  Her eyes were wide, and I realized I still hadn’t told her how I felt about the baby.  “After you bailed on me last night and then said you needed to talk…I was fully expecting you to say you weren’t coming back.  But what you said was so much better…Are you sure?”

I paused to push my hair back.  Lindsay bit her lip and nodded.  Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a pregnancy test.  Holding it up I could see where it clearly said “Pregnant” right there on the screen.
  I grinned in disbelief and pure joy.

“So, does this mean you’re okay with this?”  Lindsay asked quietly, hesitantly.  Obviously I wasn’t making myself clear.  I picked her up around
the waist and spun her around.

“I’m more than okay with
this, Linz.  Nothing would make me happier than to have a baby with you.”  Her arms around my neck squeezed tightly and she drew up her legs to wrap around my waist.

Holding her like that, I carried her around to the passenger side of the car.  Setting her down on her feet, I noticed Lana watching us from the porch.  I yelled over, “We’re having a baby!”  Lana smiled and gave me two thumbs up.
  I motioned for Lindsay to get in the car, but she didn’t move and frowned at me.

“
Get in.  I’m driving,” I said.

“No, Grady.
  This is not going to be a fun holiday with my parents there.  And now I also have to tell them I’m pregnant.  I don’t want you there for them to attack.”

She didn’t get it.  “Lindsay, if you think I’m going to let my pregnant girlfriend drive across the state by herself to tell her hostile parents about our baby and face that alone, then you’re fucking crazy.  Now get in the damn car.”

She put her hands on her hips and stared me down for a moment, and while I appreciated her attitude, this was one battle she wasn’t going to win.  I think she knew that too, because the corner of her mouth twitched up and she got in the car.

Neither of us could keep the stupid grins off our faces.  I drove down the highway and listened to Lindsay replay the moment last night when she found out she was in fact pregnant.  To find out she was pregnant after just beginning to come to terms with the fact that she couldn’t have children was almost too much.  Her exuberance faded and Lindsay cautioned me, and herself, against getting too excited.  She hadn’t been to the doctor yet, and she was nervous that something would go wrong.  I did my best to reassure her, and eventually she dozed off.  The last several weeks of her feeling tired and shitty made
a lot more sense now.

We were only about an hour outside the city when she woke up.  I offered to stop for food, but Lindsay just wanted to get there.  We would be staying with
Taryn, so Lindsay didn’t actually have to face her parents until Thursday at Thanksgiving dinner.

My dad had brought me to the city a couple of times when I was a kid, but that was a long time ago.  Fortunately Lindsay’s car had a GPS system, because she was lousy at giving directions.  When we reached
Taryn’s building, Lindsay directed me to pull up alongside the curb right in front.  She waved at the doorman, and he immediately motioned a valet over.

“He’ll park the car in the garage,” Lindsay told me as we got
out of the car and I grabbed our bags out of the back.  The doorman offered to help with the bags, but I waved him off.  There was no reason I couldn’t do it myself.

Lindsay led me through the lobby to an elevator set apart from the main bank.  When the doors closed behind us, she pressed a code into the keypad on the wall.  Apparently this elevator only made one stop - the top floor.

The elevator doors opened into a large foyer, and I could see floor to ceiling windows beyond that looked out over the city skyline.  The view at night must be amazing.  Taryn entered the foyer from a hallway to the left and pounced on Lindsay for a hug.  Then she moved onto me.

“Grady!  I
didn’t know you were coming.”

I shrugged and met Lindsay’s eyes.  “It was kind of a last minute decision.”

She motioned for us to follow her and said, “Well, Wyatt will be glad.  Dominic went home to visit his parents this week, and Wyatt is in serious friend withdrawal.”  Wyatt met us in the hallway and rolled his eyes at Taryn while hugging Lindsay and offering me his hand to shake.

“Don’t listen to her.  But I am glad to have you here.”

Taryn showed us to a guest room down the hall from their room and then gave me a tour of the apartment.  Apartment was not the right word to describe this place.  Mansion in the sky was more like it.  Complete with four bedrooms, office, home gym, rooftop pool and terrace.

“My parents get back tomorrow, so I was planning on having a girls’ night here tonight.  But, since Grady’s here the four of us could go out somewhere for dinner,”
Taryn suggested.  I looked to Lindsay to answer for us.  She had said she hadn’t slept well the night before, and the short nap in the car wasn’t enough in my opinion.

“Dinner out sounds great, but I don’t want to be out too late.
I’m exhausted,” Lindsay said.

Taryn
grabbed her hand and pulled her over to her side.  “Okay!  Let’s get ready together.  Wyatt, get a beer for Grady while you wait,” Taryn said.  I was no stranger to how long it took Lindsay to get ready.

“Better make it two,” I told Wyatt.

An hour later, Wyatt and I were engrossed in a football game on TV when the girls emerged from Taryn’s room.  Honestly, they didn’t look much different than they did earlier.  But, then again, Lindsay always looked beautiful to me.  I’m sure Wyatt felt the same way about Taryn.

A black SUV with tinted windows was waiting at the curb when we exited the building.  There was a guy already in the driver’s seat and another guy opened the back door for us before c
limbing in the passenger seat.

Taryn
looked at me apologetically.  “Sorry, Grady.  This is what happens when you go out with me.  Since Dominic’s gone and Wyatt is operating in fiancé capacity tonight, we have to bring these two guys along.”  Even though it was so far from anything I was used to, it didn’t bother me.

The restaurant
Taryn chose was a sports pub with TVs on every wall and every kind of beer imaginable on the menu.  It felt like we were back home instead of in the middle of Manhattan.  I nodded my approval as we snagged a booth near the back.  Taryn’s bodyguards sat at a table nearby.  The game we had been watching was still on, and we didn’t miss much.

When the waitress came for our drink orders,
Wyatt and I ordered beer and Taryn chose white wine.  Lindsay opted for ice water with lemon.  Taryn looked at her curiously when she didn’t order alcohol.  I rested my hand on Lindsay’s thigh and she covered it with her own.  Looking to me for consent, Lindsay raised an eyebrow.  I nodded once and removed my hand to put my arm around her shoulders.

“We have some news,” Lindsay began. 
Taryn smiled and glanced at Wyatt.  I was pretty sure she knew what Lindsay was going to say, but Wyatt looked clueless.  Glad I wasn’t the only one without a sixth sense for pregnant women.  “I’m pregnant.”

Wyatt’s eyebrows shot up, and
Taryn bounced up and down in her seat excitedly.  “Congratulations!  I’m so excited for you.  When did you find out?  How do you feel?”  Taryn must have asked a million questions over dinner.  Normally I would tune out the girl talk and talk football with Wyatt, but these questions were about Lindsay and the baby.  I wanted to know the answers to these questions more than anyone else.

When Lindsay yawned during dessert I called an end to dinner.  She needed more sleep than she had been getting lately.  In the car on the way back, Wyatt pulled out his phone
and said to Taryn, “I’m going to call your dad and let him know we’ll have one more at the game tomorrow.”

Taryn
nodded, “Oh, right.  Good idea.”

While Wyatt dialed
, Taryn turned to me and explained, “My dad has a box for the Giants game tomorrow.  It will be a lot of his friends…and Wyatt.  You can go with them.  We will be home cooking…or watching my mom and Anne cook.”

Lindsay sat forward and said, “Will my dad be there?  I don’t need him running into Grady without me
as a buffer.”

Taryn
shook her head.  “I don’t think so.  My dad said something about him having a big case and how he’d be lucky to get away for dinner on Thursday.”

Lindsay relaxed back against me.  “Okay, good.  Are you going to be ok
ay without me?”  She asked me.

I laughed.  “I’ll be fine.  Watching the Giants from a private box sounds fucking awesome.”  Although watching the game with the probabl
e future President of the United States was somewhat intimidating.  But Wyatt was obviously in his good graces, so he couldn’t be that bad.

Back at the apartment we said goodnight to Wyatt and
Taryn and retired to our room.  There was an attached bathroom, so I turned on the shower and helped Lindsay undress.

“I’m pregnant,
not made of glass,” she joked.

I turned her naked body toward the mirror and stood behind her.  My hands moved over her shoulders to briefly cup her breasts.  Holding their weight in my hands I could tell they were slightly bigger.  Hmmm, I like these pregnancy changes. 
Lindsay’s head fell back against my chest and a soft moan escaped her lips.  Her nipples hardened into tight peaks when I rolled them between my thumbs and forefingers.

I bent my head to nip at her earlobe and whispered, “My plan was to run the shower for yo
u and then tuck you into bed.”

“
Mmmm,” she murmured, tilting her head to provide me access to the smooth skin of her neck.  “Don’t stop.  You can tuck me in later.  Just don’t stop.”

I chuckled against her neck and splayed one hand across her stomach.  There was no outward sign yet of our child growing inside, but I looked forward to seeing he
r stomach grow with our baby.  Impatient as always, Lindsay grabbed my hand and pushed it down until my fingers moved through her damp folds.  Satisfied that I was where she wanted me, she reached her arms up to grab my hair and hold my mouth to her neck.

Lindsay’s breathing was rapid and she
rocked her hips against my hand.  Alternating between slipping two fingers inside her and rubbing her clit in a circular motion, Lindsay came apart in my hands.  And I loved every second of it.  Having her naked and open for me while I was still fully clothed was highly arousing, and I pressed my erection against her ass.  She giggled and turned in my arms.