Just One Week (Just One Song) (12 page)

And if I let that happen, I can completely fall apart. There’s a chance I could never be put back together again. Besides my family and Nic, I’ve never told anyone I love them. I’ve never felt that with anyone and I don’t know if I even want to.

I stumble when Chase grabs my hand after he opens my door. He turns to me and cups my face with his hands. His hat is turned backwards now and there’s no missing the passion and the love shining in his eyes. I can’t believe it’s for me. I can’t believe he’d fall in love with me, someone unable to love him in return. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him.

He smiles lightly, smoothing my cheeks and the tension that is around my eyes. I can feel it and he must see it. My eyes are frozen as big as saucers and my lips part a little bit, shocked that I can finally see so much. I start to shake my head again but he stops me, holding me still.

“Don’t run from me. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but I’m not trying to pressure you into saying or feeling anything you’re not ready for. I just had to let you know.”

Without a word, his lips press against mine and begin tenderly kissing me. My body succumbs to the feelings of lust that hits me like a rocket blast whenever Chase touches me. His kiss is short and passionate enough for me to feel what he’s not saying.

I want to run and leap off the end of a pier. To run away and cool off at the same time.

He smiles softly, blinks away the emotion that’s terrifying me, and gently guides me to my seat.

“It’s so good to see you!” I’m wrapped in Nic’s arms and I have to fight back the tears that want to fall. Ever since we left the River Walk yesterday, Chase and I have said maybe a half dozen words to each other. He wants to fight with me. I can tell by every tense expression and the constant flexing and relaxing of his fingers that he’s trying not to hit something. He’s upset, and yet even in his frustration with me, I can see his concern.

He wants to know what I’m so afraid of, but I can’t tell him. It will make my future too real and it’s not something I’m ready to handle.

Zack comes around the corner of his house with a large smile on his face and pulls me into a hug that I quickly return. Then he eyes Chase and they give each other some manly fist bump gesture that I’ve never understood.

Chase looks to me and then shakes his head. “I’ll just go put our bags away.”

“You’re staying here?” Zack asks with an odd expression on his face.

“Why wouldn’t I? Is that a problem?” I feel like I’m missing something between all of their shifty gazes. Why wouldn’t Chase stay here? He always does. Without waiting for an actual answer to his question, I watch him walk down the hall, completely bypassing the room at the end of the hall I always stay in when I visit.

“So things in Napa didn’t go so well?” Nic asks quietly once Chase disappears.

I wrinkle my nose and nervously play with my hair. He told me he loved me and I freaked the fuck out doesn’t seem like it would sound so well. I sigh. “It got complicated.”

She smiles, but it’s clear she doesn’t know what I mean. I don’t bother explaining it to her.

I stare down the empty hallway, unable to meet my best friend’s eyes for maybe the first time ever. How do I explain it to her in a way she’d understand? She’s always known I don’t do serious relationships, but I’ve never had to sit down and tell her why.

And then I take off after Chase, wondering where he put my bags.

I find him in the room he uses when he’s here. The room is void of any décor. There are no pictures, paintings, or anything personal that would let someone know this is Chase’s room. The walls are beige, the comforter brown, and the wood on all the furniture a deep walnut. It’s kind of depressing and nothing like Chase.

I go to reach for my bag but Chase stops me.

“I always stay in the first room in the hall.”

Gently, his fingers touch my chin and pull my eyes to meet his. I can see all of the pain and confusion he’s carrying around and I flinch. “You promised me this week.”

“I’m trying,” I whisper. “You’re just asking too much from me.” Why in the world would he still want anything to do with me, I think. And so I ask him.

“Because you’re worth the fight.” My eyes widen and I feel his lips press against my forehead. I was certain after the last twenty-hours that he’d ditch me like a bad habit as soon as we got here. He should. I’m no good for him, really.

But as I look into his eyes and see everything he feels, I can’t tell him no. I can’t risk hurting him again in such a short amount of time. As much as I want to push Chase away, I don’t want to push him so far that he walks away forever. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.

“Okay,” I quietly mutter and watch him head for the door. I stop him when he hits the doorway and he turns to me when I call his name. “Can you not tell Nic about my job? I don’t want her worrying about me.”

His head drops and he shakes his head back and forth before he turns to face me. “I will because you asked, but that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You know the only thing she’s going to do is take you out, get you wasted, and listen to you bitch about everything.” He’s probably right, but she already looked worried about me and I don’t want to add to it on the week that she’s getting married. This is her week.

“I’ll tell her after the wedding,” I promise and then frown. “Why did Zack act surprised that you’re staying here?”

He shrugs. “Because marriage is making the man stupid. I don’t know.”

He’s lying. I can tell by the stiffness in his jaw and the way he’s trying to look relaxed but isn’t. I allow the lie. Lord knows I have enough of my own.

I’m relaxing on a chaise lounge chair in the back of the bridal boutique sipping on a mimosa. The attendants at the store are helping Nicole into her wedding dress, and I can’t wait to see it on her. She’s shown me pictures, and I know my own dress is similar, but I can’t wait to see how stunning she looks in the dress she’s chosen. It makes me a little bit sad that I had to miss helping her shop for a dress for her wedding to Zack. We’ve always done all this girly stuff together, even when she was married to Mark, but being so far away, I wasn’t able to get here. I was happy that Melody, Zack’s mom, and his sister, Sammy, could join her that day so she wasn’t doing it alone, but it still created an ache in my heart knowing that I wasn’t here for her.

I have completely and utterly missed my best friend and being around her now makes me realize how much I’ve desperately missed having her close by. I may always act like the one in charge and the one who’s got her shit together, but really I’m just as messed up as everyone else who’s trying to make a place for themselves in this overcrowded, overstressed universe.

Taking a sip of my mimosa, I try to clear my head, but my mind drifts to what Chase has said.
Let me prove there’s more to us than just sex … I want you … Do you want to stay in New York … I think I might love you.

Just as my mind begins to head to the place I’ve sworn off limits for the week, I hear the rustling of workers coming back from the dressing rooms. Their plastic faces and whitened teeth smiles are genuinely smiling and excited for what I’m about to see.

I gasp audibly. My hand flies up to my mouth and happy alligator ugly tears fill my eyes, spilling over before I can stop them.

“Holy hell,” I mutter and stand from the chair, rushing over to Nicole.

I laugh when I see her tears mirror mine. We’re a mess of happy girlishness and I absolutely love it.

“You’re stunning,” I say as soon as I can find the words.

She wipes her eyes, brushing off the tears, and turns to face the set of three mirrors. I quickly grab a handful of tissues, handing some to her so we can wipe our eyes and see clearly. Her dress is pure white silk. So white and breathtaking I wonder if it was hand-spun. No machine could make such a beautiful silk dress. Was it hand sewn too? I fight my fashionista urge to run my hands over the dress, not wanting to crease or stain it.

“Is it okay?” she asks, her voice timid.

“I’ve never seen a more beautiful dress or bride, let me look at you.” I walk around to the front again, taking in the pearls that are gathered at the top of her one shoulder dress. They flow down and separate until it appears like they just disappear into the silk material as it moves from the strap over her right shoulder down to her left hip. The material is gathered there, and so perfectly fitted against her thin, lithe body that I can see every curve on her. The dress drops casually to the floor with just a hint of a train. It’s the most perfect, elegant dress for her wedding on the beach.

I’m lusting after my best friend and I don’t care. This is the most stunning I’ve ever seen her look.

“Say something,” Nicole whispers but I don’t. Instead, I walk over to the table where I waited for her, grab two mimosas, and bring them back. When she reaches out to take it, her hands are shaking slightly.

“There are no words. It’s perfect.” We clink the tip of our glasses together and then bust into a fit of silly giggles – yes, giggles – while we stare at her in the mirror.

“Zack’s going to pitch a tent when he sees you.” I wink at her and take another sip of my drink.

“You mean a fit?” she asks, a slight frown on her lips.

“No. I mean a tent in his pants, as soon as he sees you in this.”

We laugh again, and she wipes away an errant tear. “At least he’ll be ready for the honeymoon night then.”

She winks and we’re interrupted by voices behind us, calling my name.

I turn and smile just as I’m assaulted by a tiny little pixie whose personality is ten times larger than her petite body.

“Hey Sammy!” I wrap my arms around her and hug her. I don’t know Sammy incredibly well, but she’s always running around like she drinks cases of energy drinks daily. She’s the completely opposite of Zack’s laid back personality.

Melody meets us as well, and I hug her, offering up both of Zack’s other women drinks and then we go back to gawking at Nicole in the mirror.

“Beautiful, Nic. You’re going to look incredible this weekend.” Melody’s voice carries a slight awe-like twinge to it, but it’s a bit shaky. I look over and see her with tears in her eyes too. She must be so thrilled to finally see one of her children get married.

“Thanks, Melody,” Nicole says as one of the seamstresses comes out and starts checking Nicole’s dress. I don’t know how she finds more places to pin, Nicole’s dress already looks perfect, but before long her pin cushion is empty and she’s telling Nicole to get out the dress so they can make the last of the alterations.

“Come back with me, Mia. It’s your turn.” I fake an eye roll but dutifully follow Nic to the back.

My dress is almost an exact replica of Nicole’s except it’s in the lightest and softest pink you can imagine and missing the pearl accents. It’s absolutely gorgeous and fits me almost perfectly considering this is my first fitting. It’s a soft, smooth silk much like Nicole’s, and I sort of want to live in it once I have it on me, or at least sleep in it. Maybe it can become my pajamas after the wedding.

Sammy and Melody gasp and smile, most likely it’s the same girly sound I made when I saw Nicole, as soon as I walk out to the mirrors.

“Beautiful!” Sammy says with a clap of her hands.

As the seamstress sticks me with pins all over, us ladies gush about the wedding, flowers, and drink so many mimosas and straight up champagne that we’re a laughing pile of mess by the time we leave.

“Zack is going to be so mad I’m already drunk,” Nicole says with a slight slur. At least I think she’s slurring her words. I’ve had more drinks than her so it could be my hearing that’s slightly off.

“Pssshhh … does Zack even get mad? I don’t think I’ve seen him like that.”

Her nose scrunches up and the frown line between her eyes dips in while she ponders this. “I’m not really sure,” and then she frowns. “There was that one time.”

Sammy laughs. “That one time, like before you were even dating when you left his ass on the bus?”

I laugh with her but I see the pain and regret in Nic’s eyes. “Yeah … that time.”