Just One Week (Just One Song) (33 page)

I nod. I can smell his cologne again and feel his breath against my lips. He’s breathing heavy and I can’t decide if he’s turned on or pissed off. Please be turned on. I want him. I’ve always wanted him and it’s only in the last few days that I’ve realized how much time I’ve wasted. I’m not about to let some nurse – some distraction – mess things up. He’s allowed a mistake, a lapse in judgment, when he’s given me so many.

His lips forcefully crash into mine. I smile at the fresh mint taste of him, but the only thing I can think of is: home. He is all I ever want and I respond instantly. My hands go to his back, and his hand tangled in my hair pulls me harder against him. I’m pushed against the side of his truck and I gasp, or moan, or make some noise. I don’t even know. It may not have come from me, but when he responds with a similar sound, I recognize it. Lust. Love. Passion. Fire. It’s all here between us getting ready to explode and I don’t even care that I’m being fondled like this in a hospital parking lot for all the sick to see. I need him and I want him. I don’t want to go another day or another second without him knowing.

He pulls away almost as abruptly as he started, and I’m left gasping for air.

“You love me.” I nod. “You’re not going to yell at me for the nurse?” I shake my head no and a smile begins to creep up at the edges of his lips. “Because you love me.”

“I love you, Chase.”

“Christ, you have no idea how beautiful that sounds coming from your lips. I love you. You know this right?” One eyebrow raises and his head tilts to the side a little bit. I can’t take my eyes away from the dark gray I see in his. His hand doesn’t leave my neck. I think I want it permanently tattooed to my skin.

“I know, Chase.” He kisses me again, but this time it’s softer and slower. It’s full of promise for what I will experience once we’re in private, in a bed, later. I might get use out of my pink nightie yet.

I pull back a few inches so I can see his smile. God I’ve missed this smile. He’s perfection.

It’s amazing the difference a few miles can make in the air in California. Standing on Chase’s deck just steps from the ocean, all I can see is a blue sky with bright white puffy clouds speckled throughout. The smell of the salty air is intoxicating.

We’ve been quiet ever since we left the hospital. I don’t know where to begin, and Chase has given me my space to figure it out. But it’s time, so I set down my bottle of water and turn to face him. He’s sitting in a lounge chair looking anything but relaxed.

I lean my backside against the railing and brace myself up with my hands on either side of me, holding on to the railing.

“My dad went to rehab.” I watch Chase pulls his eyebrows together. I take a deep breath and continue. I have to force this out. “I always thought my mom’s cancer is what turned him in to an alcoholic. That maybe he loved her so much he couldn’t cope once she got sick and he turned his back on Elijah and me. I thought that her being sick ruined him.” I pause, taking a sip of my drink. My pulse is fluttering out of control. “I’ve never wanted that to happen to someone else because of me.”

Chase shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak. It will probably be reassuring and loving.

“I was wrong,” I admit, with more strength than I currently feel. My legs feel like jelly and I’m thankful I have the railing to hold me up. “He was always an alcoholic. When he told me, I was shocked. With his confession, he sort of shattered my memory of having the perfect childhood with a perfect dad, but in reality, he was gone a lot. He went to rehab when Elijah and I were kids, and there were lots of nights he didn’t come home at all. My mom’s cancer didn’t break him – it revealed who he always was.”

“You won’t break me.”

The back of my eyes begin to burn with tears because this is exactly the fear that’s crippled me for so long. Now I realize how potentially foolish I’ve been for so many years.

“It just put a lot of things into perspective for me, and I learned a lot.”

Chase stands up slowly and takes a few steps toward me. His hands clasp the railing outside of my own and he looks down at me. “Like what?”

I swallow slowly, taking him in. God, he’s amazing. Incredibly hot, and his gray eyes show so much. His muscles ripple underneath his white t-shirt and it makes his skin look even more tanned. “Like maybe I’ve been stupid for being so afraid of loving someone.”

He shakes his head with barely a hint of a smile on his lips. “You’re not stupid.”

“I’m not?”

“Uh-uh. If you would have realized this years ago, you would probably be married to some Minneapolis suburbanite and I never would have had the chance to meet you.” He leans down, pressing his forehead to mine. It’s the only place we’re touching, yet I can feel my body heat to the tips of my toes. “And then I would have had to spend the rest of my life as a lonely old man. You realize that you’re the first person I’ve ever loved, the only person I’ve ever wanted to love, right?”

“Chase …” The rest of my words slip from my mind as his hands move to my waist. I forget everything. He makes me forget every fear, every concern, and every thought except just how much I love him.

His lips touch mine, softly brushing back and forth over my lips. My body bursts into flames.

His hands come up, cupping my face reverently in his hands. “I love you, Mia.”

And with those four words, I’m completely swept away. I can see his love for me radiating in his eyes and in the small smile on his lips. I kiss him. My lips press against his and I may have started the kiss, but Chase instantly controls it. He controls me, pulling me flush against his body, and then pressing me back against the railing on his deck. Our hands move slowly over each other’s bodies, reminding ourselves of how we feel – not like I could forget. I’ve been dreaming of Chase every night since I sent him away after my surgery.

A breath catches in my throat as his hands softly touch the edges of my breasts. It doesn’t hurt, but it reminds me there’s still so much to say. I pull back from our kiss. Chase frowns.

“I have scars,” I say nervously. “My body … it’s not the same anymore.”

“Did I hurt you?” His hands are still on the sides of my chest and he looks at them with a worried expression.

“No. I’m still sore and I’m not fully healed, but you didn’t hurt me.”

“I will never hurt you, Mia.”

“I know.” And I do. I’m sure of it with every fiber of my being. “There’s something else you need to know.” He lifts an eyebrow, waiting. “I won’t have kids. I can’t … I just can’t take that risk of having a girl.”

His lips move in a funny way for a second before he nods. And then he smiles. “I just want you.”

The wind blows and I catch a hint of something stale. It makes me laugh.

“You really stink.” Chase does that manly sniff-smell thing in his armpit and grimaces. “Gross,” I say, laughing.

“Wash me. And let me see you, every part of you.”

I bite my bottom lip nervously. He’ll see everything eventually, but still I’m scared. My skin is stretched and marked and even though I’ve been repaired, it’s not perfect. I’m still not used to seeing the angry marks that line my skin on the edges of my breasts and underneath. And they feel different now. It’s not an easy thing to get used to. Or to see.

“Mia,” he says and with my name on his lips my nerves begin to disappear. “I don’t love you because of your body. Let me see you.”

Chase steps into the shower first as I begin slowly undressing. I blush, watching his incredible naked body move smoothly and gracefully across the shower floor and turn away from him when he smiles at me as I unbutton my shorts and let them drop to the floor. The only thing I hear is the pounding of the water on the tile floor and the beating of my heart in my ears. I drop my panties and then lift my arms to remove my shirt.

It hurts. My sides hurt when I lift them above my head like this. I know the pain will eventually go away, but the scars will remain. I have scars that stretch half way across my breasts, underneath them, and on the sides from the biopsies I’ve had done. It’s messy and not pretty.

“Turn around and face me.” I hear Chase’s deep voice and my body freezes as I drop my shirt to the floor.

I’ve been wearing sports bras since my surgery and it’s not sexy at all. I can’t help but be afraid of what he’s going to think of me. How will this change how he sees me?

Regardless, I listen to him. I push away all of my doubts and trust that he’s told me the truth – that he will never hurt me. I believe him, and so I turn around.

Apprehension covers me and my hands shake as I undo the back clasp on my bra. Chase is standing fully on display in the shower. His hands are on his hips and the water is beating at his back as steam begins to fill the space of his shower. He looks like a Greek God who just walked out of the clouds.

I swallow and then undo my bra, letting the straps fall to my wrists before I shake it to the floor. With timid steps, I walk toward him, pulled to him as if an invisible string connects us to one another. This is Chase. He loves me and he won’t hurt me.

“I want to wash away every place that girl touched you earlier,” I say as I step in front of him. My hands immediately go to his wrists so he can’t reach out and touch me. I’m not ready yet, and the longer I keep the focus off me, the better.

He nods and hands me his sponge and soap. I begin slowly, memorizing every muscle on his body. I wash him along every crevice in between the muscles, the fingers of my free hand trailing behind his sponge, feeling him. He is fully erect and proudly on display in front of me. He is filled with confidence in front of me and I peek up at him as I drop to my knees in front of him, washing his legs, even though I know whoever was over here earlier didn’t touch him there. His eyes are no longer gray but almost completely black and his breath comes out in short, quick spurts. I smile knowingly, and pause, slowly kissing the tip of him, and run my tongue along the underside of him. He is simply perfect. Everywhere.

His hands move to my shoulders and pull me up. “When I make love to you, it’s going to be in my bed, not here. Not yet.” He grins wickedly and pulls the sponge from my hands and turns me so my back is facing him. He washes my hair, and just as slowly as I washed him, he returns the favor, softly brushing the cloth against my skin. I shiver as he kisses my back in between my shoulder blades, and continues down, stopping his kisses right at the small of my back.

He turns me around so I’m facing him and he starts at my feet, slowly washing me, worshipping every inch of my body and allowing the area I’m most nervous about to be seen last. He kisses my belly button and rests his head against my stomach, his hands gripping my hips.

“You’re absolutely exquisite. Every inch of you, Mia.”

I nod as he looks at me, daring me to believe him.

When he reaches my breasts, he drops the soap and the sponge and simply holds me on my hips. He doesn’t touch me, he just looks. Sadness creeps across his eyes before changing to something I don’t understand.

Without taking his eyes off of mine, he kisses every scar. His lips touch every place of my body that has been marred and forever changed. Tears fill my eyes and spill over as he lavishes his love all over the most painful parts of me, and it’s not just physical. Every mark is a reminder of the pain and fear that I’ve carried for so long. As he continues to kiss me, moving slowly up my neck, I feel him washing it all away.

There is no more room for pain and fear. For the first time in my life I feel hope.

“Exquisite,” he says as he reaches my lips and presses them against me. My lips part instantly, accepting him and bringing him closer to me. With one hand wrapped around my waist, he turns the water off and carries me out of the shower. Our lips never break apart as he grabs a towel from the counter and wraps it around me from behind.

He sets me on the counter, wraps a towel around his waist, and then dries me off.

Without saying a word, I’m carried to his large bed and set directly in the middle after he pulls back the covers.

He crawls over me, bracing himself up so he doesn’t put any pressure on me.