Just One Week (Just One Song) (32 page)

I glance at him and his eyes are on my chest. I would normally give him shit for looking but I can tell he’s only looking because he’s concerned about me. “Nic called me as soon as she heard and I hopped on the first flight out. I wanted to see Chloe and the baby, and Nic.” And you. But the words get caught in my burning throat.

My hands are pressed against my thighs and my feet keep tapping. When I was a girl and on long car trips, I made up a game of lifting my foot every time the car rolled over a crack in the road. I have no idea why. It helped passed the time, I guess. It must be muscle memory because I see a crack in the road just as my toe starts to lift.

“Can we talk about this?” His hands tighten on the steering wheel and his knuckles turn white as he pulls off on the exit ramp. There’s a blue sign with a white H stamped on it and an arrow pointing to the right. There’s a massive building just a block down the road. I think I might jump out of the truck and inhale a large breath as soon as Chase hits park just to breathe fresh air instead of his cologne that has permeated the air since we sat down.

“I’d rather not.”

“I get it … I do, but Mia …” he looks at me and his eyes flash to the hospital when we stop at a light. It’s red. Green, green, green. Anything to get me out of this. “She’s a nurse on the floor.”

My eyes close and my chest heaves. My head falls back to the headrest and I sit there, quietly. I’m not mad at him, but jealousy can be an evil bitch. The truth is, that girl, whoever she is, had her hands all over Chase’s body less than an hour ago and it’s the same body I want to be touching. The only body I’ve ever wanted to touch but fear and stupidity has kept me away.

He parks and I throw my door open before he’s out of the truck. I hop down and take the deepest breath I have ever taken in my life. The air is filled with the stench of smog and gasoline. All the deliciousness of Chase’s cologne evaporates instantly.

“Mia?” I turn to face him as he rounds the truck.

I’m a big girl. I can listen to what he has to say. I’ll just listen and we’ll talk later. My mouth doesn’t receive the message.

“So let me get this straight. I get a call from Nic this morning about Chloe. I rush to the airport and hop on the first flight possible, texting you while I’m at the gate, and the entire time you’re hitting on a nurse and taking her home with you to what, Chase? Screw her? After seeing her for about five minutes? Is that what you want to talk about?”

His hands link together behind his neck and he looks up at the sky. It’s gray – there’s nothing to see there.

“I’m so sorry. I just, I got your text and I started thinking you were playing some sort of game with me.”

“Games? Are you serious right now?”

“I’m an ass. I don’t have a better excuse. You haven’t called or texted me, and you’ve barely responded to mine. It just threw me. And I started thinking you were screwing with me or playing some mind game and then I thought back to how you didn’t tell me the truth about being sick. So I thought you lied about a lot of things.” His hands fall down to his side and then fly high up into the air. “I’m sorry, Mia. I’m an asshole and I admit it, but I wasn’t going to do anything with her, not after I brought her home. I just wanted a distraction so I could stop thinking about you for five fucking minutes!” He’s panting by the time he’s done.

I’ve put him through the ringer time and time again over the last few years and I can’t deny anything he’s said. It has been a game. Maybe not an intentional one, but I’ve pushed and pushed him away and then allowed him to come back or drawn him back, the entire time suspecting he cared more about me than he said.

“I’m sorry.” My voice sounds as meek as a mouse and I cringe inwardly. I should tell him more. I should tell him why I’m here – because I love him. But I can’t yet. The memory of him so close to that nurse who was still pulling her shirt down when I walked around the corner is too freshly ingrained in my head.

“You’re sorry?” he asks and takes a step closer to me. I back up so my back is against the side of his truck. “That’s all you have to say? You’re not going to yell at me? Because I deserve it, Mia. I do. I should have stayed in Minnesota with you. I shouldn’t have left and let you push me away. I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know how to help you.”

He’s so close to me I can smell him. I can smell the stale cigarette smoke on his shirt and his sweat and his spicy scent. It’s alluring and sends my wits scattering all over the ground like a bowl of dropped marbles.

Looking to his eyes, I can see love wrapped in confusion. Maybe I should yell at him, but he doesn’t really deserve it. I’m the one that told him to go - that I didn’t want him. “I don’t blame you. I didn’t mean to play games, I just didn’t know how much …”

Before I can tell him that I love him, regardless of everything he thinks he did wrong, his lips are mine. He presses them to mine, and just as I’m about to let him in, I get a faint taste of … cherries?

Pushing him back with my hands on his chest I look at him, his gray eyes swirling with an array of emotions. “Did you kiss her? You taste like cherries.”

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and makes a look of disgust, muttering a curse. I hold out my hand to his.

“It’s fine. I get it.” Sort of. I’m still jealous and I hate that he had a girl in his house. “Let’s just go see Chloe and we’ll figure this out later, okay?”

He looks at me warily, like he can’t believe I’m not more upset, but holds my hand in his, interlocking our fingers.

When we reach the maternity floor, the nurse behind the desk widens her eyes in surprise.

“Shit.” Chase says next to me and squeezes my hand.

“Back so soon?” The nurse asks, her eyes flickering between me and Chase and then down to our intertwined hands. I pull mine out of his and keep walking just as Chase slows down. I don’t know who she is, but I’m not stopping to figure it out.

“Hey Amber,” I hear Chase say quietly as I take off down the hall.

I’m almost to the door when Chase calls my name.

Turning to him, I see him holding a toothbrush and toothpaste in his hands, rushing down the hall towards me. He looks nervous, but then smiles widely. “Sorry about that. I just need to brush my teeth.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. He looks so excited at the hope of me not being pissed at him that it washes away the awkwardness I felt just minutes ago.

I smile at him, grabbing onto his hand again, and pull him into the room. “And your lips.”

River Garrett Clausen is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, wrapped up in the smallest package possible. He was born twenty minutes before Chase and I arrived back at the hospital, but we’re able to sneak into Garrett’s room as soon as we get there. All six pairs of eyes glare at Chase as soon as we walk in the door and then their mouths drop in shock when they see me behind him, still holding his hand.

It’s like someone waves a hand through the air and time stops because everyone freezes, their eyes fixed on my hand in Chase’s.

“Hey,” I say lamely while waving my free hand in the air.

Nic unfreezes first and rushes me so forcefully that my hand is pulled from Chase’s. “You made it!” She leans down and whispers into my ear. “Are you okay? I had no idea he took a girl home when I told you to get him. You have to tell me everything later, right?” I nod and she pulls back, her blue eyes sparkling with happiness and a touch of concern. “God it’s good to see you. You look incredible. How are you feeling?”

“Good. Better,” I pause and glance at Chase quickly before back to Nic. I haven’t had a chance to tell him anything yet and I know they’re both curious. “I’m still recovering, but I’ll get there.”

One side of her lips twitch. “Well, your boobs look fantastic.”

“You’re such a bitch,” I say, laughing. It’s inappropriate, again, but that’s just how we are. I’ve been slowly recovering and the pain in my chest is slowly decreasing. It hurts to lift my arms above my shoulders, but overall I’m doing okay. I’m not as afraid as I used to be. I’ll have scars forever, but I’m healing – in more ways than one.

I’m pulled into the arms of Sammy and then yanked from her to Jake and then Zack. As I let go and walk to Chloe’s bed, I see Sammy move into Jake’s arms as he lays a kiss against her temple. It’s heartwarming.

Chase wraps his arm around me as soon as I give Chloe a hug.

“Congratulations, mama,” I say softly so as not to wake the tiny little bundle in her arms. His face is all squished up making him look like a wrinkly eighty-year-old man. His nose is swollen and his bottom lip is making a sucking motion like he’s eating in his sleep. He’s so small. My eyes get teary-eyed looking at him. This is the one thing that I will never experience and a small stab of jealousy hits me in the heart.

“Thank you,” she says, and rests her head back on the pillow. “I’m just glad it’s all over and he’s okay.”

“He is? There aren’t any problems?”

Chloe shakes her head. “He’s small … only five and a half pounds, but he’s breathing okay on his own. We’ll have to stay a few extra days to keep an eye on him since he was so early, but everything looks good.”

“He looks perfect.”

“I think so too.” Her voice carries that soft awe-like wonder that I’ve heard all new moms talk in. It’s beautiful.

Chase and I stay and talk for a while with the rest of the band. I answer questions about my health and Zack lets us know they’ve cancelled the rest of the tour. There were only four shows left and he’s promised to reschedule them once Garrett feels like he can leave Chloe and River.

Which makes me turn to Garrett. “You changed your mind about his name?”

He scoffs. “Have you ever seen a woman give birth? With all she went through and all the gory shit I saw, I’d let her name him whatever the hell she wants.”

I laugh. I have seen a woman give birth before. I was in the room with Nicole when she gave birth to Andrew so many years ago, and he’s right, it’s disgusting.

“How are you doing?” I ask Nicole, and her hands go to her stomach instinctively.

“Good. Almost passed the first trimester so I’m exhausted, but feel less like puking all the time.”

I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her as tight as I can before it hurts me. “I’m so happy for you. I really am.”

Tears fill my eyes because I’m happy for her, but I’m also really happy for me.

Chase’s lips brush against my ear. “Is it later yet? I know you’re really excited to see everyone, but we really need to finish what we started earlier.”

I turn to him with a questioning look. “You mean talking?”

He glances around the room. He’s nervous.

“Talking,” he confirms and then grins. “We’ll start with that.”

I roll my eyes.

As we’re saying our good-byes and promises to come visit tomorrow, I see Zack punch him in the arm. Chase is a big guy and there’s no way Zack can actually beat him up, but by the grimace he makes I can tell it hurts.

“I love you.” It comes out as a whisper. Both of our mouths drop open and his eyebrows fly to his forehead. He’s as shocked to hear it as I am to say it. I can’t believe it’s the first thing I tell him when we hit the parking lot by his truck.

I turn around and drop my head down on the hood of his trunk. In the last week since my family convinced me to tell him how I feel, this is not at all how I imagined it happening. I have a lacey pink nighty I bought for the entire plan. It began with seducing him and telling him in bed with candles all over his room. I wanted it to be perfect, but like so much else in my life, I totally screw it up.

I hear a loud burst of air and see his feet approaching me from my view of the concrete.

My body warms as his hand touches my neck, brushing my hair off my back and then tangling his fingers in it at the base of my neck. He massages the area but doesn’t move.

“You love me?”

I make a sound. It’s either a grunt or a snort. A gru-nort? Maybe. Possibly. I wish I wasn’t so romantically challenged.

“Look at me, Mia.”

He pulls me back firmly, but softly at the same time, so my eyes are set directly on his and his face is mere millimeters away from mine. “You love me?”