Karlology (23 page)

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Authors: Karl Pilkington

BOOK: Karlology
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We finished our trip to the Dome with a few moments in the Chillout Zone, which was a mini-dome where you cou
ld
sit in
d
ar
k
ness an
d
esca
p
e
f
rom a
ll
t
h
e noise
y
ou’
d
p
ai
d
£20 to see. I t
h
in
k
it was an area meant
f
or Bur
g
e
r
K
in
g
but the builders hadn’t
g
ot the electrics done in time.

Visiting the Millennium Dome was like walking round
o
ne
b
ig, giant poun
d
s
h
op –
l
oa
d
s o
f
stu
ff
, none o
f
it use
f
u
l
.
W
e
l
e
f
t, sa
y
in
g
we’
d
never return
.

E
i
gh
t
y
ears on an
d
t
h
e Dome
h
as
b
ecome a success
f
u
l
music and exhibition venue. Today we’re off to see the Tu
t
ankhamun show. Suzanne has always wanted to visit Egypt
b
ut I’ve never
f
ancie
d
it as wa
lk
in
g
on san
d
wears me out, so I t
h
ou
gh
t I’
d
ta
k
e
h
er to see t
h
is s
h
ow instea
d
. A
b
i
g
g
olden si
g
n above the man
y
entrances read
T
utankhamun
a
nd the Golden Age of the Pharaohs
.
Under that a smaller sign:
50th Anniversary Tour: The Osmonds. Book NOW

I
h
a
d
a
d
o
dgy
ome
l
ette in one o
f
t
h
e
b
ars (Suzanne
h
a
d
co
ld
e
ggy
b
rea
d
) an
d
t
h
en t
h
e
d
oors to t
h
e ex
h
i
b
ition were
o
pened. We joined the queue. There was a mixed bag o
f
p
eople – all different ages and sizes. We had a party of five
old
women
b
e
h
in
d
us w
h
o were a
ll
excite
d
, not cos t
h
e
y
w
ere
l
oo
k
in
g
f
orwar
d
to t
h
e ex
h
i
b
ition
b
ut cos t
h
e
y

d
j
ust spotted Jilly Goolden the wine critic buying a ticket. We
p
aid £22 each plus £4 for the audio commentary device t
h
at
g
ives
y
ou in
f
ormation on w
h
at
y
ou’re
l
oo
k
in
g
at. It was voice
d
by
Omar S
h
ari
f
. His
h
us
ky
E
gyp
tian voice
g
ui
d
e
d
us into the darkened tomb as E
gyp
tian music
p
la
y
ed. Candl
e
l
ight flickered to reveal glimpses of Egyptian-style doodles
o
n t
h
e wa
ll
s. It was
l
i
k
e
b
eing t
h
ere 3000 years ago – t
h
at
w
as unti
l
a securit
y
man as
k
e
d
me to ta
k
e me woo
lly
h
at o
ff
an
d
to
ld
me to wa
lk
t
h
rou
gh
t
h
e meta
l
d
etector. T
h
at neve
r
happened to Indiana Jones.

 

We were then shown a short video that informed us that Tutan
kh
amun’s
d
eat
h
mas
k
was not inc
l
u
d
e
d
in t
h
e s
h
ow as it’s too
f
ra
g
i
l
e to trans
p
ort,
b
ut t
h
e
y
sai
d
t
h
e
y

d
ma
d
e u
p
for it b
y
brin
g
in
g
more “treasures”. B
y
“treasures” the
y
meant jugs and vases. Loads and loads of them, and when
y
ou’ve seen one Egyptian jug, you’ve seen t
h
em a
ll
. You
g
o
f
rom
b
ein
g
amaze
d
by
t
h
e a
g
e an
d
d
etai
l
o
f
t
h
e
j
u
g
s an
d
vases to feelin
g
like
y
ou’re in the kitchen section at Ikea. Everything had an eagle or a snake drawn on it. If you’d
b
roken a plate or a bit of furniture back in ancient Egypt, it wou
ld
h
ave
b
een eas
y
to
fi
n
d
a re
pl
acement to
fi
t wit
h
t
h
e rest o
f
y
our co
ll
ection. A
ll
t
h
e stu
ff
on s
h
ow was
g
ea
r
that had been
p
ut in the tomb with Kin
g
Tut. The
y
buried
a
ll
your
b
e
l
ongings wit
h
you
b
ac
k
t
h
en
f
or you to use in t
h
e a
f
ter
l
i
f
e, w
h
ic
h
I t
h
in
k
is
q
uite a
g
oo
d
i
d
ea rea
lly
cos I
w
orr
y
about havin
g
to clear out me mam’s house when she dies. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with all them elves and gnomes she’s bought over the years. They had phot
o
g
ra
ph
s o
f
t
h
e insi
d
e o
f
t
h
e tom
b
, an
d
a
ll
t
h
e stu
ff
seeme
d
to
b
e
j
ust c
h
uc
k
e
d
in. It wasn’t care
f
u
lly
stac
k
e
d
or even in an
y
kind of order, they just left it for the Kim & Aggie of the
a
f
te
rlif
e
to
so
r
t
out.


G
old
… ever
y
w
h
ere t
h
e
gl
int o
f
g
o
ld
”, is w
h
at Howar
d
C
arter sai
d
w
h
en
h
e
fi
rst entere
d
t
h
e tom
b
b
ac
k
in 1922. I
f
t
h
e
y
d
i
d
a
Through the Keyhole
type programme on tombs,
y
ou’d know from all the gold that this was King Tut’s place. Either his or Peter Stringfellow’s. Back then, gold was a si
g
n o
f
p
ower. I t
h
in
k
Suzanne’s mam t
h
in
k
s t
h
is is sti
ll
t
h
e case as s
h
e a
l
wa
y
s wears as muc
h
g
o
ld
j
ewe
ll
er
y
as s
h
e can.
Even when she nips out to Tesco’s for a loaf, she goes looking
like Mr T. from
T
he
A-T
eam
.
An
ot
h
e
r f
act
O
m
ar
S
hari
f
voice
d
on t
h
e
h
ea
d
set was t
h
at King Tut was
fi
ve
f
oot six an
d
a
b
it
g
oo
fy
. T
h
at’s somet
h
in
g
e
l
se
h
e
h
a
d
in common
w
it
h
S
uzanne’s mam.

I
read how Tutankhamun died at the age of nineteen
f
rom an infected knee. They’re guessing he injured it
falling
o
ff
a c
h
ariot. Dan
g
erous t
h
in
g
s, t
h
e
y
were. Deat
h
tra
p
s.
T
h
e equiva
l
ent o
f
to
d
ay’s qua
d
b
i
k
e i
f
you as
k
me. I met t
h
e o
ld
women a
g
ain as I was
l
oo
k
in
g
at a sma
ll
co
ffi
n made to hold Kin
g
Tut’s liver. All bod
y
p
arts of kin
g
s were
r
emoved from the body back then and packed neatly into individual small, detailed boxes like some sort of posh Ha
r
r
o
d
s
h
am
p
er. “T
h
at
l
iver is
p
ro
b
a
bly
in
b
etter s
h
a
p
e t
h
an
J
i
lly
Goo
ld
en’s”, sai
d
one o
f
t
h
e o
ld
women, w
h
i
l
e anot
h
e
r
w
as discussin
g
how she’s sick of her husband kee
p
in
g
boxes
f
rom everything they buy, and another talked about how s
h
e’
d
recyc
l
e more i
f
t
h
e
b
ins an
d
b
oxes t
h
e counci
l
gave
y
ou
l
oo
k
e
d
as
p
rett
y
as t
h
ese
b
oxes. I
d
on’t t
h
in
k
t
h
e
y
were ta
k
in
g
an
y
notice o
f
w
h
at t
h
e
y
were
l
oo
k
in
g
at – t
h
e
y

d
have been just as happy walking round a car boot sale
.

The last thing I read about was the curse of Tutankh
a
mun. T
h
ere was su
pp
ose
d
to
b
e a curse
k
i
ll
in
g
o
ff
a
ll
t
h
ose
wh
o entere
d
t
h
e tom
b
. It was re
p
orte
d
t
h
at t
h
ere were 26 deaths caused b
y
the curse, includin
g
that of Howard Carter. Even years on in the 70s, when the tomb toured America, a museum security man
h
a
d
a mi
ld
stro
k
e t
h
at
h
e t
h
in
k
s was cause
d
by
t
h
e curse. I
d
on’t
l
i
k
e
h
earin
g
a
b
out t
h
in
g
s
l
i
k
e
this as my brain starts playing tricks on me. I started thinking
I felt a bit ill. I told Suzanne I thought I’d caught the curse. She told me not to be stupid and that it was probably
j
ust t
h
e un
d
ercoo
k
e
d
ome
l
ette I
h
a
d
ear
l
ier
.

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