Karlology (10 page)

E
ver
y
one seemed to be
g
oin
g
into the dinosaur section, so I went to the quieter areas first. The first thing I saw was an old handaxe dated back to 300,000 years ago. It said that t
h
e too
l
ma
y
h
ave
b
een use
d
to “
k
i
ll
an
d
b
ui
ld
” wit
h
– a too
l
t
h
at B
l
ac
k
& Dec
k
er is
y
et to
b
rin
g
out. It sai
d
t
h
ere
w
ere no other items found lying around near the axe.
A
tidy builder, I thought. That’s something else that’s become
e
xtinct
.

T
h
e
y
h
a
d
near
ly
ever
y
anima
l
y
ou can t
h
in
k
o
f
in t
h
e
N
atura
l
Histor
y
Museum. In a wa
y
, it’s
b
etter t
h
an t
h
e zoo cos there are more animals, plus they are all stuffed, so they can’t wander off and hide somewhere to have a kip like they
d
o in t
h
e zoo.
A
s
we
ll
as t
h
e c
h
u
bby
g
ot
h
wearin
g
a to
p
h
at,
I
saw some ot
h
er t
h
in
g
s at t
h
e Natura
l
Histor
y
Museum that I’d never seen before, like wombats, yaks, the sloth
b
ear, a skeleton of a dodo, an antler off a giant deer, and a
fl
ying
f
ox
b
at, w
h
ic
h
was t
h
e spitting image o
f
a norma
l
f
ox
b
ut t
h
is one
h
a
d
g
rown win
g
s. T
h
is mi
gh
t
b
e nature’s wa
y
of
savin
g
t
h
e
f
ox
f
rom
b
ecomin
g
extinct. I t
h
in
k
win
g
s are t
h
e
b
est t
h
in
g
to
g
row. T
h
e
g
ira
ff
e
d
rew t
h
e s
h
ort straw
w
hen it was given a long neck to survive, I’d much prefe
r
w
ings. A mate told me that the giraffe got a long neck due to
h
aving to stretc
h
f
or
f
oo
d
. T
h
e way As
d
a’s s
h
e
l
ves are
g
ettin
g
h
i
gh
er an
d
h
i
gh
er, I t
h
in
k
we mi
gh
t
g
o t
h
e same
way.

I
read about the sivathere, which was around years and
y
ears ago but no longer exists. They say it was a cross b
e
tween a
g
ira
ff
e an
d
a moose. I
d
on’t t
h
in
k
t
h
at mix was eve
r
n
ee
d
e
d
on t
h
e wor
ld
, an
d
t
h
at’s w
hy
t
h
e
y
d
ie
d
out. (La
b
radoodle will go for similar reasons.) Not having a purpose finishes you off. This is why you hear about old people
d
ying two wee
k
s a
f
ter retirement – it’s cos t
h
ey
f
ee
l
use
l
ess.
I
t
h
in
k
t
h
is is t
h
e same reason w
hy
I went
b
a
ld
. T
h
e
h
ai
r
o
n m
y
h
ea
d
never
f
e
l
t nee
d
e
d
. I never st
yl
e
d
it we
ll
or
d
i
d
anything special with it, so it felt useless and fell out. This is also why the sivathere wasn’t about for long. I don’t even
r
emem
b
er
h
earin
g
i
f
Noa
h
trie
d
to
g
et two o
f
t
h
em on
h
is
b
oat, so even
h
e must
h
ave t
h
ou
gh
t t
h
e
y
were a
d
a
f
t i
d
ea
.

There was a fish section where they had some things I’d
r
ead about on a visit to the London Aquarium. There was a t
h
ing ca
ll
e
d
t
h
e rat-trap
fi
s
h
, name
d
cos its mout
h
h
as
n
o
fl
oor, so t
h
e
j
aw can sna
p
s
h
ut wit
h
out water s
l
owin
g
it
d
own. T
h
ey a
l
so
h
a
d
a stu
ff
e
d
ang
l
er
fi
s
h
, w
h
ic
h
I’ve a
l
ways
w
ante
d
to see. T
h
ese are t
h
e
fi
s
h
t
h
at
l
ive so
d
ee
p
d
own in the sea that the
y
have a built-in li
g
ht s
y
stem so the
y
g
low in the dark. But the ones I saw were dead, so there were no
l
ights. They don’t look that impressive without the lights. Bit
l
i
k
e B
l
ac
kp
oo
l
in a
p
ower cut. T
h
ese are a
l
so t
h
e
fi
s
h
t
h
at
h
ave a stomac
h
t
h
at can ex
p
an
d
so it can eat t
h
in
g
s
b
i
gg
er than themselves. The
y
had one that hadn’t eaten
b
efore it died
,
and then there was one that had
,
to show
y
ou
h
ow muc
h
t
h
ey can expan
d
. It was
l
i
k
e one o
f
t
h
em before-and-after pictures you get in magazines advertising Weight Watchers. It was well weird, I never thought I’d see a fish with cellulite. This could be another reason for sea levels rising – if there’s now loads of fat fish knocking about, sea levels go up. Archimedes would agree with me on that one.

I
ma
d
e my way
b
ac
k
to t
h
e
d
inosaur section. In t
h
e mi
d
dl
e o
f
t
h
e
h
a
ll
was a massive,
f
u
ll
-size re
pl
ica s
k
e
l
eton o
f
a
Di
pl
o
d
ocus
.
D
i
pl
o
d
ocu
s
was wanderin
g
around on Earth about 145 million years ago. They were huge in size (26 metres in
l
ength) but were quiet, calm creatures who spent their time in
h
er
d
s
pl
o
dd
in
g
a
b
out
j
ust eatin
g
. Soun
d
s a
b
it
l
i
k
e t
h
e
g
ot
h
I saw on t
h
e wa
y
in. It’s a
l
wa
y
s t
h
e
b
i
g
stu
ff
t
h
at seems to be in dan
g
er of d
y
in
g
out. Dinosaurs, whales,
p
andas and
p
olar bears. I suppose being big isn’t all it’s cracked up to
b
e. I can sa
f
e
l
y say I
h
ave never seen a mi
d
get invo
l
ve
d
in an acci
d
ent or in a
d
octor’s waitin
g
room, so ma
yb
e
b
ein
g
sma
ll
is
b
est. It
k
in
d
a ma
k
es sense – i
f
y
ou’re not ta
k
in
g
u
p
as much room, there’s less chance of a germ finding you.