Karma (15 page)

Tell us your story, Akbar,
Barindra says.
To pass the time. We know nothing about you.

Yes, Akbar,
I call.
Who do you say you are? And why haven't I seen you in Jaisalmer?

Because you and I are different, Sandeep. I stick to myself. You live in a pack. I study music and literature when the shadows are long. You bask in the sun like a stray dog. You bargain with the market sellers. Entice tourists to pay for your overpriced guiding. And seduce girls when you're not trying to separate a rupee from some poor soul.

Unlike you, Sandeep, I've tried to do the best with the small gifts God gave me.

Ah, yes, you're a poet. A poor but spiritually elevated life. You sing about the world but don't live in it.

We can't all have your advantages, Sandeep. To be rescued so miraculously. Given a new and better life.

And you choose to live through other's stories, Akbar.

I collect them, Sandeep. Yours is a particularly
good one. Nomads rarely die in sandstorms. That is interesting

Maybe the story is better if they're fishermen from the Arabian Sea. Trying a career change.

You make fun as if they don't matter to you at all, Sandeep! Do you not remember anything of what happened?

Is that why you came to Jaisalmer? To pluck my memories for a song? It's odd to be so interested in other people's histories, Akbar. Have you nothing else in your life but old desert tales?

No, Sandeep. Unlike you. But that will change.

Sooner than you think

We'll stop here for two nights,
Akbar says when we arrive at a range of sand dunes blocking the sky.

I'm getting sore.

Yes, it must be uncomfortable, I think bitterly.

His hand sliding over Maya's thigh. Pulling her against him when she nods off. Pressing her waist when Mohindra trips. He sings in her ear all day long. And Barindra doesn't say a thing! Lik
e he's
the servant now!

Even Maya no longer flinches at Akbar's touch.

Has she given in? Given up?

Maya looks at no one now. Stares ahead at the horizon of this dead landscape. Her body still.

Fingers silent as if the music under her skin has been forgotten.

She is fading. Fading. Into dust. How long until I reach for her and find her gone? Slipped off Mohindra's back. The thin wrapped body lying on the ground. Buzzards circling.

The desert could bury her in a day. Flesh returned to earth.

What does the fate of one girl even matter?
she wrote in this book.

(I am concocting a plan to tie Mohindra and Akbar together with his turban! And then run!)

I wish you'd stop him, Pita.

Stop?

Akbar.

From cooking our meal? Tending to the camels?

From guiding us to nowhere! I doubt even you know where we're going now! And he taunts.

Makes me look like a fool.

You'll find a way, Sandeep.

A way to what?

To match him. Make yourself his equal. Each man has different strengths.

I don't see strengths. I see cunning. Akbar is no regular guide, Barindra. And I don't believe he is simply helping out Farooq. He's after something.

Perhaps, Sandeep. But who in this world doesn't have some motivation?

Pita, why are you so blind? He's after Maya!

Is that so? And what about you, Sandeep? What are
you after? What are you doing out here in the desert if it isn't about Maya? What are any of us doing here?

He kicks at the sand. And walks away.

It's not like Tejal.

(I really did want her flesh under my hands.)

And it's not just Maya's beauty.

(Though I can't deny my desire.)

I'm not here because of a promise to my sister.

(That fooled no one.)

So what am I doing? In the middle of the desert with a stranger who hates me, a father who's losing his morality, and a girl who is almost a mirage?

Barindra taught me that we are not to get in the way of a soul's path. Respect. Witness. Bow down to its greater knowledge. And never impose our will.

But what if the body that houses the soul is selfdestructive?

Do we stand by and do nothing?

Actually it's quite simple, Sandeep,
Parvati assured me.
This is how you will help her. Be Maya's voice.

Until her own returns.

But what if that never happens?

I cried out so I could be discovered.

If Maya, makes no sound, how can she be saved?

Akbar and Barindra are packing up the camels. Another day under a blistering sun. Another day closer to the unknown destination. And another day of Akbar's voice singing the melancholic songs of the desert. I wish he wasn't so good. Each perfect note soothes my anger. He seduces even me to follow him blindly across the sand.

I find Maya sitting by herself next to Moomal. The ragged camel is chewing on leaves, his large mouth mashing in wet circles.

Maya?
I try to invoke a commanding
(I'm the only one who can help you now!)
but soft
(I would never hurt you)
tone.

Maya, I would like you to write in my notebook. Your name. Where you're from. And where you would like to go. I am sure that once Barindra has this information we will be able to turn around, get out this desert, and find you a place where you will be safe.

She lifts her head but looks past me or is it through me.

(So, Sandeep. Now you're bossy, too?)

She turns her gaze back to the circles and spirals she's drawing in the sand. Lines that don't close.

I am chastened. By her voice in my head.

All right then, Maya. No words. We're in the desert. Who needs words?

I break a branch from the tree, tear off the leaves for Moomal, then mark New Delhi, Karachi, Jodhpur, and Jaisalmer in the sand.

I draw a border at the edge of the Thar Desert. Then I widen the map to include Bombay, London, Singapore, New York.

Show me,
I whisper. Please.
While Barindra and Akbar are busy.

Without looking at me she stands up, takes the stick, and holds it over the crude map. I hear her inhale. Watch her tighten her grip. But her hands start to quiver.

Just point, Maya. Where are you from?

She takes a step to the left. London? But the stick starts swinging violently. Back and forth between Delhi and New York. Even a shaman's divining rod doesn't vibrate this hard!

Were the gossips right? Is Maya possessed?

I place my hands on her wrists and the trembling stops. No. She has no supernatural power. And there's no underground river below our feet. It's fear alive in every muscle in her body. Holding her captive.

She pushes my hands away. Breaks the stick across her knees and throws it to the ground.

It's all right, Maya. It'll be okay. I promise.

She flings open the tent flap and disappears inside.

(Really? How is this ever going to be okay?)

What's the matter, Sandeep? Has your Lakshmi refused her love?

Go away, Akbar.

She's really something, isn't she? The way she gets under the skin. Especially here. He taps a purple bruise on his cheek.

What are you talking about?

She hit me. A simple misunderstanding. But you've been so wrapped up in your deep feelings, you didn't even notice.

I noticed! I thought one of your smelly camels kicked you!

Listen, Sandeep, and learn. You and your father have brought her out to the desert. And for what? You think all this emptiness will make her speak to you? Pour out her heart? What she wants is to be rescued. By a man.

What did you do to her, Akbar?

Nothing you wouldn't do if you had the guts.

The knife is in my hand without me reaching for it.

Oh, Sandeep, you are truly pitiable.

If I slit your stomach open, Akbar, all I'd find is a snake pit!

Put the knife away, boy. And I'll give you some more advice. Forget about her. Her fate is sealed. Surely you've figured that out by now.

Not if I can help it!

What can you do, Sandeep? You're a boy and you're in over your head. What's so particularly pathetic is your innocence. There's only one outcome for this situation. At least Barindra figured that out days ago.

I have no choice, Sandeep, Barindra whispers. This is not what I wanted to do. But I can't find another way out of this mess. I can't take Maya back to Jaisalmer. Your mother won't have her and neither will anyone else.

But who gave you the right? To give away this daughter who is not your daughter? And to Akbar?

I'm not giving her to Akbar. She will live with his family until she decides her own fate.

She will become their servant! Their slave! She will never be able to get away from them even if she wants to! You know this!

Sandeep, I gave her safety and asylum for as long as I could! When Farooq offered to take her to his village it seemed like the best choice under the circumstances. If Maya wants to change her destiny then she'd better speak up fast. We will arrive in Alamar tonight. And then we are done.

Please, Pita. Just give me a little more time. Another day. Look. Look at my book. See? Maya's written to me. Before. She was starting to trust me and then you yanked her out here to the desert!

Let me see that book, Sandeep.

Keep your hands off, Akbar!

Barindra, make him give it to me. Maybe there's something in it that will actually help Maya.

No, Akbar! So far, I have let you guide us across the desert in spite of your questionable story about Farooq taking ill. I've looked away when you've been too familiar with Maya. And I've done nothing to stop you from tormenting Sandeep. Because I needed you. But I draw the line here. You may not have my son's diary! A man's writing is his soul!

Barindra's eyes are red. Blood vessels bursting. He stares until Akbar lowers his gaze.

Fine.

Good. Then there's nothing else to say. Let's pack these camels and get on our way.

Akbar waits until Barindra is on the other side of the camp.
A reminder to you, Sandeep? Stay away from my future wife.

I lunge. Akbar takes the blade across his wrist.

Shit, Sandeep! What are you doing?

We both stop and stare at the bright river of blood flowing to the sand. A ribbon joining man to earth.

I fall to my knees. The knife drops. I was wrong. It's not easy to kill someone.

I hear Maya's breath beside me. Quick. Panicked. Her lips are swollen. Almost bruised. Like she's been biting down hard.
I‘m sorry, Sandeep.
Her voice in my head.

(I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.)

She takes my hand. But I can't hold back the tears any longer.

Hey, I'm the one who's bleeding here!
Akbar shouts.

Well, you deserved it,
says Barindra.
Why can't you leave the boy alone?
He presses on Akbar's wound. Blood seeps between his fingers.

You know what's kind of sad, Sandeep?
says Akbar.
You were Maya's best hope. The charismatic boy who might have convinced her to say who she is. But you
failed. Instead you made Maya think she was safe in her silence. She trusted you and all you've done is deliver her into the wilds of the desert. And me.

Is it true? I lift my head to look at Maya. Did I betray her with my own desire?

I watch tears fall from the tips of her dark lashes. Silver beads of sorrow.

(The world is a dream.)

Wake up, Sandeep,
says Akbar.
Your girlfriend is out of options. She's going with me.

We fight like rabid dogs. No teeth but fists hammering in successive beats. A steady cadence of rage and sorrow. Akbar's wound is open and weeping. I can taste his blood in my mouth.

Stop it!
Barindra shouts at us.
Stop it! Stop it!

Can you not see what is happening? Maya's gone!

His voice pierces through the fog of torn flesh and blood. Maya? Gone where?

The wind answers.

I look up the smooth pink incline of the largest dune and see her running across its flank. Arms flailing. Sari fluttering thin as a ribbon. The sand stirs up behind her like a pursuing ghost.

Akbar laughs.
Have you ever seen such a stupid girl?

I raise my arm but there's nothing left in the muscle.

Instead, I catapult myself into the hill. Driving my feet deep into the soft flesh of the dune. But my fatigue upsets my balance. I fall backward with every step. The harder I push, the more I slip. Soon Akbar is passing me. Muscular, light, his feet barely making a mark.

Let a man do it.

Maya disappears over the top. I make a guess that she'll turn left on the back side of the dune so I change directions. The crest is lower at that edge and if I'm right, I'll be able to get to her first.

Sandeep! Not that way!
Akbar shouts.
The sand is too soft there!

I pretend I can't hear.

And he's wrong, anyway. The sand is harder on this flank and I'm able to move quickly. Now I can see Maya below me. Thirty more steps and I'll be there.

My feet sink. The ankles. Calves.

I remember my father's warning:

The desert will swallow you if you're not careful.

Sandeep, don't move a muscle.

Leave me alone, Akbar!

The knees.

Stay calm, Sandeep. Any movement will cause you to sink more.

Why do you suddenly care?

The thighs.

Don't talk. Don't breathe. Do exactly what I tell you. Spread your arms wide and then lean back into the sand.

Why should I trust you? This is your big chance to get rid of me!

Yeah, that's it, Sandeep. I want you dead. Then I can finish the story about the Golden Child Who Came in from the Desert and Died in the Desert! Now stop being such an idiot and lean back!

All you want to do is put your slimy hands all over Maya.

Oh, Sandeep. Your small, self-centered teenage brain thinks that the only way for me to have Maya is to get rid of you? Now you're really making me laugh.

Piss off, Akbar. I swing my arm into air and sink lower.

That's good, Sandeep. My plan's working. The angrier you get, the more your body moves, and the faster you sink! If Barindra wasn't coming down that dune right now, I'd leave you here. Now quit being such a little boy, and do as I say! Lean back!

That's when we both see Maya.

She's running toward us. Not listening to Akbar, who's warning her to stay back. I lift my arms to wave her away and feel the sand suck me down.

Don't move, Sandeep!
Akbar shouts. But his voice isn't angry. It's afraid.

Suddenly a sound wells up inside of me. I open my throat and shout her name as if it's the only word I know.
Maya! Maya! No!
But she doesn't listen. She is running right for me.