Kellie's Diary: Decay of Innocence (8 page)

Chapter 27

June 18, 1995

              Hey Barbie!  Today turned out pretty good, I was worried it was going to be another bad day.

             
This morning started bad: we found out that rations got even smaller!  Some people didn’t get any food at all, including me, Lydia and Sarah!  The ones that did get food didn’t get very much anyway, I don’t think they could have split it up very well.  It makes me glad that I gave Lydia my food yesterday, so she won’t feel as hungry as I will.  I’ve gone without food before, so I know how to deal with it.

             
Sarah told me I didn’t have to go to school today if I didn’t want to, and we could just do extra shooting practice.  I decided to go anyway, because I don’t want to think about all this stuff.  So I was in the schoolhouse for a while, and Ms. Taylor was teaching us some math.  Now that I think about it, she kind of reminds me of Miss Florence, like she’s happy a lot, except she doesn’t play any games when doing the lessons.  She always says that there’s a time for play and a time for learning.

             
A little while later we started hearing yelling outside.  Ms. Taylor went to look, and then she told us to wait inside.  She walked outside and started yelling at Michael and Dan to get away from the kids when they argue.  I went up to the window to listen, and it sounded like they were arguing about the food problems we’ve been having.  I think I heard Dan say something about moving all the people to a new place.  Michael said that we needed to learn how to grow our own food, and Dan said that it didn’t work last time…

             
I don’t know why those two argue so much.  Almost every day it’s something different, but this time they got a lot louder.  Then some other people started yelling at each other, and they kept talking about there not being enough food.

             
Then some guy said he was going to cook Lydia’s cat!  I stood up so I could go stop him, but then I heard Sarah getting mad at him!  When I looked outside she was getting REALLY close to his face and yelling louder than I ever heard.  She told him he was acting crazy, and that if he touched the cat she would beat the... “f” out of him.

             
Ms. Taylor came back inside and tried to get us back to the math lesson.  I didn’t care too much anymore, I was really worried about Sarah and Lydia.  I think everyone’s been getting mad a lot lately.

             
Then we heard guns!  Ms. Taylor went back outside, and didn’t come back for a few minutes.  Jimmy went outside next, and then he told the rest of us to come out.  We all followed him and we saw this BIG truck driving in through the gate!  We saw a few shooters on top of the gate and they were shooting outside the fence.

             
When the truck got inside they closed the gate.  Chris and Howard came out of the truck and said that they had food!  Lots of cans of food, enough to last months or even longer!

             
A little while ago everyone had a really good dinner together, kind of like a picnic.  It’s the most we’ve all eaten in a really long time.  And you know what Barbie?  Even though I still hate tuna, that was the best tuna I’ve ever had my whole life.  There were also some different kinds of vegetables and those little canned sausages.  I never really liked those either, but I guess I was so hungry that it actually tasted good.

             
Everyone looked like they were in a better mood after that.  Lydia got to eat a lot too, and that mad me really happy.  She gets really sad when she can’t eat, and she also gets worried when Kitty doesn’t eat.  I don’t think any of us will have to worry for a long time now, not about food anyway.

             
Kitty is sitting in my lap right now.  She usually doesn’t do that.  Normally I have Mr. Floppy right there, but I guess they’re sharing the spot.  As long as Kitty doesn’t hurt Mr. Floppy, it doesn’t bother me.

             
I’m feeling really full, so I think I’m going to go to sleep now.  Looks like Kitty is sleeping, so I have to move her back to Lydia’s spot.

Chapter 28

June 19, 1995

              Barbie, I think I’m in big trouble.  I thought a few days ago was bad, but I think today might be even worse.

             
Tommy got bit!  He was playing that stupid game with the other boys again, jumping through the hole in the fence to the outside!

             
It was after lunch time, and I was taking a walk with Mr. Floppy.  I saw Tommy, Max, Richard, Jimmy and a few of the other boys over in the back corner where the broken wood is.  I kept saying they need to tell somebody about the hole, but then they said they’d blame it on me if I told anyone!  I’ve always hated boys, but it’s times like this I really hate them.

             
So they were taking turns crawling through the hole and trying to see who can go out the furthest without getting scared.  Same old dumb stuff.  I go over there and watch them, and I told them how stupid they are, but they just ignored me.

             
Tommy looked around and then looked at me, then jumped out.  Then the others said he went all the way back into the bushes!  I looked through the hole and I didn’t see him!  We started calling for him to come back, but he said he wasn’t scared, and he was going farther!  We didn’t see him for a while.

             
I think a couple minutes went by and we still didn’t hear anything.  Max went through the hole and walked to the bushes, and tried calling for Tommy.  We still didn’t hear anything.  Jimmy went out too, and I decided to go out too.

             
I haven’t been outside the wall in a really long time, so it felt weird, but normal.

             
Then we heard Tommy screaming for help!  The other boys started moving back, like they were scared!  I guess they weren’t that brave in the end.  I didn’t even think about it before doing it, but I ran into the bushes.  The boys told me to come back but I didn’t listen to them.

             
After a few minutes I found Tommy, and I saw a zombie chasing him!  I got the gun from the back of my pants… you know, the one Sarah told me to hang on to, and I tried to aim it at the zombie.

             
Tommy kept yelling for help, and then the zombie swung its arm and it made Tommy trip.  The zombie fell right on him!  I was already scared, but now I was freaking out!

             
Tommy was holding the zombie by his neck and pushing him off, but the zombie was too big!  I kept aiming, but my hands were shaking really bad, and I was afraid I’d hit Tommy too!  I finally pulled the trigger, and it knocked me back.  But I missed!  Then I heard Tommy scream even worse, and when I looked, the zombie was biting his arm!  I aimed again, and I shot again, but I still missed!  Tommy’s arm was bleeding so much!

             
I just… started running.  Barbie, I think I’m going crazy, because I ran right at the zombie!  I knocked it over and it stopped biting him.  I fell over too, but I got up real fast and I grabbed Tommy and started pulling him away.  He got up, but I think he was having trouble because he was in a lot of pain.

             
We started running, but the zombie started chasing us.  We got out of the bushes and back to the wall, and Max and Jimmy were there to pull us back inside.  Right when the zombie came out of the bushes, someone else shot the zombie and it died.

             
A bunch of the grown-ups were on the other side of the wall and they took Tommy away.  They were yelling to get Rita to try and fix him.

             
Dan and Michael came up to me and the boys, and asked why we were playing with the wall.  I said that I told them to stop, and that Tommy went really far out and got attacked by a zombie, so I went to go help.  They asked why there were gun shots, and I said that I had a gun and was trying to shoot the zombie.

             
They got mad at me and tried to take it from me, but then Sarah came up and told them to leave me alone.  She told them that she gave me the gun because she was teaching me how to use it.

             
Sarah told me to go wait in our place, so that’s where I am now.  I’m really worried about Tommy.  We all know what happens when you get bit… he’s going to die.

             
I have to go.  Sarah wants to talk to me.

Chapter 29

June 20, 1995

              I’m staying home from school today, Barbie.  A lot of people are really mad about yesterday.  Tommy is in Rita’s room, and he’s pretty sick.

             
Sarah is talking to some of the other grownups in town, and Jack is hanging out here with Lydia and me.  I don’t have anything to do, because Sarah wants me to stay here and not talk with anyone yet.  A lot of people are mad at both of us.

             
Sarah had a really long talk with me last night.  She told me that she was talking with Dan and Michael, and they were getting mad at her for giving me a gun.  She told them that it was so I could protect myself, and that I needed to learn how to use one.  They said there was no point, since I missed the zombie I was trying to shoot.  She said she got mad at them for saying that, that I at least tried, and that I stopped Tommy from getting eaten alive, but then they said if I shot the zombie, he’d still be okay.  I think they’re right - if it wasn’t for me, Tommy wouldn’t be dying right now.

             
I told her that I got nervous trying to shoot the gun.  She said she understood, that most people get nervous around guns.  But she also said that I needed to have more practice with a real gun, and I need to be comfortable shooting at my target.  I know that I wasn’t that far away from the zombie, and if I just shot it the first time, Tommy wouldn’t have been bit.

             
But if they weren’t playing that dumb game in the first place, none of this would have happened!  How did they not think that something like that would happen??  I told them a long time ago that going outside the wall was a bad idea.  I told them about all the things I saw when I was out there, but it’s like they didn’t believe me.  Then they told me that they would get me in trouble if I told about the hole in the wall.

             
I should have just told on them anyway.  I’d probably be in a lot less trouble than I am now.  Sarah’s in trouble because of me, and I feel even worse because of what happened to Tommy.  Even though I didn’t really like the boys, he was at least the nicest of them.  Nobody should get bitten by zombies.  Okay yeah, we’ve lost a few people before, but it never gets easier to think about.

              Okay, I just got back from talking to Sarah again.  She had a talk with me and Jack, and she says she’s going to make sure that I keep the gun.  She doesn’t want me to tell anyone that I have it, but she’s going to keep practicing with me so I get even better.  Jack is going to help too.  You know, I just noticed that he almost always does what she says, and he smiles at her a lot.  Maybe he likes her, I don’t know.

             
Sarah told me that Tommy wanted to see me.  I asked if I was even allowed to, and she said that it was okay.  They want to be as nice as they can to him, since he’s pretty much going to die now.  I’m going to go see what he wants to talk about, so I’ll be back in a little while.

              I’m really sad now.  Tommy looks so sick.  I know the bite is making him turn... and there’s nothing we can do about it.

             
I walked in Rita’s room, and I saw him lying there.  His eyes were getting dark, his skin looked kind of red in some parts, like he had a rash.  He looked really bad.  He had a wrapped bandage around his arm, and it looked like it was still bleeding a little.  I felt my eyes water but I stopped myself from crying.  He probably doesn’t want to see that.

             
Rita told him I was here, and he smiled a little.  I guess that’s good, maybe.  I saw a chair next to where he was lying down, but I stood up anyway.  He told me I could sit if I wanted to, so after a bit I finally did.  I didn’t say anything to him, and I had a hard time looking at him.  It wasn’t because he looked sick, because I’ve seen worse things, but I just felt so bad about what happened.  He’s lying there because of me.

             
I asked how he was feeling, and he said he felt sick in his stomach, he had a bad headache, and that all his bones felt sore.  He felt really tired, and had a hard time thinking.

             
I started telling him how sorry I was that I didn’t shoot good enough to kill the zombie, and that it was my fault he got bit.  He said it wasn’t my fault, and he was glad that I was there, because if I wasn’t, he may have gotten eaten.  I told him that he got bit anyway, but he said its just one bite, not hundreds.  It wasn’t making me feel better about it.

             
I told him that I was mad at them all for playing with the fence.  He said that he thought it was kind of dumb too.  I didn’t understand why would he do it if he thought it was a bad idea.  I asked him that, and he said he was trying to prove that he wasn’t scared.

             
Then he said something that really surprised me.  He said that when he saw me, he wanted to show off.  He wanted to show me that he was brave.  I asked why, and he said that he kind of liked me.  You know, “liked” me.

             
He liked me???  I didn’t know what to say to him.  But I thought about it for a minute, and I kind of remember thinking he was a little cute.  For a boy.  Boys are usually kind of weird, but Tommy was probably the least weird.  I mean, I didn’t like him like that, but he wasn’t as rude as the other boys.  I don’t know, maybe I do?  I guess I do.  I didn’t think about it much until now.

             
I told him that I liked him too.  He smiled a lot bigger and put his hand out a little.  Since I knew he wasn’t feeling good, I held his hand back.  He started coughing, but he still had a smile.  He looked a lot more tired.

             
Rita told me that it was time to go.  I knew what she meant, I wasn’t going to see him again.  I told him that I’d miss him and he said he’d miss me too.  I got really sad again, and I started sniffing.  He told me not to cry, but it made me want to even more.

             
Then I came back here.  I cried for a little while, but then Sarah came in so I made myself stop.  I don’t like crying around her, it’s kind of embarrassing, but she didn’t say anything to me about it.

             
It’s getting late, and I’m not feeling good.  I’m going to sleep now.  I hope.