Kev (19 page)

In all of the memories I had, at least those
I had recovered from the brain in a vat, I could only find the
Proth Sphere a handful of times. I had seen it myself twice and had
the memories of three other beings that had seen the sphere.

I started with my memories of seeing the
sphere. I knew had seen it in my home in Vermont, back in two
thousand, nine hundred, thirty-seven. I had also seen it some time
back, in the studio for The Show, on the day Clive and I sealed the
deal with B24ME, both of us nine years old at the time.

I teleported to my home in Vermont to the day
that I had seen the sphere in my house, but it was not there. I
then teleported to the studio of The Show, on the day I remembered
the sphere being there, appearing in the lobby of the studio.

I wondered why I Clive and I would have
created this show at such a young age. I wondered what I had been
thinking at that time. What had I known? Why couldn’t I remember
what motivated me to create The Show?

Something else bothered me. If I went back to
that time, would I see Clive as he was when he was young? If that
were the case, wouldn’t he realize that something was up when he
saw an older version of me in the studio? The reason that bothered
me was simple. I believed Clive might be up to no good and believed
that whatever it was he planned on doing had something to do with
the sphere. So, if he, presumably nine years old at this time, saw
an adult version of me, what would he think? Had he been up to no
good when he was nine?

I had vague memories of playing a game with
Clive, also called The Show, a game that led to many injuries.
However, that brought me no closer to understanding Clive’s mind.
Further, none of the trillions upon trillions of memories I now had
gave me any form of clarity.

I knew Clive, B24ME and the sphere were in a
conference room down the hall from the lobby. What would I find
when I entered that conference room? Actually, would there be two
of me present, older and younger? Had I remembered what the girl
had told me, I would have realized that there would be no earlier
version of me in the Studio.

I guess I will explain. If you have been
paying attention, which I sincerely hope you have, you would know
that I only exist in one point in time at a time. So, if I travel
back in time to a place that I have previously been, the version of
me that had been there previously will essentially disappear and I
will take his place in time, but not in space. To be clearer, I’ll
say this. Suppose I travel back to my birth date, back in 1996. The
moment I appear at that point in time, the other me, the one being
delivered, will disappear. However, I will still have the memory of
being born, or at least will have had it at some point before
forgetting it like I forgot everything else. I will still be born
in some strange way, in a way that everyone who experienced my
birth will have remembered. This is because I exist in an infinite
number of time bubbles, bubbles that contain my experiences,
bubbles that essentially pop when I travel back and forth in
time.

Of course, I knew none of this as I stood
there in the lobby and fully expected to see myself when I entered
the conference room, something I was going to do quite soon.

I noticed the walls were covered with
photographs, all of me, all of me in various challenges. I saw
myself in a pool of acid during the Reenactment of the Battle of
Bwar Nit, and saw myself being torn apart by Excretorian ants.
Those were challenges I could remember. But, there were many more
pictures, pictures of me in deadly challenges, challenges I did not
remember. The sight made me slightly ill and more than a little bit
nervous.

B24ME floated into the lobby and stopped in
front of me.

“What are you doing out here?” said
B24ME.

“What the hell is with all the pictures of
me?” I said.

“Do you like it?” said B24ME, clearly
amused.

“They are just lovely, B24ME. I won’t ask how
you managed to get these because I know you won’t tell me.”

“You know, Kev,” said B24ME slyly. “You must
realize I know you’re not exactly the same Kev who just disappeared
from our meeting.”

At that point, I realized that I could only
exist in one location and form at any one point in time, that time
being my present in a way, an interesting revelation. I tried to
work through the mechanics of this, trying to determine what effect
this would have on the past, but for the life of me, couldn’t
figure things out, even with the vast store of knowledge I now
possessed.

By coming here like this and supplanting my
old self, had I changed my past? How could I tell if I had? Could I
tell? I had a relatively clear memory of being nine years old, in
the conference room with Clive and B24ME. I remembered no
discontinuity during this event, no moment where things suddenly
shifted. Wouldn’t there have been some sort of discontinuity given
that the younger me was no longer in the studio for some period of
time, at least until the moment I would leave here with the
sphere?

Clive would have to have a memory of me
disappearing, and possibly seeing the older me if I now chose to
reveal myself to him. B24ME had seen me and knew I was not the same
person. So, his present self would have to know what had happened
here. I thought it unlikely that they wouldn’t have mentioned this
to me at some point in time. Perhaps they had. The brain in the vat
had given me back many of my memories, but not all of them. At the
times I had connected to the brain I had not had all of my
memories, so it was possible that Clive and/or B24ME had told me
that I had been in the studio in an older form while we were
wrapping up our meeting.

Something bothered me. How did B24ME know
that I was me? How did he recognize my older self? This was B24ME’s
past, right? I knew I was missing something, but couldn’t find that
piece to the puzzle.

Did Clive and B24ME exist at only one point
in time at a time like I did? If that was the case, and assuming
that my present was theirs, wouldn’t they have had to come to this
point in time from the present or wherever they were in time to
meet me here, in order for me to find them here? If that were the
case, would the Clive that I found in the conference room be the
present, older Clive? I couldn’t tell by looking at B24ME because
B24ME was a floating, black cube, an artificial being that did not
age the way Clive and I did. So which Clive would I find in the
conference room?

“B24ME,” I said. “How old is Clive right
now?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Why don’t you come to the conference room
and see for yourself?” said B24ME.

“Just tell me, B24ME.”

“No.”

“Fine. Answer this. Is this your present or
your past?”

“Interesting question. I think you might be
on to something right now,” said B24ME. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know. Can you at least tell me if
you understand what is going on?”

“To be completely honest, I don’t. You
explained it once, but I have to admit I didn’t understand. So, do
you want to come to the conference room? Maybe you’ll understand if
you do.”

I knew I would get no more from B24ME, so I
agreed. He escorted me to the conference room, wherein I found a
now nine-year-old Clive sitting at a long white table, a broad grin
on his face. I knew in that instant that Clive and B24ME were not
like me, that they did not exist at only one point in time.

“Wow, you’ve changed, Kev. What are you up
to, I wonder?” Clive said, chuckling. He didn’t seem surprised.
Why?

In one corner of the room, hovering in the
air, I saw the Proth Sphere.

“Hey, buddy,” said the sphere. “Want to
connect?”

“Yeah, Kev,” said Clive. “Why don’t you
connect to the sphere and see what happens.”

I knew I could control what I gave the sphere
while connected to it. I knew I had done that in the past, so I
believe I could recreate the universe without feeding the sphere
the nightmare where the universe got sucked into a giant nozzle
(note that at this point I didn’t have the memory of Aputi’s
nightmare. That had been wiped away after I pressed the button on
the black cube six times.) However, I didn’t fully trust my
memories, and now, given that Clive wanted me to connect to the
sphere, I thought maybe re-creating the universe wasn’t the best
idea. I believed that because I remembered, in that instant, I was
playing some strange game with Clive and the others and suspected
that I might lose the game if I connected with the sphere. I did
not want to lose, even if I had no clue what I was playing.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I said.

“Kev, you have no idea what I would like, and
I wonder if you ever will.”

Was he angry? I wondered if Clive was truly
my friend. Was I playing a game or was something else going on,
something sinister? I remembered a few things in that moment. I
remembered something about Clive wanting to end all creation,
although the memory was quite vague. If I connected to the sphere,
would I end all creation? I remembered Clive coming after me with
the sphere at one point. At that time I had even more knowledge
than I did now. I had knowledge of something specific, something
dangerous, a nightmare. I also remembered Aputi. However, I didn’t
remember Aputi’s nightmare.

Clive rose from his seat. “So, what are you
going to do, Kev?”

I knew I could control the sphere at this
point. I could essentially force it to come with me and I could
hide it somewhere, somewhere Clive would never find it.

I smiled and said, “Better luck next time,
bro,” grabbed the sphere and teleported to heaven, a place I knew
Clive could not come looking for me, or at least a place he had
once said he couldn’t visit.

I didn’t know what Clive was up to, but I
knew enough to know that he did not want me to have the sphere. I
knew enough to know that he believed I was onto him.

“What did you do that for?” cried the sphere.
“Why can’t I connect to you?”

“You and I are going to have a little chat,
and you are going to tell me everything or you will never connect
to anyone ever again.”

“Look, Kev, I told you, I don’t really know
what’s going on. All I know is that I can’t help you. I swear,”
cried the sphere. “Why won’t you believe me?”

We had been going at it for over an hour and
I had gotten nothing from the sphere other than variations of this
answer. While at first I didn’t believe the sphere, I now concluded
that it did not, in fact, know anything.

“Well, I’m pretty sure you are central to
whatever plot the others have cooked up,” I said, annoyed.

“Are you really going to trap me here?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty sure Clive can’t come to
heaven.”

“Why is that?”

“I have a memory of him saying that.”

“But everyone in heaven has nothing but nice
dreams,” whined the sphere. “It will be so boring.”

“Yeah, maybe, but you won’t be able to cause
any trouble here. Anyway, once I sort everything out, I’ll come and
get you.”

“Kev, there is something you haven’t thought
of, something you’ve forgotten.”

“What’s that?”

“You have hidden me here before, but he has
always gotten me back. Why do you think that is?”

“I’d ask, but I know you’re not going to tell
me.” I suspected that one of the others might have retrieved the
sphere in the past, but had no clue who it could be. I doubted it
was the girl. I wondered if it could be Bri. Another possible
suspect was Aputi, but I couldn’t quite see how that was possible.
I knew enough about Aputi to know that the chances of him ever
getting into heaven were virtually non-existent.

“I’ll tell you if you connect with me,” said
the sphere.

I found myself sorely tempted to connect with
the sphere, desperate for more information, information that could
help me understand and maybe allow me to win whatever game I was
playing. I believed I knew how to control what I gave to the
sphere. However, Clive had wanted me to connect to the sphere. Did
he know I knew how to control what I gave it? Maybe not. Maybe he
wanted me to connect with the sphere because he thought I couldn’t
control what I fed it.

I had memories of the dreams and nightmares
of countless souls in my mind. I could just pick one of them and
give it to the sphere, something harmless that would come true. If
I did that, the sphere would tell me how Clive had managed to
retrieve it from heaven in the past. But what if I was wrong about
being able to control what I gave the sphere? I had many terrible
nightmares locked away inside of me, including one of my own, one
in which a giant nozzle sucked up the entire universe, thus
destroying it. I didn’t want that to come true.

My memory of being able to control what I
gave the sphere was quite clear. In fact, I remembered a previous
time when I had possessed all of the memories from the brain in the
vat, a time when I used the sphere to recreate the universe many
times. However, I also remembered what had happened when I did
that. I had screwed up many things and had ultimately returned the
sphere to Bri and requested that the two of them fix all of the
things I had botched up, which they gladly did.

At that point in time, I had been trying to
recreate the universe in such a way that I would be able to get
everyone in the universe to give me the information I wanted. I had
been trying to create a universe that would give me an advantage in
the game, although I did not succeed. I wondered if I knew enough
now to get it right, or at least right enough to allow me to figure
out what the hell was going on.

I searched through all of my memories, the
memories of dreams and nightmares. What if I could select a set of
these that would allow me to create a universe that would somehow
enlighten me, or, at least, have the sphere make this set of dreams
and nightmares come true, thus altering the fabric of the existing
universe? In fact, I believed it would be best not to try to
recreate the universe, given that I did not have enough dreams and
nightmares to create a fully fleshed out universe and could end up
causing a disaster.