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The End

Other Books by Annalynne Russo:

Irresistible Nemesis

Twice as Irresistible

Rendezvous with Rumpelstiltskin

Ashlynn Monroe

Copyright © 2012

Part One

With a sigh, Jamie Candleman flipped on her laptop
and waited as the ailing machine went through its unbearably slow
start up. She pushed her wildly curly auburn hair off her face,
noticing how the morning sunlight made it shine as it slid through
her fingers. She had great hair, a good job, and only a few extra
pounds. She wasn’t perfect but it shouldn’t be this hard to find a
boyfriend. Alicia, her best friend, had insisted they try the
online dating scene a few months ago, and already her BFF had a
beau, but Jamie was still alone. She’d gone out with a couple of
creepos. It didn’t surprise her that the guy with the bad toupee
who’d lied about his age, or the perv who kept “accidentally”
brushing her chest didn’t have women in their lives, but it seemed
that not every profile she really liked was interested in her.

Granted, her occupation might scare them off. She
worked with her father in the family mortuary and mortician wasn’t
exactly a job most guys pictured their future girlfriends
performing, but Jamie had always found satisfaction honoring the
dead and providing solace to their families. She wasn’t saving
lives or putting out fires, but her work made her feel like she
made the world a better place. She wasn’t willing to give it up,
even if it creeped potential mates out.

She browsed her message box—nothing.
Yep, another
lonely Friday night to look forward to. I guess I'm going to die
alone.
Annoyed with herself for getting down, she tried to
cheer up. Her twenty-ninth birthday was only a week away and while
she felt a little worried to be turning the big two-nine without a
man in her life, she didn’t want to be the crazy cat lady. She knew
Alicia had planned something fun. An IM popped up on the
screen.

Alicia:
Hi Jamie. I found a fun dating site you
should try. This might be the one.
www.http://datingonthedarkside.com. See you next week. I’ll text
you in the morning. Joshua is taking me to the Northern Nights
Supper Club…Swanky! I can’t wait. I hope it ends with breakfast.
Kisses.

She replied with her fingers flying across the
keyboard.

Jamie:
Have fun. Don’t do anything I won’t do.
Forget I typed that, do things I wouldn’t do and have fun! Love ya.
Hugs. FYI you’re crazy. I don’t think I need to date on the dark
side lol.

Alicia’s status showed unavailable. She must have
turned off her computer. Jamie couldn’t help herself. She copied
and pasted the crazy web address. To her surprise, it was real. The
website had a black background and red writing.

DatingontheDarkSide.com

Meet other fun singles who aren’t afraid of
death.

This site is by invitation only. Click the link
below to request membership.

This is a free dating site, but only approved
members can use our services.

Tell us why you believe you could date darkly.

Request Membership Here!

Rolling her eyes, she clicked the link. A form popped
up and Jamie put in her name, age, sex, what sex she was interested
in, and her email address. Finally it asked her why she thought
she’d be a good candidate for their services. She bit her lip and
typed one sentence.

I’m a lonely, albeit attractive, female
mortician.

She hit send. She typed in Facebook and occupied
herself updating her status and liking her friends’ pictures. So
many of her college friends were having babies that it made her
heart ache a bit. When a pop up that she had mail appeared on the
screen, she didn’t think much about it, and continued replying to
comments. Then her email box alerted again.

She opened her email and noticed the first message
was from Dating on the Dark Side. She chuckled when she saw the
approval for membership. The second message was from her dad. He
wanted to let her know that he’d be out of town on Monday and asked
that she cover the phones. She replied to her dad with a quick,
“Sure, drive safely”.

She opened the first message again and clicked the
link to fill out her profile. At this point in her life, she didn’t
feel that she could be choosy. If creepy work found her a
not-so-creepy guy, she’d take him. In about five minutes she’d put
her statistics and candid picture up for all the dark side members
to peruse. She’d used the screen name Lady Looking. She hoped she’d
made a solid choice, but with her luck she’d end up stalked by some
necrophilia-loving pervert. Jamie shuddered and almost removed her
profile, but then she had a private message pop up on her screen
from the site.

Too Hot Darrick:
Hi, Lady Looking. Check out my
profile. If you think you could handle me, message me back.

She rolled her eyes. In addition, Hot Darrick thought
a lot of himself. She didn’t know she had to “handle” potential
dates. It was tempting to just completely disregard him and take
her information off the site, but now she was curious. She clicked
on his name and it took her to his profile. To her surprise, he was
hot. She clicked on all photos and a bubble of laughter burst from
her lips.
Oh, you have to be kidding me.
Too Hot Darrick was
a fire-eater. He was an honest-to-God fire-eater in a local theater
called Images of Imagination. She’d heard of the place, which was
popular due to its bizarre and obscure acts. She’d never been
because those types of spectacles hadn’t ever impressed her.
However, Too Hot Darrick’s muscular and tattooed chest did impress
her. He was masculine perfection. She was a sucker for tall, dark,
and handsome, and he seemed to have those three qualities in
spades.

The realization that she was the world’s biggest
hypocrite filled her with remorse. She’d gone on the site because
her occupation made her a dating pariah, and now she was judging
another person for having the exact same problem. For all she knew
he was following in the footsteps of the family business too.
Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she took a deep breath and went
back to his information. He was thirty-two, ready to settle down,
and didn’t drink. So far, she liked what she saw. She continued
reading. He’d never been married, no kids, and had a pet iguana
named Isis.
Okay, the iguana I could pass on, lizards are
creepy, but what the heck, he might be a fun guy.
She’d already
decided he was ten steps above her last boyfriend in the hotness
department. She really had nothing to lose.

She went back to the IM.

Lady Looking:
Hi, Too Hot Darrick. I’m not freaked
out by the fire-eating. Okay, to be honest I’m freaking out a
little bit. I hope you won’t feel grossed out by my job. I’m a
mortician. My dad and grandfather opened the mortuary on Main
Street, Candleman’s Funeral Home, in the nineteen sixties. I
followed in the family footsteps because giving people a dignified
burial is meaningful to me. If you “can handle me”, reply
back.

She waited. After about five minutes, she felt like
an idiot. Clearly, she’d expected more from someone who also had a
socially questionable occupation. She decided he wasn’t going to
respond but left the page open, just in case. Hopping over to her
Facebook, she continued liking and commenting on her friends’ posts
until she saw the tab with the dating site blink. Biting her lip,
she took a deep breath and clicked.

Too Hot Darrick:
Hi, Lady Looking. I think it’s
honorable of you to respect the dead. I don’t have a problem with
what you do. My fire-eating is sort of a family thing too. It’s a
bit hard to explain. I’m free tonight, would you like to grab some
supper?

She stared at the screen. Did she want to grab supper
with the mysterious fire-eating Too Hot Darrick? Yes, she did.

Hey Too Hot Darrick. That sounds great, where do you
want to eat?

There was a momentary pause.

Too Hot Darrick:
I’d love to eat at the Rodeo
Steak House. I like my steaks very rare and they’re one of the few
places that are willing to make them the way I like them. I swear
I’m not normally anal, but steak I’m fussy about. I hope you’re not
anti-meat.

Lady Looking:
I’m not a vegetarian or anything.
You’re going to hate to hear this but I love my steak well done. If
it moos, I send it back to the kitchen. I’d love to eat there. I’ve
never been to that restaurant, I’m a Rodeo Steak House virgin…be
gentle.

There was a shorter pause this time.

Too Hot Darrick:
I promise to be gentle with you,
Lady Looking. Since we’re meeting tonight, I think I’d better
introduce myself. My name is Darrick Drago, and I’m the guy who
plays with fire. LOL. Would you like me to pick you up or would you
prefer to meet me at the restaurant? I’m thinking seven. Will that
work for you?

Lady Looking:
ROFL! You’re funny. I think meeting
you might not be a bad idea. Nothing personal, but yeah, I’ll meet
you at seven sharp. My name is Jamie Candleman. I’ve cut my hair a
bit shorter than the picture I posted, but otherwise everything you
see is what you get. I’ll look forward to meeting you. See you
tonight.

Too Hot Darrick:
See you later. Thanks for
accepting my request for a date, Jamie. I promise to be gentle,
lol.

He clearly liked her sex joke. Her heart jumped. She
normally didn’t even kiss on a first date and here she was making
sexual innuendoes before they’d even seen each other face-to-face.
She felt the heat of her blush. She turned off the computer. The
clock on the monitor had warned her it was already four-forty-five.
She’d need at least thirty minutes to drive to the restaurant so
that didn’t leave her a lot of time to get ready. Running into her
room, she grabbed her most flattering outfit, a casual but stylish
purple cotton dress and matching flats. Tossing the items on the
bed, she rushed into the small bathroom and grabbed a couple of
towels. Turning on the water, hot, Jamie stepped inside and
lathered her hair with her salon shampoo that smelled like green
apple. She rinsed and lathered in conditioner. While she gave the
product time to work, she shaved her legs. She hadn’t felt this
nervous about a date in years. After a few minutes, she rinsed out
the conditioner and stepped out, grabbing the towels. The clock on
her bathroom wall told her she had to hurry so she did her best to
multitask by doing her makeup and hair at the same time. After
almost an hour, she stepped back, dressed and as beautified as
she’d be able to accomplish without the aid of a salon. Sighing she
hoped he wasn’t the kind of guy who preferred plastic perfect
women. She wasn’t a hag, but she was a long way from supermodel
too.

She wanted to be on time to the restaurant, but
needed to get gas so she grabbed her purse and left the house.
She’d just gotten out of the car and selected her octane preference
when she heard a familiar voice.

“Well hello, stranger!”

Jamie turned and saw Alicia. She wanted to crawl
under the car. Alicia would know the purple dress meant date. She’d
purposefully not messaged her friend with the news of her
successful campaign on the dark side dating site because if it was
a disaster she wanted the relief of not having to expound the
painful detail to her friend. The cat was most definitely out of
the bag now.

Alicia raised an eyebrow, giving her an obvious
once-over. “So some news you want to share?”

“Not really.”

Alicia looked hurt by her short reply.

“Sorry. Okay, that website you sent me was all right.
I can’t believe how quickly I was asked on a date.”

“Oh God, that was a joke, Jamie. Don’t let some
creepo lock you in his basement or something. I’m so sorry.”

Now it was Jamie’s turn to feel hurt. “So only crazy
basement-locking-serial-killer-guys would date me, is that what
you’re saying, Alicia?”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant. This isn’t going
well. I saw the site and thought it was cute. I had no idea it was
a real dating site. I sent the link as a joke because last week you
texted about the boob brusher and said only guys into dark and
morbid wanted you. I’m so sorry. So this guy is he…ah…normal.”

“This is why I didn’t want to say anything until
after I’d been out with him. He has a weird job, like me, but he
looks hot if his picture is real.”

“Hot is good.” Alicia paused and a dubious look
crossed her face. “How weird is his job?”

“Weird, but who am I to judge?”

“Mortician isn’t a weird job. It just makes people
think about death. What does this guy actually do?” Alicia’s eyes
seemed to shine with curiosity. Jamie realized she was making it
worse by prolonging her confession.

“Don’t freak out. He’s a performer.”

Alicia titled her head to the side slightly and
frowned. “Like he acts? What do you mean?”

“He’s a variety act.”

“What’s that?” Alicia looked very concerned.

“Just keep this between us. He eats fire at that
club, Images of Imagination. Don’t look at me like that, stop it,
Alicia!”

Alicia looked like she was going to pass out. She
wasn’t normally judgmental, but clearly, fire-eating exceeded her
consideration tolerances.

“Really? You’re so straight laced and responsible,
this just doesn’t sound like a good match. Maybe you should just
cancel?”

“I’m not canceling. I’ll text you tomorrow.” She took
the nozzle out of her car and tightened the gas cap. She was glad
she’d swiped her card to pay at the pump during the awkward
conversation, because she was mad now. Alicia was her best friend
and knew how much she wanted to find someone special. She didn’t
even look back at the red-faced blonde. She’d let Alicia apologize
later, but right now she was too mad.