Kijana (8 page)

I stood at an intersection on the main road and spotted Josh down the road. I caught up with him and we decided to get a beer. We tried one pub but weren't allowed in because of our bare feet. We decided to try further along the beach. Along the way we came across Beau, who was more than keen for a beer to accompany the fresh pack of rolling tobacco he'd just bought. We finally found a bar that would serve us, and sat down with our Coronas. It was nice to be off the boat, but it was nicer for the three of us to be on our own. We enjoyed each other's company and talked easily.

By the second beer I felt the need to share some of my troubles. I wanted to offload what I was feeling, and particularly wanted to know if they were as frustrated as I was. Josh was always brushing off the little incidents with a joke here and there, so I wasn't sure where he stood. I suspected Beau was feeling the same as me, as I could sense his mood on the boat.

I broached the subject by asking if they knew where the girls were.

‘
Probably back at the boat,' Josh said, with a slight, almost undetectable, tone of sarcasm.

Before I could say any more, Beau brought up the washing machine incident. Oh boy, it felt good hearing him talk about it. Not because he was getting stuck into the girls, but because I finally knew I wasn't being an unreasonable bastard.

Slowly, one by one, the three of us offered a little more. ‘Did you see when she did this?' or ‘I can't believe this happened', and so on.

I knew deep down that what we were doing was wrong. In a small crew, having one side gang up against another is not healthy, but it shared some of my burden, and that was a huge relief. Beau and Josh were thinking
exactly
the same things as me.

We discussed how best to handle the situation. All were adamant we wanted the girls to stay. I loved Mika, and she and Josh had been friends for years. We wanted them to flick a magic switch and tackle their tasks with gusto, without anyone asking them to do so.

The decision was made to confront the girls that afternoon. We went through our options. Neither Josh nor I wanted to be the one to initiate it. Beau was probably the best at confrontation but he claimed he couldn't think of the comeback lines quick enough to hold a good argument. Josh's friendship with Mika pretty much excluded him. And, he argued, he needed to be behind the camera to record the confrontation. I knew, as captain, it was always going to come down to me.

We walked back along the beach in a mood we hadn't felt for the previous three weeks. I felt close to the guys and I liked the fact that Beau and I were on the same team. At least one aspect of the trip was turning out the way I'd hoped.

We arrived back at the boat as darkness fell. It was empty. We set up the cameras and microphones ready for the girls' return, but the night wore on with still no sign of Mika or Nicolette. As we sobered up our bravado began to disappear, until we decided to put it off until the morning. The girls arrived back at the boat after we'd gone to bed but I remained awake for hours dreading what was to come in the morning.

It was unusual for us to have formal meetings, so after breakfast when I called everyone together I sensed that Mika and Nicolette already knew what was coming. I wanted to approach the issue as diplomatically as possible but, in hindsight, my style was probably too direct and accusing. I can't remember how it started but it only degenerated into a slanging match.

I told the girls that I was upset at how they were behaving on the boat. I said they needed to pick up their game, show more initiative and not rely on Beau, Josh and I to do everything. I was happy for them to make mistakes, as long as they were having a go. At first they were shocked and asked for examples. I asked Beau and Josh to help me out and the girls listened as they detailed a few minor examples. But it was hard to give examples when they weren't actually doing anything wrong. The point we were trying to make was that they weren't doing much at all.

They pushed for more examples and, regrettably, I reached deeper into my ammunition bag to make my point. That was a mistake because things started to get personal. In my frustration I started to accuse their personality types and things became pretty ugly as they threw their own mud back at me over my poor leadership. They were angry, confused and upset, and the tears began to flow. I was way out of my depth.

Gradually things clamed down and we concluded with the agreement that I would take more time to explain things to them, while they would try to help more with the work.

We left Mooloolaba the following day in good weather and favourable wind bound for Cairns, about 700 miles north. It was the start of the pleasant sailing that I had yearned for. We caught the first fish of the trip, a yellowfin tuna, by trailing a lure behind the boat. Beau prepared it as sashimi to mix with wasabi and soy sauce, as well as steaks for dinner that night.

The atmosphere was much lighter than during the previous leg, with the crew getting on well. Josh was integral to breaking down any barriers between the guys and the girls. His forgiving nature and will to make people feel comfortable proved a godsend. Everyone was pitching in. We rotated shifts each night and everyone did a two-and-a-half-hour stint on their own. The first shift usually started around 8 p.m., the second at 10.30 p.m., the third at 1 a.m., the fourth at 3.30 a.m. and the last shift at 6 a.m., which lasted until everyone had woken for the day.

The best shifts were the first and last. I hated the second shift because it meant being woken just as you entered a deep sleep. I reckoned third and fourth watch were better than second because at least you could get a good few hours of solid sleep. However, Josh liked second watch better than third. The final shift was fantastic because you could sit watching the sunrise as if you were the only person on the boat.

Most of the work during that leg involved plotting our position, reefing the sails as the wind picked up, or putting away books and dishes. Mika and Nicolette were doing more work, which was obvious – perhaps a little too obvious. I often felt they were putting on a show for my benefit, doing things so I could see what they were doing. They tidied ropes that were already tidy and suggested making sail changes when I was already in the process of setting up the lines. I felt like I was seeing straight through them, so my answers when they asked questions weren't as encouraging as they would have been if I'd felt their enquiries were genuine.

I was beginning to understand why I had such a beef with the girls. Once we hit the Third World countries, a lot of bad stuff could go down. In those times we'd need a crew that would take action for the good of the team, not so they were noticed.

However, I couldn't deny they were trying hard, even if they weren't doing things the way I wanted. And I had to admit I hadn't given them a clean slate from which to start again. I still held a grudge I couldn't shake. One part of me said if my heart was open and forgiving, they'd sense it and feel they didn't need to prove themselves to me. But my other side couldn't help but ask why they couldn't act with good intentions like Josh and Beau. If they did that
then
I'd lose my attitude towards them.

I spoke to Beau and Josh about the new approach of the girls. Once again, they felt the same way I did. I wasn't convinced that saying anything would result in any changes. I still had strong memories of Nicolette in the laundry and I didn't fancy another outburst directed at me. I figured I should just stay calm and continue as usual in the hope that time and better weather would change things.

As we got closer to Cairns I resigned myself to the fact that it simply wasn't working with the girls. Beau and Josh agreed. We concluded that there must be something in our personalities that didn't gel when we were on the boat, so I decided I would tell the office as soon as we arrived that we wanted the girls to leave. There seemed little use in having another meeting with them for they hadn't responded to our first discussion in the way I wanted.

We arrived the following morning and spent the rest of the day checking the boat into the marina. That afternoon I phoned the office and told them of my decision. It came as a shock to them as I'd kept a pretty tight lid on the situation until then. Also, we were only two months into the trip.

The office took what I was saying very seriously, with a couple of the office staff immediately jumping on a plane to come up and see if they could help us work through the problems.

Not long after they arrived, we sat on a remote beach out of town for a crew meeting. The main rule was that only one person could talk at a time and it had to be directed at someone. The person it was directed to then had to repeat how they understood what was said and if it wasn't understood then the person who spoke first had to explain it again until everyone was clear on it.

It began with Mika saying she respected everyone but that didn't translate into trusting everyone. That was not hard to understand considering Josh, Beau and I had been talking behind her back. Nicolette felt totally out of the loop and accused us of lacking compassion. She, like Mika, had been struggling with seasickness the entire trip and felt she owed everyone so much. She'd been flown over two weeks before we left, hadn't had to do any of the organising and was suddenly on a trip of a lifetime funded by someone else. She also felt like the token American, there only to provide an accent. She missed her family and friends and felt alone. She hadn't known any of us until two months prior, while the rest of us had known each other for at least two years.

I could understand her point.

After they gave their side of things I actually felt for the girls by looking at things from their perspective.

We talked for most of the afternoon, each taking it in turns to speak. Nicolette was getting upset and Josh was getting frustrated at the rules of repeating what had been said. He was finding it hard to explain the problem until it got to the stage where he felt he had to blurt out how he felt. He interrupted Nicolette, then summed up in a few words what I'd been wrestling with for the past few weeks.

‘OK, it's like this Nicolette,' he started. ‘Why should Beau get in a car with a stoned guy to get change for you? We're going to Third World countries where we'll be doing much worse stuff than hitching a ride. You have to be independent. Jesse wants it to be like this and that's the way it should be. It's his trip and it's his idea and we're on this adventure because of him. This is Jesse's dream and I'm more than happy for him to be the captain. This is where I think it comes down to – we could die on this trip. Are you willing to do that? I definitely think we could die on this trip, you know!'

My body quivered at how raw the conversation was.

Josh couldn't have explained it better. I was thrilled that he had backed me so much. He was closer to the girls than Beau and I, and was the one who hadn't wanted to come down so hard on them. Afterwards he told us how bad he felt saying it.

It had been such a weird day we decided to stay on land that night, at a backpackers' hostel. The next day, despite the meeting the day before, Beau, Josh and I still wanted the girls to leave. However, the office staunchly opposed any move to expel them, fearing the damage it may cause to Kijana's image.

We walked to the beach for another meeting. On the way I felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wanted to set a good example for the kids following the trip. I wanted to do the right thing by our sponsors. I wanted everyone's financial sacrifices and hard work to be worthwhile.

By the time I got to the beach I'd started to crumble. There was too much weighing on this trip to not at least try to forgive the girls. Nicolette and I spoke in private and I swallowed my pride and apologised for the way I'd ignored her feelings. It felt good to have a laugh together and the depressing feeling of the past few weeks shifted from one of my shoulders. Then Mika and I had the same chat. I felt I was taking the elusive first step. I hoped from all we'd been through that the girls would change themselves.

It was a total 180-degree turn on my behalf and it took everyone by surprise when I announced that I wanted the girls to stay. We all felt as though we were starting afresh.

Everyone except Josh, that is. He was disheartened at how I'd changed my position so suddenly. I'd gone back on everything Beau, Josh and I had agreed upon.

I could tell he was disappointed in me, especially after putting his neck out and defending me the previous night. But Josh being Josh, I was soon forgiven. He even made up with Nicolette so there were no hard feelings between them.

CHAPTER FOUR
MIRACLE

OUR NEW SENSE OF UNITY, TOGETHER WITH
the fact that we'd hit the tropics, made it feel like the adventure was only just beginning. We left Cairns under beautiful sunny skies for the day's sail to Low Isles – our first tropical island. Three hours into the trip we hooked a decent sized mackerel. We were now sailing the coastline that Beau, Dad and I had sailed when I was 14, which made my memories of that trip even more vivid. Nicolette played her guitar on deck and, for the first time in ages, I liked the sound of her singing. We felt like we had the whole world at our feet.

We approached Low Isles just after dark and dropped anchor in the lagoon between two small islands. Beau filleted the mackerel and, combined with the fresh food we'd stocked up on in Cairns, he cooked a sensational meal. We went to bed that night feeling pretty pleased with ourselves.

The next day we woke to a tropical paradise. Everyone donned snorkelling gear and swam to the nearby coral reef. We explored the mangroves and considered setting pots for mud crabs. The water was crystal-clear and small fish were darting everywhere. We chased a turtle in the dinghy, then went back to the boat for lunch. Low Isles was great but I knew a better spot nearby. Snapper Island was one of Dad's favourite haunts when he used to live in the area. It was eight miles on the chart, so we left that afternoon, arriving in time for a spot of fishing.