KILLING TIME (27 page)

“It’s what Maggie says.”

“It’s true, isn’t it? She died horribly and alone. There is nothing
we
can do for it now but to protect her reputation. There is nothing
you
can do now but slander it. It’s easy for you, to be clinical and detached. To you, she wasn’t family.”

Cassie regretted the remark, knowing it was unfair, yet unable to repent and unable to apologize. She needed an outlet for both her anger and her anguish so she lashed out at Sara, who like a rock was protective, understanding and ready to accept this obligation—perhaps even welcoming of it—as if it were her own.

In the year since they had become acquainted and despite the more than fifteen year gap in their ages, Sara had proven to be better equipped, emotionally and morally even, than Cassie, the
Servant of God
, to understand and weather the inevitable and destructive vicissitudes of life. And what of Maggie,
poor Maggie
, having lost now not only one child, but two? How would she survive this trauma, how would she bear-up? She had been so careful to monitor and manage the daily routine of her daughters, having them telephone when they arrived at their destination and before they returned for home. Inevitably, as children do, they complained and they rebelled, but who could foresee that Missy, at only thirteen, would do so to such a destructive extreme?

“Let’s not fight,” said Cassie after a moment.

“We’re not fighting. You’re
emoting
. That’s good. If you don’t, you’ll explode. Nothing you say right now will anger me, or turn me away. It may hurt—a little bit.” Sara smiled. “I may wish you hadn’t said it and that you’d take it back, but not because it’s wrong, Cass. Because maybe, it’s too close to the truth.”

Sara moved to stand with Cassie, by the window overlooking the small garden. Bordering the church cemetery, here the garden received the full benefit of the sun, its spring perennials in full and colorful bloom. Death in the midst of life, thought Sara lyrically.

“We have so little to go on,” Sara admitted. “Only that for a girl her age, Missy was involved in some pretty heavy duty stuff. Toxicology will show whether she was intoxicated or drugged, but the physical evidence is conclusive, Cass. We owe it to the community as much as we owe it to Missy to know all we can.” Without preamble, Sara then asked, “Tell me about her cousin?”

“Kendra?”

“Jordy, Kendra’s brother.”

“What’s to tell?” Cassie moved from the window to the table, dragging her body as if it were an over-weighted sack. “Jordy is trouble, with a capital
T
. I warned Missy to stay away from him. For a while, she did, but from either curiosity or attraction, she kept being drawn back to his flame; like a moth.”

“Why were you concerned?”

“C’mon, Sara, wouldn’t you? You know as well as I; Jordy is responsible for most of what’s happened over the last few months here in town: the broken windows, the desecrated gravesites, the graffiti, the vandalism. It’s him. He may not be personally responsible for all of it, but my guess he’s the motivation behind most of it. He’s an instigator, Church Falls’ answer to Fagin. Jordy commands a small group of shit disturbers; small but committed.”

“You never mentioned this to me before.” Sara thought briefly of a long list of other daily obligations and responsibilities that lay piling up on her desk and to which her attention was long overdue.

“Not my job is it? Besides, sanctity of the confessional and all that.”

“Jordy spoke to you about this?”

For the first time that day, Cassie smiled. Not ironic, but genuinely amused. “No silly, figure of speech.”

“Aside from Jordy being rambunctious and destructive, what else?”

“Drugs?”

“You know this for a fact?”

“No. This I definitely would have confided to you.”

“Do you have any reason to believe Missy may have been using?”

“Not at all. But then again, I didn’t suspect she was having sex either did I?
Still
can’t imagine it if you want the truth. Am I naïve, Sara? I shouldn’t be, after all I’ve seen and done myself.”

“No.” Sara reached out, touching Cassie’s hand. Cassie replied by squeezing tightly. “No, not at all. Simply willing to see the better side of human nature in people even, if sometimes, it isn’t there.”

“Missy was a good girl, Sara.” Before Sara could tell her it was not what she meant to say, Cassie continued. “Sometimes, she gave the impression of being grown-up, an adult trapped inside the body of a child. She could be headstrong and rebellious, but always, I thought, in attitude rather than behavior. When she started to sprout, physically, that’s when it became difficult for Maggie, harder to manage the curfew, the clothes, the make-up.”

“
Not
so sweet and innocent Missy.”

Cassie said, “I was closest to her, Sara; closer than Maggie, closer than Mandy, closer than anyone. I thought so, anyway. How could I not recognize the signs? I’m a PhD for God sake, supposedly trained to sense troubled behavior. And it’s not as if I don’t have experience of my own to draw on, is it? Jesus, I
remember
being that age,
vividly
: what I did, what I was like. I slept with every guy in junior and senior high. I knocked them down in bunches, as if they were bowling pins. It showed on my face, for God sake, like a scar.” Cassie paused for a moment, then said, “Is there any truth, do you think, that the apple never falls far from the tree?”

“
Stop
Cassie; she didn’t take after you. And what happened to your sister, with Eugene, was a mistake; she didn’t take after her mother. Missy isn’t responsible for being violated. She isn’t responsible for getting herself killed. Don’t portray her that way.”

“It’s not what I was suggesting, Sara. I was thinking of Jordy. About his family, about their past.”

Curious, Sara sat forward, retrieving her hand from Cassie’s grasp.

“The Bitsons?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me more.”

As best as she was able, Cassie related to Sara events she recalled from thirty years ago. She was only a child herself.

“I couldn’t have been more than six, maybe seven. My brother had just been shipped to Vietnam. He’d volunteered, apparently, and my mother held my father responsible, as if my brother going overseas were somehow his idea. My mother never forgave Dad; she’s spent the last thirty years submerged in a bottle, trying to forget.” It was during this time, she said, that Drew Bitson—Eugene’s elder brother—had been accused in the rape and murder of a local girl. “He couldn’t have been convicted though,” Cassie decided, “because he did go on to college and to play pro ball, didn’t he?”

Her memory of the events was understandably obscure, so many years removed that it was now not open to discussion among family members or the small, if not so tightly knit, community.

Sara said, “It must have been what Rena was referring to;
events in the past
, she told me. I thought she was referring to the psychic.”

“Angelique? My competition for the hearts and souls of the good folks here in town?”

“Yeah, Ed’s wife believes she somehow has an inside track on naming the killer.”

Cassie shrugged. “I only mention it myself, to make a point. Just because Drew Bitson wasn’t convicted doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. Maybe all those years ago, he did get away with murder.”

Sara said, “Maybe Jordy inherited a bad gene. It seems too coincidental to me that two killings separated by thirty years are so similar and linked to a parent and his child, doesn’t it?”

Cassie said, “It was crazy times in our house, Sara, terrible, confused. Lots of yelling and screaming back and forth between my mother and my dad, and, lots of drinking.”

“Over your brother?”

“That, and I think my father may have been seeing another woman. Don’t ask how I know; instinct, I guess. I was too young at the time to understand but I got the impression the old man was sleeping with someone other than my mom.”

“We’ve known each other almost a year, Cass, and this is the first you’ve spoken in any detail about your past. You’ve been holding out on me.”

“It may be therapeutic, Sara, but does it help?” Cassie said with a dismissive wave of her hand. They were silent a moment. Cassie said, “
Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today
.”

“I don’t understand.”

“
Nietzsche
.” Cassie replied in explanation. “Essentially, our future is predetermined. Our present is dictated not by where we are, but by where we’re destined to be. So, it’s not a matter of,
if I had only done this rather than that, things might have turned out differently
. No matter which fork in the road you take, Sara, a train wreck is waiting before you get to the station. Whether you choose door number one, two or door number three, you’re life is pretty much fucked.”

Sara managed a dull smile. “That’s pretty fatalistic.”

“You didn’t grow up in my family.”

“Thank God.”

“When can we have her back, Sara?” Cassie asked. “The wait is killing us. Maggie is falling apart; she needs to grieve.”

“Soon?” Sara replied with a shrug. “It’s all I can promise, Cassie. It’s a murder investigation; we’re reluctant to release the body prematurely.”

“We can’t put this behind us until we bury her. Even then, we never will.”

Standing, Sara said, “I should go. You’ll be okay?”

“No,” replied Cassie, “I won’t. But you should go anyway.”