Kiss It Better (14 page)

The problem was that as tough and capable as he was, inside him had to be a devastated boy who’d lost his dad. Blocking out the world so that they wouldn’t see that vulnerable child wouldn’t save him from having to accept that part of himself.

She’d give him a few days. If he could grieve, then he’d heal. The family would heal.

Theo paid the taxi driver.

She’d watched the dynamics at Brigid Care and at the long lunch. Theo was the family’s strong centre. He held them together, and he could tear them apart. They respected him, relied on him and loved him.

If he buried the crying boy inside him and rebuilt a shell of himself, it would work for a while, but he wouldn’t be himself if he were hollow inside.

She turned to him impulsively, although the busy airport entrance was hardly the place for a serious conversation.

He forestalled her, lifting her backpack off her shoulder.

‘I can carry it.’

‘So can I.’ He had a bag over either shoulder, striding beside her. ‘We’ll check these, then I could do with some dinner. We have a couple of hours to kill, anyway.’

They ate sandwiches at a small, rickety table and drank bitter coffee. Cassie washed the flavour of it away with bottled water.

‘You didn’t need to upgrade my ticket.’ If she couldn’t discuss serious matters, she could at least state her position on other issues. ‘It’s a waste to fly business class within Australia. Three or four hours of cramped leg space won’t kill me.’

‘Business class means a better chance we’ll sleep.’

Like that would happen. She nearly snorted. He’d stay awake and brood. She’d stay awake and worry.

‘Would waiting in the private lounge offend your socialist sensibilities?’

She did snort then. ‘It’s not so elite these days.’ With the mining boom, mine workers had become frequent flyers and often waited in the private lounges, wearing their fluoro work shirts. It was more common in Perth than Melbourne, but still. ‘I’d prefer to wait out here.’

He raised an eyebrow.

‘I people watch. I like seeing the kids running around and guessing why people are flying.’

‘Fair enough.’ They stood. As they moved to the lounge, he put an arm around her shoulders.

She looked up, surprised.

‘I appreciate everything you’re doing, Cassie. Being here. Thank you.’ He touched his mouth to hers, just the beginning of a kiss.

And that’s when lights flashed.

‘Mate, don’t do it. Someone will catch you on their mobile phone — sodding happy snappers doing me out of a job, and then how’ll that look? A bloke your size picking on an old, fat, short bloke like me?’

The photographer had a point, but Theo had a harder struggle than he’d like to admit in reining in his urge to punch the man before stamping on his camera. His struggle must have been obvious because Cassie gripped his forearms.

‘That’s it, love.’ The photographer took another shot.

‘Would you stop?’

The annoyance in her tone relaxed Theo. Weird that, but true. And as he relaxed so did she, so that her fingers slid down his wrists and clasped his hands.

‘Don’t even think about it,’ he warned the photographer as the camera started to focus again.

‘Nah. I reckon I’ve got the money shot. Unless you’d like to try a real clinch?’

‘No.’

‘Were you following us?’ Cassie asked. She released his hands to turn and confront the photographer.

‘You’re not that important.’ The photographer was checking his camera display screen. ‘I was here for that footballer. What’s his name?’

Theo didn’t care.

‘But I recognised him.’ The photographer jerked his head at Theo. ‘And then I realised it was you. You look a lot better than that photo on TV this morning.’

‘Thanks,’ Cassie said dryly.

The photographer stowed his camera away and glanced up. ‘So, you gonna give me the story to go with that kiss?’

‘You’ve got a nerve.’ She sounded unwillingly amused.

‘Love, you don’t last in this industry if you’re not part rhinoceros. Hide like a bulletproof vest. Go on, tell me. Did your cousin lie like a rug? This one your boyfriend?’

Cassie looked over her shoulder and up at Theo.

He knew what she was asking: Were they? Keeping their pretence going, that is. He wrapped both arms around her, pressing his front to her back. It felt good.

‘That a yes?’ The damn camera came out again.

‘I think it’s none of your business,’ Theo said.

Cassie covered his arms with hers, snuggling into him.

‘Right on.’ More photos, then a wave. The photographer vanished into the crowd.

‘You could let me go,’ she said.

‘Could.’ Theo rested his head against her hair, ignoring the people watching. ‘But you’re cuddly.’

‘I am not.’ She pulled free.

They got seats off to the side of the lounge, and after a few minutes people stopped gawping at them.

‘You should phone your mum.’

He glanced at his watch. ‘Twenty minutes till boarding. We agreed five, and I’m texting her.’

‘I want to renegotiate.’

‘Pardon?’

Cassie tucked the strands of brown hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ears. ‘I think Louise would feel better if she heard your voice. You don’t have to say much.’

‘You’re right. I don’t.’ He had a short text planned, along the lines of,
OK. With Cassie. Going to Jardin Bay. Talk later
. Much later.

‘But if she really needs to talk with you and you make that impossible by flying to the other side of the country, how will you feel then?’

‘I can live with the consequences of everything I do.’

She blew a raspberry.

‘Oh, that’s very grown-up.’ And he really oughtn’t find it cute.

She huffed, and those strands of brown hair drifted up and settled back down. Clearly they annoyed her — although not as much as him. She tugged free the elastic of her ponytail and ran her fingers through her hair. ‘Theo, you can do this for your mum, so do it. If you were some wussy wimp whining in the corner, I’d let it go. But you’re not. You want space; you’ve got it. But let her know that you’re still her son. Don’t give the crack between you a chance to grow into the Grand Canyon.’

He thought about arguing with her. Of course he wasn’t going to destroy his relationship with his mum. On the other hand, silence could be as abusive as words.

‘Fine.’ He dragged out his phone. ‘Mum? Mum, don’t cry. No. No, you can’t come around. I’m at the airport. Mum! Cassie’s here. We’re about to board the plane to Perth. I’m going to spend a few days in Jardin Bay. Yes, with Cassie. Mu-um.’

He shoved the phone at Cassie.

‘What?’ She stared at him.

‘Mum wants to talk to you.’ He curled her slack hand around the phone. ‘This was your idea.’

At that, her spine snapped straight and she raised the phone to her ear. ‘Louise?’

He slumped in his seat. Hell, what was he? Fourteen? He was angry, resentful and unsure. He hated being unsure. He’d always known what he wanted. Who he was.

‘Yes, Louise, I promise I’ll call you. And Theo will be home soon. Absolutely. Okay, then. Okay. Take care.’ She hung up and dropped the phone on his stomach.

He hadn’t slouched so much in years. He caught the phone as it started sliding to the floor.

‘Louise is crying again.’

‘I know.’ And he did feel bad about his mum’s distress, but he felt bad about so many things. He needed distance to sort out his own emotions, and then what to do with himself. What else would he need to know? Did he have other half-siblings?

His chest tightened and actual pain struck. Connor was his half-brother, not full brother. Did it matter? Theo had always been closer to their dad. From the time he could toddle, Connor was more inclined to be off by himself investigating and inventing things. How would Connor feel to discover Theo hadn’t had any claim on Gordon?

‘At least we know your dad’s okay,’ Cassie said.

‘Pardon?’

She stood, looping her handbag over her shoulder. ‘They’re calling us to board.’

‘What about Dad?’

‘If he’d had chest pains or anything Louise would have told us. So now there’s nothing you might blame yourself for when we go to Jardin Bay.’

He walked beside her to the boarding gate. Usually he picked things up, added two and two and made four. But he hadn’t picked up that her concern that he spoke with his mum was about protecting him from regrets. He looked at her as she walked easily a couple of steps in front of him.

She was a good friend.

***

Cassie hadn’t ever flown business class before, even though her family could afford it. There was a sneaking pleasure in it, even if the late hour meant sleep, not an elaborate meal, was the order of the day. She wriggled in the luxurious sense of so much space on a plane. It wasn’t that she forgot the heartbreaking issues Theo was dealing with: she just couldn’t resist enjoying the moment.

Outside the window, the airport fell away and then there was the stunning beauty of city lights glittering below them.

She almost giggled as a memory of travelling in Africa presented itself for comparison. Here, no one sat on the floor or plonked his or her kids on top of a chicken cage already inhabited by noisy, smelly birds. Here, there was subdued lighting, soft-voiced stewards and security. Her smile faded. Safe in Australia, you didn’t have to bribe brutal guards for the right to travel further.

Would her guilt ever fade?

When she couldn’t cope with the harsh life in Africa’s refugee camps, she’d had a haven to return to. Home waited with its comforts and security, with the freedom to live however she liked. And how did she want to live?

The exhaustion that had made her dread working as a nurse again was gone. She had nothing to hide behind; the stark choice to use her nursing qualification or abandon them was hers alone.

Uncomfortable emotions twisted in her stomach. Her month’s reprieve was over. It was time to take up responsibility for her life again. To build a new life, since the one she’d planned was gone, destroyed by her weakness.

The darkness outside the plane pressed in. Reflected in the glass she saw her own face, a glimpse of Theo, and the blurry luxurious world of business class. She leaned back.

Theo had his eyes closed. He couldn’t be asleep yet, but he’d retreated into his own thoughts. Thoughts a thousand times more painful than hers. She studied the lines of his face: the strong nose, the full lips and square chin. His chest rose and fell rhythmically. Her own breathing steadied. There was a strange intimacy in resting beside someone.

He’d had an appalling shock, but the strength in him was genuine. He had his own identity beyond being a Morrigan. That’s what would save him. He felt betrayed now. Well, he had been betrayed, first by silence and then by Gordon’s brutal, manipulative telling. But the core of Theo was purely him. From that core, he’d build his new life; not quite what it would have been without Gordon’s announcement.

Both of them building new lives.

Would Theo return to medicine?

He’d been so determined to run Brigid Care and she’d been so scathing about wasting his training. How ironic if he returned to being a doctor and she abandoned her nursing.

Imperceptibly her circling thoughts muddled and slipped into sleep.

Theo woke her with a touch to her shoulder. ‘We’re about to land.’

She stretched and sorted herself out, folding the blanket the steward had given her. ‘Did you sleep at all?’ The groggy, anaesthetised feeling of interrupted sleep weighed down her muscles.

‘A bit.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m actually quite awake. All that interrupted sleep as an intern. I’m used to it. Would you mind if rather than booking into a hotel for the remainder of the night, we hired a car and drove down to Jardin Bay? I’d drive, so you could sleep. I know it’s not as comfortable as a bed.’

But they’d be home. She’d be home. And clearly Theo wanted Jardin Bay and not the impersonal blankness of a hotel room. ‘Okay, but if you feel sleepy, tell me and I’ll drive for a bit.’

***

Theo organised the hire car while Cassie went off to buy coffee.

‘Even if it’s from a vending machine,’ she said. ‘Caffeine, if we’re driving.’

She left her bag with him. He watched her walk back with two coffees. Despite the harsh lighting and late hour, her vitality showed itself in her lithe walk and alert gaze. She caught him looking and smiled. She had a killer smile.

She was a different woman to when he’d met her, although even then the power of her personality had compelled a response from him. She was honest, compassionate, determined and damn sexy.

If the photographer hadn’t interrupted them at the airport, he’d have kissed her properly. Touching her, holding her, life felt real again.

‘One coffee. No milk, no sugar. Straight from the darkest pits of hell and guaranteed to keep you awake.’

‘Thanks.’

‘I’ll carry my own bag.’

‘Nope.’ He bumped her carefully aside. Neither his bag nor hers was heavy, but it was the principle of the thing. Maybe it was his half-Greek heritage. Papou, his grandfather, and uncles were very clear on male and female roles. He could only speculate on what his real father’s heritage was. The thought of the unknown blood in his veins had kept him mostly awake through the flight.

Who was he?

‘Is this the car?’ Cassie stopped beside him at the family sedan he’d hired. ‘I’m disappointed.’ She was teasing. ‘After the motorbike you arrived on the first time, I thought we’d have a sports car at least.’

He opened the boot and dropped in the bags. ‘Safe, comfortable and best of all…’

‘Yes?’

‘Available.’ He slammed the boot shut.

‘Good call, then.’ There was laughter in her voice as she got in the passenger seat.

The car had power under its sedate styling and handled well. He actually liked night driving. The city streets were empty and soon opened out onto the long distance expanses of country roads.

Neither of them bothered to put on the radio.

Cassie finished her coffee and stashed the cup. She adjusted her seat, shifting around till she got comfortable.