Knight of Ocean Avenue (10 page)

“They might not let us back in the Lumberyard again, but feed away.” Shaz opened his mouth like a baby bird, and Billy chuckled. The Laguna locals’ restaurant felt too down-home for Shaz, but he’d picked it. Probably because Billy was only wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and a windbreaker.

Billy buttered some bread and popped it in his mouth, but he couldn’t stop talking so he swallowed quickly. “I can’t get over those chairs you found and that couch. Amazing. And they didn’t even bust my budget.”

“But my true masterpiece is the bed, don’t you think?”

“Oh man, yeah. I can’t wait to get it. I’ll pick it up tomorrow after I get the couch and chairs out of the truck.” A beautiful platform bed. Just needed a little work.

“You can’t handle it yourself.”

Was he offering? “I can probably get one of the guys from the job site to help me.”

The waiter arrived at that moment, and Billy ordered the swordfish. Shaz said that sounded good and got the same, then looked at the menu and grinned. “I think we need to celebrate with some champagne.”

Shit, that stuff cost a fortune, and he’d already spent more than his usual today. His parents’ mortgage payment was almost due. “Uh, okay.”

“My treat.”

“Hell, no. I’m buying to thank you for taking me.”

“Very kind of you, handsome sir.” Shaz looked at the waiter and pointed at the wine list. “We’ll have this one.”

So he wouldn’t know the damage until the bill came. He let air slide between his lips.
Come on, you’re a grown-up. You get to go to dinner sometimes
.

“So tell me about your job.”

Billy shrugged and sipped his water. “Not much to tell. I actually have a couple gigs. I’m the construction supervisor for a midsize firm that does large homes and small commercial projects. Then I moonlight for a small company that specializes in remodels. Tenant improvements, that sort of thing.

“Why do you have two jobs? Sounds like you work all the time.”

“Three jobs, actually. The third is a sometime thing. It’s uh, just that my father had a heart attack, so I help out the family.”

Shaz slowly buttered his roll. So elegant. “Rhonda told me you paid her way through school.”

“Uh, yeah. Partly. She got scholarships.”

“So you gave up college so she could go?”

“Nah. I’m crappy at school, so I would never have gone to college anyway. She did great. My other sister too.” He smiled. “My dad paid for my oldest sister, but when Rhonda’s turn came, he was sick and there was no more money.”

“You, sir, sound like a knight.”

Damn his blushes. “No big deal. Anyone would do it.”

Shaz’s face clouded. “I can personally assure you that’s not so.”

The waiter stepped up to the table with a bottle of champagne that he showed to Shaz, who simply nodded. The guy turned the wire and popped the cork, then poured into two tall, skinny glasses. Truth was, Billy’d hardly ever tasted champagne. At a couple of weddings was all.

The waiter walked away, and Shaz raised his glass. “To your beautiful new furniture. Use it in good health.”

“Hey, thanks.” He clinked glasses with Shaz, then sipped.
Wow
. “This is good.”

“I’m a dedicated champagne drinker, and I proselytize extensively. I shall lure you into my web.” He smiled over the edge of his glass.

The guy confused him. For Shaz, he was low-key today. His jeans were blue and his lightweight sweater was a pinkish color that looked pretty with his hair. He’d tamed the red mane into a ponytail at the back of his neck. But he still wore two earrings in each ear and a diamond in the side of his slender nose. Maybe looking so much like a girl gave Billy’s cock the wrong idea, but it sure was wiggly around Shaz. Billy took another drink. Man, he didn’t want to get used to that. “So how come you know that not everyone would put their sister through college?”

Shaz looked startled. “Oh, sorry. A little bitter there. I was scheduled to go to college after high school, then I officially came out. I mean, no one could have missed my obvious proclivities prior to that time. I used to get smashed in the face for sewing rather than playing sports.”

Billy shuddered.
Who would hit Shaz? His own family?

Shaz shrugged. “Anyway, when I finally announced I was gay, my family—or more specifically my father—decided it was too embarrassing to send a gay son to his alma mater. Plus I was scheduled for divinity school, if you can imagine. Anyway, he refused to send me.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yes. Bullshit indeed.”

“So did you go somewhere else?”

“Yes. I got a scholarship to Parsons. I was accepted at Central St. Martins, but it was too hard to get work in London.”

“London, wow. So you did it on your own?”

Shaz raised an eyebrow. “Of course, darling. I didn’t want to take anything from someone who despised who I am.” He took a long drink of champagne.

“I’m so sorry.” What would it be like to have your family hate you?

Shaz smiled. “I needed a brother like you to take care of me.” Funny, his eyes got kind of watery, and he looked down.

Billy shifted in his chair. Shaz would be easy to take care of. The guy was lovable.

Saved by the waiter
. Two plates of swordfish, mashed potatoes, and green beans took the sadness from the conversation, and they both dug in. Well, Shaz gracefully fed a small bite into his perfect mouth while Billy shoveled food into his.

Delicious.
Billy was almost through his meal when Shaz sat back. “Okay, I need to ask, and I have nothing on it so don’t get defensive.”

Billy squinched his nose. “That’s not the best way to keep a guy from getting defensive.”

Shaz grinned. “I know. Not subtle, but seriously, why haven’t you taken the contractor’s license test?”

Shit. Defensive
.

Shaz held up a hand. “I assume it has something to do with your reading ability, but I thought Clancy and Yerby and all those others on your bookshelves overcame that issue.”

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“You read well enough to take the test? Because if not, I’ll bet they’ll let someone read it to you.”

“I can read.” He put down his fork.

Shaz leaned over and picked up the fork. “Come on, darling, this is Shazzy Wazzy. I am no threat at all to you.” He scooped some mashed potatoes and flew them like a plane toward Billy’s mouth.

For a second, Billy compressed his lips. Jesus, the guy was impossible to resist. He burst out laughing. The first time he’d ever laughed at this subject. “I’m afraid to take tests. I panic.” His heart beat fast just thinking of it. He snapped the potatoes off the fork and chewed.

Shaz put a hand on his arm, which made him feel calm and excited at the same time. “How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you panic when you take tests?”

Billy frowned. “I’ve blown every test I tried to take since the eighth grade. It got so bad I had to drop out of high school. I could have tested out, but I couldn’t take the test, and I never got my GED because I—”

“Couldn’t take the test. My God, that’s awful.”

The frown got deeper. “Like I said, I’m too dumb to take tests.”

Shaz leaned over until all he could see was that pretty face. “This has nothing to do with dumb. Does it?”

Billy stared at his almost empty plate.

“Does it?”

He shook his head.

“What does it have to do with? Who made you afraid?”

“What?”

“I said who made you afraid. Someone did.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you’re a strong, capable man who isn’t afraid to take the whole damned world on his shoulders. There’s no reason for you to be afraid of anything unless someone told you there was.”

He nodded slowly. His heart hammered so hard it felt like his chest would explode. “I got beat up a lot in grade school because I was small and couldn’t read.” He shrugged. “I know. Hard to believe, right? Behemoth that I am. Anyway, my eighth grade English teacher was the worst, I guess. I could barely read, and she gave us test after test. I couldn’t read the books and I couldn’t read the test.” His pulse hammered in his ears. Like he was back there in that god-awful room. “She constantly told me how dumb I was and made sure the whole class knew it. I didn’t grow until I was sixteen. I was still a little runt then and got beat up every day while they called me stupid.” Shit, tears pushed out of his eyes. This was not good. “I have to stop talking about this. I have to go.”

“No, Billy, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” He fished in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills. He threw some on the table. Maybe a hundred dollars. Then he ran for the door.

“Billy!”

The cool evening air hit him like a bucket of water in the face. Where the hell was he going? He’d driven his truck. It was full of furniture, and Shaz had no way to get home. Billy Ballew did not leave a friend behind.

He stared down the sidewalk. That bench looked inviting. Staggering a little, he walked to it and sat.
Just breathe
. That’s why he never talked about this subject. Never even thought about it if he could avoid it. If he could just forget it, things would be better.

“Billy.”

He looked up at Shaz, who stood on the steps of the restaurant. The man walked toward him with that graceful saunter of his. “You didn’t go. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you left me here to rot.”

He managed to cock half a smile. “Too dry in California to rot.”

“Wither and blow away, then.” Shaz sat next to him. “I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean to open wounds. I have too many of my own to be picking at yours.” He held out his hand with a palm full of money. “You dropped something.”

“I want to pay for dinner.”

“Nope.”

“The champagne.”

“Nope. The least I can do after spoiling your meal is pay for it.”

“But—”

“Never argue with a queen, darling. We always win.”

“Is it hard being gay?”
Where the hell did that question come from?

Shaz barked a laugh. “Not the question I was expecting. I guess the answer is yes and no. I’ve never been straight, so I don’t know what life would be like any other way.”

“You always knew you were gay?”

“I knew I was different. I didn’t define it as gay until I was about fourteen. I didn’t come out for a few years after that.” He sighed. “I know I was treated differently when people thought it was vaguely possible I could be straight, but the pressure of living a lie made that less enjoyable. And God knows, I don’t make any effort to fit in with straight society now that I’m out.”

“Why is that?”

Shaz looked at him sideways.

Billy shook his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that as an insult. I was just interested.”

“My profession allows me to be outrageous, and I take advantage of it. I imagine I’d even do it if I was straight, but how could I ever know?”

“I like it.”

Shaz stared at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. You’re so you.”

“Thank you, darling. That’s one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me.”

Billy sighed. “I should get you back to your car.”

“I’ll help you get the sectional inside.”

Billy gave him his own sideways glance.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m stronger than I look.”

H
OLY
SHIT
.
Shaz watched Billy’s biceps bulge as he lifted the corner section of the couch over his head and then dropped it into place. The man was strong. The man was beautiful—and Shaz should get the hell out of here.

Billy stepped back. “That looks so great.”

“Yes it does, darling. That sofa was made for your place.”

“I’m thinking some good fabric cleaner will get the small spots out.”

“I agree. It’s in amazing shape for something that old, but they did make great furniture in the sixties.”

Billy turned toward his dining area, where the six metal chairs with upholstered cushions were stacked. “I’ll change the fabric on those seats.” He clapped his hands like a girl. “Anything you recommend?”

“Something that looks good with cat hair.” The two boys sniffed around the chairs like they might attack. “Let me know if you need help with the bed.”

“Oh hell no. You’ve done so much for me already.”

Funny how that kind of hurt. Idiot that he was. Did he think Billy was dying to spend time with him?

“How can I ever thank you?” Billy’s gorgeous face lit up. “Hey, I can help with your build-out. You know, like volunteer.”

Shaz looked down at his Michael Toschi Italian sneakers. “There may not be a build-out.”

“Why? What happened?”

Shaz shook his head. “Let’s say that Giles and I are not exactly billing and cooing at the moment.”

“I’m sorry. I thought you seemed mad at him last night. So you can’t do the build-out without him?”

Would he? “It was his idea. That’s how we started dating. We met at an event, and he got interested in investing in my business. He suggested a new building. I’m perfectly happy where I am. It’s crowded, but I’d rather pay my people more than buy a lot of fancy bricks and stucco.”

“I see. I’m really sorry you two broke up.”

“We haven’t officially broken up.” He looked up at Billy. “Are you sorry?”

He raised his shoulders, then dropped them. “I know that breakups are tough.”

“Yes.”

“Like giving up your plans.”

“Yes.”

“Your pictures of how it should be.”

“All that yummy sex.”

Billy’s ears flushed. “I don’t guess you have to give that up if you don’t want to. I mean, gay guys have, uh, places to hook up, don’t they?” Pink had turned crimson.

Shaz put a hand on his hip. “You’re not being much of a romantic, Mr. Ballew. Perhaps my heart is broken.”

He half grinned. “Is it?”

He smiled. “Maybe a little cracked.”

Billy put a big warm hand on his arm. “Hey, man, I really am sorry.”

Cannot resist
. Shaz put his hand over Billy’s. “Thank you.” He looked up into those blue, blue eyes.
Drowning. What a way to go.