Knight of Ocean Avenue (33 page)

Clancy and Yerby, who were snoozing curled against Shaz’s back, popped their heads up.

Billy bounced the stuffed cat. “Meeow.”

Yerby jumped over Shaz’s body, pushed the stuffed cat out of the way, and pressed his nose against Shaz’s.

Shaz sighed and opened one eye. “Meeow yourself.” That eye closed. “For someone who was going to sleep half the day, you sure are energetic.”

“I know. I didn’t actually sleep much. At all, really. But it’s after ten, and we need to be at my folks at noon.”

Both green eyes flashed open. “We? What do you mean
we
?”

“Wake up and I’ll tell you. I have coffee right here.”

“I’d rather have a cock in my ass.”

“Later. I promise.”

“Promises, promises.” He pushed up on his forearm and then up to sitting, the covers falling into his lap and forming a tent over his morning wood. His smooth, lightly muscled chest glowed against the patterned silk of the headboard. “Caffeine, please.” Billy handed him a mug filled half with dark roast coffee and half with steamed milk the way Shaz liked it. Clancy and Yerby took up sentinel duty on either side of his legs, posing like their Sphinx ancestor. Shaz sipped and sighed. “So what’s going on in your pretty head, my knight? Why didn’t you sleep?” He grinned. “I did my best to suck the worry right out of you.”

Billy held the stuffed cat out on the comforter. “Tell me about him.”

Shaz shrugged. “Barchiel? He’s an old friend.”

“Why don’t you ever say anything about him?”

A little crease popped out between his arched brows. “It’s hard to talk about.”

“Tell me, please.”

He sipped and sighed. “When I was a kid and I did something wrong, my father would hit me. ‘Why are you using your mother’s sewing machine, Chase? That’s women’s work.’ Slap. ‘How can you expect to make the baseball team when you don’t practice?’ Smack. ‘You don’t know the twenty-seventh psalm?’ Slam. When these things would happen, I’d run into the back of my closet where I hid Barchiel. Barchiel is the angel of compassion. He never judged me harshly. He always understood.” Shaz held the stuffed cat against his chest. “That’s why he’s so ratty. He’s soaked up gallons of tears and survived pounds of frustration. I keep him close by to remind me not to live for others’ opinions. To find the good in my life and value it.” He looked up and his eyes glistened. “He brought me you.”

Billy took the coffee cup, set it on the night stand, then wrapped his arms around Shaz and Barchiel. Yerby and Clancy sniffed and pushed their way into the embrace. “I love you so much.”

Shaz spoke against Billy’s chest. “I’m so very glad.”

“That’s what I thought about all night. You inspire me. You’re the kind of man I want to be.”

Shaz pressed a hand against Billy’s cheek. “Actually, that’s kind of scary.”

He sat back and looked at Shaz. He was smiling through the tears in his eyes. “I’m serious.”

“I’m honored. Beyond words.”

“And if I’m going to be like you, it’s not fair for me to not come out to my family. I want them to know me, and I want them to know you. If they can’t handle it, well, that’s that.”

Shaz shook his head. “Your family means so much to you, Billy. Separating from them is not something it would be easy to recover from.”

“I know. Or at least, I imagine I know. But to go on hiding everything from them, like for years? That sounds like crap, man.”

“What do you think your mother will do?”

“God, the thought makes me want to barf.” He wiped a hand over his face. “Will you come with me?”

Shaz laughed. “So you can barf on me?”

Billy tried to grin. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, and yes, I will go with you.”

“It could be ugly, and I don’t want to put you though that. I hate to ask you.”

“I know. God knows I know. And I swore I didn’t want any more of that crap in my life.” Shaz gazed at Billy. “But this is a different life than the one I had. You’re something worth fighting for. Let’s do this Herculean labor together.”

Billy grinned. “Wrong era for a knight.”

“True. In extremis, I mix my metaphors.” He pressed his hand to his bare chest and gave a little royal bow, then touched a strand of the flame red hair lying on his shoulder. “Should I dye it brown before noon?”

“Who would you be fooling? You can’t hide your glory under a rock.”

Shaz looked up with wide eyes, and it tugged at Billy’s heart. “I want them to like me as your boyfriend.”

Billy grabbed him. “I like you as my boyfriend. I
love
you as my boyfriend.”

“That’s what counts.” Shaz reached for the coffee cup and downed the contents. “I don’t remember the last time I was this nervous.”

Billy fell back on the bed and grabbed Barchiel to his chest. “Shit. Now he tells me.”

T
HREE
HOUSES
away. Two houses away
. Billy stopped on the sidewalk, and Shaz took another step, then halted and turned back. “You okay?”

“Yesterday, walking into that exam room, I thought I would pass out. Right on the spot. A few times, I couldn’t breathe or swallow. I considered that I could die.”

“But you didn’t, baby. You prevailed.”

Billy swallowed and stared at his parents’ house just those few feet down the walkway. “Now I kind of wish I had died.”

Shaz laughed. Man, he looked great, if a bit more conservative than usual. Just a pair of nice slacks, perfectly tailored, and a light green sweater. His hair had been tamed into a tail. Shaz squeezed his arm. “Look, you don’t have to do this at all. If you decide it’s not the right time, we’ll make up a reason for why I’m here. Or I can even go back to the car right now, and you call me when you want me to pick you up.”

Oh shit, that sounded too good. “No, I want you to come, please.”

“Yes, fine. But I’ll take your lead. You decide what you want to tell them, okay?”

Billy nodded. Damn, he’d started this day with so much certainty and drive. Now he had to make another decision. He didn’t want to back down. “I keep thinking about you and Barchiel leaving your family and never going back.” He shuddered.

“But look how many people have surprised you. Your crew. The Little League.”

“Yeah, well, my mom is the big leagues.”

“I want you to do whatever seems right. I’m going to feel the same about you no matter what.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go.” The porch looked near, but every step was a mile. A mile closer to some monumental moment that would change everything forever.
Shit, have a little pressure
.

Three steps up on the porch, he smiled at Shaz, opened the screen door, and pushed on the front door.

Sounds. Smells. Home. He blinked. No. Home had cats and midcentury furniture and dildoes and a stuffed animal. Home had Shaz.
Breathe in.
He raised his voice and called toward the dining room. “Hi, everyone. I brought a guest to dinner.”

Teresa made it to the entry first. She swung out the dining room door, paused, her eyes widened, and then she hurled herself down the hall and threw her arms around Shaz. “Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Shaz hugged back. “Thank you. I think I am too.”

She grinned. “Gird your loins.” She moved the hug to Billy. “I’m so proud of you.”

Billy held up a finger to his lips. “No cats out of bags.”

“Oh, okay.” She took Shaz’s hand. “Come on.” Pulling on Shaz, she moved toward the dining room. “Hey, guys, look who I found.”

Before he got to the door, he heard Rhonda screech, “Shaz. Hi. What are you doing here? So great to see you.” When Billy stepped in, Mitch was shaking Shaz’s hand, and Teresa turned to introduce Shaz to Austin, who hadn’t really met him at the wedding.

Billy’s dad came around the table. His expression was unreadable. He extended his hand. “Good to see you, son.”

“You look great. I’m anxious to hear all about the trip.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll get to that. Sometime.” He glanced toward Shaz.

The kitchen door swung open, and his mother stood there with her hands on her hips. “Is that my prodigal son?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He walked over and gave her a hug.

“You’re thinner. Obviously working too hard.” She looked up. “Mr. Phillips. I wasn’t expecting you. How nice to see you.”

How could one person make somebody feel unwelcome and welcome all at the same time?

Shaz nodded. The picture of cool. “Thank you, Mrs. Ballew. I’m so glad I could come.”

Billy still kept an arm around her. “Since you’re here—” He looked around. “Where are Fred and Clarice?”

Clarice stepped out of the kitchen door. “Here, Billy. How are you, dear?”

Fred walked in from the hall like he was coming from the bathroom. “Hey, my man.” He stuck out his hand.

Billy shook hands. “I don’t want to delay dinner, but I wanted to tell everyone something.” Was his mother holding her breath? “I passed the contractor’s exam.”

The place went nuts. His mother looked up at him. The astonishment on her face was almost funny. “William. That’s amazing.”

Rhonda clapped her hands. “Congratulations, Billy.”

“Way to go.” That was Austin.

Billy nodded. “It’s practically the only test in my life I’ve ever passed. And the guy monitoring the exam said I did it in record time.”

His mother looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes. “How did you do this, William? You’ve always said you couldn’t take a test no matter what the reward.”

Billy stared down at her.
Okay, here we go
. “Shaz.”

“What?”

“Shaz studied with me. He knew I had the answers down pat, but he made me practice with, uh, every kind of distraction until I could answer them no matter what happened. In the exam room, I almost passed out. But I still answered the questions.”

His mother looked at Shaz, and the expression wasn’t altogether friendly. “Mr. Phillips, that’s amazing. How did you ever think to do such a thing?”

Shaz met her eyes, but Billy answered. “He believed in me. He never thought for a minute I couldn’t do it, but he also didn’t care if I failed it. Total support and no pressure. Pretty amazing.”

Shaz smiled. “You see, I want Billy to be the contractor on my new building.”

Rhonda grabbed Mitch’s arm. “Oh my gosh, a brand new contractor with a job all lined up. That’s fantastic.”

His mother nodded. “Yes, it certainly is. Now, we’d best get dinner out before it burns. Teresa, Clarice, can you help?” Just like that, the dragon returned to her lair. Yeah, but the battle hadn’t even begun.

Billy set an extra place at the table for Shaz. Everyone came over and wished him well on the new license and building project. No one acknowledged the giant “Why does Shaz care so much he helped you study” elephant in the room. Teresa would have been all over it in a second, but she already knew. His palms felt clammy, and he almost dropped a dish.

A couple of minutes later, they sat down at the table. His mom directed Shaz to sit by Rhonda, but Billy pulled out the chair he’d set beside his place for Shaz, and no more issue was made.

His mother gazed down the table. “Mr. Phillips, would you like to say grace?”

He nodded in that elegant way. “Of course.” If anyone was surprised, they hid it well. Shaz bowed his head slightly. Under the table, he clasped Billy’s hand. “Thank you, all heavenly powers that may be, for your extraordinary gifts. Thank you for the struggles and pain that make those gifts all the sweeter and for showing us the truth of goodness in the depths of another’s eyes. Thank you for never giving up on us. Amen.”

Billy held his breath.

Shaz looked up. “My, this ham looks delicious. May I pass it to someone?”

Billy’s dad extended a hand. “I’d love some ham, thank you, Shaz.” The room took a collective breath. Billy glanced at his mother. She stared at Shaz, but he casually served himself some chicken, started talking to Teresa, and never met her eyes.

Not the most comfortable meal ever eaten, but Shaz looked so at ease. Jesus, the man was amazing. Billy had a choice. He could let this ride. Abide his mother’s suspicion and disapproval for another hour and leave. Live to face her another day.

Or he could simply confess.
How do I do that? Pass the peas, oh by the way, I’m gay?
Not much food seemed to be leaving his stomach. It sat there in a tight knot of fear.

When the meal ended, Billy carried dishes into the kitchen as he always did. Shaz helped, but Teresa pushed them both away from the sink. “I’ll rinse them. You two go talk to people.” She winked.

Billy whispered, “What if I don’t want to?”

She just laughed and kissed him on the cheek. At least he knew Teresa would always love him.

Shaz walked out of the kitchen, and Billy followed him. Wonder of wonders, his parents were sitting in the living room. He walked in and got a stare from his mother. He perched on the footstool in front of his dad and motioned for Shaz to take the chair. “So, how was the trip?”

His mother crossed her arms. “Old news now.”

His dad smiled. “We had a great time.”

Billy pressed on his enthusiastic smile. “Was the ship as amazing as they say?”

“Yeah. We ate so much, it’s a wonder we could still get to our cabin. I was glad your mom didn’t have to cook for once. I think she liked it too. We’re so grateful to Mitch and Rhonda. It was a great gift.”

“What was your favorite port?”

Mitch and Rhonda walked in and sat on the other overstuffed chair across from Shaz. Rhonda nodded. “Yes, what did you like best, Daddy?”

“Oh, I think we liked Jamaica, wouldn’t you say, Marie?”

Billy looked up and wanted to duck. He could see the explosion coming. His mother leaned forward. “Enough of this nonsense. What’s going on, William? Why did you bring Mr. Phillips here today without telling us? Why is he helping you become a contractor when he can get a hundred with more experience?”

Silence. Billy stared at his mother. “I have to give it to you, ma’am. You’ve got balls.”

She crossed her arms. “Watch your mouth, William.”