Knitting Rules! (5 page)
Authors: Stephanie Pearl–McPhee
Knit something simple
. There's no way to turn on the lights if you make a mistake, waiting for a “daylight scene” is frustrating, and holding up your work to the screen to find your way will make your family refuse to go with you again. (P.S. A small flashlight annoys people too.)
Unless there is carpet on the floor, use circulars over straights or DPNs
. I'm here to tell you that there's nothing like the unbelievably loud sound of a needle hitting the floor to make you want to eat your ball of sock yarn.
Depending on your job there may be opportunities to combine earning a living with knitting. Can you get a headset so you can talk on the phone while you knit? Could you knit during meetings? (Remember to look up and make eye contact from time to time.) Can you pretend to be blind so someone will read your e-mail aloud to you?
A knitter is, by far and away, more willing than your average person to use a car pool or public transportation to get around. I turn out a pair of socks a month just using the subway instead of driving. Good for the environment, good for your knitting. Remember to choose a mate who likes to drive and you'll never mind getting in the car again.
This is more difficult, but you can even combine knitting with a workout. Obviously, swimming and jogging are going to be tough, but a stationary bike is perfect. I could tell you a cautionary tale about avoiding knitting on a treadmill, but you might be smarter than I am. Many knitters have perfected walking and knitting: remember to wear something with pockets to hold your yarn and stick to small, lightweight projects. There are three things to remember when combining exercise with knitting:
Eyes front.
Yarn caught in machinery can have consequences more dire than tangled yarn.
Knitting, no matter how fast you do it, doesn't qualify as a cardio workout.
Ten Tips for Identifying Your Own Kind
Not all knitters knit in public. I don't know why, but I think it might have something to do with the way people look at us. Considering how many kinds of knitters there are, it may be difficult to find each other in a crowd. These techniques can help
.
Yell the word
mohair.
A knitter will look up from her activity.
In a loud voice, say, “Was that a moth?” A knitter will at the very least flinch, or, depending on the development of her stash, will leap up and run or faint.
Wear hand-knit stuff. It attracts knitters like bees to honey.
Look for a woman with small round holes in her purse. These knitting needle puncture marks are a dead giveaway.
Knit in public. After 10 minutes, see who's watching you or inching her way closer.
In a large public space, loudly say, “I really don't know why anyone would buy cashmere yarn.” See whose mouth opens.
At a party, lock yourself in a bathroom that has the kind of lock with the small round hole in the center. You'll be freed by the only person carrying a long thin stick. A knitter.
Leave out wool for bait. (Watch the trap. You don't want to lose the wool to a fast knitter.)
Randomly ask people on the street, “Straight or circular?” When you get something other than a date or a perplexed look, you've found a knitter.
Go to a department store and position yourself beside a display of standard-issue machine-knit sweaters. Put a sign on them that says
75 percent off.
Watch for people who walk on by with nary a look.