Knowing Is Not Enough (29 page)

“If he shows up for the funeral, I think I’m going to tell him how I feel.”

“Don’t do that,” Karen said. “For one, it’s bad timing and two, he’s probably still with that girl.”

“No,” Tobey said. “I do know he’s not with her anymore.”

Linda walked back into the room returning to her seat. “He’s not?”

“I wonder why he didn’t call me.”

“Oh, I think I know that answer to that one—because unlike you, he wasn’t dating Simone to forget about somebody. He gave up waiting for you—the irony of it all. This is college all over again in reverse.”

“This side of it sucks big time,” I said.

“Lying there getting tipsy before your ex-husband’s mother’s funeral isn’t helping anything.” Linda held up her bottle of water. “Again—sober.”

“You’re right, it isn’t helping.” I grabbed the bottle. “But it sure isn’t hurting.” I turned to each of them. “Another round, ladies?”

“Not for me,” Karen said. “It’s getting late. I better turn in before Warren sends out a search party.”

“Tell Warren he needs to relax,” Linda advised.

“I’ll tell Warren if you tell Mitch,” she said getting her
coat from the hall closet.

“Touché,” Linda said. “I better hit the road too.” Linda joined Karen in the foyer, while Tobey picked up the newly added mess to the living room. I looked on as both of them put on their coats and retrieved purses.

“Thank you helping me out.” Sandwiched in the middle, I hugged them both. “See you in the morning.”

“Yes, ten o’clock on the nose,” Linda said.

I opened the door and watched them to their cars. Tobey took the glasses into the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher. “Maybe I should call and check on Jake,” I said to Tobey. I picked up my cell from the kitchen counter, hitting it against my chin, contemplating. “Naw, the morning will be here soon enough.”

Tobey started the washer and said, “In all seriousness—tell Sanford, don’t tell him either way—I think my consistent advice is you have to stop being this afraid of love and make a decision one way or the other.”

“Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.”

“I don’t think they are. You were never this indecisive before. Do you know where this is coming from?”

I sat down at the kitchen table. Tobey shot me a look. “Oh sit down,” I exclaimed. “The table’s clean. You’ve eaten at it fifty times since then.”

She pulled out a chair. “Is that true?” she asked, sitting down.

“No—not really,” I laughed. “But thanks for sitting.

“You’re welcome.”

Over the noise of the dishwasher I said, “Sanford is the longest relationship I’ve had with a man—if I lose him—”

“You’re not going to lose him.”

“Haven’t you been paying attention?” I said. “I’ve all but lost him now.”

“I’ve never been the girl who doesn’t get the guy. Rejection in my twenties—yeah, maybe, but forties? From a guy I blew off in college? I don’t know if I can ever be that brave.”

“Guys get rejected all the time—how do you think they feel? Or better yet, how Sanford felt when you did it to him countless times.”

I patted my hands on the table. “Hello, remember, I didn’t know Sanford was secretly in love with me? I found that out after I broke up with him. No, I take that back—because I said we should cool things off until he gets back.”

“Well, now’s your chance—he’s back, call him.”

I slid my chair back from the table. “You’re joking—he’s not back here.”

“Why would I lie about that?” she asked.

I narrowed my eyes, pulling the chair back to the table. “Why didn’t you tell me before tonight?”

“It didn’t come up before tonight. Remember, dying mother-in-law?”

“So,” I moved my hands rapidly in a circular motion. “Details, how long has he been back?”

“He literally got back the same night Jake’s mother was rushed to the hospital.”

“Wow, Linda didn’t even know he was here when she texted him.”

“No, I don’t think so. Hunter told me he would be moving back, and then I got a text from him. He was back.”

I leaned in placing my elbows on the table cupping my head in my hands. “I guess happy endings just don’t happen, do they?”

“No, dear—I’m afraid not. If you want a happy ending you’re going to have to make it happen. The cowardly lion is going to have to find some courage.”

I leaned back in my chair. “Without a wizard—this relationship is screwed.”

The dark clouds opened up, and it started to rain.

“Even the angels are crying,” Linda announced. I looked out the limousine window while Jake rested his head on my shoulder. “It think they are,” I said as I patted Jake’s leg. The funeral and burial were over. We were en route back to the house for the reprise. Karen, already there, received the guests who awaited our arrival. Jake wanted a few more minutes at the gravesite.

I kept watch at the church, but no Taylor or Sanford appeared. After all we’d been through it always came back to Jake and me. The thought occurred to me as I watched the raindrops find each other, then connect to from one seamless stream on the car window, that perhaps we were each other’s silver lining.

Karen had things well under control in the house. Jake settled in with family, listening to stories about his mother as I listened in from the doorway. There was so much chatter behind me that I didn’t notice anyone entering or
exiting until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.

I turned to my right and there he was—Sanford. My heart pulsated through my blouse. I wrapped my arms around him burying my head in his chest and said, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“So am I,” he said.

I pulled away and wiped a runaway tear from my face while he smoothed my hair back into my tightly woven bun. I grabbed his hand. “Let’s go upstairs for a second. It should be a little quieter up there.” From my peripheral vision I could see the girls gathering in the kitchen. I didn’t acknowledge their stares. Sanford and I sat down on the dressing room chairs. I looked around. “I used to hate this room,” I said.

“Why is that?”

“This is where I caught Jake and Taylor.”

“Is that why it’s a big closet now?”

I laughed, “Yes, that’s exactly why.”

He rubbed his hands against his pants. “So, how are you? Besides the obvious.”

I sighed. “I’m good—work is fine.”

“What about the guy you were seeing? How’s that going?”

Surprised, I asked, “How did you know about that?”

“How do we learn anything about each other these days?”

“Oh, right—the usual suspects.” I smiled wryly. “Things have slowed down. What about you?”

“The same—we were just having fun. Nothing serious.”

I nodded. I understood for the first time what it really
means when a guy talks about having fun. “Same for me.”

Sanford dropped his head then placed his hands on his thighs as he stood up. “I think I’m going to take off.”

“But you just got here,” I said.

“No, I was here for a second talking to the ladies before I said anything to you.”

Unable to hide my disappointment, I said, “Oh, okay—well, if you have to go.”
Ask him to stay, silly
. Sanford walked out the room and I followed behind him with the word “stay” still inside my mouth.

Karen awaited us at the bottom of the stairs. He walked into the living room where Jake moved through family and friends to greet him. They exchanged a few words, a laugh, and then Sanford turned around to hug more family, then walked back toward the door.

I felt like I was watching a movie, and the audience was commenting, “She is so stupid.” Except, this is real, and it’s me. He finally reached the door where Linda and Tobey were waiting to see him off. I continued to stand still, poorly pretending not to care. He touched my shoulder as he passed by, which sadly, meant the world to me. I turned only slightly to catch a glimpse of him walk down the stairs.

After five more hours, to my relief, everyone was gone except for Jake. He said goodbye to the last guest as I picked up the final remaining cups and napkins from the living room. Jake closed the front door and came into the room with me.

“Need any help?”

“You feel up to washing some dishes?”

“Yeah, it’ll take my mind off things.”

“Well, your mind should be occupied for a while,
there’s a nice pile in there.” Jake went into the kitchen. He yelled back seemingly surprised by how many dishes there were. “I thought Karen and Tobey was on dish duty.”

“They were,” I said picking up the last napkin before walking into the kitchen. “But Tobey had to work—remember? She left about three hours ago.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s nine o’clock, Jake.” He was standing in front of the sink, staring at the dishes. I handed him the trash bag. “Staring at them isn’t going to make them go away. Never mind, I’ll do it.”

He gladly exchanged jobs and took the trash outside. “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. I’ll wash—you dry.” I emptied the sink, then ran the dishwater. Jake walked past me taking off his suit jacket, hanging it on the back of the kitchen chair.

“This is familiar,” he said.

I started washing and piling the clean dishes in the empty sink for him to rinse. “So does that mean you’re going to bail halfway through? Then it’ll really feel familiar to me too,” I said with a hint of sarcasm as I laughed.

“Why do you always have to remember the bad stuff?”

“You didn’t think that was funny?” I continued to laugh.

“No,” he said splashing water at me. “I didn’t.”

I shrugged. “Huh, I didn’t when it was happening to me, either.”

We carried on, me washing, him drying, and then he said, “I talked to Sanford.”

“Yes, I saw you.”

“He was cool.”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Ah, I never told you he checked on me after seeing me out with—you know who.”

“You can say her name,” I glanced at him. “Where was she, by the way?”

“I have no clue.”

I gathered more dishes and put them in the sink. “Sure you don’t.”

“Why didn’t Easton show up?”

“No clue either.” I stopped washing dishes with my hands still in the water. “Wow, I forgot about him. What does that say about the state of the union?”

“Your relationship resembles the real one—dysfunction,” he said and grinned.

“Okay, you get two snaps for that one,” I pointed at the dishes still awaiting his touch in the sink. “Finish drying those—you’re slowing down. I realize this is usually the point where you bail.”

“Lucky for you I have absolutely nowhere to go.”

“Finish telling me what Sanford said to you.”

“Sanford was lucky I didn’t kick his ass for what he said to me.”

“You? White boys can’t fight,” I laughed. “Or is it jump?”

“It’s jump,” he said emphatically.

I was beyond curious, but would have no chance of getting it out of Jake if I appeared the slightest bit more interested than that. “You’re right—it’s jump. Okay, seriously, what got you so mad?”

“It doesn’t matter. That was a long time ago.”

I finished the last dish and put it in the sink. Jake continued his end of the deal as I began putting the dried
dishes away. “I’m being nosey—what did he say?”

Jake stopped drying the dishes. “He had feelings for you when we were married. Did you know that?”

I turned around to face him to see he stopped working. “Oh, no,” I pointed again to the dishes. “Rinsedry-talk.”

He turned on the water to rinse the last of it. “You didn’t answer.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Is that the truth?”

“Of course it is. In the famous words of Tobey—why would I lie?”

Jake sat the last of the dishes on the counter. I started putting them away while he dried his hands then took a seat at the kitchen table. He rubbed his hands across the top. “I always liked this table.” I bent down to put the pots in the lower cabinet. I couldn’t help but snicker a little before standing back up. “It’s a nice table,” I said.

“Hey, thanks for everything today. I really appreciate it. I know Mom would’ve been happy with how things turned out.”

I approached the edge of the counter nearest the table. “You think so?”

“I’m positive.”

“Are you going to be okay tonight? You’re welcome to crash over here on the couch.”

“What happened to the guest room?”

I smiled. “I turned it into a closet.”

He titled his head. “Seriously?”

“Again—”

“I know-why would you lie. Thanks for the offer, but
I’m going to head home.” He stood up and put his suit jacket back on. I hugged him from behind laying my head against his ponytail.

“We turned out all right—didn’t we?” Jake pulled my hand from around his waist and kissed the back of it. “Amazingly enough—we did.”

“Trouble doesn’t last always.”

He raised his head toward the ceiling. “No, Mom, I guess it doesn’t.”

I watched him drive away through the blinds from the kitchen window. The house was back in order, but I had to go to work in the morning. Getting prepared for bed it hit me again, I hadn’t heard from Easton, nor had I thought about him. Talking to him now seemed a little ridiculous.
We haven’t talked and tomorrow it will be a week. I was planning on telling him I wanted to stop seeing him, but I think he’s stopped seeing me
. Laughing at that took the final ounce of energy I had, casting me off to sleep.