Last December (14 page)

And I looked at her, and she took my hand and said, “Let’s go,” and I have to admit that that’s all I needed to hear, because no one had ever held my hand like that before, but when we stepped toward the buses there were no lights flashing anymore. The bus was gone. And Bobby was getting closer, and he was with two guys I’d never seen before and they were REALLY BIG, and then all of a sudden I heard a subway train approaching below, and I didn’t know what direction it was going, but I said, “Okay,” and Jenny hesitated for a second, glancing the other way toward the buses and then she looked at me and then smiled almost like she was having fun, and we ran as fast as we could down the stairs.

And we jumped into the subway car, which luckily was going
the right direction, and the door didn’t close right away, so we were totally stressed that Bobby and his friends were going to come looking for us. And when the doors finally closed, we just looked at each other, but in a sort of nervous way, and we didn’t say anything for the whole two stops, because I guess we both thought they might be on another car, and we just kept on holding hands, which felt good, and looking over our shoulders at the door that led to the other cars, and when we finally got to St. Clair, we jumped out of the subway-car door, still holding hands, and ran up the escalator together, and Jenny started giggling, and I don’t know why but so did I, and then we let go of each other and we were both sort of doubled over as we went up the last set of stairs, and ran through the turnstiles and out the door to the street.

Contour Maps

Okay, Sam, so the one thing I really really remember about that night with Jenny was that when we stepped out of the subway, all of a sudden it was different. Our laughter wasn’t echoing in the corridors anymore and we weren’t in the subway car flying along, listening to the clacking of the subway wheels, looking over our shoulders, nervous that Bobby McIntyre was going to come beat us up. No, we were suddenly outside and alone and it seemed really quiet, I guess, because it was colder and no one was out and the road was icy, so the cars were driving slowly, and steam was coming out of the sewers, and it almost seemed like everything was going in slow motion.

And I could feel the cold on my face, and Jenny hunched up her shoulders and looked at me and it was like I realized suddenly that I didn’t really know her, which I didn’t, and for a second I didn’t feel like that connection thing between us and this made me nervous like before, and Jenny was like Darth Vader again, and even though we had just been holding hands, I didn’t feel like I could touch her with a ten-foot pole (even though I wanted to like crazy). And then all of a sudden Jenny said, “Do you wanna walk home together?” and just like that, Darth-Jenny-the-Vortex changed everything, with one single sentence, and suddenly I didn’t feel like I was being strangled anymore.

Anyways, when we started walking, Jenny was obviously cold because she grabbed my arm and her fingers crawled down it slowly like a frozen spider and it slid into my pocket where my hand was, and we walked like that for a long time, even though it was uncomfortable and I was sort of carrying some of her weight, but there was no way I was going to risk losing that effin’ amazing position, and even though nothing really big was happening, I was completely horny—I was just hoping that she didn’t look down at my jeans, because then she would probably never want to talk to me again.

So I tried to kind of hide the fact that I was horny by walking differently, which basically made me sort of drag my left leg like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and then all of a sudden she said, “Are you okay?” and I said, “Oh … yeah … I just sort of hurt my leg playing hockey,” and she said, “You play hockey?” and I said, “Yeah, mostly goalie,” and she said, “Like Mike Palmateer,” and I was amazed. “You like Mike Palmateer?” I asked, and she shook
her head. “No … but my little brother is crazy about him and makes me watch the hockey game when I want to watch
Fantasy Island
or whatever,” and I said, “Oh,” and she said, “How’s yourmom doing?” and I said, “Fine.”

And then I paused and said, “Um … Jenny? I don’t … um really remember what I told you about my mom and … my sister,” and she laughed and it was the most beautiful laugh in the whole world, kind of deep for a girl, just like a movie star, and she said, “Yeah, you were really drunk,” and I shook my head and said, “I know,” and she said, “It’s okay. You were pretty funny and sort of … sweet,” and this made me blush, but I don’t think she could tell because my cheeks were probably red from the cold, and so I said, “Um … what else did I say?” and she looked up and said, “Well, you said that your mom was pregnant with a baby girl and it wasn’t her fault—it was god’s fault, even though he didn’t know it was going to happen,” and I said, “Oh,” and she said, “Who’s god with a small
g
?” and I said, “Um … I don’t know … I must have been really drunk,” and she said, “I don’t believe in God,” and I said, “Oh,” because I didn’t want to talk about God or god with a small
g
or the first mover or whoever the hell he was.

And then we just kept on walking and I was so happy that I was just walking along with Jenny in the cold, and I felt like I never wanted to stop walking with Jenny in the cold, but then I started to think that maybe I should kiss her and so I kept on sort of glancing over at her but she was just looking forward like she was thinking, and then I started getting really horny again, and the thing about sex synapses is that they block any other
kinds of synapses, and once they start really firing it’s really hard to stop them. So what I’m trying to say is that my brain was basically useless, Sam.

But then Jenny finally turned toward me, and my sex synapses made me think that she was turning to kiss me and so I sort of leaned toward her, but she didn’t really see me do this because she was still thinking and she said, “So your mom lives alone, right?” and I was kind of surprised by the question, so I said, “Um … yeah … with me,” and she thought for a second and said, “And your dad died when you were young?” and then I was really surprised. “Did I tell you that, too?” and she said, “Yeah … you kept on saying that your dad was like that god guy because he started everything in your life and then he was gone, and that he was maybe watching what happened from above, in, like, heaven, but that you really wished you had a father here on earth,” and I blushed again and said, “I said
that
?” and she said “Yeah,” like she wasn’t finished talking, but she didn’t say anything while we quickly crossed before the light changed, but when we slowed down she finally said, “And so who is Byron?” and I stopped and said, “Byron?” and she said, “Yeah. You kept on saying his name, too,” and I said, “Oh.”

“This is kind of a long shot, but does he live around here?” she said, standing on the corner, and I said, “Yeah,” and she said, “The only Byron I know is Byron McCarthy. He lives two streets down from me, and he’s the son of a friend of my parents, and we used to sort of celebrate Christmas together and stuff, but now he’s a total druggy weirdo.”

And my heart started pounding in my chest for some reason,
and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I was able to mumble, “Um … no that’s not him. Byron’s a guy I used to sort of go to school with,” and then she was silent for a while and I was going to say something and I looked at her and I don’t even know how it happened but all of a sudden we were kissing like mad, and everything went black.

That’s what happens when two causes smack together like that, Sam, everything goes black because causes are kind of electric (they have these things called electrons in them), and when two causes are moving in the exact same direction for the exact same purpose at the exact same time, they sort of cancel each other out and things go black for a second. (That’s just a guess, Sam). But the thing is is that no one has come up with a theory about what happens when two people decide to kiss each other at the exact same time, because it wasn’t like I went to kiss her and caused her to kiss me back, and it wasn’t like she went to kiss me and caused me to kiss her back. We both went to kiss at the exact same time.

And I didn’t even know what I was doing when I was kissing her, but I didn’t even have to, because it was just the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life and I guess maybe it was sort of like a miracle, so maybe science can’t explain it, or even the Chaos Factor theory, or any other theory for that matter, and sometimes I wish that I could go back to that exact second in time and I sort of wish that that kiss could have lasted forever, but I know that that is impossible (and maybe it might have gotten a little gross after a couple of days).

But the thing is the kiss did last a long time and I guess even though maybe part of me wanted it to last longer, another part of me, as in my synapses, had different ideas because they immediately sent messages to my brain that made my hand start to go up the side of Jenny’s jacket slowly, like another frozen spider, and then it started going sideways right toward Jenny’s emgees, and I guess my hand thought it was being pretty sneaky going so slowly, because it was really surprised when Jenny’s hand grabbed it and put it back down to my side, but the funny thing is that my hand and its synapses are very very very persistent.

And I’m telling you, Sam, it really did feel like my hand was doing stuff on its own because I was very very busy kissing the whole time and I wasn’t that experienced a kisser, so I was concentrating pretty hard and I don’t know how many times my hand went up her side like it was just going on a little friendly trip, only to have her hand send it back down again. But after a while I guess Jenny’s hand got frustrated, because it sort of pushed me away nicely and then she said, “I’ve got to go home,” and I said, “Okay … what time is it?” and she looked at her watch and she said, “Almost 11,” and I said, “Oh, damn. I got to go, too,” and then she said, “Judy is having a few people over tomorrow night because her parents are away … and I’m staying over. Do you want to come?” and I looked at her and smiled. “For sure.”

And then we started kissing (and everything went black!) and my hand started going up her side again, and I know this sounds totally crazy, but in my head I started imagining how a map of Jenny’s emgees would have contour lines, like a mountainous region, except each line would represent half an inch instead of
100 feet or whatever. But this time Jenny moved away from me almost immediately and she said, “I’ve really got to go. Um … I don’t know your phone number,” and so I told her my number and she memorized it by punching it into her hand, which was pretty cute, and then she said, “’Bye, Steven,” and she smiled and I almost died, and the way she said
Steven
pretty much rang in my ears all the way home and I wasn’t even worried that Ma would be angry, and I guess I lucked out, because she had already gone to bed, and I don’t remember if I brushed my teeth before I went to bed or if I slept in my pajamas. I just remember this amazing feeling like my life had just begun all over again, just like a baby, like that incredible kiss with Jenny was the first cause in my whole new existence, a whole new board of a whole new game.

Locations

I woke up the next morning to Ma trying the door handle on my locked door and yelling, “Steven …
Steven
. I slept in and I have to hurry … but we are due for a
serious
talk,” and I was totally awake but I faked a weak, sleepy voice, “O-kay, Ma,” and then I heard her work shoes stomp through the living room and the apartment door closed. And I waited for a couple of minutes to make sure she was gone and then I got up.

And after a bowl of cereal and toast, I tried to study, Sam, but I was so distracted because I felt like you feel when you get good news, like you made the hockey team but sort of different, and I sat over my science and history textbooks all morning, but no
words were going in at all, and sometimes I’d just sit there and look into space and I guess I was thinking about Jenny and how everything went black. At lunchtime, I had some eggs and went back to the books, but I still couldn’t even see, and then finally the phone rang, and my heart went crazy because I thought it might be Jenny, so when I picked up the phone I said, “Hello?” really nervously and a voice said, “Hey, Stevie.” It was Trevor. “What happened to you guys last night? Did the skinheads catch you?”

And I was really disappointed it wasn’t Jenny, so I just said, “Oh, hey, Trev. Nah, we got away and just walked home together,” and Trevor asked, “From Eglinton?” and I said, “No, stupid. From St. Clair,” and Trevor said, “Excuse me for living. … So did you get swallowed up in the Vortex?” and I said, “Whatever,” and he said, “You didn’t kiss her?” and I paused for a bit and finally said, “Yeah … I did,” and he said, “Yes yes yes. That’ll be a total of ten bucks, please,” and I totally forgot about our stupid bet (and the money I borrowed) and I wondered if Ma still had her special money in her drawer, and then he said, “Make it cash or check. Whatever you prefer. … Hey, are you going to Judy’s tonight?” and I said, “You know about that?” and he said, “
Yeah
,” as if it was totally obvious, and so I said, “I hope so. Do you know Judy’s address? I forgot to ask Jenny for it,” and he said, “51 Pineview, across from Jenny’s place. … So you only kissed her?” and I said, “No … not only,” and he whispered, “How far did you get?” and I said, “Far enough,” and he said, “Did you get down her pants?” and I said, “Um … sorta … Look, I gotta go. What’s Jenny’s phone number?” and he said, “It’s 867-5309,” and I said, “Thanks,” and then he started cracking up and couldn’t say anything for like a
minute, and I said, “What? What? What?” and he said, “That’s the name of a song by Tommy Tutone, stupid—‘Jenny 867-5309’! Man, what planet are you on?” and I said, “Pluto, I guess,” and then he said, “I don’t have Jenny’s number, sorry. But the reason I called is I’m going to go play shinny—wanna come?” and I looked at the clock and it said 1:30, and I wasn’t getting any studying done and Ma was gone for the day, so I said, “Yeah, sure,” and he said, “See you at the rink in twenty minutes, Stevie boy.”

So I got changed and grabbed my skates and stick and left the apartment. Outside it was really sunny but cold, so I could see my breath, and it was so bright that I had to squint my eyes and when I hit St. Clair, I noticed that almost no one was out and there was this kind of amazing peacefulness all around me.