Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (54 page)

Corey: I thought it was cool they finally put it out on DVD, but it would have been nice to have some special features.

Chris: I didn’t even know when they put it out on DVD. There is some talk of doing a Special Edition one, and I would be up for doing commentary on that.

Corey: You were on ‘Saturday Night Live’ at kind of a weird time. What was that experience like for you?

Chris: I almost went to ‘Saturday Night Live’ in the ’80s, but I didn’t because Dave was basically giving me my own shot every week on the show, and it didn’t seem to make sense to join an ensemble cast. But that’s the show that sort of got me excited about being on television. I had gone through years and years of people saying, ‘That show is perfect for you.’ We had been living in L.A. and wanted to come back east and raise our family. Lorne offered me a job, and I took it. It was not a good year. It was a bad year all around. I honestly didn’t even try there. I don’t know if I was just lazy. Everybody was really great there and really nice to me. It didn’t seem like the right fit. It was a huge cast when I went there. I had done eight years working for David Letterman. I had two years of doing my own TV show. I had—for better or worse—my own movie. To go and do that show, to be passionate about it, it has to be your first big break.

Corey: I thought it was groundbreaking when you performed oral sex onscreen. You don’t see that very often.

Chris: Did I do that on that show? I don’t remember.

Corey: You may have. I was referring to ‘There’s Something About Mary.’

Chris: With the Farrellys, things like that tend to make it onto the screen.

Corey: I was doing local PR for Fox the year that came out, and I could tell there was something about it that was special, even though there wasn’t a lot of buzz before it came out. Did you know while filming it that it was going to be big?

Chris: I have to say I did, just because I get so many scripts—or I did at the time. You get comedy scripts, and generally they’re terrible. You have to figure out how you’re going to make them good or how the director is. You have to imagine that when you read them. That was one I read one night and was laughing all the way through it. A totally different cast in that movie, and I think it would have been a success if the Farrellys were directing it. I just knew on the page it was hilarious and it was gonna translate.

Corey: I thought you and David Cross were the only funny parts in ‘Scary Movie 2.’ Did you get to keep the little hand you wore?

Chris: I did; I gave it to my daughter. It’s on her bookshelf right now.

Corey: Do you follow other comedians?

Chris: For my own amusement? I don’t do a lot of that. For me, this is a job. I don’t watch a lot of sitcoms because it’s like watching work. My daughters do turn me on to things, like Stella. I think they are hilarious. And David Cross, though we were already friends.

Corey: How old are your daughters?

Chris: 18 and 15.

Corey: Have they discovered your older work?

Chris: Around the house, have they discovered it? I don’t know. I’m not sure what they think of it. I’m their dad before anything else, and I can be goofy around the house so I’m not sure if me doing something is very amusing to them. I did this straight role last year where I played a serial killer on ‘Third Watch.’ They actually loved that, I think because they had never seen me do anything like that before. They’re used to me being an idiot.

Corey: How is your dad doing?

Chris: He’s good; thanks for asking. He’s totally retired now, but he’s active. We’re very close.

Corey: If there was a ‘Cabin Boy 2,’ would he make a cameo?

Chris: Yeah, I think if the money was right.

Corey: Can you describe your signature dance?

Chris: I think there’s a little Alvin Ailey in there and a little Twyla Tharp and a little Bob Fosse and probably a little Clarabell the Clown? That dance, I don’t know how it started. The Brando dance was the weird grouping of my own kind of dance moves. If you watch ‘Godfather’ in the wedding scene, there’s this guy dancing. He’s not really dancing, but he’s sort of standing off to the side watching the bride and groom and sort of shaking his hands the way I sort of did as Brando.

It sounds like the beginning of a great joke, but snagging Carlin was an amazing “get” for me. Every interview in this book involved a little bit of begging, borrowing or stealing my way into a situation where I could get some one-on-one time with my favorite comics.

Carlin—who’s better? When I found out he was coming to St. Louis, I used every magic trick in my reporter bag of finagling, but he was only in town for a couple hours and was being exclusively interviewed by a high-profile radio program, live on location.

The press was invited to cover the event but that wasn’t enough for me. I located the handler who was escorting King George to the airport, and I turned on the sugar.

We chatted about the challenges of authors and book tours and before long I had sweetened my way into the back of Carlin’s limousine as he signed a few more books.

He was probably a little shocked to find me and my tape recorder in his ride, but he was cordial—sadly, also curt. He was already running late. If I had been a little less star struck and thinking clearly, I would have volunteered to ride along to the airport, check his bags and shine his shoes—just to spend a little more time with the greatest humorist since Mark Twain.

But I’ll always remember my five minutes mano a mano with George Carlin.

Because our interview was so brief, I’ve included here a portion of the article I wrote about his trip to St. Louis.

George Carlin might find it very amusing if you were to perish in a horrible building fire that not only caused you to burn to death but also created mayhem and panic in the streets.

But don’t take it personally.

In the last few years, the longtime comedian played a cardinal in one of the most controversial films of the decade, “Dogma,” received the lifetime achievement award at the American Comedy Awards and wrote two best-selling books, “Braindroppings” and “Napalm & Silly Putty.” The latter was released last month and will make its debut on the New York Times bestseller list at No. 2 on Sunday, the day after Carlin turns 64. Not too shabby for a kid from the Bronx.

Carlin made a stop in St. Louis while on a book tour for “Napalm & Silly Putty.” He appeared at the Muny Opera to sign books for fans (an enthused mix of 20-somethings and senior citizens) and to appear on “Morning Meeting with Charles Brennan and McGraw Milhaven” on KMOX AM, which drew the show’s largest audience to date.

Donned all in black and wearing shades, Carlin might have a few more wrinkles on his mug, but he was as lively and animated as a stand-up a third his age. He has by no means lost his edge, which is why he has been consistently one of the most popular comedians for more than 30 years.

When asked what he thought of the rash of school shootings over the last couple years, he said, “I love it. I think it’s terrific. I’m in favor of it. I think chaos is good and disorder, and I think people get what they deserve in this world.”

Amazingly, Carlin said, he does not have any harsh critics. “No one seems to bother with me not liking things.” In fact, he gets applauded for his bold opinions.

Carlin does not want people to take it too personally, though. “Once you’re a human being, you buy a ticket to the freak show,” he said. “I’m here for the show. Bring on the show.”

He found it amusing that some of the people who came to see him at the Muny stole the signs pointing out directions to the appearance. “I’m proud of that,” he said. “I was a vandal. No one has a right to private property. It belongs to whoever wants it the most.”

Like “Braindroppings,” “Napalm & Silly Putty” is comprised of Carlin’s observations about the world we’re all forced to live in. It encompasses the three styles of comedy he has written for decades: Carlin’s dissection of words and phrases in the English language, talking about the big issues in life (war, sex and death) and the little things, universal items that connect everyone—like the quirks of dogs.

Carlin has kept joke files since the beginning. He said he has about 1,300 that grow and change and are always in various stages of development. “I go through them and the things that grab my attention that day are the things I work on and improve,” he said. “When the things are completed, they go to a different file and accumulate. And then I say, ‘Look, there’s enough of these here to begin thinking about a book.’”

There are longer passages about airplane language, growing older, suicide and even an interview with Jesus. But probably the funniest parts are Carlin’s Short Takes, one-liners that are sometimes hilariously crude and often poignant.

A favorite: “A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.”

Carlin said he couldn’t imagine doing anything besides comedy for a living. “If this was the Stone Age, I’d go cave to cave with stone tablets of stuff, saying ‘Look at this,’” he said. “I’d trade stories for meat.”

After doing an extensive book tour, Carlin said he would finish the material for a new HBO comedy special. He plans to call it, “I Kind of Like it When a Lot of People Die.”

Corey Andrew is an award-winning print and online journalist whose fascination with celebrities led him to the world of publishing. Syndicated versions of many of his articles have circulated in national publications and globally online.

A couple years ago, Corey “retired” full-time from the daily newspaper and magazine business to embark on a new adventure on the West Coast with his longtime partner, Kendall Austin Stulce, and their critters.

Corey wrote and performed with the iconic Midwest sketch comedy troupe, the NonProphets, and now can occasionally be seen performing stand-up comedy in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Author photo by Mark Rogers