Layover (12 page)

“Hell yeh. I don’t play that coming to people’s house, disrespecting them.”

“You called her a liar, so that means you believe me.”

“I called her a liar yesterday, today I’m not so sure.”

“Nya, why would you say that?”

“Allen, you hurt me. You violated me. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I know you didn’t come into my room with those intentions, but you did it and it can’t be undone. Now, I don’t know who you are or if I can trust you.”

“Nya. I can’t stop apologizing for what happened, but tell me you didn’t enjoy it. Tell me I didn’t make you feel good, even when you thought I was Kenny. Tell me I didn’t make you reach your peak many times. Does Kenny make you feel like that?”

“Look Allen. The sex was great, but sex is nothing without love and trust. That’s why I wanted us to wait. Wait until we were sure we loved each other and that we could trust each other. Now we can never get that first time back. That’s why I feel so cheated.”

“Nya, I promise you, if you marry me, every night will be like our first time. I will never take you for granted.”

We made it to the store and I ran in while Allen waited in the car. It took me about five minutes to get the creamer and check out. When I got back to the car, I could see Allen talking to his cousin. Ricky was a quiet, attractive brother who was married to a boisterous White girl, Angela. She was a country, cowgirl type from Colorado. Her wealthy family had alienated themselves from her because she had married a “person of color”. I liked her because she never tried to act or be Black and she used lots of curse words at every given opportunity. She was a thin, Diet Coke drinking, kiss-my-White-ass, type. Ricky had pulled their Chevy truck up next to my car and was talking to Allen from the window. As I walked out of the store, I could see the conversation stop and Ricky and Angela looked at me with surprised faces. It was apparent that Allen hadn’t told them that he was at the store with me, because they looked as if they had seen Jesus.

“What the fuck is goin’ on?” Angela asked, smiling, “Ya’ll two all up at the store early in the morning with your night clothes on. Damn, did y’all just leave a slumber party for two?”

Allen and I smiled.

“No, mom just wanted something for her coffee so we came to get it,” I told her.

“Um, huh. It took both of y’all asses to get some coffee condiments, right.”

That’s why I liked Angela. She will
say
the thing that everyone else is thinking. It just makes me wonder how many other people are curious about my relationship with Allen and will never say a word. It will only be after we get together that everyone else will say, “I knew something was going on. Those two were always together.”

We headed back home. It was quiet for the first few minutes until I decided that something needed to be said.

“Allen, I’m still angry about last night, but I think we can get past it if you are willing to wait.”

“Ny, I’ll wait as long as I need to.”

“And as far as Akina, if you say it’s not your child, I believe you. I just want to know how you can be so sure.”

“Because she cheated on me. I had just gone off to college and we were apart for a while. When I came back for the holiday break, she told me she was pregnant. I knew it couldn’t be mine because I wasn’t even there. She said it happened right before I left, the last time we made love before I went off to school. I did the math and it just didn’t add up. So, I pressed her for answers. Finally, she broke. She confessed to cheating on me but said the baby was still mine and she was sure of it. I told her I didn’t want anything else to do with her and that was it. Ny, I wanted to marry that girl. All I asked her to do was wait until I got out of school. But, her little project mentality wouldn’t let her wait. She could have had it all.”

”Well, what about the guy she cheated with? Where is he and why can’t he be the dad?”

“That fool is long gone. She never even pressed him because she knew he wasn’t going to do anything for her. She didn’t even
want
him to be the daddy.”

“Like I said, I believe you. Just be ready if she comes to you with this mess.”

“You’re willing to go through all of this with me?”

“If we get married, we will go through a lot more.”

We made it back to the house and I gave mom her creamer. I told her about seeing Ricky and Angela at the store.

“Mom, you have to stop sending Allen and me on these missions. People are going to start thinking things,” I teased her.

“Oh, well,” she said nonchalantly.

“Ma, sometimes I think you wish Allen and I were married,” I pressed her.

“It’s not for me to want, it’s for those involved to want it,” She explained.

Allen and I looked at each other in confusion and then looked at her.

“Huh?” We both asked.

“I can want anything I want. But, if you don’t want it, how can I get what I want? Therefore, I don’t have any wants,” She went on.         

We were more confused than ever. I used to think she pretended to be senile, but now she almost has me convinced. Just when I was about to give up and let it go, she broke down.

“Yeh, I think you two should be married. But, that’s just my opinion. It doesn’t matter. No one should do anything just because I think that’s the way it should be. You see, I’m old and I could be dead tomorrow. If you did something just to please me and I die, you will be mad. You will be mad because you didn’t do what made you happy. Now, if you do what makes you happy and stop worrying about what other people think, then you will truly be happy. Do what makes you happy and everyone else will either accept it or they won’t. It doesn’t matter because at least you will be happy.”

That was the best advice I had heard on the subject. No sooner had she finished, did Kenny walk into the living room.

“Who wants to be happy?” He asked, catching the tail-end, “We frown on happiness around here. We want everyone to be as miserable as we are,” he joked.

Kenny sat down on the couch next to me. He put his head in my lap. Allen looked jealous and uncomfortable. My stomach tightened at the thought that my husband’s head was lying in my lap and just hours ago, his brother had released a stream of semen inside of me. Allen had been right, though. I did enjoy the sex with him. It did somewhat excite me that we had gotten a free opportunity to preview each other’s sexual ability. Allen’s penis was every bit as big as I thought it was, even bigger. I could feel it deep inside of me and I got silly at the thought of him thrusting even deeper. It was obvious that his penis was too large for my tight, petite vagina, but I didn’t care. I smiled at the thought of him trying to push it as deep as he could without making me scream. He was a strong, powerful, man with a lot of stamina and I just imagined him fucking me at every waking moment of our lives.

Allen got up and went to his room. I knew he was jealous of my relationship with Kenny. I felt that his mother knew Allen was jealous too. She knew she was playing a part in the whole thing too. She wanted Allen to feel that a relationship with me was not out of his reach. How could a mother do that? I’m sure she loved both of her sons, so why would she be trying to sabotage one of their relationships so the other could get what he wanted? It’s ironic, too, since everyone thought of Kenny as the favorite. My best guess is that she thought Kenny didn’t deserve me since he could be very irresponsible at times. I think she felt that Allen would cherish a relationship with me more than Kenny did. I felt that Allen would too.

“You missed it yesterday,” Kenny’s mom started as she peered around the corner to make sure Allen was gone.

“What?” Kenny asked.

She went on to tell him how Akina had showed up after 10 years and claimed Allen was the father of her child. Kenny became interested and sat up to hear more details.

“Yeh, and Nya cursed her out and told her never to come here again.”

Kenny looked at me with a twisted mouth.

“Oh, you were sticking up for your little boyfriend,” he said jealously.

“It wasn’t like that; I just didn’t like her disrespecting Lisa like that.”

“Well, you told her right. These bitches kill me! That child is halfway grown, and now you come looking for the daddy. She needs to get her ass a job and stop lookin’ for niggas to save her fat ass!”

“Boy, you better stop calling women out of their names! And in front of your wife, don’t you have any respect?”

“Ma, I’m sorry, but she needs to quit.”

I was intrigued by something he said.

“Kenny, how did you know she was fat?” I asked, trying to trap him.

“All those ho’s get fat after they have kids,” he defended himself.

I went in for the kill.

“Have you seen her since we’ve been here?”

“Yeh,” he answered hesitantly,” She was at the liquor store.”

“What did she say?” I asked.

“She didn’t tell me the stuff she told you all.”

Kenny was famous for putting his foot in his mouth. If you listened long enough, you could always get a confession out him. There was only one way for him to know that she was fat now and that was if he had seen her. He would have never mentioned that he had seen her if I hadn’t asked. That was Kenny, he kept you on a need-to-know basis.

Allen came back into the living room and the conversation ceased. Besides the fact that he had Andy with him, we didn’t want him to know that we were talking about Akina. He was playing with Andy and holding him. He looked so happy. I began to get jealous. I wondered if he could ever love me the way he loves his family. Just think, Allen was jealous of my relationship with my husband and I was jealous of his relationship with his child! We are two sick people. Hell, we deserve each other! Soon, Lisa came out of the room and joined us. She sat next to Allen and they looked like one big, happy family. I wondered if Allen and I could ever be like that. I knew Kenny and I wouldn’t. I didn’t want that kind of life with him anymore. I wanted it with Allen. If Kenny and I couldn’t achieve it in 3 years then we were never going to achieve it. I sat watching Allen and his family and all I could think about was how he made love to me. I looked at Lisa and wondered how she could walk away from someone like Allen. She should be thanking her lucky stars that she had someone like that. Yet here she is. She won’t even fix that man a plate of food. I tell you one thing, some woman would be glad to fix him a plate of food, and a plate of something else too. I know I would. I would make it my life’s work to feed and fuck him whenever he desired. Those are usually the only two things necessary to keep a man happy. I know one thing, even if it didn’t make him happy, it would damn sure make me happy just to do it for him. Allen was sweet, and he didn’t ask for much. He just went to work, came home, and that was it. He adored his family and he treated Lisa well. I don’t get it. I mean, I’m sure Allen is not perfect, but he’s pretty close. I can’t help but wonder what Allen could have done to make Lisa say she wanted out. I know Allen said it wasn’t his fault, but I guess anyone would say that. I wonder what Lisa would say. I wondered how I could find out. I mean, if I want to be with him, it might be a good idea to know if there is something about him that makes a woman want to leave. I sure don’t want to end up with another Kenny. You know, seem so perfect in the beginning, then all the bad stuff comes out after we get married. I tried to think of all the bad things Allen could do that would make me not want to be with him, but I couldn’t think of anything. Even if it turns out that Akina is telling the truth, and the child really is Allen’s, I could even deal with that. I would go through just about anything to have that man and I think he knows it. Maybe if I spend some time with Lisa, she might open up. She might tell me about her problems with Allen. That would be really low-lifed of me to get close to Lisa so I can steal her man. I don’t think I could do that. But if she doesn’t want him, is it really stealing? I don’t know, but I would like to know
why
she doesn’t want him. Still, I wouldn’t feel right using information obtained through less than honorable means to make a decision that’s going to affect the rest of my life. If only someone else knew, if only someone else would tell me. I tried to ask Allen, but he’s not going to tell me anything bad about himself. He would never tell Kenny because he doesn’t trust him enough. So who would he tell? Who does he confide in? There are only two people I can think of and one of them would never tell me anything bad about Allen because she wants me to think the world of him. He probably told his mother but she wouldn’t tell me in a million years. There was only one person who would give up the goods. She hated all men equally, including her brothers. She would sell any one of them out in the name of Sisterhood and Allen often confided in her. If anyone knew what Allen did to Lisa and was going to give up the secret, it would be Denise! Denise doesn’t play favorites and she would tell it all. So that was it. I had to get the information out of Denise. But how? How do I get her alone long enough to spill the beans? I would have to think of something. And I knew just what that something would be. If I was going to get the information from Lisa, I would have to get her away from everyone else. I would have to get her alone for a while and I couldn’t let her know what I was trying to find out. If I could just get her alone for a couple of hours and get her on the subject, she would tell me everything I needed to know. The question is: Do I
want
to know?