Layover (16 page)

I sat at the breakfast table with a large bowl of White potatoes in front of me. As I peeled them, I looked across into the family room where Allen was sitting. He was reading the newspaper. It wasn’t time for him to make the pie crusts. He usually waited until the kitchen was clear before he did that. I just gazed at him, wondering what it would be like to be married to him. We would both be up at the crack of dawn. Unlike my current husband who wakes up thirty minutes before the work whistle blows. I don’t see how people can do that. I need time to get my prayer in the morning and get my thoughts together. It’s like not allowing time for yourself. You get up and go to work. There is no time to enjoy a cup of tea or read a book. You just jump up and start working. I think that’s how the slaves did it, too. Actually, Lisa and Kenny had that in common. She was a late riser, too. It’s like my mother-in-law said, “The early bird gets the worm” and Lisa was about to get her worm taken!

I hate feeling and thinking like this. I really wished things would have worked out between them but it just didn’t. There is no reason that someone else should not enjoy Allen. Hell, for that matter, I wished things had worked out for Kenny and me. I mean, after all, I was very much in love with the man at one time. He was the light of my life and now he is just a shadow of darkness cast over it. I must have been deep in thought because my mother-in-law had been trying to get my attention for the past few seconds.

“Nya, girl are you alright?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

“You look like you left this earth.”

When I think about Allen, it is like I left the planet. He takes me out of this world. I mean, I
thought
he was perfect all along. Then after he made love to me, I
knew
he was perfect. Even though I hate the way that it happened, it doesn’t change the fact that it did and it doesn’t change the fact that I loved every single second of it. I even woke up last night in a cold sweat dreaming about it. All I wanted was to feel his large, hot body on top of mine. He doesn’t even have to make love to me. I would be satisfied just to kiss his soft, full lips. I wish I could feel his warm, stiff tongue deep in my throat. He just sits there so casually in the reclining chair with his pajamas on, reading the newspaper. He has to be completely unaware that I would like nothing more than to be sitting on his lap with everything he has to offer deep inside of me.

“I do that from time to time.” I explained.

“Well, I was going to ask you to go to the store, but if you are going to be daydreaming, it might not be a good idea for you to drive.”

“No, I’ll be fine. What do you need?”

“Some cooking oil. Do you want Allen to drive you?”

“No. That’s not necessary.” I assured her.

“Allen go with Ny,” she instructed him.

“Ma, it’s not necessary,” I told her, “Allen is not even dressed. I can just run to the store and come right back.”

“Ok.”

Just as I was headed for the door, Lisa appears from the back, bathed and fully dressed with Andy.

“Ny, are you going somewhere?” she asked me.

“Just to the store.”

“Let me ride with you. Andy needs some apple juice.”

I can never leave this house without someone needing or wanting to go with me. Can I please go to the motherfucking store by myself just once in my damn life?

 “I’ll get it for you,” I told her.

“I have to get some other stuff, too. I’ll ride.”

We headed out the door and got into my mother-in-law’s car.

We started down the street and Lisa started.

“I just needed to get out of that house, Ny. Do you know what I mean?”

Do I know what you mean? Fuck yeah! I mean, I look forward to the trip down here, but you can’t just sit up in that house, you will lose your fucking mind.

“I know.”

There was silence for several minutes. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see that Lisa looked as if she had something she wanted to say. Soon she did.

“Ny, I really appreciate you sticking up for me the other day when Akina came to the house.”

“No problem.”

“But as far as I’m concerned, she can have Allen.”

Oh no the hell she can’t! If anyone is getting Allen, it’s going to be me. She better not even be thinking about something like that!

“Lis, why would you say that?”

“I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

Praise God! What a relief!
I don’t have to steal him, she is giving him away at her own free will.

“Why would you say such a thing, Lis? Allen is a great guy.”

“I know. But, there is someone else I like.”

Someone else? Someone else? Who else in the world could there be? Denzel? Shit, not even he could get me to forget about Allen.

“My ex-boyfriend. I still care about him. I never really got over him and I want another chance. You know what I mean? Have you ever been with one man, but constantly thought about someone else?”

If only you knew.

“I understand if you still have feelings for your ex, but are they strong enough to make you leave the father of your son?”

“The way I’m feeling right now, yes! Allen is never home. He’s always working. I want a marriage, not just a husband. Could you deal with having a husband who is never home?”

“Lisa, look who you are talking to. My husband
is
never home but he isn’t at work. He is forever in the streets. I could deal better with a man if I at least knew he was doing something for the good of the family, instead of getting his drink on!”

She had no idea how stupid I thought she was at that moment. She was out of her fucking mind. She’s sitting up here mad because her man is doing something good for her and her son. Meanwhile, I’m married to that sorry ass, alcoholic, fake ass Tiger Hood party boy who doesn’t give a damn about the family. I felt like telling her if she didn’t want Allen she could give him to me. I don’t even have to wait until Christmas. I want to tell her dumb ass right now!

“Ny, you’re right. I guess I’m just looking for something wrong with Allen so I can rationalize why I want to leave.”

“Look Lis, you don’t have to rationalize. One thing I believe in, if you love someone, you don’t have to apologize for it. If you love someone and want to be with that person, you should be able to do it without having to make an excuse. You can’t help the way you feel.”

I hope she remembered these words when it was time for Allen and me to tell her and Kenny that we wanted to be together.

“I didn’t say I was in love with him, I just said I still had feelings for him. Are we still talking about me or did we switch to someone else?” Lisa asked me.

“What other kind of feelings are there that would make you want to leave your home, other than love?” I recovered quickly.

“I guess I’m still in denial. I don’t know Ny, what would you do?”

“I would just tell Allen the truth.”

“I did, sort of. I told him I didn’t want to be married to him anymore, but I didn’t tell him why,” She admitted.

“What did he say?”

“He said he wasn’t letting me go without a reason. He said if I tell him why, he would let me go. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him I still cared for my ex.”

So that was it. That’s why she wanted to leave Allen, because she was in love with her ex? All this time, I’m sitting up here trying to figure out what Allen did to make her want to leave him and now I find out that he did nothing. It was all her! Her ex must be Billy Dee or somebody because there is not a brother alive who could make me want to leave that man she has.

“Lis, you have to tell Allen. It’s not fair to him. If you don’t want him, it’s not right to keep him hanging on thinking there is still hope. Just tell him the truth, he’s reasonable. He will understand.”

“You’re right, Ny. I’m glad I have you to talk to. I will tell him. I just don’t know when the right time will be.”

Now. Shit!

“The sooner, the better Lisa. That way you both can get on with your lives.”

“I think it will be a while before Allen loves again. He loves very deeply and it takes him a while to get over relationships.”

I wouldn’t bet on it.

“Well, at least let the healing start,” I told her.

We got to the store and went inside. Lisa went down the juice aisle and I headed in the opposite direction for the cooking oil. As I came back up the aisle with the oil, I saw Angela.

“Hey girl,” she greeted me loudly.

“Hey Angela.”

“Girl, me and Ricky was trippin’ the other day when we saw you with Allen. I didn’t know what was going on. I thought you two were sneaking around. I was like...”

Angela stopped talking suddenly and looked past my shoulder.

“Hey Lisa,” she spoke.

Angela looked at me and grinned.

She whispered to me, “Call me later or come by the house.”

She walked away and Lisa and I headed for the checkout.

“What was that loud ass girl talking about?” Lisa asked me.

“You know Angela, she was talking about everyone and everything.”

Lisa and I paid for our purchases and left the store. We got in the car and headed back to the house. A few minutes into the ride she began,

“Ny, I’ve been thinking. I’m going to tell Allen when we get back home.”

“Do what you think is best, Lis. Just remember, do for him what you would want him to do for you.”

I can’t believe I said that, but I meant it. I want to be able to tell Kenny and Lisa that Allen and I want to be together. I don’t want to lie and sneak around. I think love should be pure, not a scandal. If she tells Allen it’s over, then she’s one less person that Allen and I have to hurt in this whole thing. And as far as Kenny goes, I really don’t care if I hurt him or not. He has been hurting me for the past 3 years with all his negativism and unsupportiveness. I really don’t give a fuck if Kenny is hurt because it would serve him right for all the pain he has caused me. As for Lisa, I don’t know what went on in her house through the course of her marriage so I don’t know if she deserves this, but it looks like she’s found what she wants so Allen and I should be free to do what we want.

“I’m glad you’re my friend.”

This time I really am being her friend because I’m telling her the right thing to do, even if it is serving my purpose. When I think about it, I’m not a terrible person, I just happened to fall in love with her husband and now I’m following my heart. It’s not like Allen and I are fooling around behind her back. At least we are waiting until we tell everyone how we feel before we start a relationship. It’s the right thing to do and as hard as it may be to wait, it will be worth it.

We made it back to the house and when we walked in the door, Allen was sitting there looking nervous. He looked petrified that Lisa and I spent any time together. I put the cooking oil on the kitchen counter and went to my room. I decided that I was going to go over to Angela’s house to clear up her curiosity, so I called her to make sure she made it home.

“Hey Angela, it’s Nya.”

“Hey girl. Look girl, I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t know Lisa was with you. I guess I was wrong for thinking you and Allen had something going on.”

“It’s cool. Look Angela, I’m going to come over there. Is that o.k.?”

“Yeh, come on. Ricky is gone to work and Cameron is at school.”

Cameron was Angela and Ricky’s daughter. She was a beautiful girl who looked up to me. I guess she felt she could identify with me. She was very smart and well-adjusted.

“I’ll be over in a minute.”

I walked back through the living room and announced that I was going over to Angela’s. That was one trip I didn’t have to worry about anyone inviting themselves on. No one really cared for Angela and they teased me for being her friend saying that I needed to spend time around my “other kind of people”.

I got in the car and made my way over there.

When I got there, Angela was outside smoking a cigarette. That was one thing I did not like. She knew I didn’t and she was very respectful about not smoking around me, even in her own house. She put her cigarette out and opened the screen door for me. She walked in behind me and sat down.

“Yeh, girl. I told Ricky that there was something funny about the two of you up early in the morning at the grocery store in your PJ’s.”

“Angela, I can’t believe you. Why would you think something like that?”

“Hell, your mother-in-law is forever telling everyone you’re Allen’s wife anyway.”

“I thought she only did that when I was with her. She keeps telling me she’s old and senile.”

“Senile, hell. That old lady knows what she’s doing. You know how old people are. They like to play pretend. If things aren’t the way they want them, they just make believe.”

“I don’t get it, Angela. Why does she want me to be married to Allen so badly?”

“She told Ricky’s mom that she knew Kenny was going to eventually fuck up and you were goin’ to leave him. She said she knew Allen was good man and he would do right by you. That lady wants some half-White looking grandchildren and you are her prime candidate for making that happen. She told Ricky’s mom that you and Kenny would probably be split up before you have any children and she wouldn’t get what she wanted. She figured if you had married Allen, you all would stay together and have lots of mixed children.”