Learning to Forgive (The Learning Series) (38 page)

Walking over to the bed, with my heart pounding, I take advantage of this moment. “Can I sit, then?”

“Do what you want. You always do.” Her words are bitter and cut me deep. I deserve them though. To her, I do what I want, but in reality, I do what I’m told.

She is the only thing I’ve wanted and took for myself. She has to know that before this goes any further, before her bitterness turns to hate. I need her to trust me again. I just
need
her. My arms slide under Savannah’s small body before I carry her to Trudy, who happily takes her from me. When I turn, Red remains in her previous position, so I lock the door.

Kneeling beside the bed, I’m prepared to beg her to forgive me. “Please, look at me?” My head is bowed because I’m terrified of seeing hate in her eyes. She’s had everyone who was ever supposed to love her, betray her and I’m no different. The bed squeaks with her careful movements and relief washes through me.

“I know you’ve lost all trust in me. I’ve fucked up.
I’m fucked up
. There’s no excuse for hurting you. You don’t deserve this shit. But you weren’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to walk in and conquer my every thought. But you did. You changed everything about why I was there. I wasn’t there for revenge or a mission anymore. I wasn’t there to be a government-issued vigilante. I was there to find you, protect you, and love you. And I
did
find you. I
do
love you, but I couldn’t protect you. I’m so sorry Red… or Blaire… or whoever you want to be.” I finally look up in her eyes and plead. “I’m sorry.”

She slowly sits up, her eyes never leaving mine. As much as I want to touch her, I stay in my kneeling position. I want her to take control for once. Either tell me to get the fuck out or forgive me. I’ll do whatever she wants.

“This past year has been so fucked up. First, living without my brother. Next, living to damage people because I was so bitter and full of hate. Pure hatred. Then Janet. I’ve never been a tough person, and I’ve always needed someone to take care of me, make decisions for me. They were my crutches in life. I was so naïve and stupid at times. I believed my brother walked on water, and what he did to himself every day was okay because of what I put him through.” She wipes away a tear and my fingers dig into the mattress to keep them from reaching for her.

“I know you had no choice in lying to me. I understand that. But what I don’t understand is why you wouldn’t leave me alone. Every turn, you were there.” She tilts her head and touches my cheek while looking down at me. “Now I do. I couldn’t stay away from you either. I could have left town or stayed with Janet from the get go, but deep down, I wanted to be with you. You made me feel different. Wanted… beautiful. Normal.” She pulls her hand away and leaves coldness to replace its warmth. “I just don’t want you to be another crutch, Lyric.”

I close my eyes as dread sinks in from her words. This is it. She’s pushing me away. When I feel her soft lips on my cheek, I know it’s a kiss goodbye. “I’m sorry.”

She kisses my cheek once more. “I want you to be my everything.” She kisses lower toward my mouth. “My equal.”
Kiss.
“My lover.”
Kiss.
“My friend.”

When her lips settle on mine, my hands grab hold of her tear-streaked cheeks to keep her close. I heard her words, but I still can’t believe them or understand why she’s not kicking my ass out. I won’t question it though. I’ll count my blessings and never lie to her again.

Red’s hair cascades across my naked chest when I wake to a loud knock on the bedroom door. An urge to tell whomever it is to fuck off takes hold because I want to stay right here and make love to her like I did last night. It was slow and unrushed. It was sweet and pure vanilla. It was about her and only her. Pleasing her and showing her how much she means to me. Then Hyde yelling my name brings me back to reality.
Dammit.

“What?” Yanking the door open, I don’t give a shit I’m butt ass naked. He throws my phone to me. The serious look in his eyes puts me on guard. I step back into the bedroom and shut the door, and when I read Massey’s number on the screen, I answer. “Yeah.”

The thick accent on the other line is not who I expect it to be and is definitely not Massey. “Mr. Devereux, I’m rather tired of the games. It’s time for a face-to-face meeting. Would you not agree?”

“Where’s Massey?” I ignore his question and ask about my friend.

“With his wife and young daughters, who are both very beautiful and
innocent,
I might add. The youngest especially could bring me in
mnogo deneg
. Now, Mr. Devereux, it’s your call. Should I shoot your friend now and set a trade with one of my partners, or do you want to meet?”

“When?” I ground out while imagining my fist slamming into this sick fucker’s face.

“Tonight. At that nice bar you always seem to be at. Jay Jay’s I believe is the name. Open it back up. Let the crowd in. I’m in the mood to celebrate.” He laughs and I’m about to push end just to shut him up, but he calls my name. “One more thing. Bring my daughter. I believe a family reunion is long overdue.” He hangs up and I’m wondering how the
fuck
am I going to get Anya here.

“Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.”

~Robert Anthony

Blaire

Something is wrong. He’s angry and tense, but he’s trying to hide it. I know from the tick in his jaw. The old me wouldn’t ask because I know he’s secretive, but the new me, the new us, is all about being honest. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says automatically while pulling on his jeans.

“Lyric, no more lies. I know something is wrong so spill it.” Sitting up, I hold the sheet to my naked flesh.

He looks as if he’s about to speak, but before he can say anything, a very hyper Savannah runs in and jumps in bed with me. She hugs me tight and tells me all about the funny pancakes Jax made her for breakfast. I look up from her excited face and see relief in Lyric’s face and know he’s glad for the distraction. “I’ll explain after we’ve all eaten so we can brainstorm. K?” He gives me a smirk as the look in his eyes beg me to drop the subject. So I do. For now.

Vannah is dressed and settled in front of the TV to watch cartoons before I sit in Lyric’s lap with Hyde, Trudy, and Jax looking to him for answers. He tells us about the phone call this morning from Polesky and the threat he’s made on Massey and his family. Then he tells us of the party at Jay’s and that Polesky wants Anya there.

“That’s good, right? Y’all have him at an advantage. Your bar. Your territory,” I say. “Surely he wouldn’t kill a bunch of innocent kids. Right?”

“He’d enjoy putting a bullet in everyone’s head, young or old. I’m telling you he’s that demented and sick,” Lyric says from behind me. “I still don’t know how he got Massey, but it’s not worth worrying about right now. We need a plan.”

“Maybe Anya can talk to him. Maybe he only wants her to come back,” Trudy says while listening intently beside Jax on the futon.

“Anya is missing.”

Hyde sees my surprise when his words reach my ears. “What?”

He nods his head. “She’s been gone for over a week now. So if he only wants her, then he’s shit out of luck.”

“And we’re fucked.” Lyric’s deep voice vibrates against my back and his arms tighten around my waist.

I sit there, thinking of the situation and what needs to be done. “Y’all can’t contact
friends
that will help? People you trust to have your backs? People like you two?”

“Massey was our only contact with The Reform. It’s not like the military. We can’t just call buddies up for help. We have no contact with any of them unless we’re put on same case. Like Hyde and me.”

“I can go. Lyric and I both have the same training.” Hyde volunteers. “But I won’t be able to watch the surveillance videos for anyone trying to fuck us over. And we need eyes on the building. We don’t know how many of Polesky’s men will be there, but I’m sure it’s going to be a shit load. He never travels light.”

“Mason is good with computers,” Trudy says.

“Absolutely not. I’m not bringing my family into this shit, Tru. I’d rather neither of us be here as it is. So Mason, Jazz, and Fin are out.” Jax yells.

Lyric nods his head. “I agree with Jax. No more civilians need to be involved.”

“Actually, he wouldn’t need to do anything but watch screens and report to us through a microphone and ear piece. No action. No identity involved.” Hyde looks between Lyric and Jax. “It would make a big difference to have an extra gun at Jay’s and extra eyes here.”

“Ryan is a tough fighter. Bring him in,” Jax says.

“Then that would be bringing someone in direct contact with the enemy. Ryan is unpredictable, and fighting in the ring is different from fighting for your life.” Lyric sits quiet for a few minutes while we all try to figure out what needs to be done. Then he stands and places me on my feet before grabbing his phone and shooting a text to someone.

“Want to fill us in on who you just texted?” Hyde asks before I can.

Lyric doesn’t say anything until after he gets a reply. His bleak face morphs into his sneaky sideways smirk and his eyes shine with amusement. “Seems we got some extra guests for tonight’s party. I’m sure Polesky won’t be anticipating the Knight family making an appearance.”

Hyde’s eyes widen before he smiles. The whole one-eighty of emotions confuses me even more

“Who?” I ask.

“Just some
business
partners who owe me a favor.”

Understanding takes hold. Business as in
not the legal kind
. “Now that we have help, that still leaves us with one problem.” They all look at me like I’m crazy. I roll my eyes. “Anya? Hello? What are we going to do about her?”

Lyric looks at me. He’s scrutinizing every part of my face and body. Then he says something I’m not prepared to hear.

“You.”

One box of brown hair color later, I’m closer to looking like Anya but still feeling like a ball of nerves.

Lyric, Hyde, and I head to his house to prepare. I have the dress from our New Orleans trip and some makeup there. As I apply the last bit of smoky eye shadow, I look at the dark brunette in the mirror and let Lyric’s words run through my head while I prepare for the night.

I will protect you.

Stay at a distant table.

You know her mannerisms and know how she carries herself. No one will suspect a thing. People will have your back the entire time. I promise.

We decide my hair needs to stay down to guard my face from Polesky’s watchful eye, so here I am. Dressed, ready, but not ready. My body needs Lyric so I exit the master bedroom and go look for him. When I see the mysterious bedroom door ajar, I slowly walk up to it before knocking. After Lyric opens the door, his eyes assess my new look and a whistle comes from behind him.

“Damn, Blaire. You look hot as a brunette.”

“Um… thanks Hyde,” I say while bouncing on the balls of my feet.

“I still miss the red. But I love you no matter what color your hair is,” Lyric says before giving me a wink.

My smile is instant as his words sink in. That’s the second time he’s mentioned love to me, and even though our circumstances are fucked up right now, that one word has helped settle down my anxious fear. When my arms wrap around his waist, his warmth and scent surround me. When his arms don’t wrap around me like I expect, I pull back only to see a huge-ass gun in each hand. “Where the hell did you get those?”